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krethes · 2 years

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@wolfstarmicrofic July, Day Five: trinkets

Oh look more firefighters.

C/W: Fire, non-major character death, grief, other hard emotions, hurt/comfort, and very NSFW.

"It's hard. Normally I'd, you know, give you advice or something, but you've been doing this about as long as I have, and... I get it."

Remus sighs and tips his head back onto Sirius's shoulder. They're spooned together on Sirius's couch, and one of Sirius's strong arms is draped over his waist. Netflix stopped playing their binge of the week over an hour ago, and their cocktails are now watered down by the melted ice. They've been given the evening off after a very very bad call, an executive order from Chief Moody, and while some of their team went to the local bar to day drink, Remus and Sirius took the opportunity to be together, alone.

"I just..." Remus swallows thickly and shuts his eyes, inhales nice and slow. Sirius smells like cedar and sage, and it's quickly becoming his favorite scent. "My mother collects those little trinkets. The Christmas ornaments. She loves them. Says the little baby Jesus looks just like me," he adds with a soft, sad laugh. "But she... She wouldn't go back for them. I don't understand."

Apartment fires are always chaos. There can be upwards of a hundred people to get out, and so many ways to go wrong. Like the roof that collapsed, right as a little girl screamed that she couldn't find her mother.

Remus, Sirius, and Lt. Potter found her under the rubble of the roof, a crushed box of half-melted nativity figurines in her hands. Remus himself carried her out before, had put her in the triage car, and...she went back. Not for her child, who was safe. Not for her dog, who was safe. Not for money or baby photos or... anything irreplaceable. Those stupid Christmas trinkets.

"Panic makes people do stupid things," Sirius murmurs against his damp curls. "We can't save everyone, Remus. You know that."

"But I had saved her!" Remus insists, his voice breaking. This is the hardest part of the job. Not the running into danger. Not the heat or the burns or the gruelling shifts. This. Losing people. People who have no reason to die. People who have people who need them. He feels a piece of him break off, and then his restraint splinters.

Sirius hugs him tightly from behind as the first sob wracks his body. "It's okay, it's okay," he whispers when Remus tries to apologize. "We're not made of stone." Sirius holds him until the tears subside, and though the back of his neck is wet, Remus doesn't comment on it. "Come here," Sirius coaxes, and Remus rolls to face him.

Like this, they're ill-suited for the couch. Remus owns one that's long enough for his 6'5" frame, but Sirius's is a standard sofa, and their knees knock together. Remus fits his thigh between Sirius's legs and rests the other one on top of Sirius's, interlacing their bodies together, and already feels better for the new closeness. Sirius closes the short distance between them and kisses him. It's their first actual kiss all evening, and Remus can feel the tension melting away from his body, replaced by a warm surge of emotion and longing.

"Our first time isn't going to be on my couch after a bad call," Sirius murmurs against his lips, confirming Remus's suspicion that he can totally feel and recognize what's fattening against his hip. He kisses him again and threads his hands through Remus's hair to hold him close. "Well. Maybe."

"We shouldn't fuck," Remus agrees breathily, but he's unable to stop his hands from roaming over Sirius's shoulders, mapping his body. "But we could..."

"Yeah?" Sirius asks, his breath hitching when Remus's fingers dip past the front of his waistband. "You're sure?"

"I'm not overthinking it," Remus reminds him gently. He works his hand into Sirius's drawstring pajama bottoms and bites his lower lip when he takes Sirius's cock in-hand. "We're not going to fuck." He's reminding himself more than Sirius, because suddenly the thought of being filled and fucked until he can't even remember his own name is very appealing.

"Right." Sirius nods and plucks at the knot holding Remus's bottoms up until it gives way. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

Remus knows he won't, because he doesn't, but nods and lets Sirius maneuver them until Sirius is on top, his bottoms kicked off to the ether. Remus looks down and spreads his legs without conscious thought, prompting a fond laugh from his boyfriend.

"We're not going to fuck," Sirius says. Blushing, Remus tries to close his legs, only for Sirius to stop him with his hands. "Nuh-uh. I like you like this. You fit better on the couch, anyway."

"Excuse me for being appropriately sized," Remus teases, knowing full well that he is far from that. Sirius isn't short. He's a perfectly respectable six feet, but it's fun to rile him up. It pushes those sticky, shadowy emotions back into the corners where they belong.

"I'll show you appropriately sized," Sirius mutters darkly, but there's a gleam in his eyes that makes Remus's heart beat faster. Sirius tugs on Remus's bottoms until they slide off over his hips, and palms Remus's cock through his briefs.

