#ty again for visiting nova! it was fun for me to show off a little of my new island😊🍒

[nordsea-horizons]

played together with nova @leek-soup recently, she came over to pick up Ione for her cozy new island Mayhem🌻

#check out her new youtube channel if you like comforting and fun animal crossing videos💛💛 #ty again for visiting nova! it was fun for me to show off a little of my new island😊🍒 #marguerite island #acnh #animal crossing #animal crossing new horizons #new horizons #acnh island #acnh exterior #acnh fall #acnh autumn

[alj4890]

RCD Appreciation Week Day 3 Prompt

(Thomas Hunt x oc*Amanda) with the prompt being about family.

(Thomas x Amanda) A Choices Red Carpet Diaries Fan Fiction one shot

A/N This isn't a part of my AU's though I started out planning for it to be. Thomas's sister, Rachel, is going to meet Amanda for the first time. I borrowed her getting married from the Hollywood U app. And somehow it got angsty in the middle. No clue why that happened 😂 Also my picture with this kinda doesn't match the storyline anymore but I love those kids' expressions. *shrug* This prompt went in a whole new direction than I intended.🤣

@lxaah11​ @alleksa16​ @penguininapinktuxedo​ @blackcoffee85​ @stopforamoment​ @darley1101​ @hopefulmoonobject​   @krsnlove​   @annekebbphotography​ @gibbles82​  @cora-nova​ @bella-ca​  @hopelessromantic1352​. @moodyvalentinestories​ . @sunflowergirl05​ @desiree-0816​ @greywitchyshots​ @lilyofchoices​ @emceesynonymroll​ @dr-nancy-house​ @aworldoffandoms​ @ab1901​ @pixieferry​ @lolablackwrites​ @flyawayboo​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ . @trappedinfandoms​ @rcd-appreciation​​

Masterlist

It's Time

Thomas's eyebrow lifted in surprise with the name that showed up on his screen. "Rachel, is something wrong? Why are you calling?" He merged onto the exit he needed, grimacing at the traffic piling up on the opposite side. He would have to find a new route to drive home.

He could practically hear his sister roll her eyes. "I am happy to hear your voice too."

He glanced at his watch while tapping his steering wheel impatiently. "Forgive me. You know I am always happy to receive your calls. How are you?"

She took a deep breath. "Something wonderful has happened. Steve proposed last night! I had to call and tell you." She tried to control her excitement. "We have to start planning the wedding immediately. I want you to walk me down the aisle."

He smiled softly. "I would be honored to give you away." Thomas wished their parents were still alive to see this moment.

"Don't!" She exclaimed. "You'll make me cry." She warned. "And I know how you handle tears." Rachel sniffed and snatched a tissue up to dab at the corners of her eyes. "Anyway, I was wondering if you would fly into San Fransico. Steve will be off tomorrow and the three of us can at the very least create a wedding outline."

His lips firmed in a frown. "I'm afraid I can't this weekend." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I...I have company coming into town. In fact their plane landed a few minutes ago."

"Again?" Rachel asked. "You've had company a lot lately haven't you?"

"Yes." He admitted.

"You've also been traveling more so than usual." She muttered. "Care to explain why my I would rather remain alone in the comfort of my own home than traipse around the world brother is doing the things he loathes the most?"

He leaned his head back against the seat and released a resigned sigh. "Because I am in a relationship with a woman from Cordonia."

Rachael's jaw dropped. She thought it would take more prodding to get the information out of him. "It must be serious for you to admit it."

He didn't hesistate. "It is."

"Is it the one I have seen you pictured with in magazines?" Rachel asked.

He turned into the private airfield and nodded. "Yes. That's the one."

Silence fell between them. Rachel broke it. "Are you ashamed of her?"

Thomas stared at his phone. "Of course not!"

"So it's me you're ashamed of?" She asked.

"Don't be ridiculous!" He shouted. "You know I've always been proud of you."

"Well if you mean that about me and your duchess, then bring her with you for a visit." Rachel smiled softly at the challenge she issued.

Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose when he stopped at a red light. He had walked into that with eyes wide open. "Rachel, I can't just up and leave at the drop of the hat."

He was worried by the sudden silence. His little sister created her most diabolical plans in a few seconds of quiet. "Rachel?"

