#with a break 4 weeks between a certain thing around level 87

[blufirre]

Lost & Pain

I was around the age of five when I decided that I wanted to go to Boise State University for college. My family absolutely admired their football team and still do and I feel the same in that aspect. I moved to Idaho in early July, I was excited that I would be going to the school of my dreams and get a nursing degree within four years. I went in with expectations that this was the best college option for me, and later I would learn that it isn’t. Before I went through rigorous and ridiculous amounts of school work, I had this idea in my head about how I was going to have time to finish my homework in a decent manner, have a part time job, be in a club, and make friends so we could live in an apartment near campus. The only thing that I did out of those ideas was made a few friends in my first semester.

The first month and a half were going well, for the exception of Biology 227 (a sophomore ranked class that I got forced into taking), the class was so high maintenance. An average of 80 questions of homework, when assignment, homework that was timed for 25 minutes but around 50 questions long-- impossible to finish, at least 2-4 hours of study time a night. On top of that I had 6 hours and 12 topics of math to get done in a week, about 2 hours of English and Talking Trash (an environmental class), and Psychology when assigned homework. Everything became too much around the third month, or maybe a little earlier. I would wait almost to the last minute to get assignments done because I lost my passion to be in school and to learn. What the university calls “learning” is what I call “lets-see-how-much-stress-we-can-put-our-students-through-and-see-what-they-can-remember-with-giving-minimal-detail-about-class-material” I couldn’t tell you 80% of what I learned at BSU even if I tried. What I saw there was professors reading off of a projector screen and calling it good. I understand that college isn’t going to be easy, but there has to be a better way at teaching than what I just described.

Now, I’m not trying to bash the whole university for how I was doing on their campus, but I do find things like reading off a powerpoint for an hour and fifteen minutes absurd, not all students are auditory learners. Everyday after two months, I would go to my desk and cry about how stressed I was and how I had so much homework that I literally had no time to do anything that I enjoyed doing. I would cry at getting a math question wrong, and having to do the whole section over again, because I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t look in a book because it was all online, so I either had to figure it out, have my boyfriend help me, wait until the next class day, or just leave it and get the section marked missing for the week. I would cry for so long and so hard that I could barley breathe, my eyes would get swollen, and my face would be raw from wiping away tears. On top of everything, I would only get about 4-6 hours of sleep every night and I had to commute 43 minutes to campus. 

I told my parents that I didn’t want to continue my time at BSU because I wasn’t happy and that I wasn’t ready for the university level yet. They were very understanding, although they asked me plenty of times if this is what I wanted and if I would want to try the next semester as a part time student. I let them know that I’ve thought long and hard about it, and I decided that Boise State isn’t for me right now and that I wanted to move back home. At this point I had to tell the rest of my family that I’ve made up my mind in what I want to do with my life. Everyone was so understanding that it hurts to leave them. And that brings me to present time.

I’ve been on winter break since beginning of December, and I’ve been spending time with my family. I have almost 9 days left in Idaho and I’ve been crying that I have to leave my family that lives here. Like I said before, they’re understanding and they want what’s best for me. The person that I really hate leaving here is my Great Grandma because she’s 87 and I don’t know how much time she has left on this Earth. I’m going to miss her and almost everyone that I know here. But I’ve also realized that staying here is toxic for me. The family member that I live with tells me what to do some times or does things for me that I didn’t ask them to do, and doesn’t listen to me and the proceeds to do the thing that I’ve asked them not to do or it’s something that I can do myself. I know that I’m under their roof, but can they have the decency to treat me like I’m an adult.

Another family member asked me to get off my phone while at family poker night. I was out of the game, but I still had to hand out the cards to everyone who was in, and I happened to be texting their step-son when the hand was over with. She got on my case the second that everyone threw in their cards to the discard pile, and talked down to me like I was 13 years old. I am going to be 20 in the summer and I am still being treated like I know next to nothing, like I’m some teenager who doesn’t listen to adults, but yet those adults say that I’m an adult and this one in particular doesn’t treat me like it. How bizarre. It’s disappointing and hurtful that that actually happened. Maybe I add, this family member was also on her phone and playing a separate game while poker was going on, contradictory much.

