#yeah im full of bitterness abt this and i wont stop talking abt it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bulkhummus · 3 years

Text

Welcome to Night Vale SPOILERS/////

listened to wtnv 171 again and having big thoughts and feelings about a cecils literal manic episode about (literally, heavily implied) killing the version of himself in the mirror while on public radio in light of wtnv 192

some quotes that really got my gears turning regarding the big plot drop of supposedly cecils father and his inability to remember correctly (not new But really prevalent in recent episodes) and im not making connections or anything im just drunk and spitballing and the episode really had some gnarly philosophical questions dinnit?

1. “If you think about a memory long enough, doesn’t that mutate the truth? Isn’t every act of remembering another log on the fire of lies?”

“You think awareness and manifestation are one and the same, don’t you?”

“Could that [a crack] be an egg, or a twig, or a leg? Narrative is everything, isn’t it?”

An unreliable narrative is one of my favorite things in story telling. One of my favorite books has to do with the unreliability of memory, and how a distorted memory (from time, trauma, bias etc) comes to be the most accurate version each time you remember it. It gets watered down each time. I think its cool that Cecil is aware of that, and also that its understandably a huge point of distress for him. He’s constantly misremembering and eventually trying to decipher if what he feels or thinks is even real. Pulling things out of context often makes them seem crazy, when there is no narrative to connect them. Cecil’s job is literally to offer that narrative, but what happens when he can no longer supply a somewhat coherent one? What happens to Night Vale? Why does cat ballou not hold up anymore? also i love that cecil watches the movie on repeat (mentioned at some point) bc its like that thing about people who are anxious like to watch things theyve seen because its low stakes and you know whats gonna happen and you dont have to make space for new story or characters in your head? IMAGINE PUTTING ON YOUR COMFORT MOVIE TO FIND THAT ITS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT???????? ouch

2.“When was the last time you saw your mother?…Did she lean over your sobbing face and ask you: ‘Why are you crying when you don’t even exist?’ Did she tell you again about the mirror?’”

“What unholy monster [the one in the mirror] cries like a child, what does it want—Why won’t it stop?!”

“Did you ponder the idea that such a coat was so basic, [angrily] so unassuming, so without frill or feature that no one had ever thought to create it? [angrily, scarily] Do you want to know what’s in the drawer below the table?”

I like here, that these quotes are kind of like call and response within the episode. Cecil talks of his mother asking him why hes crying, and moments later Cecil wonders why the monster in the mirror is crying. His mother tells him he doesn’t exist (SO fucked up) and moments later he’s the angriest he is the whole episode (voice literally rumbling goddamN BALDWIN) talking about how something could be so unassuming that no one bothered to even spend the time or energy to make it. Didn’t think anybody would need it or want it. Why else would they include that angry thought about being so unneeded that the thought never even crossed a persons mind to make the thing? It it weren’t Cecil talking about himself? Panicking about his existence and if he’d ever been wanted or needed to the point of him being there for whoever does?

2. B —“You didn’t ask for any of this, did you? But what have you ever asked from the universe that you could not get yourself, and when has the universe ever obliged?”

c-carlos? Maybe is that one thing possibly, good, that has simply happened to cecil ??? (And Their SON??? Obviously but that wouldn’t have happened without carlos there) im just thinkin abt it

3. “What was it your mother said before she left home when you were a teenager? Did she tell you she was an oracle?”

CECIL IS AN ORACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE I wrote a big long rant about wtnv 192 and now I listened to this episode and had a conniption when he mentioned her disdainfully being one. A mother telling a child they know them and who they are can feel like divine truth, and if they call you a monster and tell you that you don’t exist, then is it still divine truth? Is she still all knowing? Do you believe her because shes your mother and mothers know best?

4. Do you notice it wears black rings?”

Cecil says this of the monster in the mirror, and says this about the man digging into the tree in wtnv 192, and he thinks that that man is his father. BUT if the monster in the mirror is the cecil we know, who killed the mirror version of himself from another reality who was a teenager (as it’s been implied since cassettes and the intern anyways) then what does that imply???? oy vey

IN CONCLUSION : none of this is literally an essay about anything. Im just drunk on a sunday and put on night vale To fold clothes. i wonder if other people in night vale are as fragmented by the weird reality bubble they are in as cecil? he seems to be caught in the in between one foot in and out With cal and his father and sometimes knowing carlos and sometimes not and whatnot

ALSO AS A FUNNY SIDE BAR: IMAGINE BEING A PERSON IN NIGHT VALE maybe u just cooked dinner maybe ur taking a drive and the fucking local radio host is just having a manic episode with severe instances of unreality (in every sense of the word) on the radio ?????? i so deeply wish after weird episodes like these where cecil is just balling out in the disassociation soup that in the following episode someone would say something about it in passing like “yeah what WAS that the other night cecil? u know we can hear u when u do that right”

also in the REAL world like our world, cecil is a direct metaphor for ptsd, feelings of unreality brought on by anxiety, period of disassociation and just like the mental state being fragmented by trauma. Its like such a direct metaphor lmao.