"Steve and I will be at your home later tonight." She told him. "You've got plenty of room, but I will be sweet and stay in your guest house."

"No. We will try and come later--" his eyes widened when he heard her explaining the plan to Steve.

"Steve got the rest of the week off. We are coming, brother dear." Rachel said with an unbending edge to her tone.

"Rachel I understand wanting to plan the wedding, but why are you pushing so hard to meet Amanda?" His eyes narrowed at the thought.

"Because you're my brother and after your track record, I want to make certain this one is worthy of you." She promptly replied.

He rolled his eyes. "Honestly, you are being ridiculous. As the oldest, I believe I have more experience and I am intelligent enough to not involve myself with..." He trailed off when he heard her derisive snort.

"One would hope so after Yvonne." Rachel muttered. "But then there was Marianne. Priya. And let's not forget--"

"You've made your point." He snapped. "Amanda is not like any of those from my past." He parked his car on the tarmac near Amanda's plane.

"That is what I intend to see." Rachel's stubborn nature came through clearly. "I think this is a first for us. We will both have our significant others with us for a nice long visit."

Thomas rested his head against the steering wheel after the call ended. The last few visits he and Amanda had tried to make special with time alone had failed miserably. This time, he had set aside this week from shooting his latest project to spend with her. Now it was all for nothing.

He sat up quickly when there was a knock on his window. He quickly got out and smiled at Amanda.

Her eyes twinkled with mischief while her teasing smile threatened to appear. "I hope I'm not disturbing you, but care to give a lady a lift?"

He groaned softly at her humor. She dropped her bag slung over her shoulder before he could take it and slipped her arms around him. He cupped her face right as his lips automatically met hers.

"I usually dislike our parting from one another but these greetings of ours makes up for it." She closed her eyes once more as he sought her lips again.

He let her go after a few pleasurable seconds, retrieving her luggage in the process. She received one more kiss when he opened her car door.

"How was your flight?" He took her hand, fingers lacing with hers, resting them on the console between them.

"Good. It was a needed reprieve after the court events." Amanda relaxed against the leather seat. "The Christmas season inspires the nobles to give more than the usual dinners and balls." She squeezed his hand. "Your invitation to come for a week away couldn't have been better timed."

He chuckled before raising her hand to his lips. "Am I to expect when I fly back with you to be dragged to these events?"

Her laughter made him smile. "Perhaps not dragging. I prefer to look at it as more of reluctant yet firm nudge." Her mirth turned tender as she looked at his profile. "I am excited though to spend the holidays with you."

He turned toward her at a red light and tugged her close. A brief sweet kiss was shared. Her thumb rubbed soothingly across his knuckles.

"I will try and find ways we can be alone during those festivities." She promised. "I have managed to get us out of a few of them completely before I left."

He cleared his throat before telling her the unexpected kink in her visit with him. "I'm afraid this week will have an interruption."

She gently squeezed his hand. "That's okay. As long as I get to see you some, I will make do." Her eyes twinkled with humor. "Don't be surprised by my spending time baking Christmas goodies with you away."

An image of her doing so in his kitchen made a warmth of emotion he was noticing more and more around her settle in his chest. "We will be together but will also be with company. My sister and her new fiancé are coming to begin wedding plans."

Amanda stilled. "I'm going to meet your sister?"

Thomas pulled her hand to rest on his leg while he put both hands on the wheel to better maneuver through the hectic traffic. "I had actually planned on introducing you to her before we returned to Cordonia. I think it's time you meet my only family."

Her nervousness was not lost on him. "Amanda, she will adore you."

A surprised laugh burst through her lips at his reassurance. "I hope so." Her thoughts were rushing about wondering if this was more significant than her past times meeting a man's family. Granted most of those were because they were attending the same ball or charity event. Was this just another coincidence of both visiting Thomas and he decided to get the necessary introductions out of the way?

His warm hand engulfed her icy one again. "Rachel and Steve will be here later this evening."

Her stomach began to churn. "I look forward to meeting them."

________________

"Remember, we have to watch everything." Rachel whispered to Steve as they drove up Thomas's drive.

"Why are we whispering?" Steve whispered back.

She narrowed her dark eyes on the man she loved. "Are you making fun of the woman you will soon be tying your life to?"

Steve's handsome face contorted into one of pretend contemplation. "Yes. Yes I am."

