tcockwood

[tcockwood]

From Lockwood to Cockwood

Hi, My name is Tyler.                

I have Schitzophrenia and am a wolf/vampire hybrid.  Growing up, many people knew me as Tyler Lockwood. I was your normal teenage, jock asshole. I had an air of confidence about me that told people I didn’t give two fucks. I had a girlfriend, well two that meant anything anyway. I had friends. I had parents. The usual shit. I also had the Un-usual shit. A family curse of sorts that triggered physically painful transformations. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I am a werewolf. But wait..There’s more. I am also part vampire, but I won’t bore you with too many details about that. I have this really bad habit of jerking off into coupons and will basically fuck anything living or inanimate when the mood strikes.

[I look around the room at the widened eyes and blank expressions on the faces of those around me. Reaching into my jacket pocket, I locate the small flask of moonshine and lift it to my lips for a swig. I feel the cool metal touching my warm lips as the liquid slides down my throat in a slow hot burn of comfortable heat.]  

Where was I? Oh! That’s right.. So anyways, I snapped and the mental illness kinda took over. I started drinking more. I mean, who the fuck in this town hasn’t started drinking? Am I right? Half of us started before we were 17. Elena was probably fucking half of them.

[A cackle belts across the room, echoing off the walls.]

Any of you tried coke? Holy fucking shit that stuff will have you bouncing off the walls. I remember this time I snorted a line off this random chick’s ass and…

[I heard a few gasps and someone stood up. “That is ENOUGH! You need to leave right now.” I took another sip of my moonshine and looked around again before I realized where I was.]

Ah shit. My bad, Father Thomas. I thought this was the compulsive masturbators support group.

[A heavy sigh leaves my lips as I stand up and put my flask back into my pocket. Walking toward the door, I turn toward the church goers and shout back.]

You guys ever see a man urinate into the holy water?

[I cackle maniacally, reaching into my pants to pull out my dick and let the stream of piss pour out into the holy water bowl near the door. When I had finished, I Tucked myself back in and ran from the church laughing while a security guard chased after me. The next morning I woke up hung over as usual, Some random chick passed out in the bed next to me. Her blonde hair sprawled across the pillow as I shove her shoulder with a groan.]

Yo. Whatever your name is.. Get the fuck up.

[I give her another shove till she rolls off the bed with a loud thud, groaning before she gets insulted. “What the fuck?” I pull the sheets around me and stand up, locating her clothes and tossing them at her.]

I didn’t say you could crash here. Obviously I was drunk as fuck. Maria will give you Uber money on the way out.

[I wave my hand dismissively then hold my head as I shuffle across the room. My fucking head was throbbing as if there was a high school marching band. Didn’t this chicken head realize that Cockwood doesn’t do Velcro? I’m a one and done kinda guy. Relationships only fuck you up in the head. Look at me. It triggered massive Schitzophrenia the last time I even thought about it. Nope, one and done was how it would be from now on. I climbed over the scattered beer cans and bottles, noting the cocaine left over from my adventures last night on the night stand. I waited for the random bitch to pull on her clothes and leave the house with her purse in tow and the cash Maria gave her for a cab home.  Once the coast was clear and I had showered the headache right outta myself, I had a bloody Mary and scarfed some day old donuts I left on the counter.]

When will I learn? ((That you are an asshole and always will be one?)) Oh here we fucking go again.

[The voice in my head always chimed in with her annoying New Jersey accent to remind me how fucked up I was. Yes, my voice was female and she didn’t care for me much.]

((How’s that head? You sick?)) [I could hear her thumping the walls of my head, speaking loudly in that ridiculous voice of hers.]

Actually, My head feels fine, bitch. Thanks to the Excedrin I took before my shower.. ((Ya know what would be fun? Huh?? Do you wanna know, Fuck face?)) [I took a bottle of tequila from the freezer, lifting it to my lips. Cold liquor was gliding down my throat, warming my insides. This was always a welcome feeling when the PM would start her shit.] ((You should see a therapist and work out your stupidity so I would be able to rest for a change. Dick.)) Nah. That wouldn’t be fun at all. I have a better idea..

[I looked around for the usual stash of booze but each hiding place I checked the bottles were empty or just about empty.]

