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ayearofpike · 5 years

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Strange Girl

Simon Pulse, 2015 413 pages, 19 chapters + epilogue ISBN 978-1-4814-5058-4 LOC: PZ7.P626St 2015 OCLC: 936552329 Released November 17, 2015 (per B&N)

There’s a new girl in school, and something about her is unbelievably interesting to Fred Allen. Maybe it’s the way she carries herself. Maybe it’s the way she refers to herself as merely a vessel for conveying the knowledge she seems to have about our greater nature. Maybe it’s the remarkable power she commands, the way that happiness and healing ride in her wake everywhere she goes. Or maybe it’s her sweet ass. Whatever it is, she seems to connect with Fred just as quickly, elevating him to a greater happiness than he’s ever known. Of course, as with any powerful girl that people don’t understand, this happiness is fated to flee just as quickly when she pushes herself beyond what her body can handle.

Or, shorter: It’s Sati. It’s Sati set in high school with teenagers. It’s Sateen.

Part of the reason I took on this project is that I felt like my own writing was stagnating. Time was I couldn’t sit down without pumping out a thousand words of my own universe, my own characters and plots and desires and ideas. But at a certain point, I started to try to focus on bettering and refining one of my main tales, one I’d revisited off and on since sixth grade ... and I just burned out. I realized that I simply could not rework this story again, that it wasn’t ever going to be what I wanted or do what I wanted, or at least not in this fifth attempt in ten years. I couldn’t keep talking about the same thing again.

This might be indicative of why I’ve had a hard time pushing through as A Year (And A Half Now, Almost) Of Pike has approached its end point. There’s no denying that the man is a killer storyteller, and that some of his ideas and worlds were stunning and even revolutionary within the genre. But thirty years is a long time to stay in the game, especially when you’re pumping out more than three books a year for the main part of your popularity. It’s admirable that he was able to keep that up for so long without resorting to the James Patterson model of hiring someone else to write the books that have his name in large type across the top. But then, when you’ve only got one brain working on all these extensive ideas and under these onerous deadlines, you’re invariably going to start to repeat yourself.

Almost everything Pike wrote after the start of Spooksville (I can’t even be charitable and say after his car accident) has repeated or revisited some major theme from an earlier work (mostly his own; I see you, Black Knight). And as I’ve pushed through and read every single one of his published works, I’ve started to feel that same fatigue that I had when trying to rewrite and repair something I’d spent so much time on of my own. See, this is why I can never actually be an academic despite being a composition teacher: so much of studying English is finding your niche and continuing to write about the same topic for your entire career, and I don’t think I could ever devote that much of my professional life to writing about the same thing. I just got tired of my ill-researched writing about the complete works of my favorite childhood author, for fuck’s sake.

Still, if any book was due a revamp, Sati fits that mold. It was his first adult novel, it kinda got buried to all except his most devoted fans, and maybe it would be timely to publish a book about kindness and introspection and acceptance just as the muckrakingest American election in recent history was getting underway. But most of all, it’s still a relevant look at how we act and what we think about when we consider faith and religion and God. Considering how audiences and the book market have so drastically changed in the last thirty years, it totally makes sense that Pike might want to revisit the concept for a new generation. And honestly, I’m a victim of my own age and literacy here — nobody else who might be interested in this YA book in 2015 is reading its spiritual predecessor from 1988.

I’m mostly going to blast through the summary, because it’s been more than three weeks since I finished the book and I don’t actually want to reread it to remember specifics. Fred is a high-school musician living in Elder, South Dakota, and just like any other teenager in a small town is dreaming of escape. His parents own a hardware store and just barely maintain a rocky marriage, though all we know about that is what Fred specifically tells us. His best friend Janet, the presumptive valedictorian, has her own messy home life, but they always have each other’s backs, which is why Janet pushes Fred toward the new girl.

This is Aja, a beautiful Brazilian who relocated to South Dakota for some reason three months ago but didn’t start school until today. The teacher in the class they share is unreasonably mean to her for apparently no reason, but it doesn’t put Fred off buying her lunch and trying to learn more about her. He’s unsuccessful, largely, but she does learn about him and his band and their work before she takes off. They’re doing a gig at a nearby Air Force bar on the weekend, and everyone knows Fred is the real talent and pressures him to perform a little more of his original and quieter work at the show. This here is Fred’s difficulty: he wants it, he has the talent and the drive, but he second-guesses how much people actually want to hear his voice.

Aja gets kicked out of the class they share when she’s accused of cheating on her entrance exam (what?), so Fred doesn’t see her again until after their gig. The crowd is getting raucous and angry, and the drummer doesn’t take well to that, so the evening is just starting to devolve into a brawl when Aja stands on a table and tells everyone to calm the fuck down. She also helps out one of the servicemen, who has taken a whiskey bottle to the head but now isn’t even bleeding. Weird, right?

A local reporter sure thinks so. She posts a video of the event, with a suggestion that maybe Aja is more than she appears to be. Can she heal people? The folks at their next gig have the same question, surrounding her and generally pestering until Fred manages to pull her away. They drop her off at home, the biggest house in town, and Fred finally asks her out, sort of, by responding to her question about his unhappiness by saying she should stop accepting dates with other dudes. Like, possessive much already? But on his way to work the next day, he sees the teacher in the cemetery, near her son’s grave, and decides to talk to her about Aja. This opens a floodgate: the teacher blames herself for her son running outside and getting hit by a car, and apparently Aja knew more than she should have, which was why the teacher was so salty with her before. So what else does this girl know?

Fred goes to pick Aja up for their first official date, and ends up talking to her guardian, where he finally learns more about her past. It seems that Aja was a feral child living near a village in the Amazon, and she had a reputation as a magical healer and talent. The guardian was compelled to the village for some reason, and appointed herself the caretaker of the girl, and only uprooted them to South Dakota because Aja said they needed to go there. The guardian only has a vague idea why, but she’s pretty sure it’s related to Fred.

They go back to his house, because his parents are out, and he plays her a song almost off the top of his head that she’s inspired. Before they can start gettin’ freaky, Fred’s phone rings, and apparently his hot-headed drummer has gotten into it with some drug dealers and cops in a nearby town and is in critical condition in the hospital. So Fred and Aja go there, but when he calls the guardian’s valet (or whatever this dude is; it’s kinda muddy) to tell her what’s up, he gets pissed and freaked out and orders Fred to make Aja leave the hospital. Only he can’t find her. And when he does, she’s all dizzy, and passes out on the ride home, and when he drops her off the valet screams at him and slams the door in his face.

But the drummer wakes up, and when Fred goes to see him, he hears a story of two beings visiting him, and his realization that this was the end, only he wasn’t ready to go because it would cause too much pain. This is the only real mention of the subplot that the band’s bass player is gay and in love with the drummer, and even though the drummer is straight (I mean, I guess he could be bi, Pike doesn’t really go into details, but the point is they don’t end up together) he cares too much about his friend to just kick the bucket. So the smaller of the beings picked up on that and touched him, and then he woke up.

There’s also a reporter there trying to talk to Fred and his best friend about the miracle that Aja performed, and they do their best to brush her off only she isn’t giving up. In fact, she’s using a YouTube channel to promote the idea that Aja is a goddess or something, with a video of the way she ended the bar brawl and testimony from a nurse in the hospital that she touched the drummer not long before he arose from life-threatening injuries. Fred agrees to meet with the reporter and actually gets more information than he gives up: namely, Aja has been curing and healing people since her days in Brazil and that she spoke with all of the villagers about her decision to leave for the US, saying there was an important reason to do so.

Before he can confront Aja and her handlers about it, her guardian dies. The valet says she’s written a letter to Fred, but he can’t seem to find it. So while we wait, let’s go on a date! Only someone in the restaurant recognizes Aja and insists she heal her daughter. And this is where we find Aja’s limitations: she can’t help this girl; her fate is to live for a short time.

In blasting through the summary I might be glossing over Aja’s description of her connection to the cosmos and how her powers and abilities work. A lot of it ties back to the same things Pike loves to revisit when thinking about metaphysics: the oneness of Buddhist nirvana, letting go of desires and selfishness to connect to the unity of humanity, and being able to tap into superhuman powers once you’re linked. Aja calls the overarching all the “Big Person,” and her abilities come from what the Big Person tells her is necessary. She can act out of her own human desires, respond to the Little Person, but when she does it takes a toll on her health, which is what happened with the drummer. But how does someone so young get tapped into a consciousness so vast and lose her childish selfishness? We’ll get there.

