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saiyomiya · 2 months

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Mamiya Review

Man, I don't know many people who know what Mamiya is, and that's a shame. Hell, the only way I know it is because I checked Andrew Hodgson's portfolio the other day and was captured by the art.

People should REALLY check this out. It's like if Nisioisin and Subahibi and the bunker dream scene in Disco Elysium and your lingering yearning for whoever just came up in your mind just now had a love child with the brain the size of thousands of universes or something. Like is that not the most incredible sentence you've ever read? I'm me and I wrote that sentence but it would've made me want to read it.

Pros

Beautiful art

Incredibly curated freeware OST that made me a fan of Ludo for life

Great translation with beautiful and succinct prose

Incredibly well-paced and doesn't waste your time at all

Cons

There is some thematic messaging in the game that leaves a bad taste in my mouth which is obviously subjective but hey this is my review

Will probably leave you hanging and wanting more answers when you're done, maybe even a bit dissatisfied (warning: I am dumb and maybe something flew over my head, a single read is definitely not enough for this one)

Rating: It's good, great even. The part I don't really like about it is subjective and some/most people might be fine with it or understand something about it I don't. I tolerate it because the rest of the game is interesting and everything else about it is very up my alley. If you're interested, make sure you buy the DLC DoomsDayDreams as well. It contains the last chapter of the story.

Spoiler subjective rambling to myself below the cut. Warning: I am dumb and might be too stupid for this game

Steam | VNDB (Part 1)

Why this game is kino

The settings are super interesting and the writing is beautiful. Honestly I would love to fine tooth reread it someday, maybe in Japanese. (Too bad Textractor can't since the engine uses Javascript).

The scope of the game is impressive and how verbose it is about all of those things is an incredible accomplishment. There is something universally accessible about Mamiya's message. You don't need to read a trove of philosophy books to understand what it wants to say. (Though obviously there are references.) You don't need to tolerate great horrors to get to the good parts. The pacing is good and it doesn't waste your time. It doesn't think you're stupid and believes in your ability to figure stuff out. There's a chance I'm jabbing at a kamige a lot of people revere that I also like for the most part but despise at the same time

MAMIYA (meme), Natsume, and the trichiliocosm are all very interesting and well handled themes. I've never really been able to word these feelings myself, so reading a story that builds something about concepts I've felt in my core was very freeing. It kind of makes you feel like an atom, if we could understand how a single atom feels. I think we all have thought about these things at least once. As humans, we all worry and think of the beyond every once in a while.

The effect this story has on you is genuinely beautiful. How can you feel so small and yet so important at the same time? Not only are you a body, you are your soul, you are your mind, and you have an existence before anyone knew what you are. Yet at the same time, we are all part of an infinitely expanding universe that is not only what we ourselves see, but what everyone else generates.

You feel so cherished and yet so insignificant at the same time.

I find MAMIYA so fascinating as well. To verbalize and personify the idea of yearning and admiring a ghost of a person is super interesting. Everyone has felt that for someone else, a longing to be with or to become a beloved. A lot of people grow out of that, but what happens when you don't? What happens when the scars that that yearning left are too deep? Being able to write a story about this concept, give it a mind of its own, and make it metatextually infect actual readers is brilliant.

It's kaleidoscopic in nature. It's a story that is so many things. It wants to be a literal read, it wants to be an abstract read, it wants to be meta, it wants to haunt you, like a ghost, like a veil, for the rest of your life. It's an incredibly unique and unforgettable experience. The only other game to make me feel similarly was Subahibi but I felt way less miserable while going through Mamiya.

That, on top of watching these characters face their weaknesses and ultimately conquer them with their own strength really tickles the Nisioisin fan in me. Like, all of this is incredible stuff. EX is incredible too, even though it hurts so bad. The bittersweet and vague and confusing endings for me leave me wanting more and someone smarter than me to explain what happened help

It leaves you with a love that is yours alone.

