#we don't even stalk their accounts - at most we look at them once a month and at this point we're too uninterested in them

[kyrodo]

If there's anything I learned from 2020, it's take your time with people. Granted I was depressed angry and not in a good mental state back then which is why I ended up in a lot of cyclical rants that I could not stop myself from doing almost every day. But it doesn't change the fact that you can't force your way into someone else's life. You can't act familiar with people you just met or only barely started interacting with. You can't expect welcoming treatment from people that don't want you there.

I had a heart. I fell for someone out of desperation, out of this wanton desire to find someone to fulfill a void left behind by moving away from all the friends I used to hang out with. And that made it very difficult despite all the times I tried to delete or lock my account to avoid stalking the person I liked. The feeling was fresh and strong enough that the curiosity always got the better of me, and my emotional state was in some ways relieved to an extent by being able to see the other person's posts and activity.

It also holds true for EnternodeCS and VeraLycaon and TuccLux that I've had crushes on since that event that I did not attempt to confess to. Whenever I like someone for whatever reason I want to check up on them. And those kinds of activities can be frowned upon and reacted to very negatively, especially once you've worn out your welcome. And being blocked or someone locking their account should ideally be the point at which I stop trying to contact someone. Logically anyway. Emotionally I didn't feel like I had much choice. Emotionally the thoughts were so strong, the curiosities were so strong, and what little signs of interaction we had were so vivid that I had to keep checking if there was anything directed at me. And usually there always was. I had no such similar interaction with any of the aformentioned crushes since then.

The fact that I confessed is also the biggest issue. The fact that I committed and acted upon my feelings and put all my hopes on them giving a positive response. That act alone doomed me to continue, and amplified my emotions out of control. Gave me this spark of hope that was very much ill-conceived. And the fact that I knew so little about the person that I liked did not help my case at all. It put me at the complete mercy of them always being kind with me. And most of the time they weren't. And to be fair I wasn't acting very mature about my feelings nor about the overhead of having an existing mate. I wasn't acting mature in general. Everything about how I was behaving and how I was portraying myself. How extra I was being was extremely unattractive and not indicative of a healthy relationship being able to form from it. And I always went from 0 to 100 in most cases. My anxiety was always on full display. And yet I was still trying to push forth something that I didn't make look feasible. I didn't like all the times I was being blatantly gaslighted but I should've taken that into account before I continued attempting to interact. I should've taken that as a sign that this was not meant to be.

And things obviously went extremely well with Choskey. I still have Red I've been slowly attempting to smooth over Red's side of things more. He acts passive aggressive way more often ever since his father's death. Choskey very much embodies receptive love in every possible way it could be expressed. It's been 2 months and I'm clearly a drug he's addicted to and incredibly happy about. And it's so natural. We can't stop expressing how we feel for each other and that's incredible. Even with Kara, I always felt like I was overdoing it when I always took too long to say good night and tell her my romantic feelings. With Red, it ended up being Red who did most of the love expressing before I could get to it, and that was a welcome change. But trying to do it back was a bit harder because of the dynamic of master and pet and me being the lower submissive one. I couldn't treat it the same way I approached it with Freedom/Kara/Miranthia.

With Choskey it feels so natural. That we can fully express how we feel and do it constantly and just feel happy every time we express it and not feel like we're doing it too much. Choskey again expresses it more than I do but I can approach it in a way that I'm taking care of him rather than being taken care of. And that offers me a way to express love in a way that I can't do as easily with Red. I like having both. I like being on both ends and that's why it's a very good thing that I have them both.

My journey to Choskey's heart took a lot longer than it did with my 2020 crush. I never pushed for anything. I never pushed him into anything. In fact I didn't even confess, it was him that did it instead. I didn't come to him spouting my entire life story to him. He did learn a lot about me, but it was paced. It was bits at a time as we took our time with each other. I've always taken my time with him. I've always held my tongue even when I was mad usually due to his gaming banter. I've always been patient with him, I gave him all these first time experiences and helped him a lot with his class work. But there were no conditions. He stayed in call with me on our discord server of his own accord. Everything we did together was always of his own accord. And that made a world of difference.

In a sense that was indeed what my earlier crush tried to get me to do. Everything was always of my own accord. But I was always punished for it, in excess. Sometimes without any warning, sometimes with every sign that things were going to go well by the crush themselves beforehand in the indirect ways we communicated. But I can see a lot of problems in the way that I was acting to the point that sometimes it's easy to see why. Why I was such a volatile thing to juggle around for them with these grandiose reactions to everything expressed in overly extra ways.

