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full moon yesterday for the coolest full moon baby!! i miss u always, miss ladynephthyss!!<33

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If you could give Mrs Danvers a different ending, what would it be? 

”Rebecca would have faked her own death and come back to Manderley to live happily ever after with Mrs Danvers. There is no other perfect ending.“

— Kara Lane (answering questions in the London Rebecca Instagram story)

#i love kara’s brain it is so beautiful <3 #rebecca das musical

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#happy happy birthday ophelia! miss u always

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turning 20 in a few weeks, and my mother has been asking me how i would like to celebrate this occasion. i don’t know. i want to fill the void. i want natalie scatorccio back. i want to be loved. i want a fine frenzy’s “silent war” on spotify. there’s too many answers

#i’ve asked some friends to buy me a gallon of applesauce #that might do

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Astoria, Oregon (2005)

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as i panic and piss my pants out of absolute fear for my german class this upcoming semester, i cannot help remembering that the reason i have put myself through all of this is that when i was 11 i thought willemijn verkaik was pretty and thus decided to fixate on european musical theatre for the rest of my life

#crying i hate myself and all of the decisions that have led me to this moment

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another tag that i am very late to. thank you @dwalendinhetniets !!

last song: white dress by lana del rey :) something compelled me to sit at my desk and do nothing but wallow and listen to ldr for an hour and a half last night

currently watching: i just watched the movie thirteen yesterday, that’s about it!

current obsession: i feel as though i am in a transitional period. my brain has been FULL of yellowjackets for the past six months. i feel it might be switching over to german-language musicals again. how else can one explain my revival of this blog?

tagging: everybody who sees this post

#tags

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late, but thank you for the tag @dwalendinhetniets ♡ !

subjective best musicals list:

tanz der vampire! always and forever. this show is everything i love in the world and everything i hold very close to my heart. you know how people sometimes say that the things you were obsessed with at age 11 stay with you forever? this was mine! i don’t even have a good explanation as to why i love it so much. the story, the music, the characters, they are all so fun and beautiful and delicious. this might be one of the few stories ever in which i don’t have a favorite character, because i like everybody so much. the first fandom to produce a fanfic that made me cry, the reason for my tumblr username. other musical obsessions might come and go, and temporarily enjoy the honor of being called my favorite, but i live and breathe tdv forever and ever.

rebecca das musical! if i hadn’t discovered tdv first, rebecca would undoubtedly be my forever favorite, but i’m (un)fortunately very loyal to tanz. i’ve spent more time crying over this stupid gay musical than anything else. ich war ihr nah is the most beautiful thing that can happen in under two minutes. nach dir, rebecca? i’m already on the floor sobbing. it is unbelievable how much emotional damage i can receive in the span of three fucking words. danvers is my favorite person to ever exist in fiction. my obsession also peaked at a time in which i was very unstable and stressed, so it’s kind of like a forever coping mechanism for me now. rebecca das musical is also responsible for leading me down the daphne du maurier rabbit hole, which has been incredibly fun; i love her writing style very much, and i have used the book several times on ap english assignments/exams.

elisabeth das musical! if i think about elisabeth for too long, i start thinking about human existence and time and being dead, and then i start to spiral. the most majestic, beautiful, banger music there ever was. everything about der schleier fällt makes me want to scream until my voice is gone, like that is EXACTLY what i imagine dying feels like. the suffering was temporary, and it has all come to an end, and now everything is wonderful again. also, i named one of my teddy bears der tod.

wicked! another one that has a very special place in my heart, the first musical i ever loved, and the first i ever saw. how much of and about it do i remember? very little, i’m afraid. my love, however, is unwavering.

honorable mentions:

der besuch der alten dame because weißt du noch? is one of my most favorite things ever, and this musical just generally made me feel a lot of existential dread :)

phantom of the opera another musical of which i remember very little, but this was a huge obsession in my life when i was 12 ♡

six she’s so fucking fun.

frozen i am not sure if i was just really unstable during my very brief period of obsession, but i remember feeling INSANE every time i thought about this musical.

matilda i cried to revolting children the other day

tagging: any fellow victims of musical brainrot

#tags #musicals #i’ve definitely forgotten some

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nat, wearing misty's glasses: how do i look?

misty: i have no idea.

#i giggled a little #yellowjackets

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Marguerite Duras, from The Easy Life

Text ID: I was no one, I had neither name nor face. Moving through August, I was: nothing.

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D. H. Lawrence, from Lady Chatterley's Lover

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i wanna live here

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summer of indulgences. takeout for dinner two nights in a row. glass after glass of cold peach juice. scratching mosquito bites for the sensuous pleasure of it. climbing past the point of my fingers giving out. taking the long way home. gently pressing the bruises on my heart just to feel the twinge

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i’ve always headcanoned that rebecca de winter is a leo, and that she schedules the manderley ball to take place on her birthday, so while we are still in leo season, happy birthday rebecca ?

#rebecca daphne du maurier #rebecca das musical #do we think it would be fitting for her birthday to be the novel’s publication date? #because i do

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“My life has been one long longing.”

— Elizabeth Wurtzel, from Prozac Nation (Houghton Mifflin, 1994)

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Lido, Italy 2018.

Nikon 35ti | Kodak Ultramax 400