Anyway, Fred goes to a band rehearsal the next day and is stopped on the way by a family who has another sick kid in the hospital, desperate for him to put them in touch with Aja. He doesn’t want to do it, knowing what he knows, but his friends accuse him of being overprotective. The best friend compares a lot of what Aja has said she does with practices she’s learned through yoga and meditation, to draw an explicit line for those in the audience who haven’t just read 94 other Pike books and didn’t look more deeply into Eastern religion because of it. And then Fred’s phone rings, and it’s the family, and they already talked to Aja and their daughter is feeling better so he doesn’t have to put himself out. What? The kid was in the hospital in another state. Aja explains that she’s not actually the vessel: the Big Person does the work, and all she’s doing is making it aware and asking the question of “can we?”

The will reading for Aja’s guardian comes up, and in addition to splitting her (holy crap immense) wealth between Aja and the valet, she has also left instructions with her lawyer that Fred should get an audition with a record label in LA. The laywer also has the letter, which basically says that Fred can’t protect Aja from the infirm and ill, and he shouldn’t try. I guess this lady would know, right, having taken care of the girl for something like ten years. But word is getting out, more and more people are asking Aja for help, national reporters are starting to show up, Fred has a weird encounter with a spooky fortune teller in a graveyard, and he can’t help but be concerned. So he helps the valet hire a private security firm to keep these people away from Aja, which (when they follow her to school on Monday) prompts an emergency community meeting about the disruption of education by these horrible rumors.

As it turns out, this is actually a racist move by the principal, who has a reputation as an evangelical Christian and has unfairly targeted minorities (especially our drummer, who is Mexican) for years. He’s trying to get a lynch mob together without exactly saying as much. Only too bad for him a lot of people in the community (the more open-minded ones, the ones who have actually spoken to her) already support Aja, because of their own first-hand experience with her help. But enough people are screaming about Jesus that they’re just about ready to light up torches and drive Aja out of town. Until she reveals the racist principal’s big secret: he had a child with a black woman, and could never reconcile his love for them with his love for pointy white hoods or whatever, and then the kid died and he has always regretted it. And Aja holds his hands, and talks to him, and suddenly here comes the creepy fortune teller who it turns out was the mother of Racist Principal’s child, and they embrace and apologize and forgive, and the meeting is suddenly over.

Somewhere in all the Aja hullaballoo, the best friend took off to New York to live with her mother. She won’t answer Fred’s calls, she won’t respond to texts, and Aja (the last one to see her before she left) insists that she can’t be the one to reveal her confidences. So Fred goes to see her dad and try to get more info. Now this isn’t the first time Best Friend has left with the mom: the first was right after they got divorced, only she moved back a year later without any explanation. And the divorce was just as sudden and explanation-free, only the dad just accepted it. And Fred realizes, while he’s standing there in the living room and picking up hints from the dad and looking at old pictures where both women look uncomfortable: he’s a sexual predator. He touched his daughter inappropriately, because his wife and her mother was somehow loveless (leading to the girl coming back the first time) and so he partook of some fucked-up urges. Only the girl has never been able to accept that it wasn’t her fault, and in talking to Aja and exploring herself is she just getting there. So of course she needs to not LIVE with the motherfucker while she’s coming to grips.

Fortunately for Fred so he doesn’t stab a bitch, the trip to LA is nigh. Aja goes with him, and he plays his demos live, finishing with the new song he’s still writing for her. Of course that’s the song they want, and they hustle him into a recording session with an engineer to lay down a single. On the way back, Best Friend calls and asks if she can stay with him and his parents long enough to graduate high school with her friends, and as their flights land within a couple hours of each other in Sioux Falls, they plan to drive home together. Fred and Aja get there first, and he has to intimidate the dad away from the airport before his friend gets there. Only that can’t work for the whole state: he’s waiting for them to drive out of the parking lot, and attempts to run them off the road to take back his little girl.

Did I mention that it’s winter in South Dakota? The interstate is a sheet of ice, and these assholes are playing chicken at 100 mph. Of course they wreck the cars, and the kids get off with minor bumps and bruises. The dad isn’t so lucky: his car has overturned and trapped him inside. Now the best friend is upset with him, but she’s not a sociopath and he’s still her dad, so they work to pry him out of the car before it explodes. But the way he’s bleeding and choking, he’s probably going to die anyway, so she wants Aja to heal him. And this is Fred’s great test of faith: do I argue against this and risk losing my best friend, or do I go along and risk losing my girlfriend? He finally agrees to let her listen to the Big Person.

Of course Aja collapses immediately upon laying hands on the molester. But by the time emergency response gets to the accident, he’s feeling better and Aja is fading fast. She can now finally tell Fred about her childhood, her past, which she has long avoided. It turns out that her dad was a drug dealer who stole from his bosses, and as punishment they sent three strongarms to kill the whole family. Only when they murdered Aja’s mother, her soul fled her body, leaving a gap for connection to the Big Person. The female enforcer sensed this and took the kid and ran ... and this female enforcer ended up being Racist Principal’s baby momma. No, I don’t know how it works, get your own globe.

But now she’s given her all to Molester Dad and is on her way out. Still, her reason for coming to South Dakota was a good one: love. She knew that Fred needed her, and she knew that he would benefit from the connection she might provide to the Big Person. And even though her time was fated to be short, she feels happy that she completed her mission of love, and trusts that Fred will continue to spread the message. One last kiss, and she’s gone.

They end up at a hospital, and of course they want to do an autopsy on Aja to see why she died so suddenly and unexpectedly. The valet is firmly against it, and manages to get custody of the body and take it home, where he and Fred say one last goodbye before he lights the shit on fire. It’s a good thing she already filled out a will, that gave all her money to Fred, and that the lawyer has a copy of it!

There’s a long-ass epilogue that talks about what happened to everyone. The best friend has kids of her own and almost never talks to her dad, the two other band members founded a holistic medicine company in San Francisco and got married but to other people, and Fred himself was never able to leverage his meeting and audition into his own performing career but now writes hit songs for other people. But I guess none of them are about Aja, because now he had to write a book about it? And it’s done! The end!

See what I mean? This shit has been done before, almost beat for beat, and by the SAME AUTHOR. Now I’m not averse to reading a book again (cf. this whole goddamn project), but at least I’m going into the book knowing it is what it is. I’m not expecting to see something that is labeled a new work that actually retells a previous story that I literally just read. Maybe James Patterson can get away with that, but I don’t read his books either.

At any rate, this post is finally done. I have this monkey off my back, and maybe now I can reflect and give some closure on the whole project. But I’ll save that for another post.

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ayearofpike · 5 years

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Witch World/Red Queen

Witch World

Simon Pulse, 2012 521 pages, 24 chapters + epilogue ISBN 978-1-4424-3028-0 LOC: PZ7.P626 Wi 2012 OCLC: 924501501 Released November 13, 2012 (per B&N)

(HELL YES I DID take this picture in Vegas. Way back in November, underscoring just how behind this entry is.)

Red Queen

Simon Pulse, 2014 ISBN 978-1-4424-3029-7 LOC: PZ7.P626 Rd 2014 OCLC: 1030042441 Released August 19, 2014 (per B&N)

First I have to address the immediate question: It’s the exact same book. Like, down to pagination. (Yes, I read them both. We’ve already established I’m kind of a freak.) I don’t know why it has two different sets of catalog information. I don’t know why they changed the title, but I will hazard a guess that Witch World is a shitty title and it took slow or lacking sales for S&S to convince Pike/Pike to convince S&S to change it. I don’t know why they then picked a title that would be coming out shortly from another publisher, one that would go on to create a much more robust universe and move enough units to muddy any kind of search query. I don’t even really know why I bought them both. I don’t know a lot of things, and I’m not quite masochist enough to find out.

What I do know? This book is more of the same old shit. Like, OK, most people aren’t going to read all 95 of Christopher Pike’s books right on top of each other, so the connections and relationships might slide. But if you do, you start to see that this dude actually has no new or original ideas after ... let’s generously call it 1996. The beautiful girl in the California town in the middle of nowhere who goes on a weekend party outing with her friends, but then meets a dude with mysterious powers and ends up in a fatal situation, only to realize that she’s survived death and now has strength and vision beyond her prior ability or even imagination? A vision that taps her into an alternate parallel universe, where she’s had a child who has the potential to be the most powerful human ever, only evil forces know about this child’s genetics and want to use her for their own selfish and horrific ends? This is The Grave, gang. Well, mostly The Grave, with some Sita and Alosha and, yes, even Spooksville sprinkled in for flavor. But the point is, we’ve seen all of it already.

