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autisticempathydaemon · 11 months

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Hi! Could I get a redacted matchup if they're still available?

-my current favorite song is optimism (as a radical life choice) by Spanish love songs. I love the lyrics "don't take me out back and shoot me, I know my wires are faulty, I've only ever been a kids, pointing out dead dogs in the road". IDK, the whole song is pretty relatable but those lyrics really stand out visually and emotionally. I'm also tired but still want a chance to be, ya know?

-my ennagram type is 6(w5 I think) my Myers Briggs is INFP(-t?) if it matters

- I LOVE YouTube video essays. I'll watch any, mostly on videogames stuff since I don't really like playing them but I love, like, lore and stuff. I really enjoyed the defunctland fast pass one too. The longer the video the better imo though

- I don't remember my childhood imaginary friend. I used to be super extroverted and had a lot of friends so I didn't really need one? I was also so chill playing by myself so I was okay without friends too. I miss that lol

- best way to fall asleep is fan on full blast, 1 giant comfy blanket, TONS of pillows and a stuffed animal

- I did change my name, picked it off a baby name list since that's what my parents did for the first name, not super special, does come with several easy nicknames though which is cool, but no one uses them :/

- I love any of guys videos, but I really like the failed sleep aid. He may not be super relaxing but at least he's trying!!! He's so funny and chill and I like that

- I don't really like David, Aaron, Damien's(just the x listener ones, I love him w/Huxley) audios. Not super into the Tsundere kinda stuff, I'm a little too insecure for that, I like open feelings and stuff

- I don't really have a book or movie I know all the words to, I don't like rewatching/reading things I already know for whatever reason, I will but it's less enjoyable

- I'm platonically attracted to Gavin and Huxley, they'd both be soo kind and supportive in their own ways, a little hype squad

- I ramble about people when I'm tired. Human interaction stresses me out so bad,, people are hard to understand and there's a whole lot of societal pressure to be a certain way and I just don't get it and I'm so tireddd

- I don't really stop at gas stations, but it'd probably be lemonade and chips of some kind

- my current favorite playlist is my 'cringe' playlist, all the edgy alt/emo/rock songs I was into in middle school, they're not great but they're so fun, they're also my guilty pleasure media. I know people hate them but they make me happy

- other stuff - I do have anxiety so social interactions stress me out but I'm trying to get better, I'm a lot more outgoing when I'm comfy with someone, I'm also super artistic and stuff, I enjoy painting and drawing and do that stuff regularly. I believe sharing your music taste with someone is v. Intimate and I hate putting on my music for others for fear of judgement lol

I'm sorry it's so long,, thanks!

Easy-peasy, perfect- I know just the guy. Let me work my magical, match-making powers and tell you why everything about you, especially temperaments and your music taste, make you and Asher Talbot a fantastic match.

There’s so many little, charming things that would make your everyday lives together so cute and fun. Asher’s favorite band is canonically Fall Out Boy, so we know y’all are bopping to the same playlist in the car. He’d be your biggest hype man, hanging your painting all over your apartment. Not to mention, dude could be a walking Halo video essay, you know? Come home after a long day doing adult things, and listen to him ramble about campaigns or whatever happens in those games I have no idea.

On a deeper level, you two work even better still. Not only is Asher wonderfully emotionally intelligent and available behind his goofy, silly demeanor, he is the social butterfly. That’s why he’s the Beta, the soft diplomacy to all David’s alpha-ness. Asher would be the perfect, like, emotional support golden retriever boyfriend for all social occasions: handsome, huggable, attentive to your needs, and a mood-making goofball.

Song:

The more I think/ The more I wish/ That we could lie here for hours/ And just reminisce/ On the good the bad the ugly/ The smiles the laughs the funny/ Or all the things/ We put each other through/ It's for you

This was a fun excuse for me to go through Lexi Moon and I’s emo playlists for a cute, throwback love song, so thank you for that~ I decided on NeverShoutNever because emo has always had random men with ukuleles, it seems, but goshdarnit, they sing fun songs, and I can see Asher knowing all the words to this one. He’s a big sap, and I can see him singing this when you’re feeling down or anxious, doing it silly and over the top just to make you smile.