Little did they know I was texting with their step-son about another family member (who was sitting in front of me), about how they make me super uncomfortable. They touch/play with my hair without permission, they look over my shoulder whenever I’m doing something on my phone or laptop, lays their head on my lap when I didn’t ask them to, hears me come out of the bathroom an runs into me down the hall even though they have nothing to do besides look at me when I walk away, and puts their hand around my waist and grazes their hand/arm on my ass as they pull away. This disgusting family member of mine is 35 and still lives with their mom, plays video games 24/7, never has had a real job, and has next to no social skills or boundaries. They are pathetic.

I am torn between staying and leaving, even though leaving is looking like the better option. Although I’m miserable here, I cry at the fact that I have to say see you later to my Great Grandma. I feel like I didn’t spend enough time with her and other family members that I like to be around. But if I leave then I don’t have to deal with toxicity that I’ve been surrounded by. I’ve taken two major steps to become a happier person, leaving the college of my past self’s dreams, and deciding to live with my parents again. Everything that my family does in Idaho is on a schedule and I know what people are going to say to me when I do/say certain things. Everyone is stuck it seems like, like they don’t know anything else anymore. It drives me crazy and I need to not be bound by a schedule and have more in depth conversations with people besides talking about football or the weather, and to be able to go or do something fun with family that wants to do things. 

I think that I’ve made the right choice, but like I said before it honestly kills me to leave here. I know I’ll be way better off. I deserve to feel and act young, like one of my good friends told me a few days ago. I am lost when it comes to my educational path, but my friend told me that if I want to continue now or later I have to right to choose. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend than her. I’ll find my way in life and eventually that lost feeling will go away. The pain will fade with time also, and I have to better myself and think of myself every once and a while. Life is the most precious thing that any of us could receive and we have to live it the way we want and to our own standards.

#my originals #personal #education #family #life #emotional roller #my thoughts

[xstrange-weatherx-blog]