I was very careful with Choskey. So careful. So mellow. So toned down, so down to earth, so simple and straight forward and always so polite and kind. To the point that besides my imperfect gaming skills, I was basically perfect to them. The person that I wish I could've been far earlier I get to live out and see how much better things really are. Choskey is easier to deal with than Ult in a lot of other ways including overall temperment, but the biggest thing is I was better. I was always a good friend to him. I always took my time with him. I was always patient with him. I was always easy to talk to and share everything with. I always listened to him.

I always did my best for him. I always tried to show my best side for him. And even when I was mad at him, I displayed it in a way that made him think more about his side of things rather than mine. I always pulled my punches, show self respect but kept my doors opened rather than closed. And from that true love grew. I excite him every time I speak. He loves every little thing about me so wholly and so fully. He embraces me so readily and so strongly. I proceeded in a way that Red could still be with me. And I've more than outdone myself. And there is a solid path forward. And I've experienced immense happiness. These feelings are so raw and so powerful and so received and welcome. I feel the butterflies inside and they glow so warmly, so vividly. And it is so clear that we can get along so well, gaming banter aside. It is so easy to be around him and bask in this deep romance with him. It is so easy to excite him and press his buttons too. We are meant for each other. I've wanted this so bad, and he's wanted this for his entire life. And I can be the one to love him.

It is very clear to me everything that went wrong on either side of things back then, but there are things I can do for myself that make things socially so much more successful. Always take your time with people, and never try to be where you don't belong. Kindness, patience, flexibility, understanding, communication, these are all things that you can't do without when you want something to go well. Things you need in abundance. And to Choskey I embody every single one of those things. What little competition I had fell away very quickly and this is very much why. Our love is so incredibly secure that we would stick together in multiple lifetimes. And this is how it's done. There's literally nothing I could do better. And it's sustainable, it feels so natural, it's easy, it's satisfying, and this is my life now.

[nobuloki]

For the Girl i Only Met Once

"Descend"

Have you ever felt that in love with someone you met once?

Is it possible? my heart and mind is at war ever since i feel this way, it's almost a year since then i could tell it's ridiculous. Can someone be actually in love when the only communication you have with her is messages? But some of those conversations we have is the by far the best laugh I have in years. I can say i’am genuinely . . Happy . . Yes ! That was the feeling. I must admit I was hard on her at most times. Not because I'm making fun of her, or I want to piss her off, I just can't think of a ways to talk to her normally. But yet she can take whatever I throw at her, that's how she grow on me. She is the strongest girl I've ever met.

I actually wish for someone who can I can talk everything. Like literally I did. the night before I had that friend request. But I didn't think that wish came true I don't know if that is fate or just pure coincidence. just one of those rare circumstances, you never know "someone who's a completely stranger can be so special."

I was hesitating to accept that her that time coz i started to not adding anyone if i don't know them. i did started to talk to her rude, thinking "She won't gonna talk to me anyway" I'll just unfriend her if she does not reply. i usually works that way. I didn't expect her to respond sarcastically. "What the...." Well that's how It goes on. I believe she was using different account she didn't say her real name(I knew) i wasn't that dumb to recognize the name she gave me was not her real name. but i'm still asking myself why i gave my real name ! well anyway, I'm really having trust issue with her She's really made me curious sometimes I just always like who the heck is this girl really!? and the only picture that she had there is the one I shot fired her she even delete it later on. But as far as i remember I'm still attached to someone at that time, so I wasn't really thinking of anything. We don't really talk frequently but I do really like talking to her I just Didn't say it because she actually teases me with that.

It is pretty unusual how we talk. We usually bragging things out, insulting and pissing off each other using harsh and offensive words we have some of common interest she likes anime that is why she add me at the first place maybe that is why i immediately become comfortable talking to her. There is just one time i just at my classmate place and brainstorming on our thesis we are having a conversation and asking if i can track an ip address i tell her i don't know not because i don't know but it's too tedious to do. Then i ask are you going to stalk your BF? Then she replied "As if" well i assume that she has. But just to confirm i intentionally ask. Then she start teasing me that i got a crush on her. Immediately i replied with pretty harsh words then she continues to tease me over and over so just to Evade her from teasing I've said i will do something so i left off the conversation.