Pike has previously said that he felt rushed toward the end of his previous S&S days, and that he didn’t put everything he had into the stories he wrote because of being pulled in multiple directions. That’s fair, and it makes sense that he’d want to come back to something he felt wasn’t as good as it could be, something that didn’t get enough care and attention, and make it better. So it’s a little frustrating that this is what we get. Don’t get me wrong, it’s got a lot of potential, but then again, so did The Grave. I can’t help but feel like Pike is still just trying to figure out what has sold, what has been attractive to people who read his books and others like them, and is retreading so much old ground that it’s starting to become flat and uninteresting. (Which might be part of my reticence to finish this project.)

One thing that’s new and notable about WW/RQ: it marks the placement of Pike’s first YA F-bomb. He’s been using “damn,” “hell,” and “bitch” since the beginning, and starting with EoI (eliding maybe one or two in Whisper of Death) he began liberally (not literally, mind) dropping “shit.” But “fuck” has been sacred, hallowed ground, off limits in any but his adult novels, never mind that this is pretty much what all of his characters want to do all the time. So imagine my profound shock when I picked this book up right around its release date* and encountered the word “unfuckable” on page 18. A sign of the times, yes, and of what was becoming permissible in YA, but to someone who had grown up with Pike and expected a certain voice and stance, this felt kind of wrong and out of place. Much like my opinion of Pike in the 21st century in general.

*This was another random club store find in a rural town in southern New Mexico. I don’t know why the store where I mostly bought diapers was getting Pike in hardback on or near release when nobody else even knew these books were available, and can’t imagine I’ll ever find out.

OK, summary time. Jessie Ralle has just graduated from high school and her entire senior class is going to Las Vegas to celebrate. Said entire class is like 200 people — so not only does Pike still not get what a small town is, but he demonstrates increasing disconnect from how young people actually act. Vegas is a two-hour drive from Apple Valley, California (where Jessie’s mom relocated them after her Hollywood doctor dad bailed on them for a hot young nurse, and also where none of this takes place). I barely even wanted to drive across town to my senior party, to say nothing of paying for a hotel and a fancy dinner with a massive group that I barely know. And that was before the Internet and streaming media allowed us to prune and curate what (and who) we interact with so ruthlessly. Like, if this was a class of 40, I’d be on board, but 200?

But apparently it’s a close-knit 200 people, even though we only ever meet like six of ‘em. Jessie’s riding in a car with four others: her best friend since childhood, the uptight salutatorian, the class nerd who of course has always had a crush on Jessie, and Jimmy. Jessie has loved Jimmy from afar since the beginning of high school, and from up close for a couple of months this past winter, but he dumped her to go back to his previous girlfriend, who graduated early and hasn’t been seen around town since. That doesn’t mean Jessie is over him — far from it, actually — so this car ride is either going to work out in her favor or be super awkward and uncomfortable.

They get a three-bedroom suite at the MGM Grand for $150 over a weekend somehow. It is all I can do to suspend my disbelief. Like, I’ve been to Vegas (obviously; see top image). Pike obviously has too; his description of spatial mechanics is (mostly) on point, which is what makes this price thing so jarring. I’ve been responsible for booking hotel rooms there off and on for the last 20 years. And the one time we ever got a suite, it was almost twice that PER NIGHT and still only had one bedroom. (We split it six ways, and we all HAD jobs.) And this was in the beat-ass old Luxor in September 2006. Ain’t no way these fucking CHILDREN managed a SUITE in a PREMIER CENTER STRIP HOTEL SIX YEARS LATER FOR LESS. And Jessie has the gall to fucking COMPLAIN ABOUT THE COST.

I MUST STOP YELLING. I am so a dad, right?

But anyway, Jimmy doesn’t have a room — he wasn’t even sure he was coming on this trip. Jessie’s best friend offers for him to stay with them, which Uptight Salutatorian bitches about, but like, chill the fuck out, there’s a couch, right? He and Jessie have to talk about whether this is OK, and it turns out he left her because his ex was pregnant, but the baby died just after he was born. And Jessie isn’t OK. They’d been together long enough that this smacks of either an excuse or a manipulation, and she doesn’t like either option. She kicks him out and cries a lot, and then the gang all goes to dinner at the Bellagio, which is where this starts to get financially realistic when half the class balks at the cost of the meal and fucking bails. Yet the restaurant serves the rest, even giving these (again) CHILDREN bottles of wine, which messes Jessie up enough to kiss Nerd Crush. In front of Uptight Salutatorian, who (it turns out) likes HIM. So everyone gets pissed off at each other and takes off, and then Jessie and Best Friend go see O (the Cirque show inside the Bellagio).

It’s page 35, by the way. Almost 500 to go yet. At least from here the story gets more focused and straightforward.

After the show, they want to gamble. CHILDREN. But they have fake IDs, so they head down to the Tropicana, an older hotel with lower minimums on blackjack, where they bump into a dude who seems strangely familiar to Jessie, even though she’s sure she never met him before. This dude is in town for a medical conference ... Jessie will later learn about his genome-scanning technology and what it implies for people like her, but she’s gonna have to figure it out first. He has an uncanny ability to win, and people start asking him for advice, but he denies them all. Except Jessie. They quickly pile up hundreds of thousands of dollars, which is where she’s hosed because they’ll never let her cash out that much with a fake ID. So the dude gives her his room key (not at this old-ass dirtball hotel, at the Mandalay Bay across the street) and says he’ll get her money and bring it up in a minute, and she should order some dessert from room service while she’s waiting.

No, they don’t fuck. They almost do, but then Jessie remembers Jimmy and realizes she’s still hung up on him, even though he wronged her and left her hanging. But she learns that the dude will cop to some unnatural method of knowing what’s coming next in the deck, which is why he managed to bet properly at the right times. He doesn’t show her, but he does teach her how to play twenty-two. Not twenty-one, which is blackjack: in twenty-two, aces are only worth one, but red queens are eleven. And if you get a natural twenty-two (queen of hearts and queen of diamonds), you win instantly, PLUS your opponent HAS to try to win their bet back in full on the next hand. The dude doesn’t state why these are the strict rules, but he does imply that a portion of the winnings goes to some mysterious party that doesn’t come clear yet.

So Jessie goes back to the hotel, where Jimmy is sitting on the floor outside. He’s been sexiled from the nerd’s room, because it turns out he was OK going after Uptight Salutatorian (who I guess isn’t so uptight after all). And he’s crying and he’s apologetic, and this coupled with Jessie’s realization in Mystery Gambler’s room is all it takes for her to accept him back. They have breakfast with everyone the next day (room service, more invisible money spent) and then Jessie and Jimmy drive out to Lake Mead to splash and swim and sex. But what’s weird is that it reminds them both of the first time ... which neither of them remembers the same way. Even more awkward is the ex showing up with a warning: “They never take just one, Jessie. They always take both.” (102)

This doesn’t make any sense, right? Well, Mystery Gambler has planted a seed that things might get confusing pretty quick, and invited Jessie to talk to him about it. So she hops in a cab back to his hotel, except the cab takes her out to a creepy industrial area instead. When it finally stops at a stop sign, she bolts, only she doesn’t know where she is now. Luckily, a beautiful woman in a red Porsche pulls up at that exact moment and offers to give her a ride. Which ... aren’t you even the slightest bit concerned that a strange car brought you out here and now another strange car has just pulled up right when you needed it? Obviously not, which is what leads to her getting tased and waking up in a meat freezer, where the safety ax is of course missing. She wrestles with the door and some meat-hanging apparatus for a while, but can’t get it open and ends up spraining her ankle in the process. And even though it’s dangerous to sit, to slow down, to stop moving in this freezer, Jessie can’t help herself.

She wakes up in a hospital. Only this room doesn’t look or feel like a typical hospital room. Plus, she can’t move. She can’t even blink. She’s briefly relieved when two doctors come in, but that goes away when she realizes they’re here to perform the autopsy. The senior doctor gets called out, which is all the other guy needs to start satiating his necrophilia all over Jessie’s corpse. He’s pretty shocked when Jessie suddenly sits bolt upright and curses him out — enough that he has himself a nice little heart attack right there in the morgue. The other doctor comes back, and she seems to know what happened, and is also weirdly thrilled by the guy’s obvious pain? But she leaves without taking any action, and Jessie sees this as her chance to get out of Dodge.

