tellme-yourtroubles

[tellme-yourtroubles]

I hope one day you decide to let someone in again

Even after everything, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to love someone as much as I loved you

I don't know how to let you go, I don't think a part of me ever will.

I think of you daily, I feel like an addict withdrawing from my drug

My drug was your attention and I sold my soul to buy one more hit

[tellme-yourtroubles]

Madrid part 2

Setting off for another day in Madrid. I went back through the gardens near the Cathedral and walked down the shopping strip. It was Saturday so the Art museum was free from 6pm.

I decided at around 3 it was time to have a quick snack break. I stopped at a small taco bar and ordered some chicken tacos. I ate then and on my way back to the hostel to charge my phone I felt my internal body temperature rise dramatically. It started off as a small stomach ache which I thought was caused by the tap water but I was quickly proven wrong. I got to my hostel and headed up to my room still heating up.

I got to the bathroom and brought my bag in with me, sitting there I was covered head to toe in sweat not being able to open my eyes and having to focus on breathing. Not enough air was getting in and I realised I was having an allergic reaction. It was the scariest feeling I've ever experienced. I pulled an EpiPen from my bag and without thinking injected myself. I slid onto the floor to wait for it to work but not much changed. I was still overheating and barely breathing. I thought I heard someone come into my room so I called out for help but no one came.

I lay on the floor breathless and nearing unconsciousness. After I realised no one was coming I had a thought that if I didn't get up, I was going to die. Fuck that - I some how got up off the floor, picked up my purse and phone then slowly made my way to the lift and down to reception. There were so many people trying to check in and I grabbed the guy working and told him to call an ambulance. I immediately sat on the floor feeling relief I'd gotten help and 3 different people who were guests came over to help me, trying to cool me down with wet towels. It felt like ages before the ambulance got there and I was so relieved to see them. They gave me more adrenaline in the reception and some oxygen to help me breathe. I was taken to the ambulance and transported to the hospital. Where they gave me more adrenaline, ran some blood tests and told me I had to stay the night.

My phone was running out of charge and even though I tried to call my family, it was midnight and no one was answering. Eventually I got a hold of my brother and just cried on the phone to him not really saying much except I was sorry for scaring them. I had to send my mum a message and tell her I was ok but in hospital and my phone was going to die.

There was too much going on around me that I didn't feel alone but I felt lonely. I was terrified of what had just happened and not being around people I loved. I'm still struggling with it

[tellme-yourtroubles]

Madrid part 1

Oh what a time. A place that I fell in love with quickly. The first night I decided to hit a pub crawl to make some friends. It started at 10.30 which almost put me off because that was my bed time.

I decided to go and met up with the group at a close by hostel. I first sat with a group of guys from different parts of the world, chatted to an Australian at the bar then we all went down stairs to play beer pong in the bar that looked like a cave.

As more people came in not all of them were doing the bar crawl, some were just staying at the hostel.

I started talking to a dutch guy and we made friends with people from Canberra. The boys from Canberra weren't doing the bar crawl but I eventually convinced them to join. A girl I went to primary school with was also there and doing the bar crawl. Absolutely crazy we were in the same place same time, I ended up having a chat to her which was really nice.

We set off to three different bars that were all very different but seemed to play the exact same music. By the end we went into the biggest nightclub in Madrid. It ended up being just me and the Canberra boys for a while which was so much fun. There was like a jungle theme at the club with dancers and guys playing the drums. The club was a few levels and on the second level there was a kareoke room which we tried to line up for but it was a long wait.

We danced for a while and moved between levels.

At about 4 am we decided it was time to head home

After minimal sleep the next day I decided to do some exploring. Briefly through town to find the cathedral, royal palace and finally Parque de El retiro. The park was so much bigger and more beautiful than I thought. Right in the centre was a massive pond where people were rowing boats around in the sun. The greenery took my breath away as well as another pond full of turtles right outside an old greenhouse looking building. The park was a highlight of madrid. I went back into town to walk around the shops and find somewhere to eat. I found a beautiful Greek restaurant that had a set menu for 14€ that was a lovely salad, some chicken and the best chocolate cake I've had in my entire life. After lunch I went back to my hostel to shower and change for my Flamenco stage show.

