#you just can’t budget yourself out of systematic poverty

[post-human-oddity]

i live in a walkable ish city, for the first time in my life

i just paid $7.50 for a coffee

the price of coffee has gone up has increased so much over the years (bc of inflation i don’t even think this was a particularly expensive coffee), and it would be easy to just make it at home for a fraction of the cost…

But also… for $7.50 (which is a lot of money when you are disabled level broke) I was able to:

- Leave my house

- Get 15 ish minutes of feel good movement, walking and learning to navigate my local area

- Engage with 3-4 community members, not even trying to socialize, just ones i’ll likely bump into the times i go out; thus helping to establish my place in an unfamiliar environment

- Achieve the sense of fulfillment that comes with independently carrying out a desire, engaging with the world, and feeling autonomous and capable

I don’t even like coffee. This was not about the coffee.

i could have also walked to the grocery store and spent $1 on a bagel, and checked likely all the same boxes. today i just chose to try a coffee shop, but as a broke person i have to over analyze the cost of things, which led me to philosophizing over this in a way i wouldn’t have had to if it was only $1..

which led me to the conclusion, as always, that you cannot budget your way out of systemic poverty, and you’re not a bad poor person for spending a couple extra dollars on something premade from a cafe

#cripple punk #walkable communities #punk culture #disabled #community engagement #hope punk #i say walkable ish because on days i’m healthy enough to walk and think for myself i can get around #on days i would need to rely on a wheelchair it could just never happen #but this is the closest i’ve ever lived to a store and therefor feels so much more accessible than anything ever has before #you’re not a bad poor person for buying coffee #you just can’t budget yourself out of systematic poverty

[howtomeditateinhindi-blog]

Spirituality Is Not Just After 50

A society could survive without the existence of any faith, but in the lack of How to Meditate in Hindi the physical world wouldn't have the ability to sustain itself. To'religion','spirituality' is about the soul from the body. It unfurls each kind of life's fact which predominates on the outside of the Earth.

Spirituality is a grand notion with a location for frames of reference. It's the science which teaches us the art of linking ourselves with something and it's from the hunt for a sense of the life of one. Have develop in people's heads . With knowledge comes understanding, and with understanding comes self-actualisation that is appropriate.

It lets you seek out truth confirming that fact is accessible to people having the guts. That the seeker has never been refused by truth .

For many decades religious"Gurus" have highlighted on the following details That Are currently Regarded as a'gospel' in spirituality;

1. Basics of Spirituality:

A. Love: To renew oneself into the soul isn't a procedure which needs intellect; it's a condition of'subsistence' and'action'. The fact is known by the heart, and it is we feel that the Spirit. Love is just one of the pleasures; together with love the Soul is awakened into its own glory.

B.The Way To Find One's True Self: When we begin opening spirituality, the Divine in us will begin to push forward the falseness inside our consciousness.

C. No, it is not as we are there. We have segregated ourselves via a understanding of their brain, body, emotions and each sort of real pleasure & substance out of our cognizance. The thing which we seek is already there within ourselves.

D. It's a perspective which has shown types of the Almighty. God is Universal, and why don't you create our goal God consciousness. Let our goals clear out and gain understanding of this kingdom that we'd enter someday. This understanding could make us sensible to choose our activities since at Karma's doorstep we don't get what we desire we get what we deserve.

It's significantly more effect in our lives than body, our thoughts and emotions. It's the aspect of yourself. The aim of our Soul is to come back to some perception of oneself and also to introduce ourselves to the Universal energy that manifests in oneness with God. We will not be affected by any energy in the lower rates, After this is established.

2. This may sound harsh, however, is effective at developing a wave within our psychological and psychological spheres. There is A head that is religious a enquiring mind, along with an enquiring mind is a head that is healthy. Yoga is a priceless kind of carrying oneself to religious awareness and in precisely the exact same time it's a physical workout which detoxifies the body, increases lung capacity and speaking from the religious standpoint it gives us the courage to encounter the greatest thing in our own lives,"ourselves".