survey 3

101 Thought Provoking Questions 1. Do you like who you are? yes, but there’s always room for improvement 2. What would people say about you at your funeral? depends if I have a funeral, they’re expensive. they’d probably say this shit is expensive. 3. What would you regret not doing in your life? being myself 4. What’s the wisest thing you have ever heard someone say? it Is what it is 5. What lessons in life did you learn to hard way? Many, and I still am!  I had to grow up fast because my mom passed when I was 21/22 6. How often do your biggest worries and fears come true? as often as I will them into being... 7. If you had one year left to live, what would you try to achieve? do everything ever with my husband we ever wanted to do ever! 8. Do you serve money or does money serve you? a bit of both 9. Are you afraid of being your true self around others? Why? trust, once someone has broken my trust it’s hard to open up and be me around others because who knows if they would break my trust as well. 10. What are you grateful for? John 11. Have you done anything you are proud of lately? working on my confidence and learning new skills 12. Have you made any recent acts of kindness? yes, I pick things up for my coworker when she drops them cos its hard for her to reach down etc. 13. If you knew that you would die tomorrow, what questions would you ask yourself? how many things can I fit into the next few hours w/John 14. If your biggest fears came true, would it matter in five years from now? no, it wouldn’t. 15. How would you describe yourself? down to earth, unless i’m going manic. 16. Do you take people’s advice? Sometimes! I can be gullible 17. Do you get quickly offended? sometimes yes, depends on where the snarky comments are coming from and if its worth being offended 18. Do you consider yourself to be a likable person? yes 19. ‘We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give’ – What does this mean to you? don’t take things or others for granted 20. Are you enriching the lives of others? I feel I am! 21. Are you living a meaningful life? yes, I like to be there for people. 22. What makes a meaningful life? one that’s spent enjoying yourself. 23. Would you ever give up your life to save another? yes. 24. How much would you be willing to sacrifice for people in poverty? enough to where they could get by and I could still get by myself. 25. If you could live one day over and over again, what would you choose to do? choose the day where I hugged john for the first time on my porch. 26. Do you think you are important and worthy of affection and love? I think everyone is. 27. What would make you feel more worthy? What do you believe needs to be different about you? just my confidence level, and assertiveness. 28. What brings you down the most often? my family. 29. Would you rather work less (and do the things you enjoy) and have less money? no, i’d rather work more, have more money and jam pack adventures in when I can to still do the things I enjoy! 30. Where do you find peace? anywhere with john 31. What is the most important quality you look for in another person? honesty. 32. What is your biggest dream in life? to live with john forever like two vampires. centuries and centuries. 33. What is your biggest fear? that i’ll die young. 34. How would the world be different if you had never been born? I think friends and family would be different because they never had the chance to know me, but the world would be the same. 35. What life lessons do you wish you knew 10 years ago? SO many I can’t list. 36. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? It gets better and clearer, and you’re not alone. 37. If your life was a movie, what would the title be? I know Bambi is already a movie, but I can’t think of a more fitting one. 38. If your life was a movie, would you enjoy watching it? yes, I love movies this way i’d be able to critique myself as well and fix things about myself. 39. What does success mean to you? Figuring things out, and excelling at what you do in all aspects. 40. If you could be a different person, who would you be? Katharine isabelle duh 41. What was the best day of your life? Why? meeting john, because he truly saved me and still saves me. 42. What do you look forward to most in life? each day. 43. What bad habits do you want to ditch? my diet, I have acid reflux and I need to start following the reflux diet and be healthy. 44. Who do you look up to and why? Katharine and the soskas because they achieve their goals and go at it with so much enthusiasm 45. Do you know your partners love language? yes I speak john fluently 46. Do the people you love most know how much you love them? yes I believe they do! 47. Are you satisfied with the depth of your relationships? definitely. I have my husband and a few close friends and that’s all I need. 48. What do you owe yourself? to take it easy on myself and not beat myself up so much mentally 49. Based on your current day-to-day life, what do you expect to achieve in 5 years from now? hopefully i’ll have two corgis with john, i’ll understand the hotel business better and maybe have a consistent hobby. 50. Do you say ‘yes’ too often when you really want to say ‘no’? Why? out of nervousness 51. What did you learn yesterday? that I need to take time to be outside in the fresh air. 52. What do you like about yourself? my ambition and creativity. 53. Would you consider yourself to be a generous person? yes sometimes. 54. Do you really listen when people talk to you? HAHA. I try my hardest but sometimes things just go over my head. 55. What is the number one change you need to make in your life this year? I need to exercise more consistently 56. How many hours per week do you spend on the internet? I don’t know 57. What are your most common negative thoughts? Are they logical? they’re not logical in the least, and i’m not even bringing them up. 58. Do you think it’s too late to do certain things in your life? Why? it’s not too late. 59. If you could be the most influential person in the world, what would you change? I would try to change peoples perspectives on life and death 60. How much time do you spend with your family and friends? a fair amount 61. Where do you want to be in 5 years from now? napping with my hubby and corgis 62. Is your life complicated by unnecessary things? yes, by racing thoughts and mania, sometimes my ocd. 63. How can you simplify your life and focus on the most important things to you? try to stay in the moment 64. What stresses you out? lots of little things. grocery stores being one. brightly lit, crowded packed in places drive me up the wall. 65. What makes life easier? John. 66. How often do you give without expecting anything in return? often enough to still feel respected. 67. What is your greatest challenge? listening and remembering 68. What is most important to you in life? Are you giving it the time it deserves? John is the most important in my life, and yes we make the time! 69. If you could send a message to the world, what would you say in 30 seconds? it is what it is 70. What do you most regret never telling someone? I don’t 71. When was the last time you tried something new? a few weeks ago I tried watercolor 72. Are you afraid to speak your own opinion? depends on who i’m talking to. 73. Do you give into others too often and feel resentful because of it? sometimes i do, i think that’s natural. 74. Are you holding onto something that you need to put behind you? always lol. 75. How often do you let your fears hold you back? i try my best not to, so not often. 76. Do the people in your life bring the best out of you? yes! 77. How often do you make excuses? i made a lot of them before i knew i was bipolar i would blame others for things or make excuses 78. What is one mistake that you will never do again? trust my family 79. Which is worse, failing or never giving it a shot?never giving it a shot 80. What has grown you the most as a person – your challenges and trials or the comfortable yet enjoyable moments in life? challenges and trials. 81. If you could choose to have no more challenges or obstacles in life, would you? no, because that would make things boring. 82. In one word, what is standing between you and your biggest goal? idk 83. How often do you go to bed feeling angry? not often 84. Would it be wrong to steal in order to feed a starving child? depends 85. If you paid more attention to the sad things in this world, would you feel more conflicted about it? yes, its hard to accept things like that. 86. If we learn from our failures, then why is it so bad to fail? it feels bad in the moment. 87. What could you pay more attention to in life? lots of things 88. Why do we think of others the most when they’re no longer around? possibly we take them for granted 89. What does it look like to make the most of your life? Happy 90. What have you given up on? connecting with my moms side of the family 91. How many people do you truly love and what are you doing for them? 92. Do you ask enough questions, or are you happy to settle for what you already know? a bit of both. 93. What were you doing when you last lost track of time? this survey 94. Do you think you would be happy if you never had to work again? no i like working because not working you’ll get bored eventually. 95. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? like 6. 96. If you could ask for one wish, what would it be? to just zap know everything i need to at my new job. 97. What inspires you in life? my husband, my friends 98. What can you not live without the most? ....water 99. What do you enjoy doing over and over again? watching movies 100. When did you last laugh so much it hurt? when i was tired and john was making me giggle. 101. What is stopping you from living the life you want to live? only myself

