tashabilities

[tashabilities]

And I need Publix to put Duke's mannaze on BOGO again cause I used the last of my mayo the other night making ranch.

I need more oven roasted beets.

[tashabilities]

I need more oven roasted beets.

[tashabilities]

One of the autistic white women I follow said that she explains herself a lot because the people in her life made her feel like she's only tolerable with context.

And that's me.

I can explain anything I say or do.

It'll make sense once you hear me out,

So I used to constantly be pleading my case.

I stopped doing that.

What you see is what you get.

[tashabilities]

It's a NICE blender

But it's been literal years since I've used it

I can't even remember when I got it

But it's looking like dishes are the bane of my existence, because it's dawning on me that I hated to wash this thing and put it back together,

And since I don't drink alcohol,

I never had a hankering for frozen drinks at home.

Somebody might get it from me and resell it,

But I'm shedding stuff and not holding on to stuff and selling online doesn't work for me because I'm a Black woman and I've noticed that people don't usually wanna give us money for our things.

So what they do with it after they get it from me is not my business, they can have it.

I'm honestly appraising the stuff I have and letting go of some of it.

[tashabilities]

Chicken finally thawed out

How i'ma season this chicken and mushroom orzo?

There's a recipe online that calls for Italian seasoning but that's not quite the flavor profile I want.

I can put a li'l of that cream cheese in it and I got Marsala wine in the fridge, too.

Need to go get another bag of spinach.

[tashabilities]

AJ Johnson

Still from the movie Baby Boy

[tashabilities]

If you don’t mind me asking, What do you do for work?

I tell people what to do in a nice tone of voice.

[tashabilities]

The idea of asking salespeople to maintain a clientele list is outdated.

Nobody's looking for buddy buddy relationships with salespeople anymore.

My retail job in college used to make us try to collect names, addresses and numbers to invite people out to sales and shit.

It was outdated then

And with the internet being what it is,

It's archaic for like, 99% of retail.

Maybe some specialty store still does it the old fashioned way,

But now, you either get on the email list or don't.

That department store I worked in was not high end enough for all that and I used to get dinged in my performance reviews over not bugging people for my clientele book.

But I'm glad we've moved past that, as a society.

[tashabilities]

I want a Slingshot

If Tumblr search wasn't broken,

I could pull up the post where I talked about the Slingshot vs the Can Am Spyder

Cause I can't remember which one I decided was better.

[tashabilities]

I said sex workers tend to be my kind of people.

I follow one particular Atlanta stripper.

I first met her when she was waiting tables at 255 Tapas.

I had gone there with friends,

An educated Black American man who was not interested in me, and his homegirl,

Neither of whom i talk to anymore.

Tiny Dancer was our server, and she gorgeous, so nice and funny.

I'd ask for her whenever I went down there because I used to hang in Castleberry like, that used to be The Area for me,

And 255 was so fuckin good.

Anyway, she had my number, even,

And I'd hoped that we could become friends.

But then, she stopped waiting tables and started stripping.

She called me and invited me to the club after she got her body done, and was so zooted, I'm not sure she knew who she was talking to.

And while strippers are my kinda people and I've been to a couple clubs, I wasn't gon go see her at THIS job, and certainly not by myself.

I still don't know why she got her body done because her before surgery was amazing to me, but to each her own.

Anyway, there are a lot of horny niggas on Facebook, so she has quite the following there,

And she just went tf off in her FB story, talking about niggas need to be on they best behavior right now,

And she so real, she sounds like me.

Anyway, I love her.

[tashabilities]

Crispy chicken caesar sandwich (via Instagram)

[tashabilities]

I don't know if I should go through with surgery.

It's just exploratory, anyway

To see if I have endometrial tissue elsewhere and that's what's causing me all this pain.

What if they don't find anything and all this ovulation pain and horrible periods my whole life is just my imagination?

What if I get exposed to what I've been intentionally avoiding while I'm in the hospital?

My life matters.

Will I be treated like it does?

I have no one to check up on me.

Will I need the Transcarent people?

My insurance pays for it, but I might not need it.

[tashabilities]

Thinking of what I haven't used in a while and can get rid of, give to someone in the Buy Nothing group.

I have SIX of these big, huge latte mugs

They're restaurant quality and white, got em from Old Time Pottery and I've had them for years,

Keeping hope alive, thinking there would be PEOPLE in my life who'd wanna come over for hot chocolate and conversation by the fireplace.

The actor's strike has taken the fireplace out of my reach for now.