It was just down the street in an intimate theatre that seated 20 people. There were 6 wonderful dancers that clearly loved their work. It was energetic, loud and amazing to watch someone put their all into 10 minutes of beautiful dancing.

After that I walked around then headed back to my hostel for an early night.

[tellme-yourtroubles]

Barcelona

Getting into Barcelona early was nice so I could drop my bag and go for a walk around the city.

I wasn't really sure where to go or what to see so I just walked down the street to the shopping centre.

I did some shopping and walked around the streets until I could check in.

When I got to my hostel to check in I saw my friends story that she was in Barcelona as well.

I messaged Courtney and we went to the Moco museum. It was full of Banksy artwork and other artists, it was really good!

Courtney and I went for dinner and some drinks. We walked down to La Rambla, past the arc, to find a rooftop bar where we watched the sunset over the city. We moved from there to a cheap bar nearby that was full of 18 year olds where we stayed for a while then got some food and headed home.

The next day we decided to try get to park guell which was a 40 minute walk from both of us and straight up hill. We chose to meet there and quickly discovered we were on opposite sides of the park which you apparently had to have a ticket to enter. So after trying, and failing, at finding another entrance we chose to just get lunch near by then head into town, I had a delicious paella.

We jumped on the bus to head back into town and pick up Courtney's bags to move hostels.

We passed the La Familia which was more beautiful than I imagined. It looked like it was made from sand with detailed mosaics on the peaks. It astonishes me that it's still being built but it will be so worth it when it's finished.

We walked to Courtney's hostel and picked up her bags then got the train to the other side of the city.

On the way there I started feeling very ill, unsure if it was the tap water or the paella. After Courtney checked in we decided to go shopping and hit Primark. I started feeling worse so we parted ways, I headed to the pharmacy and got some medication for my stomach ache that made it worse and I was sick in the middle of the street around the corner from my hostel - fabulous.

That was enough to put me in bed and not want to go out.

Day 3 I wanted to hit some sites I hadn't seen yet to went past the Guell house which was designed by the same guy who did the park. The line to get in was insane so viewing from the outside was enough. Then went to a taco restaurant recommended by Sarah which did not disappoint - especially the mango margarita.

I went to the gothic quarter from there to wander the streets and get some of the best churros I've ever eaten thanks to Sarah once again. I also found the famous Mercado de la Boqueria markets which were bursting with life and food. I got some fruit which was some of the best I've ever eaten.

I went through the park near the arc which had a beautiful fountain and sculptures throughout.

My last little stop was the beach, just to see what it was like. It was busy and the sand was brown - definitely not the same as home.

[tellme-yourtroubles]

The cool breeze bounces off the ocean and caresses my broken soul

A moment I will never forget, the moment I thought it was all over

But the smell of the sea reminds me that a new day is here and it is waiting with open arms.

I have been away from you far too long my friend and I hope you know I still hold you dear.

[tellme-yourtroubles]

Tampere part 2

After the tower we went back to do a few more rides before we headed into town for some famous wings. It was a restaurant called hook and the chicken wings were yummy accompanied with waffle fries and chick strips.

All supermarkets in Finland have a pick and mix lolly section so we hit up the closest one to get some snacks to go watch a movie at the apartment.

My final morning in Tampere entailed walking to the old tower up through beautiful parks to have a traditional Tampere doughnut which was the best thing I've had in a while.

We strolled back through the old town to go see the chocolate factory which was in an old fashioned building. There were cute little shops and a stage where a band played.

We went back to the apartment where Ida made some yummy bruschetta and we went to the shops to buy some snacks for my bus into Helsinki.

The three of them walked me to the bus and we said our goodbyes. It is hard not knowing when I'll see cam again but we're used to it by now.

The bus ride to Helsinki went fast but the countryside was so beautiful all the way in. I checked into my hostel and went for a drink at the bar around the corner. The bar was quiet and I had an awkward interaction with a 60 y/o man who said "Ah down under" when I told him I was from Australia. We stood there for quite a few seconds as I awkwardly tried to end the encounter and walk out of the bar.

