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#um um. this is technically half of a whole; but idk if/when ill finish the other half bc i. am not confident writing for roland yet <//3
trainingdummyrabbit · 3 months
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[She expected to feel scared. And perhaps she was, on some level. But it was the type of fear that danced on the edge of excitement. The silent promise of a “This is It.”]
Or: A post-Ruina musing of the library and Angela.
.
Angela was used to silence. There had always been moments of screaming chaos, sights she'd passed over that anyone softer than herself would retch at; it was all par for the course. But the moments that had really clung to her had always been the silence.
Moments between loops spent alone, staring at flickering screens disconnected from minds just out of reach, asleep. Lulls in management as she waits for the inevitable shoe to drop, casting everything back into cacophony. Isolated, as she stared at the unbuilt bricks of the future she would carve for herself, made of others’ hopes and dreams. The type of absence that had no true voice to complain, but eyes that casted judgement. The wordless pressure of resentment. 
She never much liked silence. 
…Even still, she found herself returning to the balcony, again and again. There was much work to be done, of course. Repairing the library was a tall task after the mess that was made of it, especially now that she was piloting with her own will. She did not mind– this sort of task was simply in her nature. Direct, organize, rebuild. This time, however, she was not on her own.
It was an odd thing to get used to, working so closely with those she had such a… complicated history with. And though they seemed willing enough to help, something still itched at the back of her mind. Again, the echo of that pressing silence rolled in and, against her nature, she found her mind wandering. And there she was again, staring out into that seemingly endless distance, in the spot where they’d lost one home and gained another.
It was a strange feeling. She thought she'd have had enough of this by now, casting herself back into the embrace of solitude. She had expected it to grate on her mind as it always did, enveloped in the downy cling of distance. It was something she had always done. Welcomed her like the incessant tug of a spider's thread. And yet, despite it all, the circling, the thrashing, the running– she could not feel that weight. No, in fact, she felt lighter than ever. She did not get what she wanted. She no longer had any failsafes– no lifeline to cling to, no beaten paths to follow. It was just her, the city walls in the distance, and the expanse of a world she had never gotten the chance to see. All here, right here, right now. 
She'd expected to feel resentment. Another plan she couldn't follow through on, another ending ruefully snatched from between her fingers. Another life that was robbed of her, from right under her nose. But… something was different this time. This expanse was empty, yes, but the wind whistled across it as it would anywhere else. The sun still rose and set, casting everything into hues uncapturable in the frames of pictures. Stars still hung in the sky, numerous, dancing. And here she was, capturing it all in her own two eyes. 
This world– this life– was still unforgiving. She had heard stories of the outskirts, of the creatures that lurked there, of the horrors that played out, again and again. But… was that not true of anywhere? Of everything she had gone through, this would not be the one to put her down. For once in her life, she realized, that voiceless gaze that had hung over her all this time… she could no longer feel it. She no longer worried of her presentation, that heavily enforced dance she was compelled to follow. This time was different. This time… this time she was truly an outlier. 
There was a difference between Silence and Quiet. 
Silence implied the lack of movement. Stillness. Silence implied solitude. A plane of glass between the self and the outside world, plainly in view but painfully distant. It’s the denial of the senses, and the dissolution of the self. Silence was what was expected of her. But quiet… quiet was a relief. She was alone, yes, but not truly. Even standing alone, facing the world with naught but her own thoughts, even still the distant shuffle of movement could be heard. Barely audible voices, squabbling, laughter. Breathing. Alive– it was alive. She was alive. Quiet was a respite. The lull of ocean waves, and a breath taken to start again. 
Start again. 
That was what she always wanted, right? The chance to begin anew, the chance to stand on her own two feet. The opportunity to forge forward through uncertainty. This was what she fought for. No, this was what they fought for. After so long stumbling blindly through layers and layers of darkness, the maze of human fear and desire, here she was. Once again she looked off into the distance, the sun gently making its descent behind the horizon line. And for a moment, that was simply all. Streaks of color, dimming skies, and the silent sigh of the open air. Yes, maybe a bit of quiet would do her some good.
