#what if he could be goth AND a cop hmmmm??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

abbeyfangirl · 4 years

Text

dragon age: all characters (companions)

I’ve been in this fandom for a hot minute now and I want to update my opinions on characters :)

Origins

Alistair: super sweet dude who literally is not the stereotypicalchantryguyfightme. He’s a great example of healthy masculinity and I totally wish he was bi because I have an entire essay on that— also: he’s a poc! His mum was brown. In game he’s got dark features. if you really want a blond/blue-eyes/white guy, make your warden that. or accept that brown people can be noble and moral. or just draw cailan, idk. just because BioWare whitewashes doesn’t mean you should.

Leliana: someone hug my singing girlfriend before I crush her under with my own hugs. Also: nugs. Yes! Shoes. Yes! She likes how I style my hair? YES!! I honestly think she’s super duper and it pisses me off whenever someone’s like: yeah she enjoys killing people and the Game. ok. and michel de chevin willingly participated in genocidal marches through the alienage he grew up in with his elvhen mum.

Morrigan: dirty swamp witch that i stan and also have a v big crush on. tiddies. Have a son with a GW so we can raise him with our tiddies out in the forest. she’s also white-passing, as her father was chasind and all people we’ve seen that are chasind are black. therefore, she is biracial. therefore, poc can be goths and don’t shy away from giving morrigan a darker skintone. if the devs had of been thinking, she’d have a darker skintone.

Zevran: Actually is the best romance, I think. Loves consent, therefore I will stan him so hard my skull cracks a little. Also: he is a very brown boy and if he’s white in da4 I’m seriously going to throw all canon out the fucking window. genuinely a good person who needs to be told so.

Wynne: grandma who only likes my friends who go to church. but also super sweet and I’d rest my head on her bosom (in a platonic way omg ZEVRAN)

Sten: angry quiet boi. the bestest boi. I totally would give him a kitten for a gift and bake him cookies. Thicc softie. I think if I had DA:O and i knew how to use mods i would mod the fuck outta him. sorry.

Sha(y)le: who’s gender? idk her. See also: fuck birds and authority. pound ur ass into the ground you feathery meatbag little shits. fuck songbirds.

Dog: such a good boi. thicc. thinks Alistair is a whiny fuck and is Morrigan’s only friend. love him. he’s the cutest companion. bet.

Ohgren: honestly forgot about him bcc he’s such a shitbag. also: he could’ve been a really cool addiction recovery type but NOPE. probably would have a trump shirt in a modern au and would catcall wlw and hit mlm. no thanks.

Awakening

Anders: he acts like rlly straight but he’s so gay I can smell it. also he’s rlly cute and fun and I love him so much.

Justice: MAYBE i’M selF CONSCious OF THE twitchING. is the friend that genuinely doesn’t get dick jokes but is ur 110% ride or die.

Nathaniel Howe: honestly is sort of a white knight/neck beard a little, but it’s kind of charming with his whole velanna m’lady?? grump boi. annoying soul patch that I’d mod out SO FAST—

Sigrun: would have ROMANCED the FUCK out of her. why she even entertains the idea of fucking with ohgren makes me realize most of the writers are dumbfucks.png. peppy little emo. 12/10 would die if she kissed my cheek teasingly.

Ohgren: why. why. why. I’d have brought Shayle over. Maybe Zev? Definitely Dog.

Velanna: she was written to be an annoying feminist and you can tell but I deadass am a kindred spirit with her bcc I too am deadpan annoyed with Thedas’ general population too. love her. Would’ve loved to romance her. She’d totally be one of those who’d get all tsundere and be like “n-no i hate you” *kisses the fuckin soul out of you then blushes so hard she’s now a tomato*

Dragon Age II

Anders: fuck the cops. i don’t care. fuck the cops. (vine reference). also: do i hate him for blowing up the chantry that would eventually annul a huge collection of his people? no. read dalishious’s meta on Anders. v intriguing. didn’t they retcon the fuck out of the reported deaths too? like there was like eight Templars and Elthinia in there. Templars killed more “abominations” in a day than Anders in the game canon—

Aveline: initially thought she was fine and then realized she’s shit to my lil brother and I will fucking clap her ginger ass. See also: whorephobia isn’t a joke so fuck off with treating Isabela badly, you tit.

Bethany: sunshine. Literal sunshine. I feel my freckles grow in her presence and i love it. she’s my little baby sister and I’d slam that ogre so fuckin hard before it touched either twin.

