#what am i supposed to feel? when everyone tells me it’s my fault? when everyonr says i was the one who drank first?

[bulletsfrank]

getting bad enough i want a drink. ......heh

#it’s been two months since my last drink! rhat usually means nothing with me #pov yoire a good for nothing asshole who will die just like their father 👍 #and i know my stomach problems are from my yesrs of binge drinking just to make the pain go away #what am i supposed to feel? when everyone tells me it’s my fault? when everyonr says i was the one who drank first? #physically i took my first drink when i was 15. mentally my body wanted to swallow anything that would make this go away #it didn’t matter what it was #i wake up everyday with sickness so profound i cant leave tbe house #and i have to let the guilt steep. to know that i did this because i’m too fucking stupid #to never have tried. i was warned my whole life. my parents were alcoholics. half my family is dead from it. i watched it swallow my brother #and it swallowed me too. for years. it ruined everything. and now even when i’m finallt clean #i’m finally sober like i begged and fuxking begged for years. for something to #knock me out of it. and i stopped. and now everytime i’m sick #every single fucking day of my life i think about how i did it to myself #i want to die #and now i feel worthless because i don’t drink #i don’t have any fucking social skills all my friends are from when i would drink and be able to actually talk #i bore everyonr away i say the wrong things always. i just #whatver. i’m too sick to leave to even get a drink. it doesn’t even matter