#wanna make this one unrebloggable but I’m on mobile and idk how? so don’t reblog please

[max1461]

I will admit I feel a little alienated by advice to the effect of “screaming/yelling during an argument is abuse; if someone does that, cut them out of your life”. I grew up in a family where everyone yells all the time, pretty much, like getting yelled at/yelling back was just my default experience of what arguments were like growing up. Now, I will say that I don’t think this is a good thing, I certainly don’t want to replicate this with my kids or with my romantic partners. But I also don’t think of my parents or my sister (or myself) as “abusers” for this, and the last thing I want to do is cut them out of my life. In the case of my sister especially I don’t perceive any lasting damage from having pretty consistent Big Screaming Matches with her from ages 10-16; as adults our relationship is fantastic.

I still yell sometimes in arguments with my family and they still yell sometimes at me. We all try not to, nobody likes to be yelled at and all of us being basically decent people we try not to do it to each other. But it happens sometimes and none of us really sweat it. So, I guess the “all yelling is abuse” crowd can just... throw us in the incinerator? Idk. But I do think this is kind of a “cultural differences” thing. If you come from a background where yelling is this really taboo thing, I get how it could be something you don’t even want to tolerate once. And I don’t know how to make my life situation sound not-fucked-up to people from that background. But like... trust me, I’m fine? That’s the best I can say. There are things my parents did when raising me that I’m pretty upset about, but this isn’t one of them.

Anyway, I think there are kinda lots of things like this. Things that some group of people will identify as really Bad that someone with a slightly different background will think of as mostly whatever. Again I’m not saying it’s good to yell (I’m certainly not going to raise my kids that way), but genuinely to me, in my life, someone yelling at me is just not a big deal. I don’t know, just some thoughts.

#personal #wanna make this one unrebloggable but I’m on mobile and idk how? so don’t reblog please