Runner-Ups:

Lasko is a runner-up for you because two introverts together can be really cute, you know? Let’s be alone together, just the two of us, vibes. However, I like Guy better as a runner up because of how bubbly and social he is. I think he’d help bring you out of your shell and manage social situations, just not quite as tactfully as Asher.

note: you don’t have to apologize for it being long the more information you send the better 💕

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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tradermeximas · 3 months

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A própria Google revela alguns detalhes sobre o novo Pixel Watch 2 na consola Google Play. Agora é oficial, o Pixel Watch 2 está chegando (em outubro) e vem com bastante hardware novo. Vários rumores do passado recente se confirmam, principalmente com o processador, muita coisa está acontecendo e o novo chipset vai significar um salto muito grande. Seja pela eficiência ou pelo desempenho do sistema, o novo Snapdragon W5 é significativamente mais moderno que o ultrapassado chip Exynos do primeiro Pixel Watch. A Google agora lista o novo relógio na consola Google Play, onde se confirma o novo processador e 2 GB de memória RAM. O Android 13 será pré-instalado no Pixel Watch 2, confirmando o Wear OS 4 também. Atualmente, a nova versão está disponível apenas nos modelos Galaxy Watch da Samsung, enquanto os proprietários do primeiro Pixel Watch esperam um sinal de vida. Folha de dados do Google Pixel Watch 2 Algumas das informações a seguir ainda não foram confirmadas oficialmente: Design do Pixel Watch Gen 1, nova tela da Samsung carcaça mais leve (aprox. 10g) feita de alumínio Chipset Qualcomm Snapdragon W5, 4 nm 2 GB de memória RAM A bateria cresce 4 por cento UWB para chave digital do carro Alças: malha metálica, elos e finos, alça de silicone Use OS 4 (Android 13) de fábrica com garantia de atualização e atualizações contínuas Inicie os programas Wear OS-Beta

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jcmarchi · 3 months

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The OnePlus Watch 2 review: a fusion of innovation and style - Technology Org

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/the-oneplus-watch-2-review-a-fusion-of-innovation-and-style-technology-org/

The OnePlus Watch 2 review: a fusion of innovation and style - Technology Org

The OnePlus Watch 2 has emerged as a groundbreaking smartwatch, featuring a unique hybrid system and an extraordinary 100-hour battery life. In this article, we take a look into the design, capabilities, and the innovative technology behind this device.

OnePlus Watch 2. Image credit: oneplus.in

Design and display

The OnePlus Watch 2, priced at $300, boasts a sleek circular design available in black or silver stainless steel. The 1.4-inch, 60Hz AMOLED display, protected by a sapphire cover glass, complements the design, taking subtle cues from flagship smartphones like the OnePlus 11 and OnePlus 12. Noteworthy are the circular and rectangular buttons on the side, providing a classy variation to the standard smartwatch interface.

OnePlus Watch 2. Image credit: oneplus.in

Durability and resistance

Built to withstand the demands of daily life, the OnePlus Watch 2 is IP68 dust and water-resistant, meeting US military standards for durability. The watch’s resilience ensures it can endure extreme temperatures, moisture, and shocks, making it a reliable companion for various activities.

The Catch: 100-hour battery life

In a market saturated with smartwatches, the OnePlus Watch 2 stands out with its claim of a 100-hour battery life in Smart Mode, the default setting out of the box. The OnePlus Watch 2 outperforms expectations even with 15% battery remaining after four days of regular use.

The dual-chip system

What sets the OnePlus Watch 2 apart is its innovative dual-chip system. Unlike traditional smartwatches with a single chip, this device houses two processors and operating systems. The high-powered Snapdragon W5 manages Wear OS 4 for intensive tasks, while the always-on BES 2,700 chip operates on RTOS for basic, low-power functions. This hybrid approach strikes a balance between responsiveness and battery efficiency, akin to a hybrid car offering the best of both worlds.