Remus groans and shuts his eyes tight, breathing in through his mouth to keep from losing himself in the overwhelmingly addicting scent of Sirius's shampoo and body wash.

"Look at me, Remus." When Remus cracks one eye open, Sirius tuts. "I want you to see what you do to me." That does the trick, and Remus can practically feel his smug pride when he opens both eyes and looks down at Sirius's dripping cock. "We're not going to fuck, but..." Sirius rolls Remus's briefs down to free his aching dick and leans back onto his thighs to take his own in-hand. "Your rules don't cover this." Sirius slowly starts to stroke himself, and Remus can't believe he's getting to watch this.

He's dreamed about it (obviously), and has thought about what Sirius looks like when he comes, well...a little too early in their working relationship to probably be appropriate, and now the reality is literally in his lap. "Touch yourself for me, Remus."

Remus's hand drops to his cock before his brain can even properly process the command, and he bucks into his own fist at the first pass. "Oh, fuck," he groans. His eyes start to flutter closed, but Sirius makes a noise like a growl and Remus keeps them open. "This is okay?" He doesn't want to take advantage of their shared occupational trauma, doesn't want Sirius to feel like they have to do this now when the emotions are so heavy.

"Remus," Sirius says in that growl again before crashing his mouth against his in a biting kiss. "It's perfect. Fuck, you're beautiful. Look at you. How are you real?"

Remus would laugh if he wasn't so turned on. Him, beautiful? Please. Especially when compared to Sirius! Instead, a low whine builds in his chest, not a noise he's used to making or hearing from himself, and watches Sirius...watch him. He splays his legs a little further and picks up his pace, rolling up into his hand with every pass. "I'm close," he admits when he realizes that he is, in fact, on the precipice.

"Good. Show me what you look like when you come."

It unravels him, and with a deep groan, Remus comes, his back arching up off the couch a little and his hips fucking uncontrollably into his fist until the last of the tremors pass. He's made a mess of his shirt (and Sirius's), he can't help but notice.

"Remus, Remus, look at me," Sirius pants, and Remus looks, sees his face flush a gorgeous rose pink, watches his perfect mouth drop open in what has to be the sexiest moan Remus has ever heard in his life, and watches Sirius spill over his hand and onto Remus's ruined shirt. Nothing else matters in this moment, not with this little proof of beauty in the world panting above him, looking like he's just had a great fuck, and if that's just from his own touch...

Remus feels like he should say something, the ghosts of relationships past rising up to haunt him to say he needs to talk more, he needs to make himself emotionally available. But when he tries to force words out, Sirius silences him with a kiss, shushing him softly. "Words later. Nap now."

The tension trying to rebuild in his overactive brain snaps, and Remus laughs. "Nap sounds good. Not here. Your couch is lumpy. C'mon."

"Carry me?"

"You're literally on top of me."

Sirius rolls off to land (quite gracefully) on the floor between the coffee table and the sofa and grins. "Carry me?"

"You are..."

"Your boyfriend whom you lo- whom you...your boyfriend!"

"Yeah, I am." Remus gets to his feet and pulls his clothes back on, laughing and shaking his head. His legs are a little wobbly after his orgasm, but he manages to haul Sirius up and over his shoulder nonetheless.

"Not like this!" Sirius squawks.

"It's a fireman carry. You're a fireman. You asked to be carried," Remus says simply, laughing under the barrage of swats and pinches to his arse.

They fall into bed in another tangle of limbs, fitting together easily now that there's plenty of room, and Sirius's ire dims with each little kiss. "You okay?"

Remus nods and bumps their foreheads together gently. "I am now. You?"

"Yeah. It's...easier, with you."

"Yeah." Remus closes his eyes and just holds Sirius for several seconds. "You make me feel... Safe? Understood?"

"Heard," Sirius adds. "James... I love him. He's my brother. I'd do anything for that man, but he's...a lot more resilient, I guess. He's always been there when I need him but I always feel like I should be more like him, I shouldn't let this shit hit me so hard, what's wrong with me? But you...you make me feel like it's okay to feel things. Not that James-"

"I know. He's a saint," Remus says, stopping Sirius from going into an unnecessary defense of their Lieutenant. "You make me feel the same way." He wonders what else they feel the same way about, but tucks that away to unpack later. They've only been dating less than two months. He can't be in love yet, it's too soon.

But, as Sirius nods sleepily and burrows halfway under his body to shield his eyes from the midmorning sun streaming through his blinds, Remus thinks he's well on his way.

#wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #my fics #firefighter au #18+#read the content warning #wolfstarmicrofic #trinkets #microfic

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