It was an early night for me as I had to get up at 2.30 am to catch my flight down to Barcelona

[tellme-yourtroubles]

Getting the early train to Stockholm got me there around 11.30

I walked around for a while to see what was nearby before meeting up with Sarah and Jack.

Was so nice to find another piece of home in a different country.

We walked around the shops for a while then went and found some amazing ramen in the centre. We stopped at the pick and mix lolly shop which was a delightful treat!

We were all pretty knackered so chatted for a while then headed to our different hostels.

Next day we went to a nice cafe for breakfast to sort out what the plans were for the day. Jack was dying to hit some skate parks so he already had his day planned. Sarah and I decided to head to the Viking museum. We got the ferry across and it was beautiful to see Stockholm from the water.

Getting off there was a theme park nearby which I would have loved to go to if there hadn't been an accident there a few weeks earlier and someone had died.

So off we went to the museum which gave an insight into the viking lifestyle. There was an in depth detail of the viking era at the start by a guide who had a degree in archeology. I think me and Sarah tuned out after about 10 minutes. But there were artifacts which were cool and a ride at the end that went through different sets and told the story of the first viking king. We both enjoyed that and it was pretty fun and interesting.

We went from there to an open air museum which was displayed original swiss housing and a village as well as animals! Which was why we were really there, they had moose which Sarah was dying to see. So we walked around and saw reindeer, moose, seals, otters and some artic foxes.

We stayed for a while and got some flat bread which was yummy then found a huge stage where there was a band! The museum was amazing and so big.

That was all for the day and we went home to rest after walking around so much.

Next day was shopping before I was supposed to get on my ferry to go to Helsinki.

There was a big shopping centre nearby so we met there after breakfast and walked around for a while. I headed back to my hostel then took the bus to the ferry terminal. I went to check in for my ferry and they told me I didn't have a valid ticket. I booked through my eurail app and was told that ticket couldn't be used for ferry's.

This was a 16hours ferry where I'd already booked accomodation at the other end as well as a bus from Helsinki to Tampere to see my cousin. It was a very stressful half an hour but after booking a different ferry the following morning to Turku and a new hostel I made my way back into town to find Sarah and Jack again.

I did some retail therapy and felt much better. We went to my hostel for a drink and dinner and a poor excuse for music bingo. Jack made a friend with a nice man from Ukraine who told him about his son's in the army.

From there we said goodbye again

[tellme-yourtroubles]

The ferry I ended up having to catch took me to Turku which was a town on the west coast instead of Helsinki. I intended on catching the train all the way down to Helsinki but found that Tampere was a stop along the way. The ferry was actually a cruise ship with 7 floors including rooms, restaurants, bars, a nightclub and a performance stage. It was insane seeing as I'm used to the Rottnest ferry. I didn't do too much on the 11 hour journey just walked around and took a nap.

I got off in Turku and walked to the train station just in time for the 8pm train. It was only an hour or so to Tampere so it was a quick but beautiful trip. My cousin met me at the station and walked me to my hostel. Tampere was small but beautiful from what I saw that night so I was excited to see the rest of it.

I slept in late but Cam had school so I walked around for a while looking at shops then went to check out his apartment.

They're very central in a cute place where the bedroom and living area was one space with a little kitchen. We went for a drink at a rooftop bar that you could see the whole town from. The whole place was surrounded by a big lake a beautiful green Forrest.

From there we got changed to go to the sauna and picked up Ida's sister.

Finland is very big for their saunas, going from 100degrees to 16degree swim in the lake.

The sauna was built on the end of the road that lead to the mouth of the river. It was a small building holding two saunas and two change rooms. The entrance to the lake had a dive board or ramp. I haven't done a sauna that warm before but I really enjoyed the experience. There were a lot of people there because it was a Friday afternoon.

We dropped the car back at cam and Ida's to walk across the city to dinner. It was a lovely restaurant and I had Korean chicken and vegan boa buns which were DELICIOUS.

We had a cocktail at the new wine bar cam wanted to try and had a chat.

