tasfiatafannum

[tasfiatafannum]

Friendships that leave you when you're unwell and leaves nothing but a letter of things they've never said on your doorstep. "You are not worth my time. Seeing you made me feel miserable. Distancing myself from you was the best thing I've done in a while. We're finally over."

Then what about our pictures. What about the messages and what about the places we visited together. What about the cups and what about the swing. What about the words that's in my mind from your vocabulary. What about the piece of my heart that has only existed ever since you entered the room to get me coffee. What about all the things you said that helped me breathe. Which ones do you erase and which ones do you keep. For the sake of old times, how do you let go?

[tasfiatafannum]

What's love if it's not worth writing about.

If I can sum up all the sunsets and all the moments I get to spend in your presence, If I could sum up all the sun kissed grasses and moonlit rooms and all the walks in between corridors, if I could borrow the warmth of hugs and the anonymity of a one-sided love, if I could decorate all the vows that saturate the air invisibly and all the unspoken promises layed on letters you'll never send me, if I could speak to the rain and the wind just so it reaches your doorstep - And if I could , And if I could, I would tell them all about you...

[tasfiatafannum]

But do they also love me from afar is what I want to know now. Is it possible for us to find a common ground and get back with each other? Is it possible to stop and wait till the other person turns around? Is it okay to understand that someone might need a little nudge on their nose and a little pat on their head as a calling? Is it okay to ask do you still love me? Is it fine if you stop and stare till they come around?

Because if love is strong, what if I burn my own bridges waiting for someone to fly to me? Is it okay if I still believe I'm someone worth fighting for?

[tasfiatafannum]

A sister.

We will always be like the stapler and pin. Like the bread and jam. Like the water and sugar. Like the earth and rain and like the eyes and tears. We will always be like the sky and clouds or the stars no matter which time of the day and maybe even the silver lining to the afternoons. Like the golden hour and a camera, like the moon and the windowsill and like the fireplace and blanket. Like the candle and the book and maybe the ink and the paper. We will always be more than till death do us apart. We will always be like forever and stardust. Always existing like we are alive and breathing.

[tasfiatafannum]

A sister.

We will always be like the stapler and pin. Like the bread and jam. Like the water and sugar. Like the earth and rain and like the eyes and tears. We will always be like the sky and clouds or the stars no matter which time of the day and maybe even the silver lining to the afternoons. Like the golden hour and a camera, like the moon and the windowsill and like the fireplace and blanket. Like the candle and the book and maybe the ink and the paper. We will always be more than till death do us apart. We will always be like forever and stardust. Always existing like we are alive and breathing.

[tasfiatafannum]

What's an aid nobody talks about often? A Voice.

Why are you sleeping a lot? Let me make chai for you. What do you want for lunch? Did you sleep well? Don't stress out and just take it slow. We don't want you to be sick so eat well. (mom) Do you have money? Do you need to buy more coats? It's raining, don't get drenched. Carry an umbrella. Keep your vitamins with you. Stay humble. (papa) You don't have to vent to anybody, I'm here. I'll always be here for you. (Apu) I am so proud of you. (bhai) Can't wait for you to be back home so we can watch movies together. I miss you so much my chubby. (baby) I wish I was more like you, you're the best friend anyone could have. (bestie) Who will wake me up without you, come back soon. (Roomie) I love you I love you I love you I love you

[tasfiatafannum]

Nothing prepares you for a perfect goodbye. I wish somebody told me there's nothing like a perfect goodbye. Because it will always be wrapped with mom's homemade food that'll last you 3 days and dad's envelope filled with money and your sister's clothes and jacket. Because it will always be coated with salty tears that you'll wipe away looking back one last time to wave goodbye. Because it will always be like picking up a huge sword or swallowing a gigantic pill or vomiting all the memories out. Because goodbyes will never be perfect.

I am leaving a piece of my heart. Keep it safely till I come back home.

[tasfiatafannum]

Someone once said we are made of all the people we meet. For me this is why: I sometimes wonder how life might be if not for a certain groupmate of mine for I wouldn't have been so competitive if not for them. I sometimes wonder they can be so sweet because they bully me (in a good way) all the time. Maybe that's why when they say I'm proud of you or you look nice today, I believe them. I wonder how hard life can be when I see their struggles so I put in the same amount of effort. I don't really understand how to say it but the people around me bring out their versions inside me and sometimes it makes me feel worthy of being around too. And that's a good thing. And sometimes it heals a part of me I never knew was bleeding.

[tasfiatafannum]

Why I don't carry my glasses around : sometimes I love when the world is a little blurry. I don't get to see how angry I make my mom or how annoyed my siblings get. The crevices on faces are so vague. I love it when I'm not feeling myself, I can walk around without noticing how people are looking at me or when I'm in the middle of the crowd delivering my speech, I don't see how they are reacting to my words. I love the fact that my eyes fade a little from everything I don't wish to see. There's this peaceful serenity in a blurry world. No judgements and no precision. Everyone's just outlined and there's only room for someone WHOLE without any details.

[tasfiatafannum]

growing up. Leaving home feels like a daily chore.

Do you still wake up to dishes being washed and mom calling you for breakfast? Do you still hear faint screams because your sister can't find her socks? Do you still smell wood and tea leaves straight from the farms? Do you still feel the burden lifting from your back as you lay on your bed after dusting the whole house? Do you still taste the same daal mom makes? How do you still remember even the minute details...

[tasfiatafannum]

it's beautiful when my friend calls me up and says "this felt nice to read. Please write more." and it even feels beautiful when somebody waits till the signal is red on the opposite side of the road. It's feel cathartic when someone randomly just strokes your hair and as they go over the back of your head; gently massages your nape. It's always beautiful when you sleep and they open up the blanket for you and tuck you in. it's the little things - the most random, microscopic and dumb thoughts that flutter your heart and suddenly you're like "oh maybe I am that special"

[tasfiatafannum]

It doesn't cost a thing to tell someone that 'they matter' .