If you like the Pink House characters don't read this word vomit

(Vague Door 2 Fata Morgana spoiler mention)

Okay, time to get negative. I dislike almost all of the Pink House characters. I mean, that's definitely by design. All of them are groomers who succumbed to mental weakness and also nobody likes a groomer. It's pretty hard for me to view them just as characters because they did such horrible things to vulnerable children for their own self-satisfaction and weakness. Like brother I'm sorry but I can't just look at characters like this as just characters.

I fucking hate Osamu as a person. He's my least favorite character. To instill MAMIYA is to leave yearning, but damn, him leaving Ryou with his abusive mother and his biological daughter behind is just despicable. He is insufferable to everyone he talks to, he's ugly asf too, I'm gonna kill him, give me ten dollars. If you like him, more power to you, you're better than me, but my brain just can't run the calculations to tolerate him. Just a subjective thing.

Mayuri's relationship with their mother is relatable and I think their struggles with their inner child and self love are very interesting. However, what they do to Minato throughout DDD is despicable and unforgivable to me and it's very hard for me to look at them objectively. Like I totally get that's a me problem.

I mean, I get it though. There are people in my life who've done awful things to me, but I don't want them to die. Rather, I want them to live and be happy, but away from me. I don't wanna know how they're doing either. In this way, I really have nothing against the better ending Minato has with Mayuri, and I found their duel together interesting. It's well done, in my opinion.

Touma is the least offensive of all of them to me and I don't have much to complain about with him, at least from my understanding of his struggles and what he did overall.

Okay he did bad shit too but somehow it didn't leave as bad of a taste in my mouth than the other two. That too, is subjective.

Finally, Samejima is so boring to me. I never cared about Yukimasa from Fatamoru, so more of the same is more shit I don't care about. He's not very interesting to me on a personal level. I just never cared for characters with his narrative.

I guess for me, since ALL of Natsume's friends patch things up with the Pink House quartet it starts to feel very vaguely like, the way to handle your abuser is to understand why they abused you and then accept that it is a cycle and maybe get along with them and cheer them on. Saying that hilariously minimizes every arc but I mean, this was the vibe I got from all four of them just... more or less forgiving their abusers who put them through psychological and sometimes physical hell. It just didn't sit right with me. I think, for a game like this, having at least one character NOT be the "bigger" person and not be amicable, not forgive even after trying, would've made the message come across more clearly. Forgiveness and handling of abuse is messy and a bit of inconsistency among the cast would've garnered a bit more goodwill on my end.

Of course I might be missing the point or blind. I might be dumb as hell who knows. I would love to be enlightened otherwise. It just left a really bad taste in my mouth for a story I overall liked and became the hugest con about it for me.

Character rankings

Upper layer: Nidome > Mamiya > Natsume > Librarian > Senior

Nidome is cute even though he doesn't do much. I liked his design and I felt like this whenever he called Natsume a silly goose. Librarian and Senior are cool I just wish we saw more of them. The upper layer itself is really cool conceptually and I would love a story about it, but who knows if that's gonna happen.

Natsume and Mamiya are givens to like. I honestly can't tell if I like one or the other more.

Natsume's friends: Minato > Haruki > Ryou > Keito

Minato's narrative is relatable and I like them a lot, Haruki I liked more than expected, Ryou is fine, and I like Keito enough, but I feel like as I've gotten older I've had less patience for characters of his archetype. Or don't care about them. Like he's just there to me.

Pink House: Touma > Samejima >> Mayuri >>> Osamu

Touma is the least offensive of them to me (to the point that I would say that I like him), I don't like how Mayuri was handled and Osamu is just trash to me for reasons I spoke of earlier. I don't feel anything for or against Samejima. It's not his fault I don't care for his narrative archetype, but at least he's better than the other two behind him.

Natsume: Spectator/Idea/As a part of MAMIYA > Body

I'm just fucking around at this point

Conclusion

What can I say that I haven't said? It's good and I hope it gets more popularity someday. It certainly deserves it and I think it could be considered a kamige among VN enthusiasts if they gave it a try. People are just going to have to spread the word. I do think that most people would more positive than me even though I feel relatively positive about it, so go crazy and become the salespeople Kenkou Land deserves.