The hospital is downtown, which is a long way from the MGM Grand but at least it’s an obvious straight shot on Las Vegas Boulevard. Only Jessie doesn’t recognize some of these north-end casinos. She goes inside one to get her bearings and is quickly accosted by three punks, who she casually injures like it’s no thing. What’s even stranger is how quickly they back off and the degree of respect they suddenly accord her. And even stranger than that is that the blackjack tables don’t say “blackjack.”

You guessed it. People in Las Vegas are playing red queen.

So now she has to talk to Mystery Gambler more than ever. She walks all the way to the Mandalay Bay, because fuck a taxi anymore, right? Only it’s called the Mandy, and his room on the top floor is now one floor lower than it used to be. But as it turns out, he does have some answers. He first tells Jessie the truth of why he's in Vegas: his whole medical conference story is just a front. There is some basis in reality, in that his group has identified certain genes that, when awakened, enable essentially superpowers. His genetic sensor identified that Jessie has seven of these genes — but he already knew that. He seems to know a creepy amount for some rando she just met. And also, he keeps calling her Jessica, and she realizes she's using a longer version of his name too, reflexively, even though he never called himself that in their interactions.

This, plus the hotels and the casino game and the fact that, y'know, she woke up on a fucking MORGUE TABLE a few hours ago help Jessie to realize the truth of her situation. With a little guided meditation, which helps her to remember things that never actually happened to her, she learns that there are two simultaneous dimensions happening on Earth, we live two lives in parallel, and the extra genes (when activated) allow people to experience both. These people, historically, are who we think of as witches, so for lack of a better term this second dimension is colloquially called witch world. Like, super lazy writing, right? I guess Pike blew his load inventing names for shit in Alosha and couldn't be arsed to consider that maybe twelve thousand years of connected humans might have named something themselves. (Yeah, I said twelve thousand years. Back at it again with the same timeline.)

But one of those things Jessie remembered is having a baby. This is where her father (remember, the dude who bailed on Jessie and her mom) suddenly shows up. We learn that he left (in the “real” world, not in witch world where he’s still present in her life) because he realized the importance of Jessie and her fate, and hoped that his absence would protect both her and the baby to come. (He has the "seeing-the-future" gene, I guess?) According to Dad, this baby is potentially the most important person in the history of both worlds, because she's the only one to have ever been born with all ten extra genes. It's also a weird connection, because this is the only occasion that anybody knows of where a child has been born to different parents in the two worlds. (The kid is an entirely different person because of that, so that's weird too.) But, just like the boyfriend's ex-girlfriend warned, "they" have taken both.

"They" turn out to be a cadre of witches who want to use their powers to elevate themselves rather than ... well, it's never really made super clear what the "good" witches do. Like ... hang out and be immortal? Oh yeah, I didn't mention that once you're awakened you can't die of natural causes. I guess the dad says that sometimes they'll interfere when shit is really going sideways, but for the most part they want regular humans to regulate their own affairs. It's the Telar again! Only, no, wait, they call themselves the "Tar" in this book so it's obviously totally different. And yeah, both babies have been taken; they let the boyfriend think his son died in infancy so that he'd eventually be a lever to manipulate Jessie when he realized he had two living children. But it sounds like the daughter is already causing trouble for her kidnappers, without even being aware of her ten genes, which ...

I don't know, it doesn't make any sense now that I'm writing about it. Like, I'm cool with the parallel dimensions, I'm on board with dying to become awakened, I'm down with extra powers and whatever. I'm even mostly OK with this story reusing so many assets from all these past books. But like ... how does the baby have some (even unconscious) control of her locked genetic powers when her counterpart in the real world is not only still alive, but had a different MOTHER and is therefore a totally different PERSON? The first chapter of the sequel (all I’ve read of it so far) doesn’t make it look promising that we’re ever gonna find out, so just keep suspending the shit out of that disbelief, I guess.

But anyway, now that Jessie’s connected, she’s hell-bent on rescuing her baby. Which I think she would have done even if she were still separated, but whatever. And I know, easy to think that not actually having a memory of the baby might make it difficult, but these memories are slowly bubbling up and emerging, especially strong ones like parenthood and family. She’s been warned against contacting Jimmy (or “James,” I guess) in witch world, but she doesn’t hesitate to tell him all the crazy shit that’s happened to her in the real world.

(This is another reason I have a problem with the lazy naming conventions on display. To witches, “witch world” is the most real. Each day takes place first there in their perceptions, followed by the same day in the “real world.” We’ll also see how events in witch world have a stronger effect on events in the real world; namely, if you die in witch world you pretty much always die in the real but the inverse is not true. So, once again, why wouldn’t witches have come up with some more appropriate naming patterns at least, given how old the oldest is? Just more lazy crap we gotta swallow.)

So anyway, Jimmy doesn’t believe her; he thinks someone drugged Jessie with a hallucinogenic and now she’s having altered state memories. So she gets out of the car they’re driving to the desert and picks it up to prove her new strength. Why are they driving in the desert? For some reason, Jessie is drawn to the power associated with the nuclear tests that the government ran in the barren nowhere that is most of Nevada. There’s gotta be a reason, after all, that the centers of witch power are here. So they bust into the deserted testing ground, only to discover it’s not that deserted — there’s a kid out there apparently living by himself. He takes to Jimmy immediately and agrees to come back to the city with them, where they’re going to talk more to Jessie’s dad.

The kid can’t speak, but he can write — with a prehensile tail that he has heretofore hidden by wrapping it around his waist. He tells them about the other freaks that live out in the nuked test cities, as well as the mean man who brings him food. The rationale isn’t clear, and the kid isn’t talking ... well ... you know what I mean. But this is where Jimmy finds out his son is still alive and being used as bait. And dude fucking TAKES it: as soon as his ex calls and wants to discuss what she might know about the children, not only does he refuse to step back and let the powerful people handle the rescue, but he actually wants to go through the death process in order to awaken his awareness of both sides.. They don’t let him do that, because apparently our good guys are not allowed to actively connect more witches, except when they are. So all they can do is talk to the ex and learn that she doesn’t care who she sells out to as long as it saves her son, which ... fair. But Jimmy isn’t willing to go that far, and they head back to her dad’s house to regroup, where they realize they’re being watched.

Or they were, I guess. There’s a car with two obvious spies in it, but they’re dead, and the killer is hanging out nearby. This dude is, we learn, second-in-command of the Tar leadership, a five-thousand-year-old Celt who wants to take a more proactive approach in encouraging good and deterring evil in both humans and witches, mostly with his sword. He’s a Highlander, is what I’m trying to say. He takes Jessie out to a sacred spring in the mountains, where they swim naked together, as you do when you first meet an ancient Celtic swordsman, right? But there’s some cliff writing out here, written by the ancient people in a script the Highlander knows, having been taught it by the man who turned him so many years ago. It describes a woman who will have such power that she controls the destiny of the world, and it’s essentially Jessie’s daughter. So like ... tell me something I don’t know, right? What’s more new and unusual is the Highlander’s description of red queen, how it was taught to him and spread throughout ancient Rome, and how a certain percentage of all winnings, no matter who takes it, has to ultimately return to his benefactor, who we’ll call the Alchemist because that’s what Pike calls him.

We’re going to have to wait on more description, because the Highlander takes Jessie home and we skip-cut forward to the next night in witch world, where she’s meeting the leadership council and discussing their intents to rescue the baby. Mystery Gambler is there too; he's going to act as Jessie's liaison to the bad guys, having served as a double agent since the Civil War. This scene seems like it might be superfluous, except that you mostly only retain the memories from the dimension in which you die, and so the council knows that Jessie needs some backstory. (Don't we all.) The main thing we get out of this is that they've kind of figured out that WANTING to activate their witch genes has a high correlation with witches going bad at all, especially when they try to engineer the birth of high-number witches. So Jessie's contact with Jimmy was carefully arranged so as to appear NOT engineered, because even though the future sight told them that these two were compatible and would fall in love and make a power baby, any appearance of forcing it could make things all fucked up.

So Jessie's entire life is a sham, manipulated by sources of power she was never supposed to see, one of those being her own goddamn father.

What next? Well, on to the other purpose of this meeting: prep for said meeting with the bad guys. The council expects that they're going to offer Jessie her baby back, as long as both of them live under bad-guy control, and they want her to string them along while they figure out what to do. Great fuckin' plan, guys. You've been trying to make a power baby for how many thousand years, and you didn't have a contingency plan if it got kidnapped?