3. Education, Science & Spirituality: The practice of civilisation has experienced a movement of abstract, abstract and physical discoveries. These discoveries mapped and infused and have continued and over as knowledge in the kind in other words as'science'. The process of discovery is studying connections between truth. Are ability of discovery, expansion. The reality is revealed by vision and also the process of production is exactly the exact same in most areas of presence. The legislation of spiritual and bodily development are exactly the same, just the kinds of reflection might vary.

4. It is. A very notable facet of religious psychology is that it will help to respect oneself within their own life paths and lifestyle choices.Contemporary Spirituality refers to a person as"the self in a palace", it assists the new creation to get involved with their consecutive generations and they are faced by endless chances and options in every single aspect of the lives.

5.  Spirituality and Human Excellence:

A. Spirituality at Daily-life: Being religious provides us the capability to check at the very ordinary items such as a desk, chair or a pencil as the many extra-ordinary items. It might help us to take a look at a heap of clothing, as a large ball that is soft. Character and our power is what gives us the significance of our own lives. It's a force for activity in each dimension of our life.

B. Personality Transformation: Spirituality helps you to tap into a unbounded fountainhead of excitement, enthusiasm, compassion, intellect, creativity, peace-of-mind, joy and love. It provides us the vigour to inspire and inspire ourselves and our environment, while providing a way to us.

The primitive reverberation of our body hasn't been able to keep pace or an lifetime as companion is currently living . "Financial separation" was quite widespread in contemporary families. Before burning a hole in their pockets, the husband, the wife and the child/children consult with anybody. At the institution of marriage, the wife and the husband are co-managers. An institution must have a budget dominated by a pair of conclusions that are mutual; but that's not nowadays, exactly what we see. This is due to the lack of understanding. This knowledge informs us that a family is a representation of confidence rather than to making the individuality of one. Spirituality teaches a household to take care of this"dilemma of diversity", that each change throws us right into a situation of dealing with completely new environment. Acceptance will be learnt over all stratums of your family. It can assist the family get towards building which epitome of confidence and to make alterations.

6. Spirituality in Workplace, Business & Management: Now you may think that can industry be in any type of relationship. Yes! Every kingdom of lifestyle gets spirituality in its part. Spirituality informs us there is 1 stone in the treasure chest which needs to be worn , glistening and dug out -- that the gem is our instinct. That having been said, there's a line of difference between being a truth seeker and a company junkie. Spirituality preaches us it needs to be reliable since the ability resides in us and which seeks reality and every office can have a powerful working with the intuition. Today won't ever mislead. The company instinct would help to construct the self-esteem of one. The coalition we make with ourselves and our environment, self-understanding and approval of oneself, is in many ways the provocation we confront.

7. Whatever it's called ). A different individuality is developed by us, when the form depends upon us. This incarnation's objective would be to experience which disunion in the origin that can be gotten with incarnate existences through conversation. The mechanisms of development have proven the advantages of understanding and a growth. A successful working setting asks a set of rules that are effective, and such principles have to be enforced by a superior entity, i.e., the requirement of direction (government). By offering infrastructures that encourage imagination and business governments have led to immeasurable extents for the enhancement of the human race; however there are negative sides to it. Wars are implemented due to decisions and government policies. No! It doesn't. Authorities are made on the pillars of the world trade - Politics. Authorities have been dissolved by differences in opinion's joys and assembled governments. Elections are a barometer to judge a State's present advancement. Throughout elections our responsibility is to make ourselves participated but with the quantity of ethics and devotion to ourselves as well as the State. It is Spirituality that prospects their citizens and leaders to abide with their instincts.

8. The revolution is not a chaos against the reduction of habitats, but against the impersonal and boring modes of dwelling. Development that was approved as an elixir for issues of humankind is facing severe challenges. Despite years of pensions, inequality poverty, hunger and malnutrition still succeeds. Side by side we terrors like other sorts of miseries and wars. Economic development is growth that is not sustainable; it must consist of dimensions. Development also offers an religious and ethical dimension to this. It's human worth endorsed. Its own awareness of unanimity characterizes A community, ensuring each individual has a location with self-respect and dignity. Spirituality injects values to the society's measurements.