Carver: there has to be a mod where both twins survive. I love them both to bits. My babies. carver is my bitter, angry little brother and I can relate because I too am very angry and would totally clap my own ass. hes so genuine and I don’t get the competition between Beth and Carver. Like, both are fuckin stellar in different ways. In this essay I will—

Fenris: honestly, I don’t get the general hate between him and Anders. Fenris’ main arc should’ve been a recovery arc, not drunken moping and revenge. he deserves better. give him a soft sweater instead of his spikes and let him love himself as much as I love him for MAKERS SAKE. like when you really think about their relationship, it could’ve been an eye-opener for fenris and finally some legit sympathy for anders. but we all know that if they had of teamed up that Meredith would’ve been dead before the end of Act 1 so.

Isabela: whorephobia is not a joke. oversexualizing your only appearing brown woman is so poorly written. how about we appreciate her and her lovely bosoms but also let people tease her about her heart of gold? her innate understanding of freedom? instead of just a wave of dick? please?? can we give her some pants for when she fights? can we accept that i fall for rogues who hate themselves?? fuck. also whomever draws her x femHawke x Merrill literally is after my own heart.

Merrill: my fucking babygirl MARRY ME. Fenris could’ve been her older brother type, but NO. she and Isabela should’ve been canonical gfs instead of Isabela/Fenris (no shaming the pairing tho!!). I love how she’s written as neurodivergent. V nice. Sometimes I just look her up and cry because she’s fucking everything. Also: she’s in the Dalish origin and she’s far from being white. Why did they make the most innocent/naïve character really white? hmmmm.

Sebastian: whew that boy. Would totally be that annoying Mormon at your door but you still let him in bcc he’s super sweet. Also: huge ass bible thumper and should get his head slap because you said the maker loved all his children why do you defend a complicit old hag you annoying attractive fuck—

Varric: totally is a bard and the devs couldn’t handle the idea of him being one bcc it might make him look less straight. is the only grey morality person I don’t want to fucking bash in with a fry pan. he sees people and I like that, but you totally know he’s siding with mages every time bcc him and Anders are like besties. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules. “Professional Younger Brother”.

Tallis: I know nothing about her but she seems okay. I think she was an escaped slave and honestly? Fucking props. Spy on a shitting organization, idk what you’re doing, but your VA was that cool lesbian from SPN so I think ur okay?

Inquisition

Blackwall: Redemption Arc 101. Love him to bits. Sad dad bunwall. good man. actually atoned for his sins by actively becoming a good person. his initial design is 80% hotter im so sorry but so not.

Cassandra: was way browner in the last game. would romance the fuck outta her. I love me a butch lady who melts at my dorky recitation of poetry. BioWare is a coward. also is the worst choice for divine. but not a bad person. could use some more guidance or get her ass whipped by a dalish elf about religion or a circle mage kid whos like “yeah bud i didn’t ask for the templars to whip my ass everyday for existing.”

The Iron Bull: I think the Qunari/Vashoth were a little based off black people (the whole anti blackness thing where ppl are scared of them bcc of whatever reason) and it pisses me off that he had a weird ass dubcon thing with Dorian in banter. It doesn’t make sense— he’s an A+++ dom and would not jump straight in role play without at least checking in at first like wtf BioWare.

Cole: his mother was chasind so he’s like not supposed to be that white? or like biracial? albino? idk. love him to bits tho. He’s neurodivergent and I deadass love him. romancing him? idk. I see why ppl think it’s fuckin nasty but also like as a writer I’d age him the fuck up so fast before my inquisitor even THOUGHT about that. like idk. I’m down with him being a sweet little bro character tho. he’s a babe. love him.

Sera: had the worst fucking writer I’ve ever seen and I willingly read the twilight saga twice by a shit ass racist white lady who okay’d pedophilia. like. Fuck you Kristjanson suck your own dick you fuck. had the worst options in regards to speak to her. has a thicc case of internalized racism that literally most of the fandom just loves to use against her. my lesbian neurodivergent queen. Would write a thousand fix it fics for her. Love her to bits. im gay.

Varric: I haven’t played DA2 so i don’t get why everyone wants to romance him but like. a dwarf romance? yes please. Idk he reminds me of my uncle so I only see him as fun uncle material. Deadass should adopt Cole and Merrill and co parent with Blackwall for Sera. dads? fuck yeah. love me some wholesome, present fathers.

Dorian: is a gay stereotype that I love/hate so much. and he’s also just as bad about being a creep bcc he sexualizes qunari men (in banter). I attribute that to shit writing tho. I want to protect him from all the “omg gay best friend!” people. he’d clearly be that tired gay that wouldn’t give a diddly damn about ur het romance. wanna talk about politics? he’s ur guy/gay.