I still feel like I have so many questions and want so many answers for the main endings themselves. EX is both heartbreaking and yet so freeing at the same time, and the main ending is bittersweet and confusing.

It's as if I woke up to news to my dear friend Natsume Souichirou dying myself.

#review #mamiya vn

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charliedawn · 3 years

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Pennywise 1990 X Reader X Pennywise 2017 "The Joke's On You" part 1

Part 2: https://charliedawn.tumblr.com/post/648205835225415680/the-jokes-on-them-part-2

"Ssssooooo..Why clowns ?"

Both of them look at you with a frown of incomprehension on their faces..

" Because of the fear."

They answer at the same time. Funny, its the first time you see them act so..alike. You mean, of course, they are big scary child-eating monsters..But they never seemed to be agreeing on anything, so when you ask the question, their looks and answers are so similar that it makes you think of another question.

" Also..Are you like brothers or something ? Related ? Father and son, or that can't happen with your kind ? You just eat children and do not produce them ?"

Penny, the tall ginger clown only crouches like a frog while the other one only looks at him with disgust.

" Yeah..Right..As if I would ever be related to that one..Nah. We're just hunting together now..Normally, he would not wake up at the same time as me, so we wouldn't really meet. But the idiot messed up his schedule while overstaying in order to kill some dumb kids and he woke up the same time I did !"

He glares at Penny who doesn't seem concerned at all by the way the other one is describing the situation. Even though it's quite offensive..The older one continues and looks at me with a repulsive snare at the idea.

" We don't produce children. Although, we never tried. We are mostly made of pure fear materialized only by the decaying flesh of our victims..We're supposed to be impossible to kill and we don't even know when we were born nor where. But, I remember that the first time I saw a human, many centuries ago, people mostly called us "Wendigos".."

You open your eyes wide in surprise at the news.

"Wendigos ?! So, that means you were humans before ?!"

The young one snickers and his yellow eyes glare at me.

" Humans ?! Ah ! What a joke ! They cry, love, betray, they only crawl on an endless path until they become old, ugly and die. This is why we eat them..They are of no use..They are dancing on a ball of dirt that they squeezed so much that it has no more to give..And you know what is the most ironic ? Is that they prefer to blind themselves more than face the truth..There is no beauty or originality in humans..Doves fly, dogs bark, dears run and even dolphins are more intelligent than you..Now tell me, why would the world need you, when we have the exact same talents in every animal that comes with the letter D ? I didn't even have to go out of my favorite letter to find every good thing you've ever done in animals that are not destroying their own habitat. What makes you so special ? What makes you think that you deserve living when all you do is destroy and hide the truth ?!"

It is the most you have ever heard Penny speak and even Pennywise seems shocked by his sudden outburst. Penny is so close to you that you can see his anger reflecting in his eyes. You try to not let fear show but, it's hard. You gulp and look at the ground in shame. He was right..What did you bring that no other living being ever did ? Humans were parasites and he smirks before returning at his crouching position.

" That's what I thought."

He whispers and Pennywise smiles almost proudly before hitting him in the back a little too hard since Penny growls.

" Wow. Didn't know you had it in you ! In all honesty, I never even thought about why I eat humans..I mean, we both know that human and animal food taste the same..But, for some reason, I always hated humans..Never really knew why and never cared enough to ask !"

He answers with a grin.

You frown then gasp in horror which both of them seem to notice since they turn their heads towards you in frightening synchronization.

" Wait ! Does that mean..You chose to eat humans ?! That you can perfectly live without their meat and just eat like normal people?!"

Pennywise answers with a grin.

" Come on..You should have figured it out by now..We don't really care about what we're eating, as long as it has flesh and fear : which animals and humans both have in common. But, as he said before, why choose them over you ?"

He looks at you up and down before adding with a large grin.

" Now that I think about it, if it wasn't for your rare quality of blood, you would already be a past meal.."

You shiver and he bursts out laughing.

Yeah..You remember..The only thing that kept you alive was you blood type..O- was, from what you had understood, sweeter ? Like some kind of cake or candy..This is why they wanted to keep you alive.."Saving best for last" as they had said.

