#you should be able to get tattoos or piercings or breast reductions or whatever you want to feel comfortable in your skin

[thebroccolination]

I remember one of the most influential moments I had on my body image while living in Japan.

One Saturday afternoon, my Japanese coworker and I went out to lunch, and as we left the buffet, stuffed to satisfaction, she said, “I shouldn’t have eaten so much. I’m already the fat one in my family.”

I was distracted thinking about something else, and I thought she was joking, so I made a noncommittal kind of noise. I’d only been in Japan for half a year at that point, and I was already tired of the extensive fat-shaming almost everyone took part in, so I just disconnected whenever it started.

Then I glanced at her and realized she was serious. She had a self-deprecating half-smile, and she didn’t seem to be setting me up for one of those, “No, but you’re so pretty,” responses. She was just stating a fact. This person, who probably couldn’t have pinched more than a pinky’s width of fat anywhere on her body, was ashamed of her size.

Meanwhile, I was twenty-three and deeply, profoundly hated my body. Back then, I would have given most anything to be her size.

And in that moment, I realized: it’ll never be enough.

No matter how petite, how skinny, how svelte, how toned, how whatever. The societies many of us live in profit off of the desperation of mass misery, and no amount of dieting would ever give me a pass from that misery. If I was thin, there’d be some other issue to “fix”, like “weird elbows” or something else that I haven’t even thought about because no one’s had the opportunity to tell me how much it costs to adjust it yet.

I realized in a mall on a Saturday that the joy I’d been chasing had to come from disengaging from the whole chase, not from changing my body.

And I mean, I’m not totally there yet, even over a decade later. It’s difficult to love what you’re repeatedly told is wrong about yourself, and I hated my body for much longer than I’ve been actively trying to love it. I cling to offhand compliments about my looks, and I feel a twinge of guilt whenever I enjoy the “wrong” foods, and I fantasize about how much easier or happier life would be if I looked the way my coworker looked then.

But at least I know to my core that it will never be enough for them. No size, no shape, no degree of perfection will ever be enough for the societies and cultures I’ve lived in that judge one’s morality by one’s body. Relatives of mine in the States over the holidays tortured themselves with “I was being so good so far” and “I’m going to be bad tonight” and it’s just so pointlessly cruel that we’re set up to think this way about ourselves.

I made a lemon-glaze cake over the holidays, and almost no one ate it because so many people were dieting.

I did, though.

I just love the irony that living in a culture so rigid about weight actually freed me somewhat from the chase for an impossible goal. I bought diet pills as a teenager, and I couldn’t believe as recently as last week that a woman I was attracted to was hitting on me, but at least I know I’m in this snow globe now, and it makes breaking out of it easier.

Since university, I’ve been committed to exercising to gain muscle because I wanted to lose weight. But now I do it mainly because I like the strength and the flexibility that comes along with it. My weight’s never hurt me or my immune system or any aspect of my life. My brain did that, and my brain was just reacting to a lifetime of fear-mongering.

It will never be enough until you disengage from the chase.

#this is somewhat about sammy’s ig post but it’s been on my mind for years #the beauty standards in asia hurt so many people #relentlessly #i’m a strong supporter of plastic surgery and body modification in general #if you’re an adult you get to have agency over your body and your life #you should be able to get tattoos or piercings or breast reductions or whatever you want to feel comfortable in your skin #but when that desire comes from a place of shame that you were forced to live with #then it’s cruel #this isn’t really about sammy #i just feel sad for the young fans who look like sammy and admired her for being someone famous and charismatic who looked like them #the entertainment industry can be so impersonal and merciless

[colorisbyshe]

I kinda don't like that last post just because I disagree with trying to justify the legitimacy of 'cosmetic' surgery by going 'some cosmetic surgery actually has non-cosmetic value' like gender affirmation care, reconstruction after injury/surgery, whatever.

Cosmetic surgery should be legal and largely accessible because bodily autonomy is important. The same way I can think some tattoos are heinous, some piercings don't look good or will permanently morph a part of your body, or point out how some body mods are risky or whatever... I still support people getting them because I think it's beautiful to be able to change your body to look how you want it to. It doesn't have to be gender affirming or pain-reducing as well as that to matter.

I don't think criticizing the reasons WHY people may get these surgeries means... being against these surgeries. We should talk about how some nose procedures only happen because of racism. How breast implants can be dangerous and are often only pursued due to misogyny. We can talk about how a lot of weight reduction work isn't about "the risks of fatness" (which are often misrepresented or flat out untrue) but about visual appeal.

While... still letting people make those "bad" choices anyways.

I know we have this idea that we can sort of teach someone enough self love that they will overcome all biases and just... give up on changing themselves or realize that they were never doing it for themselves but for other people but like... you can't always do that.

And I don't think caging people in bodies they don't like is the answer to that. Especially because "make plastic surgery illegal!" won't.. prevent plastic surgery, it will just encourage people to go to people without licenses or to travel out for the country to get work done, often not being able to return to the point of surgery for essential post-surgery care because they can't afford to stay in another country for weeks, months.

To some, this may veer on "choice feminism" but I'm not saying all cosmetic surgery is "empowering." I challenge the notion of "empowering" being a meaningful concept to begin with.

I am just saying... people should be considered their own bodies' keepers. To use or misuse how they please.

I believe in bodily autonomy, even at the cost of said body. And this philosophy extends to other "risky" (or "high risk," a challenging term) behaviour, too.

We can educate the people on what exactly the risks are. Encourage introspect on WHY they are taking on those risks.

But "We should ban {x} for individuals" is soooo rarely a good, meaningful position to take, especially when the only one at risk from {x} is the individual.

Create more support for people. Be the type of person who really pushes for body acceptance but body acceptance also means... body liberation. And we don't get that from taking choices away.

"Cosmetic" surgery doesn't need to be justified by its other value. The value is body liberation.

#i don't like most cosmetic surgery #shit like buccal fat removal gives me the fucking vapors #but i support people making that choice for themselves #its nto my fucking b usiness #its not the governments business either #unless it's regulating the people offering said procedures #to ensure the least amount of risk #SORRY FOR BEING CHATTING TODAY #I'M TRYING TO NOT THINK ABOUT MY CRMAPS #WHICH NORMALLY DO NOT LAST THIS LONG #SO NOW I THINK I'M DYING