9. Spiritual Research: Spiritual research addresses the systematic research of about religious realm with the aid of facts and evidences together with some aid from the innovative sixth sense, also called the Extrasensory Perception (ESP). The thing to be considered while running this study and remembered is that this kind of study can't ever be achieved with the support of justification tools and measurement. This kind of study delves into one life to figure out the events or classes of action that has led to the negative and positive events in their lifetime. The objective of the research is the way that it changes our lives and to educate humankind. The thing to be considered while conducting this study and recalled is that this kind of study can't ever be achieved with the support of justification tools and measurement.

#How To Do Meditation in Hindi #How to Meditate in Hindi

[foursprout-blog]

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/25-things-you-absolutely-need-to-learn-before-25-2/

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

Ryan Christodoulou

Before we begin: the original article on things you need to learn before you are 25 was published in 2005 and it is still relevant today as it was eighteen years ago. But in that time a lot more people have come of age, so I thought an homage wouldn’t hurt. (And yes, I write for myself as much as I do for you.)

1. Doing chores without complaining

Chores are a non-optional part of having your own space, like electric bills and not making renovations without checking in with the landlord first. Yes, ironing is work. Now you know how your parents feel.

2. “There’s no roaches” is not an acceptable standard of cleanliness

It’s unlikely that somebody will show up, cook a ten course meal, and then demand to eat it straight from your floor. You still want to be able to see the floor, have clean dishes, and a worktop that doesn’t have a six-month patina of dry pasta sauce and oil stains.

3. Putting things off that can be done in three minutes is unacceptable

The more you put something off, the guiltier you feel when you are reminded of it, the less you want to do it, the more guilt piles on. It’s a vicious circle. Just scrub the toilet and scan in the document to verify your medical insurance.

4. Respect people working in the service industry

I’m a former customer service rep, and now I teach alongside my PhD. Most of my friends have either worked or are currently doing some sort of customer-facing job. I can verify we are as human as anybody else. We are being paid to do work, not to take abuse. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and hold the curse words. It’s not that difficult.

5. Learn how to feed yourself

No, I’m not saying you should be a master chef or even versed in the fine art of reading nutrition labels. I’m saying, figure out what food you like, what it feels like to be hungry or full, then go about procuring said food so that you are fed at reasonable hours. Mooching off your roommates, or taking their stuff without replacing it, is not cool, and an invitation for someone to put laxatives in the milk.

6. Understand the value of a psychologist

I can write a whole piece on this. If you never have to visit a shrink in your life, that’s great. Shitting on people who do – not so much. A mental health professional is like any doctor. You wouldn’t ask any stranger off the street to do your root canal for free.

7. Your significant other/friends/family are not free emotional labor

Do people in relationships provide each other with support? Yes. Do they do that 24/7, nonstop, and unconditionally? No. Human beings experience compassion fatigue. The difference between your girlfriend and a counselor is that the counselor is trained to listen, and gets a pension out of it.

8. It’s okay not to respond to provocation

Chances are, the person egging you on is in more pain than you are. Pick your battles. Live to fight another day.

9. Knowing the battles you absolutely HAVE to fight for

Things like ending childhood poverty and ensuring equal workspaces for all ethnicities and genders isn’t “nice to do”, it’s something we should all be striving for because we live on the same damn planet, treating each other fairly is NOT too much to ask for.

10. Knowing your own boundaries

Conversely, you know that behavior that you hate but you put up with from your boyfriend? The demanding of emotional labor, the backhanded compliments or the outright abuse? What would happen if you told him to stop doing that? Or you asked your girlfriend to not talk down at you in front of your friends? Would they apologize and stop? Would they leave? Would leaving be such a bad thing?

11. Respecting divergent tastes, including your own

You like to read romance novels while your friends are into high-brow, cerebral murder mysteries? You don’t have to paint a coat of irony on top in order to justify it. And don’t go looking down your nose at people who love classic noir – you can think of Hitchcock as an overhyped misogynist bully without saying that Every. Time. Someone. Brings up. The birds.

12. Having the guts to ask for the things you want

A promotion? A date? Some peace so that you can study for your legal exams? Other people are not mind-readers, they can’t know what you’re thinking unless you tell them. Maybe your boss will say no, or that beautiful human you admire is in a relationship, but maybe they are not, and most non-arseholes will respect your need for quiet during a stressful period. You cannot expect others to guess your needs and desires. At some point, you have to stand up for what you want.