Additional features

Beyond its remarkable battery life, the OnePlus Watch 2 delivers a seamless user experience. With a responsive interface, a multitude of watch faces, and custom workouts, it offers a diverse set of features. The device also integrates dual-frequency GPS for enhanced accuracy, catering to both fitness enthusiasts and tech fans.

Limitations

While the OnePlus Watch 2 impresses, there are a few quirks to consider. Users may experience a delay in checking notifications, and the haptics are not as refined as some competitors. The absence of iPhone compatibility may disappoint Apple users, and the charger’s design, though functional, has been deemed clunky.

Final word

At $300, the OnePlus Watch 2 presents a compelling option in the smartwatch market. It successfully combines a stylish design, robust features, and innovative technology, offering users a unique hybrid system and an extended battery life. Whether you prioritize design, functionality, or longevity, the OnePlus Watch 2 stands as a testament to the brand’s commitment to delivering high-quality wearables.

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gizchinaes · 3 months

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OnePlus Watch 2 con pantalla AMOLED y Snapdragon W5 es lanzado en el MWC 2024

El fabricante tecnológico OnePlus dio a conocer su nuevo reloj inteligente en el Mobile World Congress 2024, que se celebra en Barcelona, España. El OnePlus Watch 2 viene con un conjunto de características interesantes, como operación de sistema operativo dual y arquitectura de doble chip. Adicionalmente a esto, el reloj inteligente de OnePlus viene con una pantalla AMOLED de 1,43 pulgadas con un…

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#OnePlus Watch 2

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mobileblogger-it · 8 months

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Google Pixel Watch 2 ufficiale con autonomia migliorata

Google ha presentato ufficialmente il nuovo Pixel Watch 2, lo smartwatch per eccellenza secondo Google. Esteticamente non se,brano esserci differenze, mentre a bordo ora con Wear OS 4, ci sono differenze. Il nuovo Pixel Watch 2 gira con un processore Snapdragon W5+ Gen 1 associato a 2GB di RAM. Il chip da 4nm assicura un’autonomia, infatti la batteria da 306 mAh promette 24 ore di autonomia con…

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#Google #pixel watch 2 #ufficiale

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mdshariful · 10 months

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Google Pixel Watch 2: Google lastly launched its first Pixel smartwatch in 2022, impressing us with its usability and options. Now, what has the search large bought up its quite ample sleeves because the sequel is due? We sped up all of the information and rumours we've seen thus far concerning the Google Pixel Watch 2. Kamila Wojciechowska has revealed new particulars concerning the Pixel Watch 2, Google's subsequent and second-generation smartwatch. Anticipated to launch this autumn with the Pixel 8 sequence, the Pixel Watch 2 tackle many of its predecessor's limitations, battery life, and efficiency. Kamila Wojciechowska has provided extra particulars concerning the Pixel Watch 2, roughly two months earlier than the smartwatch's launch. For reference, only some days have handed because the similar leaker shared new first-party watch faces, which can be anticipated to be Pixel Watch 2 exclusives at launch. This time, Wojciechowska has centred on extra technical particulars and the smartwatch's battery capability. Reportedly, the Pixel Watch 2 has a 4% bigger battery than its predecessor, with Google changing the 294 mAh cell discovered within the present mannequin with a 306 mAh one as a substitute. Whereas that's not a notable enhancement, Google's alleged change to Snapdragon W5 Gen 1 ought to convey appreciable effectivity enhancements on the Exynos 9110 that underpins the unique Pixel Watch. Wojciechowska provides that Google will incorporate an NXP-derived customized coprocessor, a model of which options within the Pixel Watch. Utilizing a customized coprocessor successfully negates the necessity to construct the Pixel Watch 2 across the Snapdragon W5 Plus Gen 1, a variant that solely provides a QCC5100 coprocessor over its standard counterpart. Furthermore, the Pixel Watch 2 will include an ultra-wideband (UWB) chip (NXP SR100T), the precise utilization of which stays unknown at this stage. This yr's Pixel Watch will also return with a 1.2-inch OLED show, working at 384 x 384 pixels. For now, Google is predicted to unveil the Pixel Watch 2 this autumn through the Pixel 8 and Pixel 8 Pro's launch occasion.