Fuck. Ok...A liquor run is needed.

 [I tossed my backpack over my shoulders, knowing I would need something to carry my haul home in then made my way to the front door. I stumbled over the top step because let’s face it..I was hung over and not fully awake. ((You don’t need more of that shit, Asshole. You are already fucked up.)) She was tapping her foot against my skull, arms folded across her chest in annoyance but I ignored her. I groan, slipping my hand into my back pocket to retrieve one of the joints I rolled up for my outing. Using my Hello Kitty lighter I ignite the flame and take a drag, inhaling the smoke into my lung and holding it for a few beats before releasing the smoke.]

That’s a good fucking batch!

[I could instantly feel the high start to cloud my brain and I loved every second of it. I was relaxed as fuck and ready to tackle the day. When I stepped off the front porch I saw a shiny red tricycle on the lawn next door. My eyes grew wide and I decided I HAD to have it. Not even sure why, but I wanted it. I looked around to see if anyone was watching and I acted like a ninja, hiding behind bushes and ninja rolling across the lawn until I had been within reach of my intended target. I waited until the mom had gone inside, making my move. I shove the little boy off the tricycle and laugh hard, running off with it tucked under my arm. Halfway down the road I could hear the mom yelling. “TYLER LOCKWOOD! What are you doing?!” I could only laugh as I hopped on the trike and peddled away.]

I shall call you Betsy! We will be great friends, won’t we?

[I peddle Betsy through town, terrorizing the town’s people. I rode through the grocery store, picking up a bag of apples.  I would randomly toss an apple at people who were in my path of destruction, cackling at the top of my lungs. I knocked over produce, used a broom from the cleaning aisle to drag across shelves and pull everything off. The best part was, I didn’t give a shit. ((Oh my God, Tyler! Stop it! What are you doing?!)) The voice tried to stop me but to no avail. I was having FUN for the first time in a while. The security guards tried to catch me but I was really fast peddling that little thing around. I headed toward the doors, the automatic door triggering open. I watch as one guard stands in front of me and I grin darkly, holding up the broom like it was a lance and I was one of those medieval times knights charging at the enemy. His eyes went wide as I peddled closer, hooking the broom under his dick.]

YEAH! Take that ya little dick BITCH!

[A victorious roar belts from my lips as I peddle around the man who dropped with a squeal, out on the sidewalk I peddle past Old man Jenkins and toss an apple at him before laughing. ((You just hit an old man you jerk!)) Up ahead I spot the newsstand in front of the deli, the newspapers being my next target. I peddle by and grab a stack, shredding them up like confetti only to sprinkle the bits of paper all over the ground. The voice in my head started playing music from the Benny Hill show.]

OH Shit! I almost passed the Liquor store!

[I screech to a halt and spin the Tricycle around to go back. I ride through the door, hearing the tiny chime of a little bell above me. I look around in thought, wondering which bottles would be mine today. The owner behind the counter gives me a side eye glance. “Tyler don’t you start any shit in here today, young man.” I wave a hand dismissively.]

Yeah, yeah..

[I stand up and start shoving bottles into my bag, Vodka, Tequila, Rum, Whiskey and others, popping some airplane size bottles into my pockets as well.]

Oh snacks!

[I jam a few bags of chips and a box of Hoho and Funny Bones snack cakes into the bag. My head turns when I spot a gorgeous ass in a tight pair of jean shorts, tattoos all over and fire red hair. I could feel my dick get hard behind my jeans, grunting like a true animal.]

Dayum, baby..How have I not had you in my bed before?

[I smirk, using the sharpie I kept in my pocket to write my name and number on the bottle of Margarita mix she held in her hand then lift my finger to my lips as if this was our secret when I take it from her and slip it into to her purse. The owner steps from behind the counter. “Lockwood, what are you doing?! Get over here!” I laugh hard, grabbing Betsy and starting to run. I call over my shoulder at the pretty Red head.]

For a good time, call me! Tyler COCKwood.

[I jog over and grab a handful of scratch off tickets before I make my exit to the outside once more, maniacally laughing my ass off. My new friend Betsy and I peddling our way back home to have some much needed drinks.]

#BigBadTyler