But so Jessie and Mystery Gambler go to the next meeting, and this is starting to sound like work. As it turns out, the leader of the bad guys is (plot twist that surprises nobody!) the coroner who was unfazed when Jessie sat up in the morgue. She's making this deal because the baby is difficult, and they think that if she has her mother that they'll be able to control her and her powers. They let Jessie hold her, which activates even more of those mom connections, but when they go to take her away the baby cries and creates almost a physical wall, which the big strong guard man has to fight with all his might to overcome. President Coroner has no qualms with the possibility that she might have to kill both baby and mom if they don't cooperate. In fact, she invites Jessie to die right here and now, by forcing her to fight for her life against Mystery Gambler. For Jessie, this is proving her worth and her importance in being allowed into the bad-guy circle. For Mystery Gambler, it's a step up to a higher ranking of leadership. For President Coroner, it's TV. So they have a monster sword fight ... well, Mystery Gambler has a sword; Jessie has a bamboo stick that proves its power when she somehow shoots fire out the end and totally incinerates the dude. Which is cool by the bad guys, because they already knew MG was a double agent and wanted him dead anyway. And then there's another kid ... this one with a tail ... only instead of a blunt prehensile end, this one has a stinger like a scorpion's. Guess whose kid THIS is.

Back in the real world, Jessie and Jimmy go see her dad, who confirms that there was a mysterious fire on the top floor of the Mandalay Bay the night before, with one fatality. Which ... does this even come close to matching the timeline? How could it have already happened if the day hasn't happened yet? But whatever — the important thing is that the council wants Jessie to accept the bad guys' offer and go live with the baby. The tail-boy is still here, though Jessie's dad says he's riddled with malignant tumors and can't possibly live too much longer. But they realize that if he can tap into those cross-dimensional memories, the way Jessie and Jimmy were doing when they argued about fucking all the way back ... two days ago, then maybe they can use him to triangulate the area where witch-tail-boy lives, presumably with President Coroner. He leads them to a gated community at the base of a mountain, which they figure is good intel to take back to the council even if they're not ready to investigate yet.

Jessie does want to try to find the area where she got dumped and zapped the day she was killed, for ... you know, reasons. She hears cries of pain coming out of the sewer in the general area she thinks it was, and in investigating she runs into the big mean guard from the bad guy meeting. He thinks it's been a waste of time trying to get her on their side and is just about to kill her when the Highlander shows up and unceremoniously lops off his head. He has some more info about what might be going on down here, and it has to do with his dearest and oldest love: that’s right, President Coroner.

They met in ancient Rome, around the turn of the calendar, but every effort they made to procreate ended in tragedy. One son was killed in battle fighting the Huns, one daughter (and her children) died of the plague, and a final son (who, let it be known, they named HERME) disappeared during the US Revolutionary War. All this loss made the poor woman so bitter and angry that she naturally began striving for control, including supporting Hitler (like, literally helping him) during WWII. The Highlander thinks there's another dimension to her having gone there, though: somehow she can feed off the pain of misery and death, and is addicted to it. Also, it gives her another power of being able to confound people, which the Highlander experienced when trying to reason with her around the time of the Hiroshima nuclear explosion and again when the power baby was kidnapped. Is it helping anybody that he's holding out on the council with this info?

So he takes Jessie back to the hotel, where she owes her best friend an explanation — only she already knows. Turns out that this dude she's been hooking up with in Vegas is a witch too, and has explained to her the ins and outs and difficulties of what's going on with Jessie, up to a point. Turns out this dude is ALSO a double agent, here supposedly on assignment from the bad guys but just about ready to turn face, at least partly because he's found himself in love with the friend. After two days. His primary power is the ability to change his appearance at will, which Jessie learns in a jarring fashion upon waking up in witch world and finding a tall hunky dude in her suite in place of this pudgy nerd. She has that gene too, he says, and helps her start down the path of disguising herself. She quickly gets good at it and then realizes: couldn't I use this power to sneak into that gated community and steal back my baby?

Obviously it's not going to be so easy as walking into the joint and walking back out with The Special, even disguised as President Coroner as she is. First of all, she doesn't even know for sure that the baby is here now, and she does know that the actual boss is in town, not here. (Lucky thing, right, when she goes through the guard shack in full makeup.) So instead she goes to Jimmy's ex-girlfriend's place. Don't ask me how she knows that THIS is an option, or that the girl is indeed even home, or that she is living there at all. There's not even really a reason to believe that she can help, or that she even KNOWS anything about the baby. But Jessie's concerned about the competition, and fairly confident that her target doesn't have the strength gene and will therefore be easy enough to overpower. It proves true in terms of tying the girl up and throwing her in the trunk of her car, but Jessie isn't counting on being lied to. The ex kicks through the backseat and forces Jessie off the road, where they have an epic Matrix battle that culminates in Jessie punching a hole in the gas tank and exploding the thing with an emergency flare. She feels a surge of pleasure while the ex-girlfriend dies, which is ... creepy? Shows some link to President Coroner? What else does it mean?

It at least means that Jessie should be prepared when she goes to talk to President Coroner tonight. She buys a handgun at a pawn shop, then meets Jimmy James in front of the Tropicana, where the big ugly bodyguard picks them up in a limo. James takes a little while to get in the car, and he doesn't sit right next to Jessie for some reason. The car takes them back to the gated community, to the biggest house, where President Coroner is waiting. Negotiations don't really go as well as could be hoped, since the boss already knows that she's not the one who kidnapped the ex in the trunk of a car. But while they're working out their threats and measuring their dicks, who should walk in but the Highlander. He's finally talked the Tar council into using brain powers to murder his dearest love, and as one person has to be present to make it work, guess who volunteered. Only the big mean bodyguard is holding the baby, and he'll rip her in half if they make a move against his boss. This is a good time for the best friend's boyfriend, the shapeshifting teacher, to appear out of thin air, grab the gun out of Jessie's waistband, and cap the bodyguard in the head. Yeah, he was sitting between them for the whole car ride, like there's not enough seats in a limo for him to stretch out somewhere else. Cockblocker.

But here's the weirdest part: President Coroner recognizes him. That's right, bitches — Herme lives! He has seen the evil his mother is doing and has finally come out of hiding to try to help put a stop to it. And James helped him because he knows what's going on in both worlds. He's experienced it, actually: after Jessie fell asleep, he killed himself (with Herme's help) so he could be fully present and help in witch world. I have more timeline problems and concerns, obviously, starting with the question of how Jimmy could possibly be here today if he hasn't yet killed himself, but that's not where the characters are right now. Right now they're concerned with stopping this ultimate evil who doesn't seem to care about murder. So Herme and his Highlander dad point blue brain lasers at President Coroner, who generates a red bubble to stop them, because everything we have to know about good and evil energy colors we learned from Star Wars.

And now Jessie finds herself inside the red bubble. She's been the most susceptible of those exposed to PC, after all, and so she might be convertible to the pain-suckers. She relives all of the memories that our dear villain has of her children dying and of how the pain could be turned into a pleasurable sensation, and it's just hypnotic enough and convincing enough that, as Jessie finds herself back in her own body, she can be persuaded to take her gun back from Herme and shoot the Highlander. He doesn't die, but he's weakened enough that President Coroner can steal his sword and stab him in the heart.

So now what? Well, it's a good thing Jimmy's here to save everybody! What would we do without a white dude who's barely aware of his powers? But he knows that together, with Jessie and the baby, they have a strength that is impossible to overcome. So they manage to paralyze our villain, but now her scorpion son shows up and wants to murder too. Only — plot twist! — he murders his mom! Turns out that when Jimmy killed himself, he also killed tail-boy in the real world, and now HE'S got good-guy memories. This is really telling about President Coroner's parenting skills that all of her living children not only think that she has to die, but show up to help DO IT.

But now all is good and we can move forward as a family, right? Totally! At least until Jessie wakes up in the real world and finds Jimmy lying beside her, still and cold and dead.

This would have been a good place to stop, right? Of course he doesn't. Two days later, Jessie and her best friend are home from Jimmy's funeral, talking about what's going on and all the implications, when suddenly there's a sound at the door — the mail box. (Does anybody still have one of these shits in 2012? Most rural neighborhoods are going to the community box.) Jessie collects the mail, among which is a red envelope containing a letter from the Alchemist (remember that dude) anticipating a future meeting and sending best wishes from ... President Coroner.