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celestwatches · 1 year

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lutoogyan · 1 year

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Mobvoi TicWatch Pro 5 review: timing is everything

They say good things come to those who wait. So the $349.99 Mobvoi TicWatch Pro 5 should be one of the best dang things to happen to Wear OS 3. It’s sporting the shiny new Qualcomm Snapdragon W5 Plus chip, Mobvoi’s signature battery-saving dual display, and a new digital crown, and it’s the first Wear OS 3 TicWatch. And if this watch had arrived six or seven months ago, I’d be saying, “Winner…

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govindhtech · 3 months

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OnePlus Watch 2: A Game-Changer for Wear OS Wearables

OnePlus Watch 2

The Unmatched Flagship OnePlus Watch 2 is now available. The Wear 2, powered by Google’s Wear OS, was introduced today at MWC in North America, Europe, and India by OnePlus, a global technology company. The OnePlus Watch 2 is a gorgeous flagship smartwatch that runs Wear OS by Google(Wear OS 4), the most recent version. With its market-leading battery life of up to 100 hours in full Smart Mode, premium build and design, and a unique Dual-Engine Architecture with flagship dual chipsets and Wear OS’s hybrid interface, the OnePlus Watch 2 is a significant advancement for the smartwatch market.

The OnePlus Watch 2, dubbed “Your Partner in Time,” lives up to the company’s motto of “Never Settle” by combining top-notch hardware and software into a single gadget that inspires and helps users accomplish anything they set their minds to. “With its cutting-edge health features, premium design, industry-leading battery life, and the most recent Wear OS, the OnePlus Watch 2 is unquestionably a dependable companion for your everyday life.” stated Justin Liu, General Manager of OnePlus’ Wearable Business Unit. Leading-In Battery Life Supported by Dual-Engine Design

Complete with flagship features, the OnePlus Watch 2 offers unparalleled longevity and dependability thanks to its outstanding battery and charging capabilities. OnePlus’ Dual-Engine Architecture is powered by the Snapdragon W5 performance and BES 2700 MCU Efficiency chipsets. While the Snapdragon W5 wakes up for intensive tasks like using your preferred Google apps, the BES2700 Efficiency Chipset runs RTOS and manages background activity and simple tasks. Users will benefit from a smartwatch that does it all with ease and lasts longer between charges thanks to this optimized strategy, made possible by the Wear OS hybrid interface that smoothly manages the transition between chips.

John Renaldi, Senior Director of Product and Design, Wear OS by Google, stated, “We’ve made significant updates to the hybrid interface to support new capabilities that run on OnePlus’s innovative Dual-Engine Architecture.” “This partnership enables the OnePlus Watch 2 to seamlessly transition between its high-performance and low-power engines, providing an exceptional, feature-rich smartwatch experience while maximizing battery life.”

With its innovative Dual-Engine Architecture and 500mAh battery, the OnePlus Watch 2 can run in Smart Mode for up to 100 hours1 of continuous use or up to 48 hours2 of intensive use. The 500mAh battery can be fully charged in 60 minutes using 7.5W VOOC Fast Charging. The OnePlus Watch 2 has an ample amount of memory and storage with its 2GB RAM and 32GB ROM configuration, which guarantees the watch functions flawlessly at all times.

A Wellness and Personal Fitness Coach on Your Wrist

Thanks to its capacity to gather and evaluate extensive health data in the OHealth app, the OnePlus Watch 2 leverages its cutting-edge hardware and software combination to deliver actionable insights that promote improvements in fitness and health.

Health Connect by Android, which provides a central hub in Android 14 for managing data permissions from various health and fitness apps and devices, is now supported by the OnePlus Watch 2 and the OHealth app. Users can safely sync their health data with apps that are compatible with Health Connect, either through the OHealth app or the watch, with their consent.

