#which is when ‘the mortifying ordeal of being known’ meme was at its height

[oysters-aint-for-me]

i had a dream last night that it was my birthday and i was in disney world and i was on the phone, talking to someone named “russell” who “did not have a gender i would recognize” (not something that was said so much as understood via dream logic) and they were saying to me, “it’s your birthday, and i really wanted to get you something you’d love, something you’ve wanted your whole life,” and i was utterly enthralled, couldn’t wait to find out, so i said “what is it?” and russell said “how would you like to be—” but at that exact moment i was just stepping on to one of those boats in the jungle cruise ride and it was full of friends, and they all yelled “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” and covered up what russell said. dream-me did not want to have a big party or see a lot of people on my birthday, but didn’t want to be ungrateful to them, so while i was still on the phone w russell i reacted to my friends on the boat like “oh my gosh i can’t believe it, this is so nice! you shouldn’t have!” then i realized russell probably thought i was reacting to whatever they had said they were going to give me, so i said to my friends “just give me one second” and i got on the phone and said “sorry a bunch of people yelled and covered up the last part of what you said - ‘how would i like to be’ what?”

and russell said in this uncanny, numinous voice: “KNOWN.”

and i thought oh…i’m not sure i do want…that…

but i didn’t want to disappoint russell by making them think at first that i was really excited (due to my [also fake!] reaction to my friends on the jungle cruise boat) and then disappointing them by rejecting their gift of being “KNOWN,” so i pretended to cry and be really touched and i thanked them - but i also knew i was lying to this who claimed to “KNOW” me and i also knew that they didn’t know i was lying, and so i knew they didn’t, couldn’t actually “KNOW” me, but i had to pretend that they did anyway, because russell seemed so pleased with themself.

and then i had to figure out how to either gracefully get off the phone with someone who claimed that they “KNEW” me so i could join a party that i didn’t want on the disney world jungle cruise with friends i didn’t really know, OR how to gracefully excuse myself from this party i didn’t really want so i could keep taking to russell about how this “KNOWING” thing was gonna play out.

next thing i remember i was looking for a bathroom (i suppose i had excused myself to go to the bathroom) but all of the toilets were out of order or too big or too small or in the middle of my high school auditorium or too, like, surreal or cubist or dadaist, or otherwise haunted or emanating evil energy and bad vibes - which is a recurring dream for me - i was like “well this is miserable but at least it’s familiar” ???? like, ok, subconscious, that’s a Choice…

#my dreams #idk i know listening to people talk about their dreams is boring but i like to record them when i remember them #didn’t smoke too much weed last night which always make me have weird dreams #i think the name ‘russell’ comes from the fact that i’m watching seinfeld season 4 #and there’s a character named russel dalrymple in that season (he’s an nbc exec producing george and jerry’s pilot) #no clue where the jungle cruise came from #the being known thing…well i’ve been reading a lot of good omens fics from 2019 #which is when ‘the mortifying ordeal of being known’ meme was at its height #so a lot of fics are tagged w that???