Rachel rolled her eyes while her fierce frown eased against her will into a smile. "You're horrible."

He chuckled and kissed her cheek once parked. "Ah, the loving phrases from your sweet lips make my heart race."

"Get out." She playfully pushed him as she opened the car door.

Thomas stepped outside to help with their bags. Amanda followed and stood back to let him and his sister have a moment. Rachel ran up and hugged him.

She eyed the foreign lady over Thomas's shoulder. Amanda met her gaze and smiled a touch nervously.

Thomas reached for her hand and pulled her forward. "Rachel this is Amanda Bridgerton. Amanda, this is my sister and her fiancé, Steve Petelliere."

"It is nice to meet you both." Amanda shook their hands. "I have heard a lot about you from Thomas."

Rachel's brow quirked. "Oh? I'm afraid he hasn't reciprocated with me." Her dark eyes held a hint of admonishment to her brother. She knew he must feel a great deal for the lady if he had not mentioned her in a casual off hand manner. "I look forward to knowing you."

Amanda's smile dimmed. He hadn't told his sister anything about her. This really was a nothing but two people being in the same spot at the same time introduction. She diverted her gaze from the Hunt siblings before they noticed how hurt she was by that fact. Then thoughts of how mistaken she had been these past six months about how he cared for her cut even more.

She reached out and took a few of the bags from a loaded down Steve. Anything to get away from their stares was going to be grasped.

"And you're my new favorite of Thomas's girlfirends." He teased. "Thomas, good to see you again. And you Ms. Hunt," he looked down at the luggage, "will have to learn how to not pack up the entire house by our honeymoon."

Thomas took the bags Amanda had in her arms before taking a few more from Steve. He led them through the gate to his guest house near the pool. Amanda quietly listened to the siblings and Steve discuss the proposal.

"Our rooftop has a spot that is perfect for star gazing. Steve went against every fire code known to man and had it covered in candlelit lanterns. Rose petals wrote out the proposal." Rachel explained.

"Well, it was intended to. I didn't take in the wind factor." Steve laughed at himself. "I think by the time I got her up there, all that was left was chel ry e."

"It was perfect." Rachel replied.

Thomas's expression softened at his sister's obvious happiness. "I am happy for both of you." He glanced over at Amanda. "There is nothing like meeting the right person."

Rachel folowed his gaze. She noticed the slight blush followed by a hint of sadness on Amanda's face.

The duchess called upon her court training to school her features into a pleasant expression. "It sounds like it was a beautiful proposal. Your children will love hearing it." Her smile became more sincere. "My father's proposal to my mother was a disaster. One of my favorite memories of their retelling was seeing what I see with you. That immense joy at finding the right person," she looked down at her clasped hands. "Knowing that there is nothing that could keep you apart."

Steve reached out and took Rachel's hand. "Very true."

Rachel nodded, unable to speak from Amanda's words.

Thomas cleared his throat. "You two unpack and join us when you want." He placed his arm around Amanda and led her outside.

Once the door was closed, Steve hugged Rachel. "She seems nice."

She nodded. "Yes, she does. We still have to see them together, but I already like her."

_______________

Amanda walked out of Thomas's arms and continued upstairs.

His brow furrowed at her doing so. "Amanda?" He called out.

She paused on the stairs. She didn't turn toward him. "Yes?"

"I know something's wrong." He reached for her hand resting on the banister. Her body stiffened at his touch. "You won't even look at me."

She slowly turned and looked at him. He immediately saw that she had her court mask firmly in place, completely shuttering her true emotions. He tried to touch her cheek, but she turned away.

"Talk to me, please." He gripped her hand, refusing to allow her to retreat another step.

"It’s nothing." Amanda managed to say in voice that barely shook. "I’m just tired."

"Don't give me that excuse." He snapped. "I know you and know you do this when you are truly upset. You were happy until we went outside. What happened?"

She tried to pull her hand from his. "Let me go." She demanded in her hard duchess tone.

Hearing that directed at himself, caused Thomas to step back in surprise. His grip loosened and she yanked her hand away. She continued upstairs without a backward glance. He followed on her heels.

"Am I not allowed some privacy?" She asked when he stopped her from shutting the door.

"Tell me what has upset you." He said in a softer tone. "Please."

She narrowed her eyes. "How close are you to your sister?"