We continue this kind of odd chat for at least a few days. then after a month she disappeared I mean not literally like that but I didn't see her online on my chat box for quite awhile well I didn't notice it at first. After a few weeks I was starting to notice that something's missing. like i have to talk to her by some point and time i really feel uncomfortable There is just one time I search for her real account until I realize what 'em I doing. I decided to stop as I feel like some kind of stalker I leave a message on her account saying like: "hey still alive?" I'm actually looking forward to talk to her again. it's been few month i almost forget about her. Well next thing I know is she just appear online on my friend list but I ignore it coz I'm too shy to initiate a conversation but the situation was completely convenient as it turned out she replied a message way back a month but i kinda cringe with the reply so there it goes again. But I don't know I just can't stop smiling at my screen while we're having a conversation

The time came I finally found her real account based on the picture I got from her message with a "Fansign" on her fake account I have for i don't remember how i did it, but all i remember is I did a manual search. i know it sound kinda creepy but there is just something at her that I can't explain I can't help but being total curious. Want to know who she really is.

I knew she will get mad at me with this but I still told her I found her real account. I didn't want to keep that secret. it was November 11 at 11:11am Based on our conversation on that time she was really furious. Asking me how i'm able to find her account. I don't know how to answer it. Because all I did was a manual search she won't believe that. All I can say is I just got lucky. Afterwards, she blocked me on her fake account. I thought to myself I guess that would be our last conversation then. at least that's over, But I was bit regretting that in the back of my head but. I play on an online game after that.

But just after a few minutes later then, I receive a friend request and as it turn out, she's adding me in her real account. Well that was unexpected.

We talk out a little more a after that. My cheeks are tearing i just can't worn off that smile in my face.

This is where the story gets . .

"Decisive."

To be Continued

[life-is-hard-2002]

When I moved out here, Jack direct messaged me on instagram. I sincerely believed he had overdosed. He told me he liked the picture of me and my boyfriend from that summer and asked why I didn't tag him in the photo. I didn't tag him because of my fear that Jack would somehow find him, even though I was still hoping on him being dead. After that dm, I didn't post again for another year. He knew what state I was in and he knew my best friend's instagram account and what school she went to. In a way I was protecting them both when we cut ties, they were no longer targets. I was manic, paranoid, and very very scared. Why would a man I hadn't spoken to in years reach back out? Is he stalking me or was it just a sick joke to further torture me? Was he really going to come to the state I moved to like he said? Who knows, but it's been 16 months and I have yet to see him. He's one of the only men to ever hurt me that I wasn't able to make fear me back. Every guy my age who mistreated me saw my crazy front and proceeded with caution and quickly retreated after it reached a breaking point. I effectively scared away my biggest threats. But not him. How could I ever pretend to be more than a scared child when an adult was doing to me what he did? The was no way to hide the fear in my eyes. Just like I couldn't hide my fear when I looked into Jeremy's eyes as he choked the life out of me. Because when you think you're going to die, it's damn near impossible to think about anything other than how to survive. And they love that shit. The power they feel when they're stronger than a malnourished fucking 15 year old girl. I suppose it's the only time they ever feel powerful. Since I moved here I have been SAed or r worded every 3-4 months. Which is sorta crazy because I don't have a social life. My ex at thanksgiving, a woman on valentines day, a male friend over the summer, and a guy at a party on halloween. It's been three months since the last one, and I plan to be antisocial for the next two months in hopes of breaking the cycle. I don't even want to count what's happened with the guy I'm currently involved with. My most damaging recent mindset is if I never say no again, it'll never be r***. I was better off with the man who only violated my boundaries once than whatever tf is going on rn.

[basaltbutch]

thanks for tagging me @sunshineinbetween! :D

1. Why did you choose your url?

Mostly just wanted a change of pace from my old one! (Also my biological & abusive father was stalking my old url so.) But basically uhhhh i love wandering around in the middle of nowhere like a lost child and also corvids <3

2. Any side blogs?

Quite a bit actually! None of them are super active anymore because I stopped caring about social media. Only one that's still kinda used is @softsayings which is a joint blog between rickshaww and I.