And that is the end of Witch World! Or Red Queen, whichever one you picked up. Like, are we starting to understand how Pike has so little grasp of world-building that he has ALREADY killed his main antagonist AND the potential monkey wrench in Jessie's future relationships? Doesn't he realize none of us are going to get invested in a world where you don't stay dead after you die? I mean, except zombies. But since that's not what we're talking about, I can't possibly imagine where Black Knight is going to take us. I mean, I can, because I've read the back copy, and it doesn't look remotely related. Maybe that's one more reason I've been stalling on this entry: to keep me away from the annoying-looking next one.

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ayearofpike · 6 years

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Spooksville #21: The Living Dead

Pocket Books, 1998 99 pages, 10 chapters ISBN 0-671-00269-4 LOC: CPB Box no. 1260 vol. 10 OCLC: 38471705 Released March 1, 1998 (per B&N)

The cemetery is boiling with undead bodies coming back to life. They’re looking for someone who has cheated the Grim Reaper out of a soul by somehow being alive twice in one time: Watch. The friends go to Ann Templeton for help, and it turns out that she’s had an experience with attempting to renege on a deal with death. The only way to help Watch, she knows, is to try again.

Holy shit, continuity! Like, this book follows RIGHT on the heels of the previous story, continuing the same narrative. Oh, and wait until you see what they bring back later on. Is he just messing with me, or has Pike started to run out of original ideas?

The first skeleton shows up as Adam and Watch are walking past the cemetery at dusk. It tackles a random adult who happens to be walking by, but then recalibrates and goes straight for Watch, like it was demanded. Adam knows it’ll be pointless to try to fight a skeleton without a weapon, so he tracks down a stout stick and beats the crap out of it, eventually teeing off on its head, which stops the attack. They decide to wait for morning to investigate further, and bring the rest of the gang with them. The only disturbed grave is a man who died some three years before, which library research reveals was a police officer killed in the line of duty. Why was he after Watch? They still don’t know, but they realize the best way to find out is to stake out the cemetery.

As they’re watching and waiting, a hand reaches up out of the ground and starts to drag Sally down. Watch digs down into the loose earth and starts wailing on the skeleton through its coffin. Ultimately he manages to knock its head off too, but it’s scratched Sally’s leg, so she’s ready to suck it up and admit she’s out of her element. So now they do what they should have done in the first place: they go ask Ann Templeton.

As it happens, Ann’s dearest friend was responsible for her previous deal with death. She’s not optimistic for Watch, though, because of her past experience. What happened was her friend’s fiance was hit by a car and suffered internal injuries bad enough to turn him into a vegetable. The friend wouldn’t let him go, though, to the point where Ann actually pulled the plug herself when she was out of the room. But that wasn’t enough to convince the friend: she staked out the grave and refused to let the Reaper get close. Instead, she offered a deal: her life for one more day with her beloved. Sounded like a steal to Mr. Grim, but when the dude woke up he was horrified. They went to Ann for help in hiding, who managed to beckon some aliens to take them far and away. Of course, the reaper was not to be dissuaded, and took the pair in their sleep, right on schedule. So if deep space can’t stop death, what can?

It’s time, too. The castle is surrounded by skeletons, and there will be no escaping. The witch does agree to come along with Watch and plead his case, even though it’s unlikely to do any good. He also asks to stop by his house before he goes, and they end up facing the Grim Reaper with Watch’s suitcase because I guess you can take it with you. Ann Templeton talks up Watch’s positives and good points, but none of it is enough to make up for the fact that Mr. Skullhead is owed a soul. So Ann Templeton offers her own life in place of her dear friend’s, swearing on the body that is buried next to her ancestor to keep the bargain.

Before the skeleton guards can move to take our dear witch to her doom, Watch yells to all the humans to gather by him as he whips something out of his suitcase. Some kinda toy robot with a clock in its chest. Yep — he hung onto the Time Toy, or the Time Terror, or whatever you want to call it, and has managed to transport himself and his friends ten billion years into the future, far enough that the Reaper won’t find them right away. Of course, this is a stopgap; Ann Templeton knows he’ll find them eventually. But they have time to make some plans, and Watch first sends the witch back to their own time before returning himself and his friends to his house.

They have to attract as many skeletons as possible, Watch says, for reasons he’s keeping to himself for the moment. As it so happens, there are already two in there, dancing to ‘60s records on Watch’s record player. Maybe they’ll be interested in music, the kids think, and so hook up some giant speakers to let the skeletons know about a spooky house party.

When the house is sufficiently full, the kids reveal themselves, and are immediately taken prisoner and marched back to the cemetery, where the Reaper is waiting for them. He demands that Watch give up the whereabouts of Ann Templeton or he’ll have to take her place again, and Watch rebuts that this was never part of the deal, and that Death will have to renegotiate it with the witch herself. And as it turns out, she’s there, next to a funeral pyre that nobody noticed somehow even though it’s a giant flame in the middle of a graveyard. Of course she dug up Old Watch’s body and burned it, thus making her swearing on his body in the cemetery null and void. I don’t know if that’s how it works? But the Grim Reaper admits defeat and goes back into his hole, never to be seen again or at least until someone else dies.

And that’s The Living Dead! Yep, another misleading cover. Also of note: Bryce has admitted having feelings for Cindy but not acting on them because she’s Adam’s girl. This would be news to Adam, I think, and Cindy quickly refutes it by saying she is not shackled to anybody right now and that she might be open to exploring feelings for Bryce. You snooze, you lose, short stuff!

#spooksville #spookstober

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ayearofpike · 6 years

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Spooksville #20: The Dangerous Quest

Pocket Books, 1998 117 pages, 13 chapters ISBN 0-671-00268-6 LOC: not listed OCLC: 38115173 Released January 1, 1998 (per B&N)

Watch loves fantasy novels, but in Spooksville anything can become reality. His interest in one in particular has drawn a wizard to him, who has then placed a curse that is making him rapidly sicken. The only clues are the book and the Secret Path, and so the Spook Squad splits up to find a cure to Watch’s illness before it’s too late. But when they find almost identical other-dimension selves at the other end, we have to wonder if it’s ... TWO late?

Me and my big mouth. As soon as I knock on Night of the Vampire for being simple and straight-forward, we get this monstrosity (literally; it’s the longest one in a while). Magic, alternate dimensions, shapeshifting, multiple selves, and (not to scare anyone off too quickly) time travel all in one book. Let’s dig in.

Nobody knows Watch is sick until he suddenly collapses in the donut shop. He tells the story of trying to resell a book in the local bookstore the previous day when someone comes in looking for it. He invited Watch to discuss it over coffee, but before they even started talking about the story this weirdo touched Watch’s forehead with a green stone. He got dizzy long enough to not notice the guy leaving, but managed to follow him to Madeline Templeton��s tombstone. And it’s been getting worse ever since.

How long do the kids have? Probably not much. They agree to split up: Adam and Sally will retrace the Secret Path and try to find this obviously evil wizard, and Bryce and Cindy will work on finding the book and seeing what kind of connection there might be. This means starting at the bookstore, because Watch is pretty sure the dude never actually bought the book. They have to deal with the creepy bookseller, Mr. Carver, who evidently Bryce has a deal with about being allowed to keep his knives as long as he doesn’t use them on anything living? Squick. But he did sell the book after all, and gives them the name and address of the dude who bought it.

When they get to his house, though, he’s not interested in sharing the book, even after they tell him about the creepy guy who cursed their friend. He does want to see the portal that the dude jumped through, so they agree that Cindy will take him to the cemetery while Bryce runs an errand with his aunt, wink wink. Obviously the guy knows what’s up, because he takes Cindy hostage as soon as they’re at the cemetery and marches her back to his house, where Bryce is just at the door with the book under his arm. There’s a standoff — Bryce has a lighter to the book, Creepo is holding Cindy by the neck — but they agree that if Bryce gives up the book, Creepo will tell them what’s in it. Of course he doesn’t; instead he grabs both kids and chucks them in the basement. What he DOESN’T know is that Bryce has already been there and gone and back — he was RETURNING the book, after having made a photocopy of it. So he and Cindy settle down to read it.

Before I get to that, let me go back to the portal kids. They emerge in a land that is completely green, or maybe it just looks that way because the sun is green. They’re not there long before another Adam and Sally appear. Apparently they’re from a parallel dimension to our heroes, but their Watch is so sick that he couldn’t drag himself through the Secret Path. (Our Watch, of course, insisted.) They see a castle in the distance and decide there’s no better option than to try to walk to it.

(This is not too far out of line. Pike even acknowledges the Emerald City/yellow brick road trope in the text.)

