#yay great cool thanks delightful love this soooooooo much

[elprupneerg]

Good news: talked over the triggering thing this morning a little bit

Bad news: immediately two other, different triggering things got brought up in rapid succession right afterwards

#one of them normally isn’t triggering as long as I’m not in that specific mental space #but once I Am in that mental space if that gets brought up then I’m basically done for the day. no coming back from that one #and then the Other triggering thing got brought up too! #like literally changing the subject away from the thing that was clearly bothering me and redirecting to the Other thing #that has Absolutely been a known trigger and a way to get me to immediately be emotionally back in hell #and Then doing the whole ‘can I have a big’ thing that ALWAYS happened after a Really Bad Time when I was in hell #no amount of saying that I don’t have to if I don’t want to us gonna do SHIT once I’m in that space #cuz uh. if I didn’t give the fucking hug when my mom ‘asked nicely’ then I’d just get screamed at more #and yeah no shit she’s not here anymore but uhhhhh tell my emotional flashbacks that lol #starting to come out of it now and the first feeling that comes back when that happens is anger and I hate it #literally scared one of my friends earlier cuz I was finally coming back to myself and got super pissed at a sewing machine #now I’m gonna have to fucking do that again #yay great cool thanks delightful love this soooooooo much