Ah ! How lucky am I ?! You think.

You sigh and turn the other way to face anything else but the two clowns. At that moment, your foot hits something. You look down at the ground and are surprised to see some pencils. You glance behind you, but the other two don't seem to care about you anymore..for now. You get the pencils and look around for a surface to try them on and when you've finally decided, you walk towards it. You stop and close your eyes to visualise what you want to draw..Then, inspiration hits you and it's like your hands are dancing on the hard surface. You're so concentrated that you don't even notice the two creatures stopping whatever they were doing to look at you with confusion written all over their faces. You continue and seconds, minutes, hours pass. The two clowns, curious of what you are doing, now stand next to you silently, as to not break your concentration. They just look at your drawing from each side of you, their eyes wide, surprised and unable to find words to describe it. You are breathless, exhausted, but don't want to stop. If it was the last thing you would do, then let it be beautiful..Even if the only living things that would ever see it would be two nightmarish clowns that didn't give two shits about art or expression of oneself. When you finish, you are surprised to find two gloved hands on you drawing..You look at each side of yourself and see the two clowns, weirdly still and their eyes glued to your work. For a moment, you almost laugh at their, surprisingly, childish faces. They look like your young Art and Crafts students that you teach, always awed by whatever you would do.

But, what makes you smile the most, is that the first reaction they had was to touch it with their hands, as if the drawing had called them in. You sometimes had students like that, that could only understand Art by touching it. This is why whenever you would bring one of your works, you told the kids to do the first thing that came to their mind with it (as long as it wasn't tearing it apart or painting on it of course) Everyone had different reactions. Some liked to look from a far, some liked a closer angle and, as you had witnessed, some preferred touching it..But, what surprises you next is your own reaction. You grab one of the pencils and trace the shadow of your own hand on your drawing, as a proof. Then, you gently take Penny's hand that looks almost frightened by your touch, but he lets you hold onto his hand and do the same thing that you just did with your own. He giggles slightly as the pencil lightly "tickles" him and, to your surprise, his claws get out. He wants to retract them, nearly in shame, but you make it clear that it doesn't bother you while tracing the contour of his claws as well. When you are finished with him, you turn towards the older one that had already taken his hand off with a snicker.

" If it is a trick to impress us, it will not work, your hocus-pocus will not stop us from eating you..Anyway, I'm sure you have a knife hidden somewhere and only wait for me to let my guard down to stab me in the back."

You only answer with a sad smile of silent resolve while reaching for his hand.

" No trick. No hocus-pocus. No knife. Only me, your hand and a way to make you remember that, for a minute, I managed to make you feel something else than anger, hate or hurt.."

He frowns, visibly hesitant, before finally giving in with a childish grumble.

You finally trace his fingers on your colorful drawing, mixing the color of the rainbow and the greyish color that composed the colors of their suits. And, at the middle, all those colors forming one gigantic tree, that tree being your own personal touch..A tree that, maybe, will learn Penny that, even though humans destroy, they also create and Pennywise that, even though he lost any hopes concerning humanity, the particularity of the humans, the thing that makes them truly special are their hope. Because, even if animals are better than you in every aspect, they do not hope..And they do not have the imagination to create any other outcomes than eat or be eaten. This is maybe why the two clowns seem much more appreciative of those creatures than the humans ? Because they are much easier to understand ? You smile proudly at your little discovery. Like this tree, humans are made of so many different colors that it is difficult to find a pattern..Both of them said that they hated Humanity, but if it is true then..

" I may have understood why you chose to be clowns.."

They turn towards you : Penny with a side smile and Pennywise with an arked eyebrow.

" Oh ? And why is that ? You're gonna tell us that it's because we liked making people laugh when we were "humans" ?!"

The older one says, putting humans between brackets mockingly while the other one is cackling behind him. You smile again and shake your head while they come down to a sitting position; one on his favorite worn out leather chair and the other one on the dirty floor. They both look up at you expectantly, as if they are expecting you to read them a bedtime story..