The OHealth app’s fitness features include tracking modes for over 100 sports, including tennis, badminton, jogging, skiing, and more. The OnePlus Watch 2’s OHealth app can monitor badminton-specific metrics like swing speed and strength. Wearers can also monitor information like ground contact time, ground balance, and VO2 max by using the running tracking mode. Together, OnePlus and Wear OS refined these sensor capabilities. The OnePlus Watch 2 boasts Dual Frequency GPS, which allows it to pick up L5 GPS signals in addition to the widely used L1 signals, for improved location tracking accuracy. The accuracy and dependability of wearers’ positioning are further enhanced by the use of two distinct antennas for every GPS signal.

In addition to providing an all-day sleep record that tracks users’ deep, light, REM, and awake times, the OnePlus Watch 2 builds on the OHealth app by offering detailed sleep tracking analysis. It can also measure stress levels by calculating heart rate variability (HRV), monitor sleep breathing rate, and provide a sleep quality score, risk assessment for snoring, and more.

The Greatest Wear OS 4 Google Apps

The OnePlus Watch 2, which runs the most recent version of Wear OS, has support for more third-party apps in addition to well-known Google apps like Assistant, Wallet, Calendar, and Maps. With the new features coming to Google apps, such as the introduction of transit directions on Google Maps, which enable you to easily navigate public transportation from your wrist, experience new levels of convenience.

Additionally, use Google Wallet to manage event tickets, boarding passes, and more right from your watch. You can quickly pair and set up your OnePlus Watch 2 with your OnePlus phone or any other compatible Android smartphone by using Fast Pair. You can use your wrist to access features like media remote control, messaging, calling, and more with this smooth pairing experience. Superior Style with Outstanding Sturdiness

The and the OnePlus Watch 2 use the same design language. The OnePlus Watch 2, which is the ideal companion for the OnePlus 12 series, is inspired by the unique K-shape design of the OnePlus 12 series. Its round watch face echoes the series’ camera deco.

With its 2.5D sapphire crystal cover, the OnePlus Watch 2 is more scratch-resistant without sacrificing optical clarity. The watch’s corrosion resistance is improved by stainless steel. The latest MIL-STD-810H US military standard certifies the OnePlus Watch 2 to withstand harsh environments and environmental stresses It also performs exceptionally well at the beach, in the desert, and when swimming thanks to its IP68 resistant rating and 5ATM water resistance rating.

Read more on Govindhtech.com

#onepluswatch2 #govindhtch #wearos #news #technology #technews #technologytrends

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gadgetnutz · 2 years

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Oppo’s Apple Watch lookalike is official, featuring Qualcomm’s latest W5 Gen 1 chip

Oppo’s latest smartwatches promise up to five days of battery life Source: Oppo’s Apple Watch lookalike is official, featuring Qualcomm’s latest W5 Gen 1 chip

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squarwell-breakingnews · 2 years

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Oppo launches world’s first smartwatch with Snapdragon W5 Gen 1 chipset - Times of India

Oppo launches world’s first smartwatch with Snapdragon W5 Gen 1 chipset – Times of India

Oppo Watch 3 series is now official. As promised Oppo has launched the first smartwatch in the world to be powered by single-chip Qualcomm Snapdragon W5 Gen 1 architecture. Along with this, the Oppo Watch 3 Pro is also the first smartwatch to feature a screen created by using LTPO technology which brings support for a wide range of dynamic frame rate. Coming back to the Watch 3 series, the Oppo…

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dsrajawat · 2 years

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Oppo Watch 3 Series Launched with LTPO display, Snapdragon W5 chip, ECG & more

Well, if you were waiting for Oppo Watch Series 3 launch, now is the time as the series has arrived in China with no intimation of its international availability. Dubbed Oppo Watch 3 and Watch 3 Pro, both the models are available in two colorways each with a different type of strap i.e. Leather and Rubber. You can find information on the colorways and pricing available in the respective section.…

