#we wound up wiggling the happy first-introduction wiggles of queer non-NT penguins discovering another of their kind

[fleet-off]

Just so you know, you're a delight 💖

It's bloody difficult shedding the insecurities about being perceived as dull, too nerdy, too everything except what's acceptable, but seriously: whenever we worry about this I bet we're actually interacting with someone who worries about the exact same thing.

Immy, I fear my tags slinked into your notes like a bedraggled cat. Apologies for that, I try not to be damp on main.

I’m know I’m not alone in this position—being taught that speaking openly about your interests will drive people away, learning to constantly self-monitor and shut yourself down so you won’t be too much, coming to associate your passions with the anxiety of becoming a nuisance.

And then you find people who think that your ideas are fascinating, or that your words are worthwhile, but your instinct is still to restrict and minimize and apologize for what you love, and it just—takes a while for your brain to catch up.

I’m actually doing a lot better with this than I used to. I feel secure in what I love, these days. Communicating it is a process. Compliments still draw up that unfortunate impulse to put on my jester cap and attempt to make a joke of my ways—“oho! I am a silly thing, amuse yourself with my useless hobbies and overcomplicated brain schemes!” But I’m very lucky to have folks around me, irl and on Tumblr, who don’t truck with that nonsense (looking specifically at Mor @liyazaki and Lily @theflowergirl for this one—witches! recognizers of bullshit! extraordinarily kind people!).

…I’m working on it. Realizing that I’ve dropped that emotional labor on another person never feels good. Likewise with this ask—sorry again, Immy! And thank you for being kind to me. I likewise find you delightful, and I hope we can look forward to lots of hyper-specific conversations in future. <3

#asks #personal #i did strike up a lovely conversation with a Woman Of Particular Vibes at the airport shuttle bus stop today #during which she picked up every one of my carefully-dropped interest hooks #we wound up wiggling the happy first-introduction wiggles of queer non-NT penguins discovering another of their kind #chittering excitedly about dimension 20 and birds and fish and bl #the two-hour bus wait passed very quickly in this manner #fleet post #fleet answers