13. Learning to take ‘no’ for an answer

You don’t need a million life partners, friends, awards, or jobs (in fact, having a million jobs at once is highly discouraged.) What you need are people who are right for you and an occupation that you don’t utterly despise. Throwing a tantrum when you hear ‘no’ is what toddlers do. And even they get over it eventually.

14. Taking your safety seriously

Abuse is not sexy and if someone threatens you, take it seriously. Sock away money, hide, call the police, SAVE YOURSELF.

15. Acting with integrity whenever you can

Aside from putting yourself in harm’s way (see point 14) being an adult means acting with integrity regardless of whether you find the task pleasurable or not. You want to break up? Don’t cheat as a way out of a relationship. You hate your boss? Look for another job, but don’t go undermining them or poisoning the water for everyone who continues to work there.

16. Holding off on unsolicited advice

Unless someone asks you for advice (or you think they are at risk of immediate physical harm) don’t give your opinions on other people’s lives. You don’t approve of your friend’s diet? Keep it to yourself. You think your brother is dating a loser? It’s not your relationship. Judging other people doesn’t inspire them to change their behavior, it makes them reluctant to come to you for support.

17. Recognizing when something is above your paygrade

Your friend wants to make health changes? Help them make an appointment with a doctor and take them there, but don’t give them advice you’re not qualified to give. Yes, even if you are a doctor yourself. Aside from the fact that this would mean readjusting your relationship, do you honestly want to clock out of work and then go hang out at the pub and do EVEN MORE WORK?

18. Respecting other people’s wishes

Your friend shares something with you under strict secrecy. You think other people need to know. How do you proceed? The sad state of affairs is, there are very few cases when making a unilateral decision to break secrecy are justified. Knowing your boundaries might help you field off any situations where you feel like your personal ethics might stop you from respecting other people’s wishes, but don’t assume you know what is best for another adult.

19. Relationships are WORK

It’s not uncommon to fall out of contact with university mates, childhood besties, and beloved mentors. Life is an egg juggling act where you are constantly subtracting or adding items. Sooner or later you will drop some eggs. Try not to beat yourself up if you lose touch – if you want to reach out again when the juggling eases up, you absolutely can.

20. Trust that others will put in the effort for you, too

Here’s the thing: some relationships ARE lopsided for reasons that we have no control over. Bodies get sick, emergencies hit, and the weather does not give advanced warning to anybody. There are times when we are the ones doing the heavy lifting to maintain a relationship. The problem is when you are ALWAYS the one sacrificing “because it’s what friends do”. What if you stepped back and let the other person put in the effort, too? Is that a scary question? Why?

21. Calling bullshit on what it is

You want a relationship and some dude tries to negotiate down to FWB? Call bullshit. Your friend makes plans with you and expects you to foot the bill? Call bullshit. Your boss is calling you 24/7 on your sick days as if you are working from home? Politely tell them that you would not want to risk your team’s performance when you are not at 100%, and if they persist with that behavior, start exploring (covertly) your options. Don’t be a doormat (yes, I am talking to my 24-year-old self. WTF were you thinking?!)

22. You can absolutely survive without narcissists

Necessity, systematic oppression, and illness are all real factors that impact our lives differently. Some people DO have to put up with a lot of shit for the sake of their survival. But there are also many (many many many many many) others who accept terrible treatment at the hands of narcissists, because they are convinced they cannot survive without them. Don’t fall for this.

23. Knowing what matters to you and working for it

Yes, yes, budgeting is important. I know that you know. I’m talking about the bigger picture – where do you want to live? How do you want to live? What sorts of things matter to you? Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years’ time? I realize I sound like some preppy blogger with shiny hair, telling you to Make A Plan, but guess what? Keeping your visions of the future vague and undefined makes you seem like you don’t care about anything. In job interviews? That’s deadly.

24. Progress is not always linear

Sometimes you will take a step back. That’s okay, that allows you to heal and reevaluate. You wouldn’t expect someone to keep running a marathon if they twist their ankle on the second mile. You would get them some ice and a cupcake and tell them they will annihilate their PB next year.