also like the episode had everything and Cecil Baldwin really used the full command of his voice. truly bonkers, that he could pack so many different emotions into a 25 min spiraling monologue. it could have been so boring but he really organically (while still imploring Cecil palmers flare for radio host dramatics) had the full decadent range of delicious anger, fear, disdain, apathy, panic, disgust, demand, hollow joy, etc and that he sounds so BITTER at the end when he says “wont you have a good night, night vale?” it feels like such a slap to the listeners face because while we get to end the episode (and the town in the show), cecil palmer continues to writhe in these questions and worries and fears. Like it was SUCH a good way to end it.

—also all the funky sound design is so good and I like then warped version of the main theme! they should do more of that (tastefully)

if you’ve read this far godspeed and keep on trucking idk what the fuck was in that vodka lemonade but im wired

#all of this is MY OPINIONS not facts so dont be mean im just having fun #tell me your thoughts i want OLEASANT DISCOURSE #PLEASANT BEING KEY #Come chat with me about it and also anoht what the FUCK carlos’ role in night vale is and if its really him just being cecils husband #Wtnv #Welcome to night vale #thought tag #Wtnv spoilers

106 notes · View notes

hobidreams · 3 years

Note

(long ass ask ahead!! sorry lol)

OOP HI!! ik this took a hot second (i took summer classes to lessen my load next sem and uh,,, i lowkey regret it lmao) but oh my god. when i tell you that i was grinning like an idiot the entire time i was reading the mlt update😭😭 it was so beautiful and sweet and wholesome??

ok breaking this down into sections bc i am a Mess lol:

1. joon n chun-ja are so cute!! and that bit where han-jae runs up to joon??? consider me dead. eviscerated. fucken stabbed. n the way that mc is so happy for them but at the same time lowkey jealous bc god damn it, she wants that with yoongi too😭(pls let my girl be happy ong im going to sob)

2. FINALLY OH MY GOD,,,, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE, TURN IT UP!!! no but i mean it, my soul is soothed knowing that they've finally talked about it😭😭 and the way yoongi says, "She shouldn't have made you bear such a burden" ??? yeah im gonna sob😭😭 bc some part of oc must have felt a bit... bitter? that she had to carry that burden :<< like yeah, the fact that the queen trusted her with that information must have been flattering (idk if thats the right word to use lol but u know what i mean), but she was so young😭 to hear yoongi say that must have been so... liberating, in a sense? idk i love her huhuhu

3. yoongi's been skipping breakfast to see the mc??? he rlly said loml first, sustenance later🤪 no but this scene was just so soft and sweet?? and when he says that he's gonna turn down another marriage candidate as swiftly as he did last time, girl i'll have you know that i CHOKED😭😭the casual banter between them?? the way he holds her hand???? ma'am i can't😭 i can't do this oh my god even now while i'm rereading it as i write this comment, i am FLUSTERED (also when my friend read this part, she rlly stopped reading for a sec to send me a screenshot of this part so she could yell at me😭😭)

4. i won't lie i did not expect to see some jikook action in this drabble😭(i'm def not complaining tho lol) the way jimin bought all of the jeon??? i'm laughing okay😭 that was so cute n wholesome n the way mc said that she was gonna go help out jungkook's family out😭 (are jin, jk, n the mc friends now?) also i'll have you know that after reading this part i got so curious abt what jeon tasted like😭 i'll have to try some when i get the chance lol

5. HOBI!!! HOBI!!!!!! HOBI!!!!!!!!!! I WAS SO SURPRISED TO SEE THAT HE MADE AN APPEARANCE HERE OH MY GOD!!! pls the way he's so soft for his baby :<< n he's gonna drop by w aera to see the mc?? pls i wANNA HANG OUT W THEM TOO😭😭 (also miss rain, if this part is what i think it is... i see u👀 jk im probably reading into it too much🤣 the lessons in my creative writing class has been ingrained to my soul at this point lmao)

6. i see yoongi's been spoiling our mc!! as he should😌 ok but fr, this last scene made my heart so full with joy :<< the mc misses her mom so much huhu also yoongi just being so... attentive with her? the way he's immediately like, what do you need?? i'll get it for you!!! sugar daddy yoongi come thru!!! nah im kidding but pls, the way he says "show me which one later and you shall have it" like bestie?? THATS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT ATTRACTIVE BUT WHEW. I HAD MY HAND ON MY CHEST!!! n the way he tries to be all sweet and cuddly by pulling her close, only for it to backfire on him?? PLS THATS THE CUTEST THING😭😭 THE WAY HE FELL ON HIS ASS N MC LAUGHING AT HIM PLS THEY'RE SO CUTE😭😭😭 they're so comfortable with each other now and every interaction they have is just filled with so much love and affection it makes my heart hurt😭😭

speaking of hurt...