" Well..I don't think it is about the form in itself, it is more about the colors and the fact that it symbolizes things that you never had when you were "humans".."

You say between brackets as to imitate Pennywise that is looking at you with another one of his signature mocking smile.

" What are you talking about ?! I am funny ! The funniest in town if you ask me !"

He says proudly, while Penny only rolls his eyes at his comment.

You shake your head again with a smile and even answer with a little laugh.

" No. Not that. You feed only from fear..Correct ?"

They both nod in unison and then, you ask a question that they had never even asked themselves before.

" Why only fear ?"

They want to answer that it is obvious, that it is stupid to even ask. But they have to admit it at the end, they do not know themselves. After a while, you answer for them.

" You do not feed on fear. But on faith."

They frown and Pennywise asks, confused.

" What do you mean ?"

You try to find words to explain your thinking and finally sigh, as it is no easy task.

" You feed on the only thing that you do not have, and that humans are the only ones to possess..Our faith and beliefs. We believe that there are monsters under our beds, then you take their appearance. In fact, I don't even know if you can transform in anything else than scary things, can you ?"

They look at each other before looking back at you and Penny is the first one to answer you.

" We never tried..and what for even ?"

You smile and get up, dusting your knees.

" Humans are afraid, but what they fear the most is losing their most cherished things. Try with me. Try to guess my most cherished thing on Earth.."

The two clowns seem interested by the idea and you can feel them trying to find your most precious memories. They already know your biggest fear..And in all honesty, after having seen it so many times, you aren't that scared of insects anymore. Now, let's see if they are as powerful as they say they are..

Penny transforms into a puppy and you smile tenderly while extending your arms in order to take him in your arms. But then, another head appears, then another, then another..

He returns to his normal appearance, almost as out of breath as you were before.

" I..I can't..stay in this form very long."

You nod understandingly and then, turn towards the oldest that only shrugs at the odd reaction of the young one. Pennywise seems to look at you with a little bit more seriousness, his hand scratching his chin in silent observation. You know that he is trying to figure you out and is taking the dare to heart. And, suddenly, his smile widens and his eyes brighten as he has a sudden epiphany and you frown in worry. What did he see ? Suddenly, he gets up and slowly walks towards you with a weird crooked smile, looking more smug than usual.

" If I have learned something about your kind is that you have one thing that you always bring up.."

You frown in incomprehension, what does he mean ? Suddenly, Penny smiles creepily and you shiver, he must have understood some kind of hidden message because you sure as hell didn't get the memo ! You smile awkwardly, your pulse racing and cold sweat start to form on your skin. Whatever he has in mind..You sure as Hell didn't know what it is, and that scares you more than anything..Pennywise backs you up against the wall of your drawing and smirks.

" I..I think we played enough..I'm tired..We can maybe continue tomorrow..?"

You ask, your heartbeats quickening and both clowns looking at you with bright yellow eyes. However, suddenly, both of them shout at the same time.

" Money !"

" Food !"

You open your eyes wide at Pennywise that gets out some coins from his pocket and you then turn towards Penny that just shouted food like it was some kind of good answer at a test. Tears start building up at the corner of your eyes and you sigh in relief before biting your lips shut, trying to contain your laughter.

Penny frowns at your expression and says in a small, almost childish, voice.

" Wasn't the point of the game to say one of the things you cherish the most ? Don't you cherish food ? Why are you crying ? Did I win ?!"

Suddenly, you start laughing uncontrollably and Pennywise answers him in a really angry voice.

" No! You didn't, big dummy! The game was transform, not yelling the answer at the top of you lungs like an idiot!"

Penny frowns and crosses his arms while pouting. But you answer through each giggle.

" You're wrong! Both of you!"

They look at you with wide eyes before growling.

" Then, what is the answer ?! "

Pennywise yells, frustrated and you answer.

" Love ! We value love ! Family, friends.."

Penny frowns and scoffs.

" Well, you're funny ! How do you transform into something you don't even know ?!"