His brow furrowed at that question. "I think we are quite close since our parents died."

Amanda's grip on the doorknob tightened. "That's what I thought." She turned away from him and yanked open the drawers that held her clothes.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I won't humilate you in front of your family by demanding you take me to a hotel. But I am not staying in your room." She went to the guest room furthest from his bedroom and dropped her things on the bed. She brushed past him to collect the rest of her clothes and such.

He grabbed her and slammed the door shut. "If you don't tell me what is going on right now," he attempted to not raise his voice. "I will not be held accountable for how I act regardless of if my sister and Steve witness it."

She pulled away from him and covered her face while trying to calm her temper. She took a deep breath and finally lifted her eyes to him. He gently reached for her when he saw the naked pain.

"She doesn't know anything about me." Amanda's voice cracked while tears threatened to spill over.

"What? Who?" He asked, trying to pull her close to comfort her.

"Your sister." Amanda looked at him as if he had slapped her. "You never told her about me. I thought I was important to you."

"You are!" He held her tight as if to absorb the hurt she felt. "You know how I feel about you."

She continued to look at him as if seeing him for the first time. "I really don't know how you feel about me. I thought I did." She lowered her eyes. "If I wasn't even mentioned as an afterthought..." She swallowed at the lump building in her throat. "It's my own fault. I thought the things you did and what we had shared meant that we had something special. I--"

"It is!" He interrupted in a rush. "I--"

She shook her head. "It isn't. Like I said, it is my fault for believing differently. You never actually said what you felt for me. I assumed with your willingness to make a long distance relationship work meant that you might lo--care for me as I did you."

She gripped his arms as if to lean on him for comfort before pushing him away. "Let me have some time alone to think. Please." She bit her lip. "I can't believe I have made such a fool of myself."

"Amanda, I..." This was not how he wanted to tell her he loved her for the first time. She most likely wouldn’t believe him. "You are more important to me than you realize. I haven't talked to Rachel as much as usual due to my travel these past few months and hers with Steve. I..." He stopped trying to explain when she turned away from him. "Please believe me." He pleaded before leaving her alone.

______________

"Steve has fallen asleep so I thought I would come here for a quick late night visit and to raid your fridge." Rachel announced as she walked in.

She froze at the sight of Thomas alone on the couch. He was bent over with his hands loosely clasped and head bent. "Thomas! What's wrong? Where's Amanda?"

"Upstairs." He replied. "Thanks to my not telling you about her, she believes I do not care for her like I have let on."

Rachel sat beside him. "Oh." Her frown formed. "Have you not told her before now how much you love her?"

He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. "No. I intended to at a special moment. I--" he shook his head. "She thinks...how..." He cursed softly before slumping back against the couch.

Rachel had never seen him at such a complete loss in expressing what he felt. She couldn't just sit back and wait to see what he would do to fix this. "Is she in your room?"

He shook his head. "She moved to the guest room down the hall."

Rachel hopped up and quickly went upstairs, ignoring his demands she leave Amanda alone.

She didn't bother knocking and opened up the door. Amanda sat up with a start when the lights were turned on. Rachel's dark eyes softened when she saw that she had interrupted her crying herself to sleep.

She shut the door and locked it in case Thomas decided to drag her away from meddling in his affairs. "We need to talk."

____________

Steve yawned while walking inside. "Where's Rachel?"

Thomas downed his glass of scotch. "Upstairs."

Steve's eyebrow lifted in surprise. "Er, are you two arguing? Because I can leave and find a room in New York."

Thomas gripped his glass. "I'm not in the mood for your sense of humor."

"Obviously." Steve muttered. He found a tumbler and set it in front of Thomas. "You shouldn't drink alone."

Thomas snorted and poured him a glass. Steve took a sip and waited. He knew from two years of interacting with the Hunt's that prodding would only make them more defensive and less likely to share what was wrong. Though they never shied away from pestering those around them. 

After a second glass was poured for Steve, Thomas finally spoke. "Rachel is upstairs trying to convince Amanda I care about her."

Steve merely lifted an eyebrow. He watched as the director struggled for a moment. "Does she not know?"

"She does. Or did. Once she heard Rachel say I had not talked about her...Amanda believes she deceived herself with how I felt." He ran a hand down his face. "Whatever I say now is going to be doubted."