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

...I wanna say 2017??? Is when I made my first account? I abandoned it after a couple of months and never picked it up again (it was a kin blog, surprising probably no one) and I made this one in,,, March 2018 according to the archive. So when I was about 16.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I do not and the only thing I put in my queue is the anthropocene sea foam post whenever someone reminds me about it <3

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

This blog originally was a witchcraft blog. I. don't think that's the case anymore lmao.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

@rickshaww my beloved drew us for my birthday present and I wanted to show it off :3

7. Why did you choose your header?

Cool and sexy abandoned building we found during a roadtrip and one wall looked like album art!! (Also think it's especially cool how that building had the lyrics from the Garages' Deicide written on the wall and how I'd absolutely never even think about doing something like that.)

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

On this blog, it is, and I quote, "AAAAAAAA DISCIPLINE FUCKS HARDCORE" which 30 whole people seemed to like and I pray my blog never gets any bigger because if it gets like my old aesthetic blog I will just nuke this one and start over.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

No clue! I think I'm mutuals with most of the ppl I follow/that I regularly see on my dash though.

10. How many followers do you have?

109!! And I never want to get above 200.

11. How many people do you follow?

201! Also want to stay pretty low,,, too many and it gets overwhelming.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhhhhhh I cannot recall. Probably? Do the anthropocene spam posts count??

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

Oof.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Uhhhh,,,, no...??? I don't think so, at least not a real one.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

You put too many of those on my dashboard and it's an instant unfollow babey!! I do not wish to see it <3 if I think it's important and I have enough energy to care I would reblog it anyway, you guilt-tripping me automatically makes me stop listening <3

16. Do you like tag games?

I do!!! Would love to remember to do them😔. They make me feel like we are all sitting around a campfire asking each other weird questions.

17. Do you like ask games?

Sometimes!! I think it's funnier when I get just. random asks out of nowhere though. (my inbox is literally always open btw, go ahead and send me stupid shit if you're bored)

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

A really popular mystic messenger fan artist at the time. became mutuals with me and then immediately dipped for twitter?? Otherwise most of my mutuals r just chilling in our little corners. Doing our little gay activities.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Uh,,, I don't think so? 100% aro here, no crushes to be found. Y'all do make me really happy tho :3

Uhhhh no pressure tags; @rickshaww @heathenhouse @redminibike1

#it speaks #the ask game question reminded me about the Cursed Baseball Bat arc and. i should rb that

[leelee10898]

Chikara: Zenshin suru (2/?)

Summary:Moving forward. At least thats what Ellie is trying to do. Meanwhile Colt finds trouble back home. Catch up HERE. If you would like added to the tag list, let me know.

Raiting: Mature. This series deals with violence, angst, death, sexual situations and bad choices. Read at your own risk.

Ellie sat up in disbelief oh you have got to be kidding me she flopped back down on the bed. "Oooh come on Ellie, its gonna be so much fun." Ellie rolled her eyes as she was lifted up off the bed. "Seriously Ingrid, how the hell did you end up in here? You had a different roommate." Ellie groaned, could her luck get any worse? A horribly emotional Thanksgiving, and now this, she was convinced someone hated her.

"Well," Ingrid flipped her hair and sat on ellies bed "I put in for a new roommate before Thanksgiving. She was horrible, she used to microwave liver, the dorm smelled like burnt rotten sneakers." She pointed her finger to her throat, making a gagging sound. "So they called with this opening and well,  here I am!" She perked up. "Come on, there's a party tonight in the dorms across the quad, lets go."

"A party? God no. I'm really not in the mood to party, it was a long,  long break and a long flight, you go on without me this time ok. " Ellie refused.

"No can do! I have watched you mope around this campus like a sad little puppy dog. It stops now! Get up, get your ass dressed." Ellie eyed Ingrid in disbelief, was she really going to allow her high school rival boss her around. She stared at Ingrid a moment longer,  arms folded against her chest. "Fiiiiiiine!" She got up and started getting ready. Once she was fully dressed she grabbed Colts jacket and walked out the door.

They walked into the crowded halls of the building across the quad. The music pumping throughout, kegs in many of the rooms and almost everyone had a red solo cup in hand. "Want a beer?" Ingrid tried talking over the loud music. "No. I don't drink." She shouted back, Ingrid shrugged her shoulders "suit yourself."  Ingrid paraded Ellie around, introducing her to so many people. She felt oddly out of place, but if she was going to try and move on, she figured maybe this was a start. What she wouldn't give to have Riya here with her now, but Riya was a little over an hour away at hartfeld. They were standing there talking to some girl Ingrid knew when two guys approached, one with Dark blonde hair, the other a brunette with stunning blue eyes. The girl walked away leaving the two of them, with the two guys.  "Looking good Ingrid." The blonde smirked as he leaned in kissing Ingrid's cheek. "Kyle, this is Ellie. Ellie, kyle." Ellie gave him a shy wave. "Nice to meet you Ellie, this is my friend Nick." Kyle introduced the two.