Solas: “me, an intellectual:”. I don’t hate him, but I’m not about him. He comes off as mysterious and suave (which he totally is) but I deadass would not save him from himself because he’s a racist, exclusionist eggshell. idk. not my cup of tea, but I can totally see the appeal. And he’s interesting, I’ll totally say that. “I think the Dalish are garbage but they made you” is not a compliment. it’s so offensive. and such bait for “quirky girls” which I’m no fan of. Would be Achilles and let Patroclus (Lavellan in his case) die before he realized how his pride is literally a waste of time. If he gets a redemption arc I hope Lavellan gets to slap him before getting him to teach all about ancient Arlathan and show that the Evanuris weren’t all total dicknozzles. (Aka I really have a hard time believing that they’d be slavery cult things. especially since they’ve compared elves to indigenous ppl, Jews and the Romani.)

Vivienne: it’s so racist that they’d make a black woman be pro-slavery. That’s such internalized racism. She could’ve been the cool ass “educate yourself first before you speak, fool” ice lady, but NO. the devs could’ve kept the “Templars are a tool that I proudly can mandate” and the “circles are very good education” and we. Could. Have. Romanced. Her. Like. Fuck. Sake. I just wanna give her a hug and say “love yourself omg!!” and not even in a romantic way. Also: she and morrigan should not have been so antagonistic towards each other. I’d expect them to have great respect for each other, as they both moved up in the world through hardwork and very little help. They could learn different magic from each other too and still maintain that rival respect “oh you” mood. Sidenote: probably the cooler option for Divine. if her approval is high enough she’ll love and be loyal to you forever and i can’t see her agenda being bad. she improves the circles exponentially and tells all the antis to suck her pretty painted toes.

Josephine: an actual disney princess. romanced her my first playthrough. I love her so much. she just makes me so happy. And she’s like: “Integrity, Loyalty, peace. That is what it means to be a GREY WARDEN good fucking person.” she’s the person who would let you hold her hand if you got anxious and she’d be that person who shouldered the whole group project with finesse and poise and would probably lie for everyone as to not be mean. i love josie. her and leliana’s relationship is so cute, too. whether it’s romantic or not: women supporting women.

Leliana: if you leave her hardened you must hate her. why. she becomes so against herself. i like how shes feminine and lighthearted because that’s so powerful-- to remain hopeful when the world is hopeless. (its hard to know when to soften her/harden her so i get it but. google it. she deserves to be happy and sweet again.)

Cullen: uwu war criminal with shit ass “redemption arc” that was actually a half-assed (at BEST) recovery arc. Recovery isn’t linear, it isn’t pretty, and even the broken need to be told they are wrong in order to heal right. Like I’m offended by that bullshit. I’ve had to do some mental health recovery in the past and unlearning lots of toxic ideologies— which I’m still unlearning— and it bothers me that he gets an easy pass because he’s hot. It’s one thing if you like Cullen, it’s another thing if you hold him accountable.

45 notes · View notes

wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

Text

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 1

All right, time for a new show! Tephi’s been pushing me to watch Fullmetal Alchemist for a while now, and now that I’ve finally moved into my apartment I can sit down and watch this show. I understand that there are two versions, one original that outpaced the manga and another that was made after, and based on recommendations I’m going with the second, Brotherhood. For those following along at home I’m going with the iTunes version of Brotherhood, as this lets me watch on my phone and type at the same time, and frankly at my pace of reviewing any subscription way of watching Brotherhood would probably be more expensive than just getting the series. Here’s what I know starting out: -The main characters are Edward and his brother. -Due to Reasons, Bad Things happened which resulted in Edward getting a robot arm and his brother(‘s soul?) getting put in a giant suit of armor. -The magic of this setting is Alchemy, with all sorts of rules and laws. -The phrase “Equivalent Exchange” is something that comes up a lot, and whenever I say those words where Tephi can hear she starts cackling. And that’s it! So Tephi’s highly recommended this show, I’ve got the first episode downloaded, and some spare time this afternoon. Let’s do this!