25. It’s all just a number

Sometimes age matters, such as when you are evaluating your retirement options or when you work with a lot of children and teenagers. It also matters when you try to figure out why a man would only date girls who are half his age (answer: because no woman his age would put up with that bullshit). Other than that? Age doesn’t have to Be A Thing. Don’t make it one, and don’t let others take issue with it either.

We’re just getting started here. And we can make it awesome. 

#Happiness

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/25-things-you-absolutely-need-to-learn-before-25-2/

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

Ryan Christodoulou

Before we begin: the original article on things you need to learn before you are 25 was published in 2005 and it is still relevant today as it was eighteen years ago. But in that time a lot more people have come of age, so I thought an homage wouldn’t hurt. (And yes, I write for myself as much as I do for you.)

1. Doing chores without complaining

Chores are a non-optional part of having your own space, like electric bills and not making renovations without checking in with the landlord first. Yes, ironing is work. Now you know how your parents feel.

2. “There’s no roaches” is not an acceptable standard of cleanliness

It’s unlikely that somebody will show up, cook a ten course meal, and then demand to eat it straight from your floor. You still want to be able to see the floor, have clean dishes, and a worktop that doesn’t have a six-month patina of dry pasta sauce and oil stains.

3. Putting things off that can be done in three minutes is unacceptable

The more you put something off, the guiltier you feel when you are reminded of it, the less you want to do it, the more guilt piles on. It’s a vicious circle. Just scrub the toilet and scan in the document to verify your medical insurance.

4. Respect people working in the service industry

I’m a former customer service rep, and now I teach alongside my PhD. Most of my friends have either worked or are currently doing some sort of customer-facing job. I can verify we are as human as anybody else. We are being paid to do work, not to take abuse. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and hold the curse words. It’s not that difficult.

5. Learn how to feed yourself

No, I’m not saying you should be a master chef or even versed in the fine art of reading nutrition labels. I’m saying, figure out what food you like, what it feels like to be hungry or full, then go about procuring said food so that you are fed at reasonable hours. Mooching off your roommates, or taking their stuff without replacing it, is not cool, and an invitation for someone to put laxatives in the milk.

6. Understand the value of a psychologist

I can write a whole piece on this. If you never have to visit a shrink in your life, that’s great. Shitting on people who do – not so much. A mental health professional is like any doctor. You wouldn’t ask any stranger off the street to do your root canal for free.

7. Your significant other/friends/family are not free emotional labor

Do people in relationships provide each other with support? Yes. Do they do that 24/7, nonstop, and unconditionally? No. Human beings experience compassion fatigue. The difference between your girlfriend and a counselor is that the counselor is trained to listen, and gets a pension out of it.

8. It’s okay not to respond to provocation

Chances are, the person egging you on is in more pain than you are. Pick your battles. Live to fight another day.

9. Knowing the battles you absolutely HAVE to fight for

Things like ending childhood poverty and ensuring equal workspaces for all ethnicities and genders isn’t “nice to do”, it’s something we should all be striving for because we live on the same damn planet, treating each other fairly is NOT too much to ask for.

10. Knowing your own boundaries

Conversely, you know that behavior that you hate but you put up with from your boyfriend? The demanding of emotional labor, the backhanded compliments or the outright abuse? What would happen if you told him to stop doing that? Or you asked your girlfriend to not talk down at you in front of your friends? Would they apologize and stop? Would they leave? Would leaving be such a bad thing?

11. Respecting divergent tastes, including your own

You like to read romance novels while your friends are into high-brow, cerebral murder mysteries? You don’t have to paint a coat of irony on top in order to justify it. And don’t go looking down your nose at people who love classic noir – you can think of Hitchcock as an overhyped misogynist bully without saying that Every. Time. Someone. Brings up. The birds.

12. Having the guts to ask for the things you want

A promotion? A date? Some peace so that you can study for your legal exams? Other people are not mind-readers, they can’t know what you’re thinking unless you tell them. Maybe your boss will say no, or that beautiful human you admire is in a relationship, but maybe they are not, and most non-arseholes will respect your need for quiet during a stressful period. You cannot expect others to guess your needs and desires. At some point, you have to stand up for what you want.