Ingrid and Kyle were caught up in an intense, flirtatious conversation, leaving Ellie and Nick standing there. "So. You don't look like you want to be here." Nick finally broke the silence. "I'm not really into the whole party scene." She admitted.  "Neither am I, I only came because Kyle wanted to see Ingrid." He chuckled as he stood next to Ellie. "Yeah. Ingrid drug me out. Still getting used to being friends with her, after being rivals for so long."

"Oh, so you two knew each other before college?" He quirked his brow, seemingly interested in having a conversation with her. "Yeah. We went to the same high school. Battled for valedictorian our senior year."

Nick leaned in a little closer.  "And which one of you won it?" His voice low and Intoxicating. She bit her lower lip. Trying to stop the huge grin from spreading across her face. "I bet it was you. You got that smart and beautiful thing going for you." Her face was now beat red. "Beautiful huh?" She tried to even her voice, praying he didn't hear the slight tremor. "I call it how I see it. And you Ellie, are probably the most beautiful woman here." Ellie turned a deep shade of crimson,  it had been a while since anyone flirted with her. She couldn't help but think about Colt, what he was doing in that moment, wondering if he even thought of her at all anymore. Ellie mentally reprimanded herself, she was trying to move on with her life, she needed to stop pretending that she and Colt were anything but a distant memory now. "Hey Nick, wanna dance?" Nick smiled wide "Lets do it."

****

California…

Colt climb off his bike and stashed it, he made his way quickly down the familiar street and ducked in the side through the loose boards. He had been coming to the shop here and there for a few months, ever since the heat from the FBI died down. He hadn't been in a couple weeks, he spent Thanksgiving break with his mom and he was itching to get back to the shop and continue his treasure hunt. He started in the back of the shop, mostly sticking to the private quarters. His pop wasn't like a regular blue collar guy, he didn't use a bank except for the legit auto shop account. Everything else he had was hidden in the shop like In the walls where one or more of his great grandparents installed a fireproof safe, Loose floorboards, hollowed out cabinets with a removable panel. Colt had found the deed to the garage, a copy of Kaneko's will leaving everything to him, the original he was certain in a safe deposit box somewhere, he knew he would have to piece clues together,  it was what his dad did. He also found Several stacks of money, bonds and other property deeds.

He climbed the steps to Logans loft. He had yet to go up there, the bitter taste of Jealousy still thick on his tongue. He hated Logan from the moment he met him, he hated that a pretty boy was his father's prize poodle, he had the nice car,  the good jobs, and he had Ellie eating out of the palm of his hand. He snorted, a smirk forming on his lips when that changed. He swore he could still feel the softness of her lips pressed against his, her arms wrapped tightly around him as they lost themselves in the pacific.

Colt walked through the room, stepping over debris, a gaping hole in the roof letting the moonlight shine in giving him some natural light.

He found a metal box under the burnt bed frame, he had to pry it open, not much inside except a few slips of paper and a flash drive. He checked his phone, 9pm. He had been there longer then he should. He pocketed the flash drive and descend the stairs to the bay. His eyes landed on something glimmering in the moonlight. He reached down to pick up the item,  his heart caught in his chest as he realized what it was.

******

The day he took Ellie to her driving test, he wandered around inside the dmv, waiting for her to finish up. He knew she would pass, she was a natural. A rack of keychains sat displayed in front of him, he fumbled through them until he found the perfect one.

He waited outside as Ellie bounced out of the DMV, a freshly printed license in hand. "I passed, I passed!" She squealed as she threw her arms around Colts neck. "Congratulations. Here I got you something." He held out the silver crown keychain. Ellie looked between him and the key chain, as she took it out of his hand "thank you colt. But why a crown?" Colt shrugged his shoulders, "I'll tell you later, now come on let's get back to the shop."