And for a good few moments, she simply watched the sun go down. She could not feel the breeze, but she could see the ends of her sleeves ruffle in its current, hear the faint whistle of the rush past the library’s boughs. Alive. And she raised her gaze, up towards the tiny pinpricks of light slowly peeking their way through the waning reach of sunlight. And watched. Captured neatly in her gaze. This moment was hers and hers alone. And nobody could take it from her. 
Quiet. 
…And then, slowly, gently; she pulled her eyes from the glittering stars above and turned away from the balcony railing– committing every tiny light to memory. They may not have gotten what they wanted, but this was far from the end. It was nothing more than a slight detour. Nowhere to go but straight ahead. There was always more work to do. And with a silent nod to nobody but herself, Angela walked back inside. Ready to take the next step.
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hoetron · 7 years
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okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks
RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE
BASICS:
a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her
b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all
c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy
d. GENDER: cis female hooooh
e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI
f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)
TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x
THE LAST:
1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y
2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted
3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,
4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying
5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server
HAVE YOU:
6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh
7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure
8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao
9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together
10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa
11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please
TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS
12. red
13. yellow
14. either black or lavendar,,
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis
16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,
17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything
18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x
19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s
20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)
21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me
GENERAL
22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)
23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)
24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-
25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)
26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)
27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing 
28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI
29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room 
30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)
31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)
32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate
33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao
LOST QUESTIONS
34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find
35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?
36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)
37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy
38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long
39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )
40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall
41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to 
42. BLOODTYPE: shit  i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)
43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo
44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle 
45. ZODIAC: virgo
46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)
47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)
48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb
49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right
50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes
51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows
52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji
53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far
54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.
MORE GENERAL
55. EATING: OXYGEn
56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN
57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88  questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c
58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?
59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...
60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm
61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji ) 
62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS
63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at
64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)
65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to
66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS
67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man
68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship
69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite
HAVE YOUR EVER:
70. KISSED A STRANGER: no
71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope 
72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses
73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..
74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3 
75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?
76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes
77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah
78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?
79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji
81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?
82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji
83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child
84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess
85. ANGELS: not really lmao
OTHER
86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily
87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?
88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time
only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest
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alwaysjaimee · 7 years
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1-100 ;)
wow alright!!
1) Sexuality?
Straight
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Alison Sudol, Emily Blunt, Taylor Swift, Emma Watson
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
‘forehead. If it hadn’t been for Voldemort, Harry would still….’ - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K. Rowling
4) What do you think about most?
Everything. Anything I can stress or worry about mostly 
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
its the crying face emoji…
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
with Pjs
7) What’s your strangest talent?
um I don’t even know tbh
8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)
uh 
‘Girls can conquer the world’
‘Boys can drive you insane’
LOL
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Not that I know about
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
prob yesterday in the car to annoy my friend 
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
I don’t think any of them are necessarily strange… Although I have a fear of Hyenas yet there are none anywhere near me or have I ever really been around any…
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
I don’t think so..
13) What’s your religion?
technically atheist. but I do think there is a god out there
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Reading or hanging out with friends or my dog
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
I like both
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
A Fine Frenzy. That counts as a band right?
17) What was the last lie you told?
Im not actually sure
18) Do you believe in karma?
Yeah a little
19) What does your URL mean?
‘Always’ is from Harry Potter and ‘Jaimee’ is my name
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
I think my greatest weakness is; animals (
I think my greatest strength is; my judge of character
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
Eddie Redmayne and Zac Efron
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
nope
23) How do you vent your anger?
many ways. Song writing, dart throwing, crying and sleeping etc. depending on the situation also bottling it up for later
24) Do you have a collection of anything?
I have a collection of snow globes and keyrings from places I’ve been. I also have a few Pop Vinyls. I also collect all the movie tickets and concert tickets that I’ve attended.
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Depends on the person
26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
sort of. I don’t think Im fully to the point I want to be just yet
27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
Hate; Balloons popping, scrapping of forks/spoons on plates, nails on a chalkboard etc
Love; waves crashing against the shore, pianos, acoustic guitars, laughter etc
28) What’s your biggest “what if”?
‘What if I had the courage to do that’
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
yes to a degree
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
right arm; Book
Left arm; Pillow
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
The coconut ‘Victoria Secret mist’ I sprayed earlier
32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
um idk
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
of America? or Australia? 