13. Learning to take ‘no’ for an answer

You don’t need a million life partners, friends, awards, or jobs (in fact, having a million jobs at once is highly discouraged.) What you need are people who are right for you and an occupation that you don’t utterly despise. Throwing a tantrum when you hear ‘no’ is what toddlers do. And even they get over it eventually.

14. Taking your safety seriously

Abuse is not sexy and if someone threatens you, take it seriously. Sock away money, hide, call the police, SAVE YOURSELF.

15. Acting with integrity whenever you can

Aside from putting yourself in harm’s way (see point 14) being an adult means acting with integrity regardless of whether you find the task pleasurable or not. You want to break up? Don’t cheat as a way out of a relationship. You hate your boss? Look for another job, but don’t go undermining them or poisoning the water for everyone who continues to work there.

16. Holding off on unsolicited advice

Unless someone asks you for advice (or you think they are at risk of immediate physical harm) don’t give your opinions on other people’s lives. You don’t approve of your friend’s diet? Keep it to yourself. You think your brother is dating a loser? It’s not your relationship. Judging other people doesn’t inspire them to change their behavior, it makes them reluctant to come to you for support.

17. Recognizing when something is above your paygrade

Your friend wants to make health changes? Help them make an appointment with a doctor and take them there, but don’t give them advice you’re not qualified to give. Yes, even if you are a doctor yourself. Aside from the fact that this would mean readjusting your relationship, do you honestly want to clock out of work and then go hang out at the pub and do EVEN MORE WORK?

18. Respecting other people’s wishes

Your friend shares something with you under strict secrecy. You think other people need to know. How do you proceed? The sad state of affairs is, there are very few cases when making a unilateral decision to break secrecy are justified. Knowing your boundaries might help you field off any situations where you feel like your personal ethics might stop you from respecting other people’s wishes, but don’t assume you know what is best for another adult.

19. Relationships are WORK

It’s not uncommon to fall out of contact with university mates, childhood besties, and beloved mentors. Life is an egg juggling act where you are constantly subtracting or adding items. Sooner or later you will drop some eggs. Try not to beat yourself up if you lose touch – if you want to reach out again when the juggling eases up, you absolutely can.

20. Trust that others will put in the effort for you, too

Here’s the thing: some relationships ARE lopsided for reasons that we have no control over. Bodies get sick, emergencies hit, and the weather does not give advanced warning to anybody. There are times when we are the ones doing the heavy lifting to maintain a relationship. The problem is when you are ALWAYS the one sacrificing “because it’s what friends do”. What if you stepped back and let the other person put in the effort, too? Is that a scary question? Why?

21. Calling bullshit on what it is

You want a relationship and some dude tries to negotiate down to FWB? Call bullshit. Your friend makes plans with you and expects you to foot the bill? Call bullshit. Your boss is calling you 24/7 on your sick days as if you are working from home? Politely tell them that you would not want to risk your team’s performance when you are not at 100%, and if they persist with that behavior, start exploring (covertly) your options. Don’t be a doormat (yes, I am talking to my 24-year-old self. WTF were you thinking?!)

22. You can absolutely survive without narcissists

Necessity, systematic oppression, and illness are all real factors that impact our lives differently. Some people DO have to put up with a lot of shit for the sake of their survival. But there are also many (many many many many many) others who accept terrible treatment at the hands of narcissists, because they are convinced they cannot survive without them. Don’t fall for this.

23. Knowing what matters to you and working for it

Yes, yes, budgeting is important. I know that you know. I’m talking about the bigger picture – where do you want to live? How do you want to live? What sorts of things matter to you? Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years’ time? I realize I sound like some preppy blogger with shiny hair, telling you to Make A Plan, but guess what? Keeping your visions of the future vague and undefined makes you seem like you don’t care about anything. In job interviews? That’s deadly.

24. Progress is not always linear

Sometimes you will take a step back. That’s okay, that allows you to heal and reevaluate. You wouldn’t expect someone to keep running a marathon if they twist their ankle on the second mile. You would get them some ice and a cupcake and tell them they will annihilate their PB next year.

25. It’s all just a number

Sometimes age matters, such as when you are evaluating your retirement options or when you work with a lot of children and teenagers. It also matters when you try to figure out why a man would only date girls who are half his age (answer: because no woman his age would put up with that bullshit). Other than that? Age doesn’t have to Be A Thing. Don’t make it one, and don’t let others take issue with it either.