You gasp, this is why he couldn't stay in the form of a puppy ! He didn't know how they truly acted towards affection ! You could have almost felt sorry for them if it didn't mean alerting their fear senses for food..But, you could try to find a way to get them to learn more about the true meaning of love.

Pennywise lets you go and sighs in defeat while turning towards Penny.

" Boy ! You don't have to transform into love ! You just had to take the appearance of something she wanted to love, dumbass ! Like I don't know, a human she know ?!"

You suddenly open your arms wide and they both look at you with widened eyes.

" What the heck are you doing ?"

Pennywise asks with a scowl and Penny only frowns, his eyes diverting on strange angles. You try not to think about the fact that you're going to try to hug two interdimensional demons and just wrap your arms around them. At first, you really thought one of them was going to shred you to pieces, but they become as still as statues.

" This is what humans call a hug. It's super effective and it is the first thing in affection."

Penny is still as a rock, and you even ask yourself if he is even breathing..Before remembering that he surely doesn't even have a heart. Pennywise is the first one to move and gets you off harshly. His eyes are of a wild red color and he looks in pain. He clutches his heart and growls animalistically at you. He then runs towards the exit and glances at you one last time.

" I am hungry. I'm going hunting..Penny, keep an eye on her ! If she even moves a muscle, eat her."

Penny seems to get back from his shock and only nods quietly.

When Pennywise is gone, your focus comes back on Penny that, you had noticed, had taken more distance between himself and you after your attempt at affection. As if he was..scared ? You try to approach him, talk or even apologize, but he only growls warningly at you and shows you his really sharp teethes..making you reconsider.

You tried to make them look at humanity from a different perspective, like at your drawing, but looks like nothing could be done..You'd die here. Anyway, the joke's on you since you were the one who thought you could change them..Silly you. Monsters will always remain monsters..Hope ? Who are you kidding ?! You lost that the moment you ended up in that damned sewer ! You start crying and, for some reason, your sobs catch the attention of Penny. He looks at you, then at his pile of toys, then back at you. He then begins climbing it and that makes you wonder what he is doing ? Is he leaving you ? Eat a rotten piece of child ? You have no time to wonder more as he quickly gets back on the ground and, with measured steps, approaches you with the same wariness as a wild animal. He then throws you something and gets back into his corner with a piece of a child's leg in his other hand.

He starts chomping on it and you look at what he threw at you..A music box ? You look at him quizzically and, after swallowing, he answers your silent question.

" Don't read anything into it. Your tears make me uncomfortable, so I got you something to keep you from doing that..If I eat you now, Pennywise would be angry at me for not sharing, and I have had enough of his loud voice for one day. Now, make this thing work. I want to listen to it, it has a nice sound and you have nothing else to do.."

You stay still for a moment before smiling softly at him.

" Sure..Thanks.."

You start playing the little music box and are surprised to see that it is the moonlight sonata of Beethoven..A beautiful music that invades the whole sewer with its melody echoing on the walls. You smile widely, at least something to remind you of the outside world.

Outside, Pennywise has his mind set on finding his next meal, but, suddenly stops in the forest and, weirdly enough, hears the song..Then, the pang in his chest that he felt before comes back and he can suddenly hear the words that an idiotic turtle called Maturin once told him before dying..

" Just because you bury something, that doesn’t mean it stops existing, Robert Gray. You can hide your heart, but someone will one day dig far enough to find it.."

Robert Gray..It had been such a long time that he had heard this name. At the time, he had only laughed mockingly at the old senile turtle..But now..Even Bob had felt it. No..Not Bob..Penny. They had chosen to never speak of those disgusting human names again. But then, she had showed up..They could eat her, never talk about it again, continue hunting children and living until the end of the world..She was human..They both knew that, she would grow old..tired..cumbersome and then die. But then, something else that the bothersome turtle had said comes back in his mind. One time, Pennywise had dared ask why the turtle loved humanity so much ? And he had answered something strange that Pennywise had not expected.

" Humanity has only scratched the surface of its real potential. Someday, you will understand why Humanity is so important, Robert.."

