teaearlgrayhot

[teaearlgrayhot]

I know "60s housewives who invented slash fanfiction" has taken on a life of its own as a phrase, but Kirk/Spock didn't really exist until the 70s and THOSE WOMEN HAD JOBS. They were teachers and librarians and bookkeepers and scientists and they damn well spent their own money going to conventions, printing zines, buying fanart and making fandom happen. Put some respect on their names.

[teaearlgrayhot]

in a kinder world i live in an i spy page

[teaearlgrayhot]

I bet giant isopods are sooo delicious broiled in butter the whole thing is like lobster meat

[teaearlgrayhot]

When you’ve been cooking for long enough, you stop making recipes and start making “shit in a skillet” and “whatever soup”

[teaearlgrayhot]

youre telling me a ham fisted this metaphor??

[teaearlgrayhot]

I like the expression new-fangled. I don't know what it means for something to be fangled, but I sure as hell know it was recent

[teaearlgrayhot]

Joking aside, the Millennium Falcon is not the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van.

The Millennium Falcon is the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van that's inexplicably been hot-rodded to have a top speed of 300 miles per hour, which is substantially funnier.

[teaearlgrayhot]

The tailors at Colonial Williamsburg made a suit for their cat

[teaearlgrayhot]

been seeing homies get deep into "the terror" and making me want to rewatch SO i spent two hours in the dead of night reading the wiki/the subreddit/other linked articles and like. one of those articles was deadass fucked up

there was a woman who spoke inuktitut who was writing a book containing a lot of inuit oral histories, and in nunavut she was able to hear passed-down recollections of when survivors from the franklin expedition were passing through

and like. i can't imagine being an inuit family/group, knowing that europeans exist but having never seen them, seeing 8-9 shambling, blue-skinned, cold-to-the-touch out-of-their-minds white men come wandering by. they invited the men inside their igloos for warmth, for food, to be hospitable. the men refused to eat, refused to speak, and when trade was offered, clutched their possessions close and refused to entertain the idea of trade. this was, offputting, to say the least. the group set them up in their own igloo, with their own fire, and left three whole seals for them to eat. and then they fled cause what the FUCK get out of there. they came back in a few days to check on the strangers. the three seals were completely untouched, while all of the men had killed and eaten each other

i mean. fuck dude. there are obviously pretty dark angles to view the franklin expedition from– honestly can't think of a good angle, it's pure colonialism and british exceptionalism– but that specific interaction, that inuit group who were living lives as normal until a dozen fucking walking dead showed up and did cannibalism. no wonder that story got passed down, i'd be shitting my pants if i saw that

[teaearlgrayhot]

I've found if you're making a complicated recipe it helps a lot to identify which steps can be done ahead of time so here are some tips I use

pre-cut any vegetables: get your vegetables together and do any chopping or mincing that needs to be done

place the cutting board with your vegetables in the unplugged countertop toaster oven. vital step to minimize the number of cat paws that get in your vegetables. do not skip this step.

pre-mix sauces: identify any sauces that can be made ahead of time and mix those ingredients

put the sauce bowl in the microwave for safe keeping. we're not heating it. it just lives there. this is very important to minimize amount of cat paw in sauce. do not skip this step.

assemble any dry mixes you might need

place the dry mix in the not-turned-on oven. this helps protect the flavor by minimizing the chance of the dry mix finding new life as crime-scene toebean footprints walking away from the kitchen. do not skip this step.

[teaearlgrayhot]

look at him 😭

[teaearlgrayhot]

[teaearlgrayhot]

odysseus absolutely does present a threat to penelope if he perceives her as at all unfaithful, and i feel the unfairness of this, and i think people tend to undersell how much tension at least potentially exists between odysseus and penelope. but i'm also like. his reaction, all speculation aside, his actual reaction in the odyssey to her flirting with the suitors is delight, because he immediately ascertains that she is running a con. sorry that they're so in-sync in spite of the forces that try to drive a wedge between them, including their own misgiving hearts. sorry that they invented homophrosyne ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[teaearlgrayhot]

a hot take perhaps but i actually think the breelanders would still bully aragorn after he became king. like yes it’s funny to say imagine one day the weird emo guy you bullied shows up again and he’s literally the king but imagine. the weird emo guy you bullied shows up and has refused to dress up as the king so you dont realize hes the king and the whole town heckles him again. ooooh look whos back he finally found friends and took a bath! we’re not at risk of being robbed anymore! his legs are still too long that cant be helped can it. faramir nearly has a stroke. legolas and gimli are having the time of their lives

[teaearlgrayhot]

Little old Italian lady: Do you have zucchini?

Me: Yes, right here.

Lady: Is how much?

Me: $2.99 a pound.

Lady: It's usually $1.49.

Me: Yes, in the summer.

Lady, pauses, then grabs two: I put it in a soup.

Me: Oh nice, what kind are you making?

Lady: You will not fantasize about my soup.

And then she walked away. "You will not fantasize about my soup" will be in my head forever. I love you, little old Italian lady.

[teaearlgrayhot]

you cant fucking hurt me bitch im protected by the migratory bird act

[teaearlgrayhot]

what if unicorn cowboy