We’re just getting started here. And we can make it awesome. 

#Happiness

[foursprout-blog]

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/25-things-you-absolutely-need-to-learn-before-25/

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

Ryan Christodoulou

Before we begin: the original article on things you need to learn before you are 25 was published in 2005 and it is still relevant today as it was eighteen years ago. But in that time a lot more people have come of age, so I thought an homage wouldn’t hurt. (And yes, I write for myself as much as I do for you.)

1. Doing chores without complaining

Chores are a non-optional part of having your own space, like electric bills and not making renovations without checking in with the landlord first. Yes, ironing is work. Now you know how your parents feel.

2. “There’s no roaches” is not an acceptable standard of cleanliness

It’s unlikely that somebody will show up, cook a ten course meal, and then demand to eat it straight from your floor. You still want to be able to see the floor, have clean dishes, and a worktop that doesn’t have a six-month patina of dry pasta sauce and oil stains.

3. Putting things off that can be done in three minutes is unacceptable

The more you put something off, the guiltier you feel when you are reminded of it, the less you want to do it, the more guilt piles on. It’s a vicious circle. Just scrub the toilet and scan in the document to verify your medical insurance.

4. Respect people working in the service industry

I’m a former customer service rep, and now I teach alongside my PhD. Most of my friends have either worked or are currently doing some sort of customer-facing job. I can verify we are as human as anybody else. We are being paid to do work, not to take abuse. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and hold the curse words. It’s not that difficult.

5. Learn how to feed yourself

No, I’m not saying you should be a master chef or even versed in the fine art of reading nutrition labels. I’m saying, figure out what food you like, what it feels like to be hungry or full, then go about procuring said food so that you are fed at reasonable hours. Mooching off your roommates, or taking their stuff without replacing it, is not cool, and an invitation for someone to put laxatives in the milk.

6. Understand the value of a psychologist

I can write a whole piece on this. If you never have to visit a shrink in your life, that’s great. Shitting on people who do – not so much. A mental health professional is like any doctor. You wouldn’t ask any stranger off the street to do your root canal for free.

7. Your significant other/friends/family are not free emotional labor

Do people in relationships provide each other with support? Yes. Do they do that 24/7, nonstop, and unconditionally? No. Human beings experience compassion fatigue. The difference between your girlfriend and a counselor is that the counselor is trained to listen, and gets a pension out of it.

8. It’s okay not to respond to provocation

Chances are, the person egging you on is in more pain than you are. Pick your battles. Live to fight another day.

9. Knowing the battles you absolutely HAVE to fight for

Things like ending childhood poverty and ensuring equal workspaces for all ethnicities and genders isn’t “nice to do”, it’s something we should all be striving for because we live on the same damn planet, treating each other fairly is NOT too much to ask for.

10. Knowing your own boundaries

Conversely, you know that behavior that you hate but you put up with from your boyfriend? The demanding of emotional labor, the backhanded compliments or the outright abuse? What would happen if you told him to stop doing that? Or you asked your girlfriend to not talk down at you in front of your friends? Would they apologize and stop? Would they leave? Would leaving be such a bad thing?

11. Respecting divergent tastes, including your own

You like to read romance novels while your friends are into high-brow, cerebral murder mysteries? You don’t have to paint a coat of irony on top in order to justify it. And don’t go looking down your nose at people who love classic noir – you can think of Hitchcock as an overhyped misogynist bully without saying that Every. Time. Someone. Brings up. The birds.

12. Having the guts to ask for the things you want

A promotion? A date? Some peace so that you can study for your legal exams? Other people are not mind-readers, they can’t know what you’re thinking unless you tell them. Maybe your boss will say no, or that beautiful human you admire is in a relationship, but maybe they are not, and most non-arseholes will respect your need for quiet during a stressful period. You cannot expect others to guess your needs and desires. At some point, you have to stand up for what you want.

13. Learning to take ‘no’ for an answer

You don’t need a million life partners, friends, awards, or jobs (in fact, having a million jobs at once is highly discouraged.) What you need are people who are right for you and an occupation that you don’t utterly despise. Throwing a tantrum when you hear ‘no’ is what toddlers do. And even they get over it eventually.