" My name is Pennywise ! The destroyer ! The eater of Worlds ! I have no sympathy for humans ! Whoever they are or whatever they do !"

He kept telling himself that, trying to convince himself but then..Why can't he believe his own words ? What was bothering him ?! Why did he feel this way after only talking for a few days to a simple human ?! Or..was it the tree ? The tree she had drawn ? Yes, there should have been some kind of trick behind it ?! She had tricked them as he had firstly assumed ! But then, why did he feel so out of control ? As if he was wrong ? Did the words of the turtle, for once, really made sense ? He closes his eyes and sighs before punching a tree and making it fall..No ! He wouldn't allow it ! He wouldn't allow the old turtle to make a fool out of him even after death ! He was going to kill her ! And that was a promise ! He was not going to let her question everything anymore ! He would shut her up ! No more idiotic questions: no more opportunities to manipulate his feelings ! Yes ! That would be it ! The idea of going hunting out of his head, he walks back to the sewer with a determined smirk. Yeah..We'll see who'll be the fool at the end..Maturin..

#pennywise #pennywise 1990 #pennywise 2017 #pennywise x reader #fandoms #horror movies #it movie

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madsmikkelsenschesthair · 4 years

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I’m sorry... ch.1

A/N: so, I wrote this story and I uploaded this on another account on here like 2 years ago(?) But now I’m uploading it here again. It’s just a mini series :) Anywho, Reader is 15 years old at the beginning

Pairings: daughter!reader x Poe Dameron and future pairings Kylo Ren x Reader and General Hux x Reader

Warnings: angsts, anger, running away

She was crying. Tears streamed down her beautiful face, her eyes filled with so much pain it broke his heart but he was so angry.

The mission had been a complete disaster and Poe was mad that many were lost including civilians and he blamed it all on his daughter.

"None of this would have happened if you just stayed close to me like I asked you to!" he yelled making her flinch.

"You are never proud of me! I did what I was supposed to do and this is what I get?! You're never satisfied with me ever since mom died I've been a burden to you!" she cried. More tears rolled down her face but she didn't care people were staring anyways. "I've joined to fight, I'm a pilot in training, I'm Force sensitive and none of that is good for you! Nothing I do seems right!"

"You don't belong in the Resistance, Y/n!” he snapped. The look on her face would haunt him forever but the idiot inside him made him continue spew out the rest of the venom inside him. "You don't belong in any part of the resistance. I think it's best if you just put those butterfly dreams in a jar and bury it somewhere in the graveyard." Without another word, Y/n ran to her room and put the door in "Do Not Disturb" mode. She collapsed on her bed crying as she had never done before, she could feel her heart shattering into a million pieces.

Her father was right. She didn't belong in the Resistance. She didn't belong anywhere. Her mother wasn't here to soothe her or to tell her that she did belong. There was no place for her. Y/n sat up and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and angrily took off her father's jacket throwing it on the floor and began to pack the few things she owned in her backpack. She didn't know where she was going but anywhere was better than here. Before she stepped foot out her window, Y/n noticed a picture. It was a picture of her and her parents back when she was a child back before mother got sick. They were smiling at the camera, all of them, they were standing in front of her dad's X-Wing. Y/n knew that she might never see this place again and if she left it she would never get it back. So she ripped the side where Poe was and only took the part where she and her mother were and threw the other half on the floor alongside the jacket. Without a second thought, she jumped out the window and ran into the woods.

------------------------

After talking to General Organa of the mission and the argument, Poe realized that she was right. His daughter was young. She was just barely training to be a pilot and a soldier. Just at the ripe age of fifteen she wanted to be just like her parents and he didn't give her a chance. Poe decided he was going to fix this once and for all. Rose was all he had left in the world and if he lost her...

He sighed when he saw that her door was in 'Do Not Disturb' mode but he knocked anyways.

"Sweetheart, dad's sorry for what he said earlier tonight. I was wrong okay? You do belong in the Resistance here with dad. I'm sorry Rosie.." he pressed his forehead against the door and closed his eyes, "I'm sorry for what I said. And I'm sorry if I haven't been the best father. You just remind me so much of your mother....but from now on everything is going to change. We're going to be a family just you and me Y/n. The family your mother always wanted." Poe opened his eyes and immediately realized something was wrong.

