#whe i agreed to do it i forgot that is a dead ass big traumaversary im rarely okay for

[justtogetthrough]

It's only Tuesday and this week is hard and it sucks and I'm tired from not sleeping and I'm lonely from not being hugged and I know m dissociating a lot during the day/during work but I also found evidence of a past dissociative episode which happens with some regularity but it never gets easier to come face to face with me doing things I wasn't aware of and holy fuck my life just feels overwhelming. I need help and I have no one to help me.

#i mean im finding people to pay to do house things but im pretty surethe money im putting into my house to sell i wont get back #but i cant do nothing and have it list low #the help i really need though is emotional. i need help sorting my stuff. i need help managing my stress. i need help calming down #i pay my therapist to see her once a week but its expensive and i cant do more #im getting so sick of relying on paid help bc my body is too painful and im too overwhelmed #relying on people is making my distress worse and i cant even make it stop or my house woulld be a mess and not ready to sell #im worried about my mind atm and about providing relief at the end of this month #whe i agreed to do it i forgot that is a dead ass big traumaversary im rarely okay for #the day after the kid leaves im going to visit my best friend and finally see the apartment im moving into #itll be nice to see them but bc we're also dealing with moving stuff im only gonna come back more stressed #about having to sell most of what i own #i need the energy to go drawer by drawer cupboard by cupboard and purge shit #but after work im too tired. on weekends im too tired. i fear making a mess bc mentally im so fragile #i miss when i used to have support #personal