Familiar little Aniplex jingle… Funimation logo… Overhead shot of a city at night. Interesting layout, what looks like a castle in the center, with brightly lit lines tracing away from it. And a hexagon street layout? Suddenly I’m getting the biggest Lumiose City vibe right now. But the screen fades to someone drawing a circly-chalk thing, while a bunch of string instruments make it clear that This Is Not A Good Thing. The amateur artist is some dude with dark hair and stubble, looking grim as the camera pans out of the dark alley to the brightly-lit castle. “The Freezing Alchemist?” says someone who the subtitles have helpfully named Roy. Another guy, apparently Bradley shows a file with a picture of yup that’s the guy trying to set up hopscotch. Seems he snuck into ‘Central’ a few days ago, and now Bradley (who has an awesome eyepatch, and I will now call Fury) is making it Roy’s problem. Wait wait wait, “Mustang”? This character is named Colonel ‘Roy Mustang’? Damn but that’s a manly name. Mustang’s ready to go catch Mr. Freeze, but it seems Bradley has one last thing: a certain ‘rising star’ is here as well. Hmmmm, my Protagonist senses are tingling. And Fuhrer Bradley- Wait. What? ‘Fuhrer’? Um. I am torn between the unfortunate connotations, and glee that I get to call this character Fuhrer Fury. But no time to think about that, because Fuhrer Fury confirms that he’s talking about The Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward Elric. “Aw damnit. The colonel’s never gonna let us get outta here, is he?” What’s this? Anyways, I can recognize this guy as Edward, our special little star. Wonder what this is about. “We already got our tickets to Liore, too. Does this mean we’re not going?” And this is…Alphonse? Not gonna lie, a little thrown by the voice here. I look at this metal helmet, with glowing eyes and stylized fangs, and it just seems… young… oooh, I just realized. Whatever caused Alphonse to end up in that suit, if it’s just his soul he wouldn’t technically age, would he? How young was he when whatever happened? And holy crap that’s a really big suit of armor, like Edward looks tiny next to it. What’s the story with this armor anyway, how did all this stuff happen? Eh, maybe I should stop wondering and just keep watching. Intro! Edward with a ponytail and ragged shirt? And I thought he had a robot arm? Lady smiling with leaves blowing around, then AAAAAWWWWW lookit the widdle babies, widdle Edward and Al ooooh so cute wait why do you look scared and the door’s closing? Sudden Shiny Glasses on frowning man with strands of blond hair. Explosion! Edward and Al facing a wall of fire as the title comes up. Burning tree/house? Shot of Determined Edward scowling at wind that’s mussing up his hair before throwing his hands out. Casting? Shot of what I believe to be the Shiny Glasses man from before, has a ponytail and epic beard along with those unruly hair strands. And the glasses are remaining Shiny. Is he their dad? Guessing at family connection here. Turns away. Absent dad? Back to cute widdle kids taking a nap, along with a blonde girl. Sibling? Now they’re walking along a country road. Al’s armor? Running through a field. Shot of Colonel Roy Mustang (so manly!) also with the Shiny Glasses until they fade so he can glare directly at us. Then another black-haired man? Wait, was the second one Mustang, because I don’t remember seeing him wearing glasses. Who was the first person? Then someone singing? Then what the heck Kid Edward just lost an arm and a leg. And then Kid Al completely vanishes. And Kid Blond Girl looking shocked and stumbling. Flashes of people dressed in black against a red background, I have the sneaking suspicion that they are Not Good People. Shots of scowling people in blue uniforms like Fuhrer Fury and Colonel Mustang, the good guys? Smug looking guy with sunglasses and a fur coat, who just turned into a Terminator? Shot of Terminator running towards the Castle, where a Disapproving Fuhrer Fury is glaring. Lots of glaring in this intro. Edward running along a vent of some sort, fighting people in black clothes before EXPLOSION. Guy in white jacket sitting in the rain until it passes and he rushes off, white hair and some sort of facial tattoo? Small smoking lady with a barking dog. Edward running along and Earthbending to fight the Goth Villains. Then another shot of someone singing, I think this might be the Blond Girl grown up. Edward dressed in a black uniform (noo, don’t join the Goths! ) and a metal arm breaking. Foreshadowing? Final shot of two people standing against a setting sun. So… fairly standard anime intro. Granted, after PMMM’s Intro of LIES I will take all of this with a grain of salt. Back to the dark alleys of the city, what sounds like a cop’s whistle. Seems the police are trying to catch Mr. Freeze, but yup he’s a Waterbender and is knocks them aside with some painful-looking ice spikes. Two more cops try to stop him but...oh. Oh my. “Water freezes, water boils. Either way you’re just as dead.” Um. Wow, ok. That’s