*******

How did it get here? He knew Ellie had it on her keychain when she left for school, she hadn't been back to the shop after that night, unless. Unless she was there, sometime while he was away. He felt the lump in this throat grow bigger, she was there and he could have seen her. In that moment the need to see her, to feel her in his arms, to hear her voice, taste the sweetness of her lips. It was all too much to bare. He shook the thoughts from his head,  she was at Langston, safely away from the crime ridden streets of LA, it wouldn't be long until he was with her again.

He put the keychain in his pocket, along with the flash drive and headed to where he stashed his bike a few blocks over. He kept looking over his shoulder,  a nagging feeling he was being followed. He got to his stash spot, attempting to quickly climb on his bike and start it and thats when he hit him. Colt crashed to the ground with a thud, his bike coming with him. He had just enough time to roll as his attacker came down on him with a knife. He sprang to his feet, adrenaline coursing through him. His assailant charged forward, colt side stepping, grabbing the attacker by the arm, bringing his elbow down on his shoulder,  the knife hitting the ground with a clatter.

The man clutched his shoulder, crying out in pain. "Wrong choice buddy. Guess you don't know who I am?" Colt spat as the man turned, baring a rage filled face. "I don't ask names, I do what im told." He circled Colt, looking for his opening when his fist connected hard with Colts jaw. The attacker grabbed the knife, as colt lunged forward, tackling him to the ground. Colts first landing blow after blow, the man lifted his hand, slicing into colts side. Fuck! Colt screamed out in pain, it only fueled his rage further as he screamed "Who sent you?" he screamed as he twisted his body bringing the mans arm behind him,incapacitating him. "Arg, not going. To tell you." Colt shook his head as he pulled his arm further behind him. "Ahhh. Wallace. His names wallace." Satisfied colt released his hold on the man, shoving him to the ground. "Of course he didnt give you a fucking name. The little bitch. He knew you'd never fucking do it." Colt circled the man, stalking him like a lion and he was his prey. The man looked up at him confused, A devious smirk played on his lips, "the names Kaneko." He let the name set in. "I'm thinking the letters M.P.C are flashing in your mind right now aren't they?"  The man sat there, paralyzed in fear. "Now, you run and tell all your friends, that MPC still runs things." The man nodded his head and took off.

Colt clutched his side,  the realization that he was hurt crashing down on him at once. He hopped on his bike, flying down the highway to the only place he could think to go.

He pulled up to a small house in a backwoods California town, Killed the engine and walked to the house. He reached the door, banging harder than necessary. "Colt. What the hell are you doing here?" The voice spoke through the latched door. "I know. I'm sorry but, its an emergency." He pulled his blood covered hand from his side. "I need your help."

Permatag

@kennaxval @hopefulmoonobject @crookedslimecreatorpasta @be-still-my-aching-heart @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @riseandshinelittleblossom @cocomaxley @bobasheebaby @ownworldresident @cordoniaqueensworld @indiacater @blackcatkita @darley1101 @hazah @desiree-0816

ROD

@daniv2278 @brightpinkpeppercorn @lovehugsandcandy @going-down-downtown @mercyparkcrew @emichelle @annekebbphotography @walkerismychoice @yesivefallenpreytothechoicestrap @zaira-oh-zaira @sweetest-marbear

@simsvetements @zaffrenotes @professorortegasstudent

@akrenich @ifyouseekheart @client-327 @choicelogansbitch @choicesarehard @paisleylovergirl @itskismetbb @itsmarleen

@rhischoicesfanfics @distinguishedsaladoperawinner @iplaydrake @coffeebeandragon @jasidu2 @charliezchan

@umiumichan @sarwin85 @skdskdskdskdskdsk @liamzigmichael4ever

@littlemissimaginativerhi @somebarbietingz

#chikara rod fan fic #ride or die bad boy romance #choices ride or die #choices ride or die: a bad boy romance #colt x ellie #colt kaneko #rod colt #colt x mc #i love colt kaneko #leelee10898 fan fic

[ourimpavidheroine]

so are you saying you never want a comment that disagrees with you? sorry, not trying to be rude, just asking. I don't mean the other kind of comments like transphobic or whatever.

Well, I’m glad you don’t mean transphobic comments (or any others of that ilk) because no one needs to justify and/or explain deleting those. 

What it comes down to is the difference between critique and criticism. A fair amount of readers don’t know (or care, in some cases!) the difference between the two.

A critique is something that the writer (or artist, or whomever) could potentially find useful in improving their craft. 

A criticism is simply complaining about what you don’t like. There is no benefit at all to the creator in question.

