tannerjolson

[tannerjolson]

Matthew Perry was my teacher

In high school, Matthew Perry was one of my teachers. Night after night I’d watch rerun episodes of Friends, learning from Perry’s iconic character, Chandler Bing. Through 30 minute episodes, Perry taught me how to be funny. He showed me how to be quick and witty. He demonstrated how to pay attention and be present and to show up as the only person you can show up as: yourself.  Like the theme song says, Friends has always been there for me. Friends brought me comfort when I was homesick at college and while I lived alone in my early 20s. In some strange way, this show prepared me for what I didn’t know was ahead. If you’re familiar with the show, you know that Chandler and Monica get married and eventually, after trying (and trying and trying) to get pregnant, choose to grow their family through adoption. I have a vivid memory from high school of watching the episode, The One with the Birth Mother. After dinner, I turned on the episode and watched alone in our living room. I sat with my left leg tucked under right, leaning against the arm of the couch. My hands were empty and I was completely locked in on the story. In the episode, Chandler and Monica meet with a young pregnant woman, Erica, who is considering them to adopt her child. In one particular scene, Chandler speaks alone with Erica.

He tells her how it kills him that he cannot give Monica a baby. Chandler isn’t trying to be witty or sarcastic. Comedy is all about timing and this is not the time. He appears tired as he holds pain and hope together. He is helpless, willing to do whatever to give the woman he loves what she desires. Chandler goes on and says, “I really want a kid. And when the day finally comes, I’ll learn how to be a good dad, but my wife, she’s already there. She’s a mother without a baby.” The scene wasn’t funny or dramatic. Although it was a scripted show, the scene felt real and authentic. It was heartbreaking. I remember being moved to tears as Chandler was honest about their journey with infertility. I remember thinking how hard it must be for a couple to try and wait and try and wait. I remember watching this scene and thinking to myself: this story is going to be similar to yours. I cannot tell you why I thought that, but I did. And it is.

As I write this, my wife and I are in a place similar to Chandler and Monica. We are waiting for a birth mom to choose us to parent her baby. Like them we’ve been walking through the pain of infertility while looking forward with hope. Through the character Chandler Bing, Matthew Perry didn’t just teach me how to be funny, but  how to lean on your friends “when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.” He showed me how to be honest and vulnerable with your story.  He showed me life won’t always go the way you think it’s going to go. And now, as I re-watch clips from the show, Chandler is reminding me once again of something I often forget: I can hold pain and hope together as I wait.

And that’s how I’ll remember the man who taught me to be funny.

About the Author

Tanner Olson is an author, poet, speaker, and podcaster living in Nashville, Tennessee. He is the author of I’m All Over the Place, As You Go, Walk A Little Slower, and Continue: Poems and Prayers of Hope. You can find Tanner Olson’s books on Amazon. His podcast is The Walk A Little Slower Podcast with Tanner Olson and can be found wherever you listen to podcasts.

Tanner Olson travels around the country sharing poetry, telling stories, and delivering messages of hope. You can follow Tanner Olson on Instagram (@writtentospeak) and Facebook where you’ll daily find encouraging words of faith and hope.

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[tannerjolson]

while i wait may i see it’s You who keeps me going https://www.instagram.com/p/CIs1hY0lx_u/?igshid=180nasyt3r7hk

[tannerjolson]

it can be both heavy and light and it can feel like the end while beginning to believe everything is going to be alright https://www.instagram.com/p/CIf-KRaFYFY/?igshid=mxaxqhkxnznu

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hope and love remain. https://www.instagram.com/p/CH5ZidkF6Eg/?igshid=1meuz9yv83rqg

[tannerjolson]

let me let go of what’s keeping me from beginning to grow. https://www.instagram.com/p/CGulYMwl8hM/?igshid=5ds9t6a5pej6

[tannerjolson]

slow down and lean in because what is happening today may never happen again. https://www.instagram.com/p/CGr9zdkl28L/?igshid=12iwmi65o5tj8

[tannerjolson]

The Future. Swipe to read and to check out this weekend’s deal! Follow me on YouTube to watch/listen to today’s poem! #writtentospeak #writingpromptsoct20 https://www.instagram.com/p/CGpZhBdlRYb/?igshid=hwwn5e52efhr

#writtentospeak #writingpromptsoct20

[tannerjolson]

Whatever we do May it be for good. Whatever we do May it reflect love. Whatever we do May it spread hope. Whatever we do May it bring peace. This is one of those posts I want to share everyday. Maybe I should. I guess we will find out tomorrow. https://www.instagram.com/p/CGmzJ20F28B/?igshid=1jnbackp54io2

[tannerjolson]

Hi! I’m Tanner. On the internet I go by Written to Speak. I’m an author, poet, and speaker. And I’m just happy to be here. But if we are being honest, there are days when I am not just happy to be here. Life is heavy. And hard. And weird. Like you, I have good days and bad days and days that are somewhere in-between. Between the ups and downs, questions and answers, bursts of joy and moments of misery, I’m beginning to step back and see the bigger picture. Writing (and wearing) the words “just happy to be here”, is a reminder that I am here. I am here. Not forever, but for now. Here, where not everything is perfect. Here, where not everything is what I want it to be. Here, where life is heavy and hard and weird. But I am here. And here is a good place to be. I’m just happy to be here. Shirts available at writtentospeak.com/store https://www.instagram.com/p/CGkPbUulHHx/?igshid=1c3yfmi7qlt2y

[tannerjolson]

Oh God, be wild and be free and lead me to be wild and free and will you stay right beside me through everything? I wrote this a few months ago and am still trying to figure out why. Sometimes our prayers don’t make sense. Or maybe they make perfect sense and just sound strange. There is a hopefulness and confidence in this prayer, reminding me God is who He is and He is beside me. And that’s where I’ll find comfort today. And again tomorrow. https://www.instagram.com/p/CGfKJOwF4aO/?igshid=1dxc1i8hi9rpi

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shape me with Your words mold me with Your mercy guide me back home with Your grace alone https://www.instagram.com/p/CGciivGlObD/?igshid=1obfgm5oliwd4

[tannerjolson]

before i begin i’ll lay it down and surrender once again. https://www.instagram.com/p/CGPp8pNl37T/?igshid=nzdj9yoasbz4

[tannerjolson]

where the world writes in a period hope turns it into a comma and says keep writing. https://www.instagram.com/p/CGNFouLFJh5/?igshid=1dglyt6d17x74

[tannerjolson]

you aren't alone in this. we're all trying to figure out this life thing. have some coffee. ask for a hug. let’s keep going. we are in this together. we are. https://www.instagram.com/p/CGH5aOulsHB/?igshid=15qjlek5wrdk

[tannerjolson]

won’t You turn my towards something better something further from myself and closer to You https://www.instagram.com/p/CGALw_Xls4Q/?igshid=dl2voo86na38

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where there is peace is where i want to be found and when i return i’ll bring peace as if i’m bound https://www.instagram.com/p/CF145ZplA0I/?igshid=56j7f2asbnt0

[tannerjolson]

again i’m saying i believe help my unbelief i believe help my unbelief https://www.instagram.com/p/CFwupvVlW4I/?igshid=rt9ytml7ptvs