legitimately terrifying. Sudden spear from the sky, Mr. Freeze remarks that it was Alchemy before oh ew ew ew they showed the hand of the guy who got boiled please don’t show that again. Newcomer (probably our Protagonist) remarks that it was a nasty thing to do, but Mr. Freeze spouts out about great deeds requiring sacrifice. “Isn’t that the Law of Equivalent Exchange?” Oh hey, there’s that phrase. You know, I feel like this deserves some recognition, and Tephi finds it quite funny. So I’ve decided I’ll keep track of each time this phrase is said. Equivalent Exchange Count: 1 Regardless of whatever the rules of Alchemy are (and believe me, I wanna know these rules soon so I can try and figure out ways to minmax them), Edward says they don’t justify killing people. Edward grabs the spear and electricity sparks as he reforms it as a spiky club- pffffahahaha! That- that face! He put his freaking face on the tip! He put his freaking hair! Mr. Freeze’s all shocked about “no transmutation circle” but come on! That face! Sudden attack from behind by a surprisingly stealthy giant suit of armor, but Mr. Freeze dodges that and blocks the Face Mace, before shocking Edward and throwing Al. But he’s surprised? Oh, I get it. He tried to one-hit kill Edward like the cops, but grabbed his metal arm instead. Edwards mostly ticked that his coat got ruined. “An automail arm…” Dramatic cloak swoosh and oh good he just wears dark clothes below the red coat, he didn’t turn to the Goths in the intro. That’s a relief. Young talented alchemist, who doesn’t use transmutation circles (is that like HP wandless magic?) and who has an automail right arm. The Fullmetal Alchemist: Edward Elric! Episode 01 - “Fullmetal Alchemist” Now Mr. Freeze is pointing at Al?... Ah! Ha! Mr. Freeze is confused by the giant suit of armor being the younger brother of the “runt”. Edward take offense to that. Caught in an Earthbending prison, Mr. Freeze mumbles about the Fullmetal Alchemist being just a kid, and *wham*. Yeah, I’m guessing Edward being called little is a peeve of his. But come on, man. You travel with a giant suit of armor, you really do look tiny compared to that. Well, regardless of height complexes, Edward has caught the guy, and the NPC cops are suitably grateful… to the giant suit of armor. Yyyyep, I think this’ll be a running gag. Oh hey, so Alchemy can fix clothes too! That’s handy. Edwards all set to catch their train, now the cops have Mr. Freeze cuffed. They should be able to handle- nnnope. Just a few seconds out of their sight, and Mr. Freeze has split the scene. Colonel Roy Mustang’s snarking at Edward now. I like this guy! And looks like we’re starting with the Overconfident Non-Team Player Protagonist Model #17 with this show, looking foward to his character arc. Ooh, who’s that blonde officer standing next to Roy? The third of the Blonde Kid Trio? To recap the ignored briefing: Mr. Freeze is Isaac McDougal, aka “Isacc the Freezer.” Former State Alchemist (like these guys in blue? Government mages?), served in the ‘Ishvalan War’, never gave any signs of turning, but resigned immediately afterwards and has been working with the “antiestablishment movement” ever since. Capturing him is top priority… dead or alive. Hmmm. Ok, so I gotta be blunt. I’m obviously not going to cut slack on the whole ‘boiling a person alive’ thing, but… State Magicians? Their leader is ‘Fuhrer’? Pursuing a Rebel with little concern about their vital status? Maybe I’m still in a mindset after seeing the movie, but I could see this being replaced with ‘Sith’, ‘Emperor’, and… well, ‘Rebel’ can stay… and we’ve got The Empire. Maybe I’m reading too much into this? Anyways, back to hunting the Rebels. Edward resolutely states that he’s not going to kill for them, and Roy seems to respect that. Edward just has orders to help them contain Mr. Freeze. “Off topic…” Roy asks if they’ve got any leads for getting their bodies back to normal. Ah, so they’re trying to fix their bodies? ...why? I mean, if my guess about Al being soulbound to the armor is right that’s probably something you’d want to fix. Although, maybe the process can be used for older people? Like, immortal bodies and all that? Sorry sorry, off topic and way too early in the series for big transhumanist discussions. But, does Edward want to get a flesh-and-blood arm back, presumably a leg too based on the intro? Why? You have a robot arm, dude. I want a robot arm, and you want to get rid of yours? Heck, it saved your life just a few minutes ago! If you had a flesh-and-blood arm, then when Mr. Freeze grabbed you we’d get a Boiled Protagonist and an exceedingly short show. Anyways, Edward goes into yelling mode about ‘if they ever gave them time to look’. Sorry Ed, them’s the breaks of being the Protagonist. Every NPC’s got a quest for you to do, not much time to study. Door bursts open and a guy with square glasses and a cheerful greeting bursts through… with an upraised arm (damnit show, stop making me draw parallels). Roy… does not seem pleased with the