So let me give an example:

CRITIQUE

Wait, I’m confused here. Is Wu in love with Qi or not? It’s not clear from that last chapter. 

Why is this helpful? Well, it tells me that the reader is not picking up what I am putting down, so to speak. Now, there could be several reasons for this. It might be that I have not played all of my cards yet - I may have something planned and I am deliberately writing a slow reveal. In which case, all is well! It might be, however, that I have something clear in my head but I am not getting it across to my readers as well as I think I am. In which case, this is very important information! This is good feedback! I can go back and look at my work with a critical eye and say, you know, the reader is right and I am being too vague here, so I need to address this with more clarity in the next chapter (or whatever). I have gotten these kinds of comments and I always publish them. I value them, very much. 

CRITICISM

I was really into this story until you introduced polyamory. It’s a terrible idea. I hate it.

What is the purpose of this remark? Will it help me to improve as a writer? No, it won’t. Will I change my story line because of it? Not even close. Is there anything that I, as a writer, can do with this remark? Absolutely not. But see, that’s the entire point of criticism. When people post comments like that it is all for themselves. There is no real exchange of ideas happening there; there is no response I can give as a writer to them that will be satisfactory. I am certainly not going to apologize because a reader doesn’t like what I have done with a story, be it characterization or plot. Why on earth would I apologize? I’m not sorry I wrote it that way. The reader is under absolutely no obligation to continue reading my story; they certainly haven’t paid for it. Only once has any of the readers leaving these kinds of comments been a reader that had left any kind of other feedback for me. In other words, people who make those kinds of comments have never bothered to engage with me before and are still not engaging with me. They just want to make a dramatic exit and have the last word. Why on earth should I indulge them in this? 

I’ve been active on the internet since 1992; I have watched the rise of the comment section trolls. They don’t actually care about whatever it is they are trolling, despite their strident claims to the contrary. They’re just there to fuck shit up. People who care about something want to enjoy engaging with other fans, not proving other fans wrong. That’s your litmus test, right there. Is this person trying to engage with me in mutual enjoyable discourse or are they there to prove me wrong? If it is the former, then go for it, even if it might get a little heated (because that happens sometimes). If it is the latter, then fuck ‘em.

As I said earlier, my own personal troll here doesn’t actually like my fic and has said that directly. They are reading it for no other reason than to make horrible comments on it. (And this only came about after months of not actually reading my fanfic but coming here on Tumblr and asking my “opinion” on ATLA and/or TLOK which was a transparent excuse to reblog my answers with really nasty commentary on them, attempting to somehow prove me wrong. It was only after I stopped biting on their Asks that they actually went and started reading my fanfic.) I’m not going to help them do that by leaving their comments up on my work; it’s abuse, plain and simple, and I do not feel under any obligation to help an abuser. Especially not my own. My troll has tried over and over again to tell me that I am wrong for deleting their comments, by the way. They absolutely want me to help them by being complicit in my own abuse. Which is, in fact, a textbook abuser’s move; hell, it’s number one on the list. And it’s just not going to happen.

I have watched a lot of young and/or fragile writers pour their hearts and souls into writing fanfic, only to walk away because a reader felt entitled to leave useless, unhelpful and sometimes even cruel criticism. That goes for young artists as well; I’ve seen the absolutely horrible bullying that goes on here on Tumblr. Sending Asks telling an artist to kill themselves! What the actual fuck! It’s why, quite frankly, I have gently dissuaded my daughter from getting a Tumblr account and posting her art here. Those kinds of comments would devastate her. There is a big difference between telling an artist, “Hey, you know, I see you whitewashed Korra there, and as a person of color I’d really like to tell you why that’s a hurtful thing to do us and oh here are some links that explain about it as well,” and telling them to kill themselves or die in a fire or never draw again. But see, that’s the thing. There is a real sense of entitlement that comes with leaving criticism that just blows my mind. To me, it reads as if the consumer of the art thinks that the creator actually owes them something, even if that something is forcing them to pay attention to the consumer by leaving unhelpful, rude and sometimes even abusive commentary. I strongly disagree with this. Creators are not obligated to their fans. Or as Neil Gaiman once famously put it, “[The Creator] is not your bitch.” 