Very wrong.

He took out the spare key to her room and unlocked it, the alarms going off. His stomach dropped when he saw an empty room and the opened window. All of her stuff was gone. He noticed his jacket on the floor and gingerly picked it up and held it close to him. On her bed was a piece of paper. It read, 'I will no longer be in your way, dad. You are right. The Resistance doesn't need me.'

He dropped it and ran out of her room, "Y/N!"

----------------

Y/n was sitting in bank of a stream her knees pulled to her chest. She had her head rested on top of her knees, tears still rolling down her face. The whooshing of the stream and the noises of the life around it didn't drown her sobs.

Why are you never proud of me dad?

Why do you treat me so badly?

All I ever wanted was for you to love me.

Suddenly, a blue glowing light made her look up. To her surprise, butterflies were floating towards her. Bright blue colored and big enough to fit her palm. She stood up and watched them float around her, Y/n wiped away her tears and smiled at them. She raised her finger to touch one only for the biggest one to land on it. Y/n softly giggled at this. Where did they come from? She had never seen butterflies like these. The butterfly fluttered its wings and started to fly back to the direction it came from. Y/n followed them into the darkness of the woods their light leading the way. Then something strange happened. As she got closer to the butterflies her chest started to glow the same hue as them. Y/n could hear her heart beat as well and then se sound of another heart...

The butterflies suddenly disappeared and she didn't know why. But then, a dark figure appeared in front of her. It had the same glowing chest as her. Her breath hitched and her heart beat faster but she didn't move. The figure reached to its head and the latches of a mask hissed revealing a beautiful man. He had long dark hair, brown eyes and pale silky skin. Y/n didn't say anything but only stared as the mysterious man brought his hand up and reach into her mind. He was a Force user as well. She could feel him dig into her thoughts and memories, a look of concentration crossed his face.

"You're so lonely..." he whispered softly. She closed her eyes. Tears already started to form.

"And sad...your mother died and your father doesn't seem to care about you..."This time she didn't stop the tears from coming out.

"He thinks you don't belong in the Resistance. He only thinks you're useful when you're using the Force." Then he stopped going through her head. Y/n opened her eyes.

"I'm lonely and sad too," he said. He cupped her cheek and she melted into his touch. "My name is Kylo Ren."

"My name is Y/n. Y/n Dameron."

"What if I told you I could teach you the proper ways of the Force? What if told you there's a place for you in this galaxy after all? A place where you will truly be appreciated for everything you've done? " She looked at him in awe. Was he offering to- "I will be your teacher. I can show you the way, my dear. Just come with me. Join me and we will rule the galaxy together. Neither of us will be lonely and sad ever again." Y/n looked back the small opening behind her. She could see the Base from here and by looks of it no one had sounded any alarms to look for her. He was right. They didn't need her. She turned back to him and said, "Let's go." With that, he wrapped an arm around her and lead the way back to his ship.

Meanwhile Poe was going crazy. He looked everywhere on base for his daughter but she wasn't found. General Organa organized a search party being led by herself. She didn't want to sound the alarms because she told Poe if he wanted his baby to be found, they shouldn't scare her off. They were now searching in the nearby forest hoping to find some kind of sign that she was there. He was desperate and scared, his daughter was probably too heartbroken to even notice where she was going.

“Y/n!” Poe screamed into the woods again.

“Poe come quick!” Leía called out to him and he ran out of the trees and met the rest of the search party and General Leia by the stream. Another pilot was holding up a backpack and Poe recognized it. His heart dropped. At that moment, a strong wind blew startling everyone and they all glanced at the sky in horror to see the famous TIE Silencer hovering above the trees then blasted off into hyper space.

“Poe,” Leia said in a sympathetic voice, “Y/n was on that ship....”

#kylo ren x reader #general hux x reader #poe dameron x reader #star wars imagines #yeah Im writing star wars fics #this is mine and im the original owner of this story

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