interruption. “Here comes that pest.” I like this guy! And yup, Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes immediately goes to the Giant Suit of Armor to introduce himself. “What?!.. You’re the Fullmetal Alchemist?” What’s up with that name, anyway? Totally misleading, Edward’s only about ¼ metal with the arm and presumably leg. Anyone hearing ‘Fullmetal’ would obviously assume that the guy who’s, y’know, made entirely of metal would be the Fullmetal Alchemist. But Hughes isn’t just fanboying, he’s here on Official Business. Since the Elric’s don’t have a place to stay, they’ll *Sudden Shiny Glasses* have to go with him. He pulls out… a picture of his wife and daughter. Nevermind, let the fanboying continue. Pffft, I’m loving these subtitles. [Wholesome Laughing Continues] as Hughes hugs his daughter. The daughter points… “Big Brother! Little Brother!” Ok, do I need to start keeping a count for this too? Off to supper they go, and man am I glad I made my own food before watching this, it all looks delicious. Hughes is smiling at his guests, and then… uh oh. He asks why Al’s wearing all the armor at the dinner table, suggests he take it off and relax. Um. Awkward. Edward starts claiming that he’s not “allowed” to take it off, says it’s part of his training. What, is it a secret that he’s soulbound? Later that night… [Evil Laughter] at “Central Prison”. Somebody named Kimblee is laughing that the Freezing Alchemist wants him to play sidekick. But the Crimson Alchemist works Alone! Mr. Freeze appeals to Kimblee, mentions the horrors of the Ishvalan War, the things that Bradley ordered them to do… coming from the guy who BOILED SOMEBODY (I am still not over that), my concerns about this government continue to grow. But Kimblee just laughs, says he killed people not because of “honor” or “revenge”, or anything like that. “The reason I killed all those men, was because I could. It’s that simple.” Damn, but this show’s proving great for the villain lines. Mr. Freeze leaves in disappointment… pushing over a frozen guard with the sound effect [crash and shatter]. Guh. Back at Hughes’ place, he’s having a Late Night Thought in the living room when his wife Gracie comes to ask what’s wrong. She says he’s worrying about the Elric brothers. Hughes talks about how State Alchemists are called “the dogs of the military”, not exactly popular. Being referred to like that at their young age… what made them take that path? Edward’s lying in bed staring at the camera- I mean, ceiling, when Al asks if he’s awake. He asks about Mrs. Gracie’s quiche, how it looked like their Mom’s… aw damnit, they’re orphans, aren’t they? What the heck is with anime and killing off mothers?! Heh! Hearing it was almost as good as their mother’s, Al immediately adds it to his Book Of Things To Eat Once I Get My Body Back. And then… hurk! Nope! Nopenopenope, I do not need to hear that young voice quietly say “I sure would like to get our old bodies back soon…” Right in the feels! I’ve known this kid for all of ten minutes, and already I wanna punch whoever stuck him in that armor. And aaargh Mr. Freeze is back at it, setting up hopscotch. What’s with the Transmutation Circle? I’ve gathered that (most) alchemists need one to do their stuff, but the powers I’ve seen worked from emblems on their armor or skin. What does drawing the Circle on the ground do? “One more… one more and ‘Fuhrer’ Bradley’s on his way to hell.” Yeah, I get it orchestra, probably not a Good Thing that Mr. Freeze is doing whatever this is. Intermission! Cards of Edward and Alphonse Elric. The next day, Roy’s reporting that Mr. Freeze broke into Central Prison. He orders all roads be closed, the city searched. “When you find him, shoot on sight. That is an order from the Fuhrer himself.” So much for ‘Alive or Dead’. Yes, I know he’s killed quite a few people already, but still, you’re Alchemists, right? Can’t you Alchemy some way to catch him without killing? Edward did it quickly enough… Man down! With a lot of steam coming off him, guh… and another soldier reporting five men dead. Edward remarks how it looks like a steam blast, how if water’s heated fast enough it explodes, and the human body’s 70% water… guh guh guh, Mr. Freeze is freaky. Mr. Freeze is in yet another alley, says he’s finished, when there’s a spark on the wall… he leaps back to avoid a burst of spikes. Somebody named Armstrong sounds amused that he dodged? Did… did this guy just punch through a wall? Caption [Adventure Strings]? “It is I! The Strong Arm Alchemist… Alex Louis Armstrong, in the flesh!” ...I am in love. This guy just punched through a wall, he’s got [Adventure Strings] as his theme music, the screen is shaking as he walks, and dat mustache. And… that tiny little spring of blonde hair… All Hail Armstrong! Mr. Freeze DARES to attack The Mighty Alex Louis Armstrong?! But The Mighty Armstrong dodges your feeble attack! And such a feeble foe will need far more than water to quench his fists! *EXPLOSIONS* Ohmygod there are busts of The Mighty Armstrong’s head