"That is a problem." Steve muttered.

"Rachel once told me you were a comfort in times of trouble." Thomas remarked. "I see now that she tends to overexaggerate."

Steve grinned at the insult. "True love and all that follows tend to make one blind to the other's faults." He refilled his glass and became serious. "We know how important Amanda is to you by your inability to talk about her."

Thomas rolled his glass between his hands. "She is." He took a gulp and shuddered at the burn. "I love her."

Steve nodded. "I know." He looked up toward the stairs. "Since I hear no doors slamming nor any screaming, I would say your Amanda is at least pretending to listen to Rachel." He reached over and gripped Thomas's shoulder. "Don't lose hope. We will find a way to fix this."

Thomas nodded, slightly stunned at himself for confiding in the man that would be his brother-in-law in a couple of months. "Thank you." He mumbled.

Steve grinned. "Anytime."

_______________

"She really did that?" Amanda exclaimed, covering her mouth at how loud her voice was.

Rachel laughed while nodding. "I never understood how she convinced Thomas to take her as his date for that awards ceremony." Her nose wrinkled in disgust. "She was such a skank."

Amanda's burst of giggles caused Rachel's to start and soon the two were lying beside each other trying to catch their breaths.

"You have no idea how relieved I am to see him fall for someone like you." Rachel said once she could speak again. "I was worried when he continued to pick women that were so selfish and consumed with their own hubris. They were cold, almost cruel in their criticism toward Thomas and others. I thought he needed someone that would help soften him. Make him see that life is not always some heart wrenching drama."

Amanda nodded while staring at the ceiling. "I love seeing his smile appear before he chuckles."

"You're the first person to say that." Rachel replied. "He needs you." She grasped Amanda's hand. "Please don't give up on him. I promise, if he had talked about you I wouldn't have made Steve fly me here so fast. His unwillingness to talk about you goes with how he truly is. When he feels something so deeply, he can't express it easily."

Amanda looked at her and nearly cried once more. Rachel's dark eyes were the exact shade and shape of her brothers. "I've already made myself a fool once today. Might as well continue as I started."

Rachel laughed and hugged her. "Good. Because I need you to be my maid of honor."

"What?" Amanda asked with a laugh.

"We'll talk more tomorrow about it." Rachel got up and opened the door. "Good night!"

Amanda collapsed against her pillows. "What a night."

____________

Thomas shut the back door and watched Steve hold Rachel close as they walked down the path to the guest house. He smiled softly. His sister had chosen well.

He turned the lights off and started up the stairs. He glanced toward the closed door that Amanda was behind and debated.

He walked over to it and softly knocked. "Amanda?" He sighed when she didn't answer. He stepped back and shoved his hands in his pockets. Rachel hadn't revealed what they had talked or even if Amanda was receptive to her words.

He went into his room and stumbled around in the dark, getting undressed before falling on the bed.

"Ow!"

He jumped off the bed and turned the bedside lamp on. He stared down speechless at Amanda rubbing her eyes. She blinked against the light. "Must we have a lamp on?"

He reached over and turned it off. He got into bed and waited.

"I'm sorry." She said softly.

He rolled over and pulled her into his arms. His lips found hers. Thomas sank into her arms with her sweet response. He knew they should discuss everything that had happened. He couldn't find the words.

"I'm sorry too that I made you think that." He groaned when she shushed him with a kiss. His heart ached with all he was feeling in this moment. The thought that he had lost her to having her here in his arms was making it harder to remain silent.

He rolled onto his back while keeping her locked in his embrace. He slid his hands up to caress her face and opened his eyes. In the faint light he could see the evidence of all the tears she had shed over him. He leaned forward to kiss her, pausing before her mouth. "I love you, Amanda."

Her soft gasp touched his lips. He pressed a tender kiss to the corner of her mouth before slanting against her lips. She turned her head to catch her breath. His lips found her ear and kissed along the shell before whispering how much he loved her. How he had never loved anyone like he did her.

Amanda whispered her own love to him. She watched him still as he listened to her heartfelt words. When she began to explain all she loved about him, his lips slammed into hers.

_________________

"I can't believe you picked Valentine's Day to get married." Thomas muttered to his sister.

Amanda swatted his arm after handing Rachel her bouquet. "Don't knock cheesy romance."