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gizchinaes · 9 months

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Surgen nuevos detalles del Xiaomi Watch 2 Pro: chip Snapdragon W5+ Gen 1 a bordo

Desde hace algún tiempo los informes han estado revelando detalles de las características que podemos esperar del próximo reloj inteligente Xiaomi Watch 2 Pro. Ya conocemos algunas especificaciones claves del dispositivo. Ahora ha surgido un nuevo informe que nos muestra que más nos ofrecerá el wearable de Xiaomi. La información proviene de un tweet del filtrador Arsène Lupin, según informa el…

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#Watch 2 Pro #wearables #Xiaomi

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matchboxguns · 2 years

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TW: eating disorders, bullying

Day #17: Bones, Young Guns (2012)

2015 for me started promising and ended with me crashing and burning. I think I'm still yet to experience something as bad and as life-changing as 2015.

2015 saw me ending my third year in law school. Some failing marks under my belt, developing some bad habits (skipping classes, crying in bathroom stalls, binge eating), but it wasn't all bad. Madonna released Rebel Heart in February. I rediscovered my love of reading, and by extension, my love for science fiction. I was friends with my roommates. I was losing weight.

One of my roommates then was a member of our campus paper, and he told stories about it all the time. Staff members for the paper were 90-95% undergrads/late teens. My roommate then was a senior studying Journalism. It wasn't all great (as I would find out myself), but to me the idea that I could spend time writing and being surrounded by writers thrilled me. I had notebooks with all the words I strung together. I was – and still am – have a healthy judgment over my ability (which is that I am not made of the right stuff to be a writer), but at that time it seemed a fun idea to do. My life was monotonous, if I could call it mine – I woke up at noon, tried to make sense of the law, felt devastated at each end of the day. I only ate when my knees start to tremble, and I had to get through three flights of stairs and two blocks to get my favorite snack (peanuts and chips, boba or fries when I feel like I deserve it). My life was monotonous, and I needed something to make my life worth staying.

I signed up to be a staff member for the paper, and boy did I prepare for it. Said roommate said the selection process was very intense: two rounds of writing exams, then an interview by a panel. Application only happens once a year, during the summer break. He had to apply three times.

I took nothing to chance. I checked out The Elements of Style from our library. I read one chapter, then wrote about any topic applying the lessons of that chapter. I remember listening to Unapologetic Bitch and Devil Pray while reading about the use of active voice, or about omitting needless words. I remember wrapping my writing notebook with a Barbie gift wrapper because I liked that shade of pink. I remember writing about how the music industry treated Madonna, and the literary merits of studying dystopias. I did not major in Journalism or in Communication Arts or in Literature or in English. And I was older than everyone else. I had a degree in politics but felt it no match against people whose careers rely on actually writing good work. I was a hateful, depressed grandpa, up against young writers with their bright futures ahead of them. I had to prove something.

We had to submit an application and everything, including our transcript. I was not ashamed of my grades. Quite the opposite really I would eventually become one of those pompous jerks who would say, “I earned my degree with Latin honors from a prestigious school when I was 18.” I submitted my application early. My tag was W5 – for “writer”, and probably because I was the fifth one to apply out of I think thirty people from the entire student body. I remember getting a text for the schedule for the first round. I was nervous, but I knew I had a good chance of making it.

And would you believe it, sweet one? I made it. I made it each round. The first one was to write any three articles on the spot, from a list of topics given to us. We were all in one room (I remember the room being warm, but not uncomfortably hot. It was summer.) What I wrote about on the first round I don’t remember now, but I recall feeling competent, and ready. I felt the same going to my Civil Procedure midterm: you could not tell me I was going to score below 90, much less flunk it. I got another text, saying I made it to the next round.