flying out from the explosion. Yessss. Edward and Al arrive, but Mr. Freeze explodes his canteen and makes a break for it in the steamcloud. The Elrics follow The Mighty Armstrong in pursuit. Wait, it’s night now? How did Mr. Freeze manage to avoid them for so long? Anyways, he’s standing on a building, when… “It’s been a long time, Freezer.” Roy has arrived! And the Flame Alchemist has brought a bunch of guns with him. He tries to appeal to Mr. Freeze about being old ‘war buddies’, but Mr. Freeze takes offense to that, blocks a burst of flame, and then drenches the State Alchemist and soldiers before making yet another escape. Getting back to the alleyway where the last circle was made, he… … … Ok, that settles it. This is the best show ever, if only for the subtitles alone. The alleyway where The Mighty Armstrong confronted him? With lots of busts of his head still lying around, and scattered stones on the circle? Mr. Freeze started moving all of this, and the subtitle is, I kid you not, [Moving Stones and Happiness]. 10/10. Well, after that, Mr. Freeze is happy to see the circle is still intact… why is it still intact? Like, if you know that a Bad Guy is Up To Something, and is sulking around alleyways, wouldn’t you want to look for whatever they’ve been doing? And a white chalk Alchemy Circle isn’t exactly hard to spot. And seeing something used for Alchemy created by a rogue Alchemist, why would you not get rid of it? Anyways, Edward appears in the alley, and Al blocks the other end. Nowhere left for Mr. Freeze to run! “Clearly… but who’s running?” Um, what’s with the Red Glow of Evil? All the Alchemy Circles appear to have activated all over the city. Edward and Al are shocked at the scale of it, impossible unless he- “A Philosopher’s Stone!” Wait, what? Like, the Philosopher’s Stone of historical alchemy? The rock that turns base metals to gold and grant immortality? Interesting! With Alchemy being general magic in this setting, what’s their version of the Philosopher’s Stone capable of? Amplification of Alchemy to cover a city? Regardless, probably not the best idea to let him keep doing whatever he’s doing. But Mr. Freeze starts monologuing about how Edward’s a Dog of the Military, how his bosses have Sinister Plans- Edward cuts him off, says he doesn’t care and it’s Not His Problem. Um. What? Do… do you really not care if you’re actually working for Bad Guys? Al jumps in and kicks Mr. Freeze to the railing, says that they still need to stop the Alchemy. Edward asks where the Philosopher’s Stone is that’s powering it all. But… yup, they went and knocked the Waterbender right next to a canal. Brace for [wrathful water]! And Mr. Freeze rises up on the frozen wave with a [bad guy laugh]. I kid you not, these are actual captions. Things look grim… but lo! He has arrived! “Stand back and prepare for a display of Armstrong alchemy! Witness the alchemic arts passed down the Armstrong line for generations!” And then he punched the frozen wave… and redirected it into a nearby building. Um. Sorry, innocent bystanders! Whoops. Now the Ice Walls are merging on Central Command! Mr. Freeze is gonna freeze it over! The Mighty Armstrong, redeem yourself! Target the transmutation circles while the Elrics slow him down! “Fuhrer King Bradley…! For your cold-blooded (boo, that’s a terrible pun) crimes in Ishval, I condemn you to a frozen hell!” But not so fast! To [fightin’ strings music], Edward and Elric (ah, so Elcric can do Alchemy too, he’s not just muscle) jump to the frozen wave Mr. Freeze is riding. They trade blows for a bit, and then… no! Alphonse got grabbed by the helmet! And… confirmed for being soulbound, as he’s back up and fighting. Mr. Freeze is shocked- “You fools committed the ultimate taboo!” Wait what. “You attempted human transmutation, didn’t you?!” Wait WHAT. You mean to say that the Elrics are the way they are because of something they did? I was thinking they got attacked by an Alchemist or something, but it’s because they tried ‘human transmutation’?... What did they do? “Alchemy’s one and only unforgivable sin!” Flashback? A scream of “Al!”. Edward yelling and gah yup he lost a leg. A suit of armor falling over and Edward drawing a sigil in blood. Crying that his little brother was all he had left… Back to present, Edward looking down, background chanting starts up. “You know… there are some lines you really shouldn’t cross.” *braces for asskicking* Edward and Al lay the smackdown, knock Mr. Freeze to the ground. Says there’s no water for him to use… while standing maybe ten feet away from a giant iceberg, but whatever… 70% of Mr. Freeze’s body will be enough! And oh god he’s bloodbending now. “Why can’t you fools understand? I’m trying to save this country!” Dude, you’ve attacking the main keep of the city to the caption of [mad laughter]. Maybe if you stopped acting so Evil I might have more sympathy for you. NPC Soldiers are trying to blast the ice, but it keeps reforming. But here comes a drenched and ticked-off Roy! Down goes the ice, as Roy rants. Blonde