The next day cam and I met at his favorite bakery and had a yummy coffee and pastry for breakfast. He doesn't really like theme parks but there was a bit one in Tampere so agreed to go with me. We took home a loaf of bread and walked across to the theme park.

Cam and I went on the hype as our first ride which was fast but so much fun. Sent cam for a bit of a spin and he didn't feel very well so we say for a while whilst we waited for Umi to come. We went to the x which made me feel a bit sick but was fun. The ticket was unlimited rides so we went to as many as possible. There were water rides, motorbike rides, the rapids, the superman, the chair, the merry-go-round but also an aquarium and entrance to the tallest tower in Tampere. There were some funky creatures in the aquarium including turtles!! Just the little ones but they were still cool.

The tower showed a different view than the bar the night before. We could see into the next town.

[tellme-yourtroubles]

The same words fall on deaf ears for the hundredth time.

Yet for the hundredth time they part my lips, hoping they'd hit a new nerve. They'd spike new attention.

Unsurprisingly your only concern is yourself. No desire to fix the past or build a better future.

You do not care, you may never have. So why do I lower myself far enough to be walked over.

To be treated less than I deserve.

Enough is enough

[tellme-yourtroubles]

The same words fall on deaf ears for the hundredth time.

Yet for the hundredth time they part my lips, hoping they'd hit a new nerve. They'd spike new attention.

Unsurprisingly your only concern is yourself. No desire to fix the past or build a better future.

You do not care, you may never have. So why do I lower myself far enough to be walked over.

To be treated less than I deserve.

Enough is enough

[tellme-yourtroubles]

Copenhagen part 2

The next day was Saturday so I went exploring after moving hostel rooms. Went to the national museum of Denmark and saw a cool exhibit of the Vikings with a mini movie following one of the kings. That took up most of my day but I stopped by another market which was different then the others.

Going back to the hostel for a quick nap before getting ready for a bar crawl. Angus and I were the last ones from our room so we decided to go together. We expected it to be a small group but there were 70 people. Every bar we went too was almost completely empty but was full when we walked in. Everyone was so lovely and from different parts of the world, I even met someone who lives in the same town as my Cousin in Finland.

Our final stop was the same place as a few nights prior which was a bar turned nightclub.

It reminded me so much of home and was really fun. I ended up walking home at 4 haha. The next morning was rough having to pack and move hostels completely. I wasn't meant to stay in Copenhagen for so long but I messed up my dates and ended up staying longer which I'm really glad I did. My final day in Copenhagen was spent with Ethan and Omri who'd I met at the bar crawl the night before. Ethan and I met in the afternoon and watched a dance competition near the centre of town. We were going to a jazz show with Omri but the bar was so full we decided to go to a different food market, which was close and so nice. We had dinner and hung out at the hostel playing shuffleboard, pool and darts which was so fun.

It was getting late and I needed to get up early for my train so I walked with Ethan back to our hostels and said goodbye.

Copenhagen was a special unexpected highlight

[tellme-yourtroubles]

An unexpected treasure Copenhagen was.

I went on a walking tour of the city which was more interesting than I thought it was going to be. Learning about their government, history and lifestyle.

After the walking tour I went back to the hostel and made friends with people in my room. They'd planned to go to Tivoli gardens and invited me along with others from different hostels.

The gardens were beautiful and an amazing theme park! We had dinner at the park then headed to a bar nearby for a drink. One of the people in the group was a guy from Texas who was living in Germany. He was so sweet. I thought a girl he came with was his girlfriend but was relieved to be told they'd only met yesterday and were just friends. Ash and I spent a lot of time together and all of the next day. It was so nice and he changed his train just to spend more time with me. He had to leave which was sad but hopefully we'll see each other in Spain next week.

We went to the free town christiana which was very different than the rest of Copenhagen. It's an independent section in the heart of Copenhagen with it's own laws. Ash and I met up with our friend and caught the bus to Reffen. Reffen was a permanent food stall market on a man made beach. It was such a beautiful place to get yummy food and sit in the sun for a few hours. Christen and Angus left after a while so ash and I headed back into town on our own to walk around. There was a jazz festival on with street performances which we watch for a while. Then we climbed the round tower with amazing views from the top.