[apkrich-blog]

Candy Crush Saga MOD Apk Download + Unlimited Lives + Everything

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Candy Crush Saga MOD Apk Download + Unlimited Lives + Everything

Candy Crush Saga Apk mod is one of the most popular casual Android games ever created. This game is loved by millions of players around the world with over a trillion levels played, this sweet match 3 puzzle game is one of the most popular mobile games of all time. This mod version has unlimited lives, unlimited unlock stage, moves and many more special features. You can easily connect with facebook account.

Candy Crush Saga Latest Version Features

1. Totally Free

This Latest and Updated Candy Crush Saga game is completely free to play! Just Download and start playing!

2. Daily Rewards

You can check back daily to receive free tasty rewards, take part in time-limited challenges to earn boosters to help you level up, which is also free!

3. Sugar Drops

You have to collect sugar drops to progress along the Sugar Track for super sweet surprises!

4. Candy Kingdom Best Level Prize

It has Thousands of the best levels and puzzles in the Candy Kingdom and with more added every 2 weeks your sugar fix is never far away!

5. Easy to Sync

Very easy to sync the game between devices and unlock full game features when connected to the Internet anytime anywhere! Here are some user reviews:

Georgia Ann Wales: This game has helped me with my medical conditions, that is real. I’m very much interested in continuing to see what happens next and then next. I’ve got ADHD and GAD, and the game has helped me with these problems. Thank you so very much! Never thought I could love a game so much. New added a post. This is a wonderful mind consuming the game and I love it can’t get enough of it. Thanks to the makers of this game!

Sue Wright: Great game to play when you only have short breaks. Frustrating at times which makes you want to play more. Wish I could use Google play cards to take advantage of special offers but having long term problem trying to get help.

Niki Day: Fun game. Takes my mind off the worries of the day. I like that the game won’t allow a person to obsess and spend hours trying to get past a level; you run out of lives and have to actually wait a predetermined amount of time to gain more.

Grainne Burke: the fantastic game loves it to pieces but my ex-boyfriend always used to get free gold bars for nothing (he doesn’t even play that much) and I never get any free gold bars. like one time he opened the app and you gave him 50 (yes 50) gold bars for what??? being mediocre at candy crush?? I just want to know why

hurricane Jose: I absolutely love this game! it’s so addicting. I got it today and I have probably been playing all day lol. The only thing I don’t really like about the game is so many hints. Right, when I finish the challenge of the level it just goes right to sugar crush. all in all, I love this game. Totally get it!🤗

Xaivier Bordelon: I enjoy playing. It’s an easy game to learn and I like how it saves your progress. You can start and stop playing at your own discretion. Brilliant game. Well thought out from all aspects.

Sumana Chakraborty: It is a hard game but it is very fun. A game should be hard enough to play. This game has all in it. Candy Crush Saga is the best game. Everyone should try this game once…

Johnny Wildee: This game is great!! Really enjoyable on your downtime to make the time fly! They say time fly’s when you’re having fun… and it sure gives you a SWEET TOOTH!!

Georgina Chester: this is my favorite game of all time. it is a great mind relaxer in between studying or working or if I’m just frustrated cause nothing is going right at the time, candy crush just puts my mind at ease and back on track.