RAIN THAT LAST LINE???? N UR A/N?????? IT'S SO OMINOUS I CAN'T W U😭😭 ONE OF MY FRIENDS WOULD LIKE TO SAY (respectfully) WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT😭😭😭😭 WHEW BESTIE I AM... WHEW. NO WORDS. IM GONNA SCREAM,,,

ok whew it's nice to get that out of my system lol i can't wait for the upcoming chapters miss rain!! i already know it's going to rip my heart out, but to that i say DO IT BITCH!! DESTROY US ALL WHEW

(also i'm rlly sorry to hear abt the results of the poetry contest :<< the judges rlly missed out on having you, the coolest sweetest person ever, as the winner of the contest!! although ur in the longlist!!! i... am not sure what that is exactly but ahhh im so proud of you!!!)

(ok this is the last one i swear, but i was gonna recommend a song but u... i think i'll hold on to it for a little longer lol bc i swear... if the song comes true for the mlt couple im gonna cry bc that song is so heartbreaking😭😭 maybe i'll send it to you when the series ends lol) - 🌿

ok first of all -- dw you won't regret that decision once the fall comes LOL i took summer classes for most of my summers and it was the only reason i could have a bit of a break in the fall ooooof.

GAHHH please you are too kind to me ??? thank you so much for taking the time to write this ?? the way my heart beat while i was reading it!! it's truly so so special to be able to make such a connection with a reader as lovely as you. you picked up on all the beats that i really wanted to push, esp at the intimacy that's between our couple 😭😭 hahahah im so sorry to hurt you with the last line but IT HAD TO BE DONE SORRRRY. history is,, not kind (as you say in your other ask which i wont answer bc spoilers heh but ur right). how will our babies get thru it? tune in on sunday hehehe

(also no worries at all omg!! it's an honour to be longlisted, which means that i was basically one of the finalists or at least in the top x% of submitters, which is a big fuckin deal bc a lot of established/professional writers submitted to the contest too!)

#send me the song when it's all over and we'll see HAHAH #take care babe <3 #rain reply #🌿 anon #moonlit throne #love letters 💌

5 notes · View notes

tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

Text

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS.

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought)

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi)

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father

gon is so precious ;_;

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite.

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :(

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow.

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN?????????

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family

PREDICTION CORNER:

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

#lj watches hxh #hxh #woohoo continuation

2 notes · View notes

lightbluewindowsill · 7 years

Text

i never rly post personal things on here,, but like i have no one to talk to about it because all my friends excuse his actions by saying hes just ignorant /ignore the fact that he’s being openly shitty to me for no reason !!!!!! like i cant even post my feelings on twitter dot com anymore because ppl will @ me and assume it’s abt someone n like yeah it is but i dont say names because !!!!!!!! i!!!!!!!!! just !!!!!!! need!!! to veNT!!!!!!!!!!! like im not afraid to call someone out i never have been but why wont ppl leave me alone im like having. a tough time i work full time now and im having rly hard willpower issues bcs i think i might b add*cted to c*ke but like ik this is off topic n im kinda just .... rambling. but my mind is a mess rn

ALSO i do not understand why ppl will block me and say they’re better than me or dont care abt me and what im doing but still favorite everything tht’s directed towards me derogatively , like i KNOW u care a lot abt me and ur bitter. but it’s rly not healthy for u to put so much effort into being openly bittr abt me for “outing u on twitter” (posting how u treated me and MY feelings and MY reactions)

like u use buzzwords to make me seem like such a bad person ,u literally messaged my irl friends and told them im shitty bcs i got jealous over my fp talking to them.

u made me feel bad for my mood swings and for ghosting u and for expressing my feelings and for my chemical dependency and u even made fun of my miscarriage lol like yea ofc i was hurt n i never called u shitty or anything i just said u werent who i thought u were and that ur internet persona was fake

and for u to hack into 5 of my accounts and delete them ..i don’t understand what ur problem is w me i think u are fixated on hating me

cuz i know u and i know how u are nd u are not good u bring toxic energy to everyone around u

u give off bad signals and u hurt thise around u

u hit me when i told u to stop u made hurtful jokes when i said i wasnt ok with that u made fun of my mothers accent and all around u were ableist/classist/rude to me

but i still wish nothing but the best for u. genuinely

idk i never hated u like yea i resented u bcs u hurt me so much but i still loved u and hoped u would stop being so mean to me

i still dont know what i did to make u hate me so much but im not sorry for expressing my feelings

ahhhdjjdjdjdk i totally went off ....to a different person but now 2 said ppl r friends so ! cool i hope they r happy

1 note · View note