#vespers69

[vespers69]

there's nothing i love more than an empty store fr. ideally i'm not certain if there's even an employee around. it's a rare delicacy

#vespers69

[vespers69]

well, life update. i got a job, got promoted, am getting a substantial raise, and i'm living in a building that actually has plumbing. i'm happy and thankful for how much things have improved, but there's still something in me that wants to run away and live in a van in the woods, never see anyone again. i guess that's the mental illness.

#vespers69

[vespers69]

is anyone else incapable of forgetting hurtful things? i sometimes randomly remember situations that will have happened well over a decade ago by now, times where my dad or someone else was inappropriately angry and/or said hurtful things to me, and i feel like i should have forgotten everything by now. but i haven't and i wish i could bc i stay sad a lot bc of it

#vespers69 #i guess i partially allow myself to think about it bc i feel it needs to be processed but :( im tired of it

[vespers69]

tonight i shall be browsing aesthetic photos in attempt to postpone a mental breakdown

#vespers69

[vespers69]

i bet my mom thinks im cis and that she "fixed me" meanwhile i'm actively trying to figure out how to achieve t and top surgery 👁️👄👁️ i just decided she doesn't need to know me anymore beyond her fantasy version of me so i no longer fight about it ♥️

#vespers69

[vespers69]

i met my gf years ago when we became tumblr mutuals, we have lived together for almost 2 years now, and now we are tumblr mutuals again

#vespers69

[vespers69]

and i go insane

#vespers69

[vespers69]

i want to go to a thrift store so bad and im vaccinated so i guess i could but also... my fellow locals are probably 90% antivax and antivax/antimaskers get really weird when they see someone wearing a mask, which i do, because you should........ and frankly the content of the local thrift stores has never been good enough to risk my safety over. but fuck i want to go to a thrift store so bad

#vespers69

[vespers69]

i frequently, unprompted, remember times when my mom was really mean for literally no reason at all, and i'm just like wtf man. i wish i could stop remembering cuz it definitely doesn't accomplish anything aside from making me sad

#vespers69 #my biggest bully has always been my mother ...

[vespers69]

i'm already psychotic but every day i get closer to fully losing it and going feral

#vespers69 #if i could just build a shack in the woods? i would. fuck it all

[vespers69]

you're out of touch, i'm out of touuch, we're. Out. Of touch. We're outta touuuch

#vespers69

[vespers69]

the only sort of girl i ever have any interest in being is a monster girl. and i can do that just fine as a nonbiney guy 😌

#vespers69

[vespers69]

trying to find an affordable rv to live in and i guess bc it's summer everyones trying to make a profit and its seriously impossible to find something we can afford and im so stressed about it i want to cry. and it makes it worse that i have to go paint a mural on somebody's hobby rv and they're telling me they got it for $800 and im like thats great i cant find any listings for less than like $5,000 :') like ill get paid for the painting but it wont be enough... im not even looking for a nice one, the ones that are falling apart are still thousands of dollars :( literally just want to cry all the time

#vespers69

[vespers69]

saw a cool weird bug this morning. got a cute crop top. ok

#vespers69

[vespers69]

job interview on monday. wish me luck. really need to have a stable income again ♥️

#vespers69

[vespers69]

i miss being able to be alone. being able to go somewhere to be alone. everywhere i go is crowded now, even the parks. every day i see more out of state license plates. i wish people would stop moving here. i wish i could just go ahead and leave.

#vespers69