Graham Sparkes: Overall an excellent way to waste time, ads become increasingly annoying as you see more ads than game time now, but ignoring ads is part of having free games, but it has gone beyond acceptable. Not all features work. Win the weekly challenge, no prizes, play daily spin but the stop button is never enabled, so just give us a random item rather than wasting time watching a spinner. Overall not bad but some aspects very frustrating.

Kenneth Lyons: This is a great game, lots of rewards, would be nice to win life with all or certain achievements . Especially when friends are constantly asking me to send them a life. I’m not sure if I’m sending my own lives or not because I’ve never been down to only 3 lives. now I have 3/5. 👍

Kikas Goncalved: it’s a very entertaining game. also, there are more candy crush versions that are linked with this. its a blast playing this game!

Janet Mary: My most favorite game. Usually, I don’t like to play games on phones. I like to play only with my friends. I came to know this game from my friends. And by seeing them playing I was too interested to play this game and I downloaded it on my phone. Now it’s a kind of hard but still, it’s very interesting. I say all my thanks to my friends.

Stacey Dugdale: I find candy crush great, I enjoy how you can just play it for free or you can use in-app purchases there’s no pressure either way. Definitely helps de-stress and passes nights away when struggling to sleep.

iresha wannipura: Hard Game but Fun. A game should be hard enough to play. This game has it all. Candy Crush Saga is the best game I have known. I got to know this from my cousin bro he played Candy Crush Saga game. When I played with him I found it interesting. So I thought of downloading Candy Crush Saga game to my phone. I guess everyone should try it out.

KayEh: The game is excellent and well done. I used to play years ago but I was under the impression the levels were created impossibly difficult purposely so that we’re forced to buy boosters to pass. The best update on this game, in my opinion, is the fact that you could earn rewards now that could assist you in the game, that way it feels like a challenge but with progress. The game has a good balance to it now. At this point, I don’t mind paying for an extra boost I may need on any difficult levels.

Toi B.: I agree with everyone that the game is addictive, and deserves 5+ stars. however, I do not like being forced to compete against others where I to try to remain in the top 3 each week for prizes that I can and do purchase, I just like to be allowed to play on my own. nor am I interested in seeing anyone else’s progress. that should be an option an individual can select such as single player or competition player. so I am going to uninstall, hopefully, the developers will consider my suggestion.

Kurt Lowe: I absolutely love candy crush only phone game I’ve downloaded and still play, I mean I’m on level 3821.I do have a few things that bother me though. first off there are not enough lives I have stopped playing because the levels are so hard with only 5 tries. there are so many games out there you have to keep our attention. there should be an option to view videos to get more rewards and lives. I’m so far and get stuck so I’m playing it less and less eventually I will stop playing.

Irfan Khan: Good evening Candy Crush Team, hope you may be in a better mood. I, Irfan Khan, a Pakistani, feel proud of playing Candy Crush and also proud of getting top position amongst my friends, which shows my attitude towards the game. Sir! I have a tiny objection as well as a request that the latest version is missing the previous booster system, the one, in which the booster adds bomb, striped candies, moves, etc without losing a life. Frankly saying that I would get all those extra candies, bomb

aimar omar: 😘😘😘I just love it, this game is amazing and it is in my blood now I can’t miss it when I play I feel good and all my stress washes away for good, you deserve more than1000,000 of 🌟, thank you candy crush!!!!!! you deserve it 😘.

Faryal Habib: This game is deliciously perfect! it’s full of surprises and u never know what u will get when u mix two different candies together, and this game has an infinite number of levels and keeps on becoming better! it’s a great time killer and is wonderful!

Sheridan Lyons: Candy crush is a great time passer and just a relaxing game! And an overall cute gameplay easy control wise and it’s fun competing with other people. I totally recommend it 🙂

Download APK

Additional Information

App Download Version

1.149.0.4

Last Updated April 25, 2019 Apk Size 87 MB Offered By King Category Casual Content Rating Rated for 3+ Support Android Version Android 4.1 and up Installs 500,000,000+ Play Store Available

Candy Crush Saga App Permissions

This app has access to:

view Wi-Fi connections

receive data from Internet

view network connections

full network access

prevent device from sleeping