They called the next round specialized exams. We had to pick our specialties: whether we want to write news articles, or features, or sports news, or about culture, with corresponding writing prompts for each one. As I felt I was more suited to literary writing, that was what I chose. And I felt I had an interesting insight to contribute, too: speculative fiction was then thought of as separate, and therefore lowbrow, by the literati. One of the prompts was to write a book or story review. I wrote about Ray Bradbury’s The Million-Year Picnic and second chances. Another prompt was to write a poem. I wrote one (a very very bad one), mimicking instructions and procedures given to assembly line workers on how to build a human woman (the point was misogyny). There was another one, but I’m afraid it’s lost to time now.

I made it again. I had to face three people in the field: one was a lawyer, one was a celebrated icon in our country’s literature, one was a journalist (who now has a public following). I wore the best clothes I owned. I spent thirty minutes on my hair. They were intimidating, but they asked fair questions. I did not feel out of place, nor did they play to my insecurities. One of them even joked with me, that I was only applying to get close to one of our university’s campus reporters (a conventionally attractive lady). I shut that down immediately and outed myself. I realize looking back now that that was the first time I ever admitted to anyone that I was gay. Not to my family, not to my closest friends, not to a therapist. To a panel of interviewers for a writing gig I was holding on to. It’s funny, in a way. Not because I found more comfort in strangers than in friends, but only because I felt that the truth about myself needed to be told.

A couple of days someone from their staff (who would end up being our Editor-in-Chief). I officially made it. I get to write for the paper’s Literary section.

We had pitch meetings, where editors of every section brainstorm and the paper adviser (a professor) would say yes or scrap the idea. Turns out, pitch meetings were every Tuesday, and our literary editor (effectively my very first boss) had review classes and thus unavailable. I can’t say I was forced to do it, because they had two writers working for them at the literary section, but saying no could mean more negative marks against me, to be used as ammunition during a “staff retreat in December,” which to me sounded like (and was alluded to by everyone in the senior staff) hazing. So every Tuesday afternoon there I was and never complained about how I had a review class of my own (about labor laws which I looked forward to because the course was interesting and the professor had a laidback demeanor) and two more classes. I mean I complained about everything, but not about that one thing.

This was also where I came out to a bunch of people for the first time, and also where I had sex for the first time. I kept hearing reassurances that that was a queer-friendly space (and to an extent it was), although what was said about me when I was not in the room I have no idea. Although, there was this one person (not from the senior staff) who kept pushing stereotypes and kept calling me not gay enough. They bullied me constantly, called me pretentious, undermined my work ethic and poked fun at my overall existence. I felt powerless. I was made to feel less than. After all, they were the walking stereotype of a fem gay person who’s really, really funny and really, really outspoken and adored by everyone because they were really, really funny and really, really outspoken. And not for nothing they play volleyball too. It was a queer-friendly space, of course, in the sense that queer people are not discriminated against as a matter of principle. You just had to be the right kind of a queer person.

It was through this group that I also met a guy. He was a Journalism major. Although it felt like I was so much older than him (I was a senior in law school, then), he was only two years younger than I was. Long story short, we went out twice, and we had sex in my dorm room twice. I thought it was love, and having no one to turn to, I told everything about it to my bully and their friends among the staff. It’s stupid, right? How can I run to them after everything that happened. Turns out, if you have very few queer people in your life (much less friends of any sexuality), your bullies become allies. And that I overshare at the slightest prodding. Also said bully/ally ran they mouth and told everyone (us queers love gossip), including the guy.

With the emotional rollercoaster that was my first intimate queer interaction, and the fact that I was bullied because I wasn’t the right kind of gay (which the silence of the rest of the staff about it, after I repeatedly relayed my concerns to my editor, equating permission), I resigned in November of 2015. I tendered my very first resignation to a Journalism undergrad, who was our Managing Editor. She shed some tears although I did not know why. I only knew that I put in good work – I never had an article or a story or a poem scrapped by our adviser who had very high standards especially when it came to literary pieces – but I was not made of the right stuff. I burned bridges, because I saw no point in staying friendly or keeping in touch with them. I messaged with one other person until summer of 2016, but that ran its course as well. I think I met with and bumped to three or four people shortly after, and even talked to them at length. But there was no point. I was hollowed out.