But before they get too far, an armored warrior princess leaps out from the trees and demands to know who these trespassers are. They tell her the story of identical green-stone illnesses, and she concedes that the castle is the only place where they might find a cure, but there’s no way they can walk it. Instead, they’re going to have to ride pterodactyls. Well, the warrior doesn’t call them that, but that’s what they are. But they aren’t tame, of course; the gang will have to jump from above and surprise them. After a sticky moment where the Sallys miss their mount and the warrior has to save them, they get on board and manage to fly to the castle in no time.

Inside is the dude who cursed Watch. He’s like, dude, there’s nothing I can do, and Watch is all duh, I know that, I already read the story. Um, what? It turns out that the book was about a warrior princess who liked to go out hunting, only she accidentally killed a powerful witch in the guise of a boar and so his daughter cursed her with a fatal illness. The prince, her love, insisted that the young witch release the curse, but the only method to do so was to transfer it. But because the princess was royalty, it would require two brave and wise and good souls to take on the burden. Watch knew as soon as she appeared, of course, that the story was true, but he didn’t tell because he didn’t want anyone else to suffer. It’s true that our warrior princess is suddenly healed from an illness, but she is pretty pissed that the two Watches didn’t know they were taking on her curse. So they go to find the witch to see what she can do — and if it means the warrior takes back ownership of the curse, then so be it.

So they go to the dungeon, where the witch is locked up, and they demand she do something. She’s like, idiots, I already told you what needed to be done, and there’s not a whole lot you can do to change it. But suddenly the prince gets a shiver, like part of him just died. And it did! The dude back in Spooksville who was guarding the book is a kind of shadow-double of the prince, and he’s realized that it should have been him taking on the curse the whole time instead of trying to find some children who could sympathize with it. So he burns the book and dies with it, which makes the real prince realize it too. But before the witch can transfer the spell over, Watch speaks up. He wants to know if he’s worth enough that the other Watch doesn’t have to die. And this act of valor confirms it, and so when he closes his eyes and stops breathing, it’s the end of the curse.

No, seriously. Watch is dead.

They take his body back to Spooksville and bury it in the cemetery next to Madeline Templeton’s grave. Like, what else could they do? Watch had no family, probably not much money, and his only friends were this group of twelve-year-olds. Ann Templeton and Bum are there too, lots of tears, lots of mourning.

Until Watch walks into the cemetery.

Remember the time robot that sent the kids back to Colonial Spooksville and made a huge mess out of everything in the timeline? No, of course you don’t, and neither does anybody else: Watch made it so that they never found the robot in the first place. But he never went all the way away, either. He’s been paying attention to the gang’s activities, and when it transpired that he died, it made sense that maybe he could be alive again.

I don’t know, though. Things will never be the same, because the new Watch doesn’t have the experiences of the last month or so, and the others aren’t likely to forget fucking BURYING HIM any time soon. Still, I imagine that this is going to go away faster than even I expect. Much like my hopes of finally figuring out what the kid’s deal is and why his parents abandoned him in this burg.

#spooksville #spookstober

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ayearofpike · 6 years

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Spooksville #16: Time Terror

Pocket Books, 1997 113 pages, 12 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-00264-3 LOC: CPB Box no. 257 vol. 26 OCLC: 36777822 Released May 1, 1997 (per B&N)

The robot toy in the alley behind the movie theater looks too awesome to leave alone. But when the Spook Squad starts messing with it, they find themselves back in the earliest days of the town. Luckily, they make it back home without any ill effects, but the curiosity of learning what this place is and why proves too much to not go back again. Of course, they can’t get lucky twice, and everything they see and everyone they talk to just ends up making their situation worse or weirder.

Quick metadiscourse: While doing research on Spooksville, I learned that only the first twelve books were republished to coincide with the TV series. This makes me wonder: do I need to also read the new versions of these if I’m trying to be a completist? I’m not going to worry too much about it right now, but maybe when I get to the end I’ll revisit them in a single post, as is my plan for the reprints of early Scholastic/Archway stuff.

On to Time Terror! It starts out a lot more straight-forward than we’ve come to expect from Spooksville, which has been hurling us into multiple twisted paths for the main characters pretty much right away. (Hey, when a book has to stay under 120 pages, he needs to start without preamble.) But here, the kids go to a movie and then find a robot clock in the alley behind the theater. They fiddle with it, and it unexpectedly sends them back in time, to the early foundational days of Spooksville. Watch figures out how to set it to send them back home before they can go mucking things up, and they agree that Sally should hide it in her garage so nobody else inadvertently finds it. That’s the first three chapters.

But if you know Sally (and by now you should) you ought to expect her to not leave well enough alone, despite her highly developed sense of impending doom. She gets the robot out, but before she can do anything with it Adam is there. It seems he didn’t trust her to leave it alone, and obviously he was right. But he’s a curious SOB too, and so Sally convinces him that they can finally learn why Spooksville is the way it is, if they can get back to exactly the same time they went to earlier. Of course, her house is in a different place, and they don’t quite set the clock the same way, so they materialize in the middle of a group of people who — guess what — take them for witches and imprison them alongside Madeline Templeton, who is slated to be burned at the stake that evening.

Cindy learns about this from Adam’s dad. Well, not THIS this, but he calls to ask if Adam is still hanging out with her, because he hasn’t come home yet. She calls Watch, who immediately knows that Adam must have been checking on Sally because he was tempted to do the same thing. They pick up Bryce and head over to Sally’s, where they find the robot in the middle of the garage rather than in its hiding place. As they argue about what it might mean, Bryce ... disappears. So do Watch’s glasses and watches and Cindy’s long blonde hair. But ... what’s the problem? Watch never wore glasses or four watches. (But then why is his name still fucking WATCH?) Cindy always had red hair. They came to Sally’s just the two of them; there wasn’t another guy in the group.

But their uneasiness about this situation is enough to make them realize that Adam and Sally must have gone back and changed something to make them unsure about what, to them, has always been the status quo. So they fiddle with the robot clock and end up ... in the far future, somehow. Watch must have fucked up. Lucky for them, a kid shows up and praises how they’re dressed as the Legendary Heroes, to get the full experience of attending the Spooksville City Museum. He’s been studying the Heroes and how they defeated so many deadly evils and terrors, so for today, his twelfth birthday, he wanted to experience the museum first-hand. Of course, all the adventures have been documented, so he knows all about the robot clock (or, as it’s been described in Cindy’s diary, the Time Terror) and how it works. So Cindy and Watch really have no choice but to commandeer the kid’s knowledge to get themselves back to wherever Adam and Sally are trapped.

(The kid’s name? Tweek.)

(I swear to fucking God.)

The future kids’ arrival in Old-Timey Spooksville (where, for some reason, everyone has British names in eighteenth-century California; thanks, white colonialism) distracts the lynch mob just as they’re lighting the fire to burn the three witches. Only the judge or governor or whoever he is sticks around, but obviously he’s powerless to prevent Madeline Templeton from freeing herself and the two kids, who she understands in her mystical wisdom to be friendly with her future descendant. He does try to go after the weakest one himself to save a little face (in this case, Sally, who’s struggling with smoke inhalation), but the witch trips him, which causes him to fall on his own sword. And that is the end of Jeff Poole.

Poole. Oh. Oh shit.

After a quick detour to primordial Spooksville, Adam realizes his mistake and figures out the time robot through trial and error. They go home for his laser gun and then back to Old-Timey Spooksville, where the future kids have been tied to the same stakes to burn. Adam starts zapping dudes with the stun beam while Sally unties the others, and they all run for the witch’s castle to regroup and figure out what the hell to do. If Governor Poole were rendered unconscious before Madeline Templeton freed herself, they’re convinced, she wouldn’t have attacked him at all, so he’d live to sire the line up to Bryce. So Adam goes back to just before they escape but just AFTER the mob goes to hunt Watch and Cindy, zaps the governor with the stun beam, and then comes back.

Where Bryce is, having would-have come with Watch and Cindy on their original journey through time. (Hey, YOU figure out the verb tense there.) But he’s ... different. Stupid. Maybe mentally handicapped. We don’t, after all, really know what effect the stun beam has on human physiology. It’s probable that Adam inadvertently changed the ancestor’s genetic structure, which then refined its way down to Bryce mumbling about toy trucks and licking his palms. AND Watch can still see, AND they’re stuck in this castle which is under an attack not noted in the history books, which is SURELY gonna fuck something else up. Will Tweek ever get back home to finish celebrating his birthday?

