#unfortunately im reaching the point of loneliness where i wanna dress myself up like a doll and throw myself at the nearest

[lepidopterium]

sorry I'm a triple virgo and have to be as perfect as clear cold waters unmoved and everlasting. like it's my fault

#trying really hard not to spend the money i dont have on makeup so i can cover up everything about by face that irks me #and spend money on new clothes #unfortunately im reaching the point of loneliness where i wanna dress myself up like a doll and throw myself at the nearest #woman who'll have me but unfortunately for me i (1) am so crazy scared of intimacy (2) convinced i have to hide away myself bc im like #like a banana that looks normal on the outside but is all bruised up and rotten when u peel it. which tells me i need to go back to therapy #lol. which im trying!! also burnt out in general and it feels ridiculous to be told to try to be sustainable. nothing about the world is #sustainable rn. how am i expected to stay afloat without pushing myself. god i wish i had a sugar mommy 🤧😔 #anyways i need to be perfect and disciplined and endlessly gracious but im sooooo far from that still.