America; Seen the West Coast, not the East so ill go with East
Australia: East
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
Voice wise Michael Buble
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
Love. Family and Friends
36) Define Art.
Everything. The essence of the world. A way to make everything okay, even for a little while
37) Do you believe in luck?
sort of 
38) What’s the weather like right now?
coldish
39) What time is it?
1:55am
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Yes I do drive. NO I haven’t crashed 
41) What was the last book you read?
Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban 
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
sort of
43) Do you have any nicknames?
Scout
44) What was the last movie you saw?
Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them
45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? 
cracked my head open
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Ive had them land on me but not ‘caught’ them
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
Im low key obsessed with Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them
48) What’s your sexual orientation?
straight
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
yes
50) Do you believe in magic?
Yes. Makes you believe anything is possible. 
‘Without even the possibility of magic, you’ll never find it’
51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
If what they did was bad enough, then yes
52) What is your astrological sign?
Aries
53) Do you save money or spend it?
spend. but if I have something to save for I’m generally quite good
54) What’s the last thing you purchased?
a birthday present for a friend and face wash (riveting I know)
55) Love or lust?
Love
56) In a relationship?
not right now
57) How many relationships have you had?
none that were very important 
58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
nope
59) Where were you yesterday?
Out for lunch and shopping with one of my friends
60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
my slippers, iPad, pillow, lamp and a box
61) Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope
62) What’s your favorite animal?
Dog
63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
humor/wit/sarcasm
64) Where is your best friend?
at her house asleep
65) Spit or swallow?
LOL
66) What is your heritage?
Australian, New Zealand, English, Irish, Scottish
67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
Watching Youtube videos
68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?
um wtf
69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
some questions just shouldn’t be asked
70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
I think so
71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
Save the dog. Couldn’t live with that guilt. If your boss still fires you after that, they’re not a good person to work for
72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
a) Thats hard. I think maybe? but then thats a lot to put onto someone
b) Spend as much time with everyone as possible. See nature, read, try new foods etc
c) To an extent, hell yes
73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
GAH THATS HARD. 
love. if someone really loves you they will strive for your trust and vis versa
74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
‘Blow Away’ A Fine Frenzy
75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
HA
76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
Trust, love, communication
77) How can I win your heart?
Being genuine, funny, kind hearted and trustworthy
78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
honestly it can
79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
moving on
80) What size shoes do you wear?
between a 9-10
81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
something like 
‘family and friend. kind to everyone’ or something
82) What is your favorite word?
Serendipity
83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
break
(darker than I would have thought)
84) What is a saying you say a lot?
‘bless’ and ‘anyway’
85) What’s the last song you listened to?
‘Lifesize’ - A Fine Frenzy
86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?
Purple, blue, light green/pastel green, pink, black
87) What is your current desktop picture?
iMac; Golden Gate Bridge at sunset surrounded by cloud
Laptop; Yosemite with a pink/purple sky
Phone; Me and my friend before she left to move to London
88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
wow. um no one. well I mean, no one Im actually gonna write…
89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
hmm thats tough
90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
scream and cry without a doubt
91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
Telekinesis 
92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
probably something with my parents when I was younger. Like a party or game night or something like that. 
93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
the stuff that happened in 2012
94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
Does Zac Efron count? 
95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
London
96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
Not that Im aware of
97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
I don’t think actually in the car. but outside the door, yes
98) Ever been on a plane?
Yep
99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
STOP HATING ON EACH OTHER. ACCEPT EACH OTHER. HATRED AND ANGER DOESNT SOLVE ANYTHING. WE ARE ALL HUMAN. WE ALL BREATHE THE SAME, BLEED THE SAME, DREAM THE SAME. NO ONE IS BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THEIR GENDER, RACE, SEXUALITY OR ANYTHING ELSE. STOP KILLING EACH OTHER, STOP BULLYING EACH OTHER. LET PEOPLE LOVE WHO THEY WANT. HELP PEOPLE, DONT HURT PEOPLE. PROTECT EACH OTHER. BE KIND TO EACH OTHER. BE KIND TO ANIMALS. PROTECT ANIMALS. PROTECT NATURE. BE KIND TO OUR PLANET, ITS THE ONLY ONE WE’VE GOT
yep basically. 
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