There’s only one way to solve this problem once and for all. One of them has to go back (or rather, ahead) to just before they found the Time Terror and hide it. That way, they never touch it, they never go back to the past, they never change the way history is composed, and they all stay the same. But what does that mean for the person who does it? They’re a time-shifted variant of themselves existing in the same time, and if they ever cross paths with themselves it might be disastrous to the world. So Watch volunteers. He’s always been alone, he’s prepared to strike out on his own and not rely on his past, and besides he called it.

So when the Spook Squad comes out of the movie theater this time, there’s nothing on the ground, even though they oddly expect something to be. Watch most of all — he’s having the weirdest case of deja vu. But they shake it off and continue on their merry way, oblivious to the strange kid hiding in the darkness bidding them farewell.

Just like in all time travel stories, there are a lot of unanswered questions about causality and paradoxes and whatnot. But honestly, I feel like Pike has done the best he could with the space available and the expectations of the audience and genre. It’s certainly a more complicated story than you’d expect to find in a junior-grade horror series book, and we can move forward without being too frustrated or confused by what it signifies. I’m assuming Future-Watch is gone forever? But then again, I thought Tira was gonna be in this one too. Let’s just keep plugging along without expectations. It’s safer.

#spookstober #spooksville

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ayearofpike · 6 years

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Spooksville #22: The Creepy Creature

Pocket Books, 1998 112 pages, 12 chapters ISBN 0-671-00270-8 LOC: CPB Box no. 1474 vol. 13 OCLC: 39525120 Released August 1, 1998 (per B&N)

A slime monster has eaten and absorbed Bryce Poole. Cindy Makey is the only one to have seen it happen, and when they find Bryce in the woods it’s naturally hard to believe her. But Bryce is acting different. Strange. And when he slimes out of his bed and tries to attack his other friends, they realize Cindy was telling the truth, and they have to go back into the woods to stop these creatures from invading and multiplying. But the trail leads back to a land that they’ve heard of before, and the slime monsters are only a small part of it.

This fuckin’ book gave me whiplash. We’ll get there. But I’m not convinced that Pike was totally happy with the beginning. A lot of the searching and talking is somewhat haphazardly written (like this blog), like he just didn’t care about that part and wanted to get on to the good stuff (like this blog). With two more Spooksvilles coming down the lane, he must have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and been ready to be done. Hmm, where have we seen that before.

It’s fortuitous that I closed my last post talking about Bryce and Cindy and their feels, because this one opens with them walking in the woods alone together. Cindy is trying to drop hints that maybe she’s interested in Bryce, but Bryce is too busy being a twelve-year-old boy with a savior complex to really understand what’s being said. It doesn’t really matter, because this ... THING oozes up behind him and starts reaching tentacles. They try to run, and for a minute they think they’re safe, but then it lunges out from behind a bush and totally absorbs Bryce. Cindy has no choice but to run.

She finds her friends — where else — eating donuts, and tells them what happened to Bryce. After a quick pit stop at the army surplus for flamethrowers (like, this fuckin’ town, man), they hike up to the caves where the creature first appeared. And they run into Bryce, who says that he walked into a monster spider web and the spider in it must have scared Cindy away. Which ... bullshit, because these guys know Cindy and she’s seen a lot worse than a goddamn spider. But he insists that now he’s tired and wants to go home, so they just follow him.

They split up back in town. Adam and Watch have to return the flamethrowers, but then they part ways too, and Adam is almost home for dinner when Cindy leaps out of a bush and insists they go confront Bryce now, because Bryce is not Bryce. She knows what she saw, and even throws in a tidy little The Thing reference to try to make Adam understand. He still doesn’t totally believe her, but agrees to go along and stake out the house. Bryce isn’t there yet, but when he does get home he takes off all his clothes and oozes across the bed. So now Adam is convinced.

What to do? Maybe they can burn it. Bryce happens to have several gas cans in his garage, and the house goes up without an argument. Only — oh shit! — he got out, and is now going to grab and turn both Adam and Cindy. This doesn’t last too long, because Watch has been tailing them with his flamethrower that he checked back out I guess, like the army surplus in Spooksville is a lending library, and he torches The Blob Formerly Known as Bryce into so much melted Jell-o.

So just like Harry Potter, these kids gotta go fighting battles that nobody else is willing to back. They wake Sally and get more flamethrowers, then make their way up to the caves. Watch decides they need to follow the one with the most slime around the opening, because duh, and they take it down. And down. And down. And eventually it starts opening up and spreading out and being lit by a strange green light, almost like there’s a sky with a nebulous light source over the top of this massive cavern, which is so big that even Pike seems to forget they’re fucking underground.

They bump into another slime creature, which grabs Sally’s ankle but otherwise seems to have no interest in ingestion. Watch decides to get a better angle on burning it away, so he climbs a tree and shoots straight down. Of course, this pisses the creature off, and before Watch can do much damage it lashes out and grabs him and takes off. So the other kids gotta follow, right?

They smell smoke and see hints of activity in the distance, but before they can get really close a rock comes chasing after them. Literally — it’s a big ass rock monster, running straight at Sally. Why does she keep getting targeted down here? Before she can even scream, this purple laser shoots out of nowhere and blows it up. The wielder is a beautiful young woman with purple hair, dressed for combat in that way male artists do female superheroes: breast plate, bare arms, bare legs, high boots. Come to think of it, the warrior princess in The Dangerous Quest was dressed much the same. Frickin’ Pike.

The woman says that they need to go with her to the control center of her city, because the rock monsters are taking over and they’re not safe out here. She doesn’t seem to know anything about the slime monsters, which is weird if this is where they came from. You see the hard turn this storyline just took? Whiplash.

Watch pops out of a bush, or at least he thinks he’s Watch. The others keep a careful eye on him, but they’re not ready to just kill, because he’s saying all the right things and in that analytical way Watch has. But he’s naked, because the slime creature stole his clothes, so Adam has to give up his shirt for Watch’s modesty (which he takes as another sign that it’s really Watch; would a slime monster care if you could see its ding-dong?). They make it to the control center, and the warrior takes them straight to the top, where there’s an old man — and Bryce.

And yes, it’s really Bryce, the old man confirms. He’s been brought here by the slime creature, which the man created, to fight for the sake of Lemuria. Yeah, did you figure it out? Somehow the cave took them to this underwater continent, which might explain the green light if it’s all sealed off overhead. But the slime creatures were meant to only duplicate fighters, not to hurt their targets or try to do stuff on their own, so it should be all OK. Still, sometimes our creations go awry and do things we don’t expect. The old man acknowledges as much, with a knowing glance at the warrior (who of course is his child).

The old guy says that the rock monsters are aliens coming up from the deep, where they’ve lived more or less peacefully, because Lemuria is shifting and crowding their domain. So now the rock monsters want to take over not just the undersea continent, but all of them. The only way to stop them is to overload the security shield on the control center when the rocks have gotten close enough, which will blow both the locals and the invaders sky-high. Nobody seems upset about this, but obviously our human friends don’t want to die in someone else’s war. It so happens that there’s a hidden high-speed train that can take them back to the mouth of the tunnel that brought them down here. But Adam insists that the girl come with them and escape, and live out the rest of her life even though she doesn’t seem to know what that means.

As they hit the tunnel, the whole cavern is rocked by an explosion, meaning the Lemurians are dead. Not so for the rock monsters, at least not the two who hung back here just in case. The warrior is rattled into dropping her weapon as she fights them, and Sally picks it up. And levels it at her friends.

That’s right, fuckers! Sally’s been a slime creature this whole time! Slime-Bryce turned her before he went home, and she tied the real Sally up in the garage. Only now they all know too much and she better just kill the Spook Squad before moving on to her master plan of taking over the world by making more slime creatures. She aims the gun at Adam and pulls the trigger — but the warrior leaps in front of the laser, taking the blast and still having enough strength (which is amazing; remember this is a laser that VAPORIZED A ROCK) to turn the pistol back on Slime-Sally, who immediately evaporates.

How did she do it? Well, when she finally does fall, Adam turns her over — and sees wires and circuitry inside her chest. Somehow from here he makes the leap that all of the people in Lemuria must have been robots, which is why they didn’t cry over sacrificing themselves. And it’s too late to repair this robot, but at least she dies having known friends, which is so sappy I don’t actually believe it. Like, has Adam actually fallen for some robot babe in a couple of hours, so hard that he’s going to mourn her robot chassis unto eternity? Feh, says I.

Two more to go! Can I make it? Not right now, because I have to sleep!

#spooksville #spookstober

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