The viruses have isolated me and kept me from connecting with the people.

And nice and pretty as these mugs are,

And as nice and pretty as I am,

I'm still a single person household.

I don't need SIX of these mugs.

So I should give away at least two of them,

Maybe even four of them, gotta be an even number.

I have not used this blender in many years.

It's just taking up space in the pantry.

Should I give it to someone in the Buy Nothing group or to Goodwill?

I feel like the minute I give it away, a recipe I have to try will fall into my life and my immersion blender won't be enough to make it happen, but it's been literal years since I've used it.

In fact, i don't recall using it but one time while living in this apartment.

Guess I'm not a blender person.

I take care of my shit so it's in excellent condition,

And so is that viral chopper i spent $20 on.

I had to try it, tho, used it maybe twice and found that a knife is just quicker, doll, and way easier to clean.

The big Rubbermaid cake dome, I'm keeping.

There may still, one day, be people coming into my life for hot chocolate and conversation by the fireplace

And I'll need something to hold the cake I'll bake for them.

[tashabilities]

I suspect everybody who cooks the majority of their own meals has a thing that they always keep on hand,

And it looks like my thing is cheese.

At all times, there are at least five different cheeses in my refrigerator.

I don't know why I'm like this, but it's normal to me and it's been a thing for many years.

Smaller quantities to accommodate my single person household,

I buy blocks on sale, cut them in half and freeze at least half so it don't all spoil before my AuDHD appetite and energy levels can get around to making the food in my imagination that calls for a particular cheese.

But currently, there's American, crumbled feta, crumbled bleu, and parmesan in the fridge.

Half bars of Colby jack and mozzarella in the freezer, half bar of white cheddar in the freezer that i shredded before freezing,

And this bag of shreds that jumped in my bag at Aldi,

A blend of Swiss and gruyere that would be so yum for a grilled cheese and some tomato soup once I stop being afraid of yeast and bread flour and make this sandwich bread.

But are you aware of the courage it takes to ask for just four slices of American cheese at the deli counter?

It tastes better cut off the big block

You can't freeze sliced or processed cheese and retain flavor and meltability

And a package of even eight slices is too much for my single person household.

But it takes real bravery to ask for just four slices of cheese at the deli counter.

[tashabilities]

Humans always think we the first ones or the only ones to go through a thing.

My heart is not the first heart broken

My eyes are not the first to cry.

But I wonder if there's anyone else who's Black, autistic, working from home, still taking the pandemics, plural, seriously,

And as isolated as me.

I wonder who else, like, throughout history and currently, has to go to Kroger for human interaction.

Have any of My Ancestors experienced this kind of isolation?

How did they handle it?

Did they make it to the next phase of the world or did the isolation swallow them up?

I know I'm not the same as I was in February 2020.

This country is not the same as it was then, either.

Very glad to not have children

Schools are germ vectors, with everybody unmasked, kids getting long COVID and everybody just acts like it's normal for teenagers to have heart attacks.

My job makes me so happy and it keeps me sane, like,

With no friends, no partner and no children,

Work is the one thing that reminds me I'm part of a society,

That there are people who want what I can do.

It's a weird place to be in

And I just wonder if anybody before me has occupied exactly this space.

[tashabilities]

This is bout the third one I've ever made.

The whole bag of spinach, yes

A li'l less chopped garlic

Heavier on the cheeses, especially parmesan

But yes to the garlic salt and kosher salt

[tashabilities]

It's the fact that when I was in the post divorce haze When I was Just A Waitress Men didn't wanna date me. But then, when my career, that I had been working toward WHILE I was Just A Waitress, popped off, They weren't interested THEN, either! Whole time, tho, I was waiting tables, but my voice was also coming out the TV and out the radio, just not enough for it to be full time My coworkers were talking about hearing me on commercials, The Residuals Fairy was swinging my way, bills was paid! But I didn't tell too many men, because if they wouldn't date me when I was Just A Waitress, Then I wouldn't wanna date them once they found out I'm an actor and you've heard my work before, because fuck your respectability politics and classism. So basically, I've just never had the right job to be partnered, And men feel some type of way about whatever job I do. Even though I've always lived independently of a man with paid bills, food, travel, and never asking any of these men for shit, Waiting tables wasn't enough. But then, once Rona came and vo became my full time, VO was TOO MUCH! And it's heavy and I'm sitting with it And as America circles the drain and I remain indoors and hidden away from airborne pathogens, But also hidden away from men and their penises, It hurts! And I'm not ashamed to say so.