14. Taking your safety seriously

Abuse is not sexy and if someone threatens you, take it seriously. Sock away money, hide, call the police, SAVE YOURSELF.

15. Acting with integrity whenever you can

Aside from putting yourself in harm’s way (see point 14) being an adult means acting with integrity regardless of whether you find the task pleasurable or not. You want to break up? Don’t cheat as a way out of a relationship. You hate your boss? Look for another job, but don’t go undermining them or poisoning the water for everyone who continues to work there.

16. Holding off on unsolicited advice

Unless someone asks you for advice (or you think they are at risk of immediate physical harm) don’t give your opinions on other people’s lives. You don’t approve of your friend’s diet? Keep it to yourself. You think your brother is dating a loser? It’s not your relationship. Judging other people doesn’t inspire them to change their behavior, it makes them reluctant to come to you for support.

17. Recognizing when something is above your paygrade

Your friend wants to make health changes? Help them make an appointment with a doctor and take them there, but don’t give them advice you’re not qualified to give. Yes, even if you are a doctor yourself. Aside from the fact that this would mean readjusting your relationship, do you honestly want to clock out of work and then go hang out at the pub and do EVEN MORE WORK?

18. Respecting other people’s wishes

Your friend shares something with you under strict secrecy. You think other people need to know. How do you proceed? The sad state of affairs is, there are very few cases when making a unilateral decision to break secrecy are justified. Knowing your boundaries might help you field off any situations where you feel like your personal ethics might stop you from respecting other people’s wishes, but don’t assume you know what is best for another adult.

19. Relationships are WORK

It’s not uncommon to fall out of contact with university mates, childhood besties, and beloved mentors. Life is an egg juggling act where you are constantly subtracting or adding items. Sooner or later you will drop some eggs. Try not to beat yourself up if you lose touch – if you want to reach out again when the juggling eases up, you absolutely can.

20. Trust that others will put in the effort for you, too

Here’s the thing: some relationships ARE lopsided for reasons that we have no control over. Bodies get sick, emergencies hit, and the weather does not give advanced warning to anybody. There are times when we are the ones doing the heavy lifting to maintain a relationship. The problem is when you are ALWAYS the one sacrificing “because it’s what friends do”. What if you stepped back and let the other person put in the effort, too? Is that a scary question? Why?

21. Calling bullshit on what it is

You want a relationship and some dude tries to negotiate down to FWB? Call bullshit. Your friend makes plans with you and expects you to foot the bill? Call bullshit. Your boss is calling you 24/7 on your sick days as if you are working from home? Politely tell them that you would not want to risk your team’s performance when you are not at 100%, and if they persist with that behavior, start exploring (covertly) your options. Don’t be a doormat (yes, I am talking to my 24-year-old self. WTF were you thinking?!)

22. You can absolutely survive without narcissists

Necessity, systematic oppression, and illness are all real factors that impact our lives differently. Some people DO have to put up with a lot of shit for the sake of their survival. But there are also many (many many many many many) others who accept terrible treatment at the hands of narcissists, because they are convinced they cannot survive without them. Don’t fall for this.

23. Knowing what matters to you and working for it

Yes, yes, budgeting is important. I know that you know. I’m talking about the bigger picture – where do you want to live? How do you want to live? What sorts of things matter to you? Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years’ time? I realize I sound like some preppy blogger with shiny hair, telling you to Make A Plan, but guess what? Keeping your visions of the future vague and undefined makes you seem like you don’t care about anything. In job interviews? That’s deadly.

24. Progress is not always linear

Sometimes you will take a step back. That’s okay, that allows you to heal and reevaluate. You wouldn’t expect someone to keep running a marathon if they twist their ankle on the second mile. You would get them some ice and a cupcake and tell them they will annihilate their PB next year.

25. It’s all just a number

Sometimes age matters, such as when you are evaluating your retirement options or when you work with a lot of children and teenagers. It also matters when you try to figure out why a man would only date girls who are half his age (answer: because no woman his age would put up with that bullshit). Other than that? Age doesn’t have to Be A Thing. Don’t make it one, and don’t let others take issue with it either.

We’re just getting started here. And we can make it awesome. 

#Happiness