The next year, after seven tortured semesters in law school, I finally quit. I lied to our faculty secretary, and told them I needed to work and earn money and don’t even think about it, Sir, I’ll be back when I have enough money because wouldn’t it be a waste, I’m only 30 credits away from a law degree and I’ll be a lawyer like you! I actually love property laws! It was Valentine’s Day of 2016.

When I left everything, I was so defeated. I quit everything that I knew then. Even if everything I knew, I knew in my heart was not only bad for me, but harmful to my being, it still stung. My failures felt final. With no job prospects and nothing to keep me busy, I retreated inwards. I stayed off socials and talked to no one, not that I was using it regularly to talk to people to begin with. What I went through, I brought all the way to June of 2016 when I had my first job. I manned our store for 12 hours, from six in the evening. I had time on my hands for The Cracked Podcast, and Stuff To Blow Your Mind, and Wisecrack, and The Atlantic, and The New Yorker. Hours stretched. I discovered Spotify, and Wolf 359. I stayed awake and ate my feelings. I watched Asia’s Next Top Model.

I got hired in June of 2016. My first real job involved mailing court documents for a family court, in a city three hours away from me. Even if I spent eight years commuting, this one was brutal. I woke up at 4AM, to be on time. We clocked out at 4:30 PM, but I get home at eight in the evening because of traffic jams and the sheer distance. I was bone-tired each day. I spoke to no one unless I was spoken to, although my colleagues found it funny when I laugh (I have a high-pitched laugh and I scare easily when startled). My replies to conversations were quick and hurried, compared against my wordy and convoluted stories when I was at our campus paper. I shared nothing about my life aside from the basics: parents, siblings, if any. Age. Single or dating. Where I lived. Where I studied. If I play a sport. If I had any plans. A workday would pass by, and no one would hear me say a word. No one knew how I washed my face in the men’s bathroom so it looked like I wasn’t crying because I could not stand insurance laws. No one was confused when I explained how the mazurka scene in Anna Karenina was a literary masterpiece, and that Kitty's love story is much better than Anna's, actually. No one knew I was gay. As with my life until now, I turned to songs and podcasts for company. When it got really bad I started gorging on potato chips and donuts and chocolate milk until it felt like I’m out camping with ten of my best friends.

I overheard one of my co-workers talking about me to our new colleague (I think they're friends in law school), I heard them say I was guarded. Which was true at that point. It was an overcorrection. I shared everything to a group of people, longing for acceptance. And I had dirt thrown in my face. I thought if I worked even harder it would change. It did not. I remained a straight-playing homo with an oversharing problem and who complains a lot.

I lost my confidence in 2015, which is something I’m still struggling with, seven years after the fact. It’s strange. Studies on smart kids would usually point to burnout and crumbling at the weight of expectations as one of the factors. My case is different. I know exactly where the moment I lost my idea of my own self. My interactions with my current colleagues never breach anything outside of surface pleasantries. And I’m good at faking it, so they think I’m a really nice person. Every time I hear news about law students passing the exams and becoming lawyers, I still feel envious and sad. It is true – and it will always remain true – that I don’t want to be lawyer (I never wanted to be), but I still see as not finishing law school as a humiliating failure. I feel unloveable, and undesirable. I feel other men only want me for sex. I still live with an eating disorder, which no one aside from an ex-boyfriend knows about (I present as a judgmental eccentric who is very picky about food). When my clothes don’t fit anymore I feel devastated, and then I turn to food.

I’m better. I’m rebuilding. I have a good life and a job that pays for everything I want. Sometimes, though, I remember 2015. It hurts less as I get older, but the hurt is still there. 2015 is a long time ago, my memory even agrees. But I remember everything that I felt. I remember everything.

Favorite Lyrics:

I'll never let go again

Watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qk3vjIDuy9w

Acoustic version here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEZ4CXVk8JA

#soundtrack to your life #young guns #bones #eating disorder

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