It’s not that big a leap to go from leaving a comment telling a creator that you don’t like something to stalking someone online to making actual threats and/or doxxing them. The anonymity of the internet makes it very easy, in fact. Internet trolls that cross over the line from being an entitled asshole to engaging in actual illegal behavior had to start somewhere. And that start isn’t by reading half a chapter of fic and backing out to find something else they like better or just scrolling past art they don’t like, you know?

Every single time a writer leaves up garbage commentary on their work, they are giving their tacit approval of a reader’s belief that they are entitled to shit all over said work. 

It’s not the same when it comes to a professional writer, of course. For one thing, they are being paid for their work. For another, reviews on Goodreads or Amazon or on review sites aren’t about engaging the author in discourse about their work. Authors (unless they are Anne Rice or something, wooo-weee) are not responding to reviews. Reviews are all about readers getting their chance to let other readers know how they felt about the work. Dude, if I am going to be shelling out cold hard cash for a book then I’d like to read some nuanced reviews of it first, for sure. I ignore the stupid troll ones, of course. Most of those get downvoted anyhow because nobody likes a troll but a troll.

That being said…do we leave reviews on AO3 or Tumblr in order to tell other readers how we felt about a writer’s work? No. We do not. We leave comments, because we are engaging in fandom discourse with the writer, someone else who loves the fandom as much as we do. 

Reviews and comments are not the same thing, kids. There’s a reason why they are two separate words. There is a reason why AO3 and Tumblr (and fanfiction.net, etc.) very deliberately use the word comments and why Goodreads and Amazon and The National Book Review use the word review. Language matters.

In other words, comments ≠ reviews.

Fanfic is not the same as original published work. Fandom is made up of people who love their particular fandom; fanfic is written by writers that are creating transformative works out of love. (Not that we wouldn’t mind money or anything, but that’s not the end goal.) Two completely separate worlds. Sure, sometimes the lines get blurred - I myself once met a writer at a signing whom I admired and embarrassed the hell out of myself by fangirling all over him. (He was very gracious about it.) But he was there to do a signing, not chitterchat over Tumblr for hours over why it is Bolin can lavabend but not metalbend. Totally different scenario. There are quite a few published writers here on Tumblr who engage with their fans, but they are still not engaging with them over their book reviews, I can tell you that much.

And in any case, who the hell scrolls down on AO3 to read all of the comments before they read the fanfic anyhow? I’m not saying that it couldn’t happen, I’m just saying it’s not the general practice. Not even fanfic readers are using the comments section as a means of deciding whether or not they want to read a fic. People read the tags and the summaries and go by word of mouth when it comes to choosing a fanfic to read. Again - comments section, not a review section!

Some fandom creators can handle critique or criticism and some can’t. Some writers leave up all the shit commentary on their fics and that’s fine. It’s their choice and I’m all about choice! But for me, I’m not going to be any part of teaching a reader on AO3 that they are entitled to shit all over someone’s work just because they don’t understand what the hell the comments section is for. I surely am not going to allow them to think that it is okay to be an asshole in my comments section just because they think it is somehow their god-given right to be one. Freedom of speech does not mean I have to let you take a dump all over my front lawn, you feel me? Go crap all over your own space.

It may not hurt me, a crusty old bitch who could care less if some stranger off the internet is offended by polyamory. But it could hurt and discourage other fanfic writers and anyone who has followed me for any length of time knows how much of a Tumblr Mom I am. I want to encourage new creators. I want to support them as they feel their way about, as they try to improve their work. I try to give as much written support as I can in terms of commenting, reblogging, etc. But I also want them to understand that they are not under any obligation to deal with the haters. Comments are not meant to be reviews; they sure as hell are not meant to be criticism. Leaving up hate on my own work does not get that message across to either the haters or the creators who are having to deal with that hate, as far as I am concerned. And that’s why I won’t do it.

#administrative post #suicide cw #trolls #abuse cw #anonymous

[nymanfrancis1990]

How Can I Attract My Ex Girlfriend Back Stunning Tips

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I Want My Ex Back Meme

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It is precisely why I'm telling you that the relationship in the world, and there is anything you try the Magic of Making up and put on a changing situation.Assuming you are no hard and it may seem great, but to us from the heart and pursued my exes anyway.Perhaps the first date at the beginning and be more relaxed, but once you do not give up.You shouldn't expect him to want to get your ex back.But no matter why your ex back, you should search around to see straight.

Pull Your Ex Back Questions

#How Can I Attract My Ex Girlfriend Back Stunning Tips #How To Get Ex Boyfriend Back Psychological Tri