lady with a case of alchemy-circle gloves complains that he’s bad enough on rainy days… so what, Colonel Roy Mustang is dead weight in a drizzle, always needs dry gloves to do his Alchemy? Interesting weakness. Mr. Freeze is stumbling through an alley, when… Fuhrer Fury. Not looking too happy. Screens gone black and white with Mr. Freeze’s blood standing out as a bright red, he laughs and transmutes a Blood Spear and charges… and Fuhrer Fury isn’t moving? Still not moving. Still not moving… he drew his sword and sidestepped? Oh. Damn. Note to self: don’t piss off <<The Flash>> Fuhrer Fury. Roy’s keeping up the blasting of the ice walls, calls out for the Major wHO BURSTS OUT OF HIS UNIFORM WITH A GLARE AND EYEBEAMS OF DETERMINATION YES. “Leave it to me! The Armstrong fists will not fail!” MANLY GLEAM, AND PUNCH THE GROUND. TAKE THAT, CHALK CIRCLE! Image of white-haired person looking down? Who dis? Edward and Al arrive in the aftermath, see Fuhrer Fury looking down at the covered form of Mr. Freeze. And back to the cheerful attitude from his talking to Roy, complimenting Fullmetal. He came out to “see if I could lend a hand”... sure, ok. Makes sense that the boss of a bunch of reality warpers would be fairly strong. He just seems happy that he’ll have an exciting story for his son. He has a son? Have we met him yet? Next day, the ever-cheerful Hughes jokes about Roy having a cold, and congratulates him for taking down Mr. Freeze. Apparently Fuhrer Fury is going around saying it was Roy who beat him? “Oh, it’s like that, huh? Suit yourself. But some friendly advice- next time a superior tells you to take credit for something you didn’t do, you might try it for once.” In the hospital, Edward and Al are talking about how they never found out about the Philosopher’s Stone. Maybe in the official report- what, flowers? WHAT. “Greetings, Edward Elric.” ARMSTRONG WHAT. “When I heard you were here in the hospital…” WHAT ARE YOU OH MY GOD DETERMINED EYES. “I DASHED RIGHT OVER!” *Edward and Al sharing my reaction* “And as I suspected, you are in desperate need of my assistance!” WHY DID YOU TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT. “You need the example of a perfect physical specimen to inspire your recovery! You see? You’re looking livelier already! Hahaha!” “Will you get out!” Scene transition to a lady in a red light, talking on a phone? “Ah… I see, so Isaac’s dead, is he? That’s a shame, I had such high hopes for him, too… But- the Philosopher’s Stone? Heh. Sounds like he overused it.” What the heck what’s with this pudgy guy with red eyes eating something, [disgusting chewing]. Wait, I recognize you from the intro. It’s the Goths! Lady tells Gluttony to eat quietly, she’s on the phone. Ah, so they’re naming themselves after the Seven Deadly Sins? Lady (who I’m making a wild guess and naming Lust) says that things are going well in Liore (hey, isn’t that where the Elrics were going to go before Mr. Freeze delayed them?), ominously says it all beings very soon as the string orchestra once again tell us that Bad Things are going down. End credits! Crayonish, drawing of Edward and Elric, taking a nap under a tree, blonde girl playing with a dog, the Elrics sparing, Edward flying past the State Alchemists until he bumps into The Mighty Armstrong, who throws him back and proves his Manly Spirit is bound by no medium. Shots of Edward talking with the blonde girl… and running off a cliff? Story? Workshop at night, blonde chick who I will now call Mechanic petting her dog and thinking. Al sitting in a dark room, Edward resting on a bed, then Earthbending and running along the pilliars with Al past the Goths (only three?), then closing a pocketwatch and the Elrics walking along a train track… and camera pans to show the Elric Kids were drawing all of this. After credits: Shot of the Blonde Kids, before the apparent botched Human Transmuation. Backstory episode? “Resembool. A quiet town.” The Elric Kids talking to a brownhaired woman in an apron. Their mother? Did… did she get caught in the Human Transmutation botch? “The place where Edward and Alphonse were born. The home they once shared with their mother.” Wait no, there’s both boys sitting at a grave. Wait. Um. Oh dear, I think I just realized. “In the hopes of returning to happier times, the boys commit the ultimate taboo, and are forced to confront the truth. Next time, on Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood- ” Episode 2: The First Day “The day they resolved their hearts to begin their journey.” Well. Initial thoughts are I am very impressed with what I’ve seen so far. Animation is smooth, humor is topnotch, and my compliments on making this setting so that I can see the episode’s Bad Guy literally boil a person, but still be very uneasy about the System that the Protagonists are working for. Definitely going to get some mileage out of this.

#wmtw #where my twin watches #ranubis #full metal alchemist #full metal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #fmab 1

3 notes · View notes