#typing this was alrdy too much for my wrist. i have nothing more to say here that is not going to break my heart further

[nerice]

alright. figure i'll make this post before im getting got by the sadness too hard,,, also bc it'll be past midnight by the time i'm done typing this up which will put it into proper anniversary territory so,, weird long crypost just bear with me i have 2 do this for myself ;;

i care ocs. if you know anything abt me it's probably that. im only alive bc of writing it's the only thing that makes life bearable and that's why i stick around. and in 2013, i happened to pick up art bc if i'm not gonna draw my ocs who will. that was five years into oc verse even if i didn't conceptualize it as such yet & alrdy a year into the profoundly normal era that continues to this day known as [still not calm abt sky plot] i cannot elaborate. if you know u know. enter the night. iykyk etc. i was not normal abt it when this song freshly delivered an entire new (and first proper,) au/canon divergence into my brain exactly 10 years ago >>>

& i have been extremely not normal wormed eeled yelling losing it etc every single hyperobsessed verb you can think of abt this story corner and this song for ten freaking years. baby me had only been drawing for a couple of months and was given an entire psychic vision for a lyricstuck/songdraw however u wanna call it in current vernacular. the full five minute song. i've written that corner ofc but just like the shape of tge is screenplay i know the shape of this has to be a full animation. im ngl with you when i say the main reason i have wanted to improve at art at any point was so i could animate this one day. nd i was content just drawing whatever i want and not slaving away at this project until i felt i could tackle it. and then 2022 happened and broke me and when i was in the hospital with that stupid ass heart issue i was terrified i'd die without ever seeing this through. and so i swore that after thesis, come november, i'd fully dedicate myself to art improvement so that for the 10yr anniversary in late september 2023 i'd have a version of it. even if it's sucky even if it's janky ofc it would never have been the full cinematic animation (not yet) rough animatic, even static lyric panels just set to the music, whatever. just have a version of it. it's what got me through thesis, in the end. and you know how this story ends

my wrist exploded (rsis what ever we are sticking with the meme)

tbh i was holding out hope until a few months ago. bc one evening in late 2020 [*holds a moment of wistful silence*] i got possessed and thumbnailed 80% of the thing (minus the 1min sequence of three different fight scenes. problem for future future me) so maybe if i just compiled those to the song n sketched over it doing one panel a day............. but it just wasn't possible. i have to rest my wrist and rushing thru a bad grief-sticken rendition of this project and probably ruining my wrist for good in the process just isn't worth it. so as nice as it would have been to have even the most rudimentary version to post on the 10 year anniversary of arguably the thing that changed my life and made me want to live and write and draw and improve forever, it's not happening. we are here and i cannot tell when i'll ever be able to draw again so all i can do is look through those thumbnails from 2020, and dream,,,,,

maybe 2024, boys. maybe 2024.......... time is fake & clean anniversaries are overrated anyways u,______,u

#typing this was alrdy too much for my wrist. i have nothing more to say here that is not going to break my heart further #elia txts #still not calm abt sky plot 2k23 #not gonna put this in any other tags bc i don't want to be reminded of this. i can't bear it #one day. one day..................... unless my heart fucks me over