Had a quick afternoon tea of cheesecake and wine which was exactly what was needed.

We got changed at the hostel and stuck around for a couple drinks before going to a club for a while. We didn't stay for long before ash had to get on his train back to hamburg.

[tellme-yourtroubles]

Her (2013)

[tellme-yourtroubles]

It's a hard gratitude to hold. To thank those who hurt you, who let you down. For without them we would not be able to appreciate those who build us up, make us better, are the people we deserve.

Be thankful for the pain that highlights the good times. Don't be so hard on yourself for listening to the screams of your heart over the warning bells in your head.

Some lessons are harder to learn than others

[tellme-yourtroubles]

Amsterdam, as usual, was amazing.

Made 100 times better being there with some of my favourite people. By pure luck my uncle, auntie and cousins were there at the same time as I was. We went on a hop-on-hop-off bus and canal tour which was so fun and different than what I've done there before. We mainly just spent time together and I stayed with them rather than my hostel.

After feeling a little lost and lonely it was so special to see them. Amsterdam is one of my favourite places in the world and I can't wait to go back there.

We went out seperate ways and I headed to Frankfurt as they headed towards Bruge.

Frankfurt was not what I expected at all. My hostel was in the middle of the red light district which was scary being alone. My actual hostel was really nice though, everyone was super friendly and it was very safe indoors 😂.

I thought I'd just settle in and have a drink at the bar. I ended up making friends with a couple of Americans and headed out with them to a free food festival nearby. We spent too long drinking at the hostel that it was over by the time we got there. In our travels we found a DJ in the park and decided to join the make shift dance floor.

It was fun then we headed back to the hostel to play pool and hang out there.

I slept in late then went to look around Frankfurt and I was very intimidated. I must have gone to the worst part of town because I felt very unsafe. I wasn't out for long before I headed home to make plans for the coming weeks.

I went to the other side of the city the next day which was so beautiful. It was clean and historic with lots of shopping and beautiful things to see. It was such a relief to find the better side of town.

I had a classic schnitzel for dinner and packed my bags to head to Copenhagen!

[tellme-yourtroubles]

The first full day in Brussels was early and just walked to all the monuments. I went to a different art museum with new artists and beautiful pieces.

I found my way home eventually and had a shower then laid on my bed to rest. One of my roommates was there from Mexico with his sister and was so nice. We chatted for a while when he asked if I wanted to join them for a drink.

He went out early then I joined later after having dinner by myself.

When I got there they had already made friends with other people from close by their home town.

It was so nice to see how quickly they got along with people they only just met. I spent most of the time watching soccer and my new friend Andres made sure to chat to me in English when everyone else was spiking Spanish.

Me Andres and his sister Mariana got along really well.

Next full day in Brussels I decided to catch the train to a nearby town Bruge. Mum had mentioned this town before and my friend recommended I see it.

It was so beautiful and perfectly preserved, like time had frozen. The gardens were lush and green and the flowers glowed in the sunlight.

I walked around for a while planning out my next steps and thinking about where I wanted to go.

I've been getting quite stressed about where to go because I don't know where I really want to be.

Eventually I decided to head straight to Barcelona from Frankfurt. I sat in the sun and read for a while whilst I waited for my train.

I had a cheeky icecream with Bischoff and coffee which was amazing, then headed back to Brussels.

When I got back I had a new roommate, he was a nice guy from Nigeria and was living in Hungary so travelling whilst on study break. We got to chatting and it was his first night so we went for a walk together and got dinner. He was nice but I was so tired so we walked around a little more then headed back home.

After that it was time to pack for the next day to go to Amsterdam

[tellme-yourtroubles]

I wonder if you knew

How much I hated myself for loving you

For being in love with someone who didn't love me back

For giving everything to someone who didn't give me his all

There were glimpse where I saw who you could be, the good person I fell for

But it was clouded by the lack of

The lack of consistency

The lack of love

The lack of compassion for me

I was there for you to confide in

About others

I have no doubt you care for me

But I need someone who can care for me better

Care for me more