"Hey!" Rachel exclaimed. "I will have you both know that the reason I picked this is because Steve and I met on Valentine's Day."

"Why am I only hearing this now?" Amanda asked while reaching over to straighten Thomas's bowtie. His arms settled around her waist as a smile played about his lips. Their eyes met and she smiled back.

"Why do I even bothering talking when you two are near each other?" Rachel asked, secretly thrilled over her success at keeping them together.

"That's my cue." Amanda stepped out of Thomas arms after he kissed her cheek. "See you soon." She whispered to Rachel before walking down the aisle.

"You are going to make her my sister-in-law." Rachel muttered once Amanda was gone. "Right?"

"I suspect you will know by this evening." He whispered.

Rachel's jaw dropped. "It better happen before I leave on my honeymoon."

"It will." He promised.

#rcdaw #rcd appreciation week #choices thomas hunt #rcd thomas hunt #thomas hunt x oc #thomas hunt x amanda

[londonlanded]

Week 58

And all of a sudden, I’ve got less than a week left. The goodbyes are hitting harder and more frequently, they’re going from being weekly to multiple times daily, as is the nature of parting. 

Monday, started my morning off the way I have been all summer, with a cup of coffee and the St. James Church groundskeeper, Kostas, for company. He imparted a few extra doses of wisdom since he knew he’d only get 5 more chances to, and I really, really tried to enjoy the view. 

Tuesday, a last meal at the restaurant Penny introduced me to, with the angel herself. Farmstand has sustained me this year nearly as much as the girl in my company, I’m going to try and not think about the months of rent I could have paid had I not been shown the beauty of their gluten free, 85% vegan, 100% feel-good menu. 

More importantly though, it was my last moments with my stellar company. Penny and I have had such a funny saga of a friendship, it’s waxed and waned over the years but the takeaway of the whole thing is that she’s been a piece of home this year, both when I knew I needed it and when I didn’t. She’s the reason I’m here actually – I was visiting her in New York when I caught my early flight home and met Plane Lady who turned my world on its head. I proudly announced that to the rest of my guests at my goodbye fiasco last week, too, and realized only there that I was introducing the girl who’d made my whole life with the rest of them possible. At Leicester Square station, we said our goodbyes, but ours was one that weighed a bit less than some of the others I’ve had recently. Not for lack of love for the girl, quite the opposite, if anything. Probably because I see our home town in her eyes in the years to come, and I find it hard to doubt nearly twenty years of having her around. That’s right, first grade through 2018, I have bridges whose strength I’ve questioned on occasion, but the one between us isn’t one of them.

Wednesday, I popped out to attempt a trip to the bank (hot tip don’t go at lunch time you’ll never get seen since money moves quickly everywhere outside bank walls apparently), and on my way back to the office, swung into the Banksy exhibit that’s opened literally across the road from work. It’s a small exhibition, but a good one, and I actually think I preferred these pieces to those I’d seen in Amsterdam last time I saw his work. I know he’s anonymous, but I only say him since there are rumours he’s the lead singer of the band Massive Attack, which means he’s tentatively been identified though not to the point of being forced into admission, which is something I genuinely hope never happens. Some things are best left a mystery.

Wednesday night though, that’s when the day got good. I set off from work to meet a friends’ sister who’d just moved to London herself, and was struck with the hardcore Canadian accent I’d forgotten about. Fresh off the plane, Lindsay sounded just like home. While I spend a lot of time with Penny, she’s spent so much time in the states (read, the past 5 years), that her accent has softened on top of not being too strong to start with. I don’t really come across Canadians much in my little London life, so hearing this Oakville girl tell me about her last moments in Canada, punctuated by Tim Horton’s and a tattoo of mountains she keeps getting told look like a British Columbia skyline, really brought me home.

But that’s not the highlight, though the highlight was just as homey as Lindsay had made me feel. We met Anatholie and Jack, my replacement at the Worldwide Sales Office (who I recruited, thank you very much) and her boyfriend, at Covent Garden station before finding our way to the very same Canadian bar Penny and I had stumbled across the week before. The Maple Leaf sports bar is as tacky as you can imagine, and looks a lot like some of the less classy locations we’ve got at home. Still, we weren’t there for the sports, we were there so that Lindsay and I could show off one of our national treasures to my non-Canadian kids. I had decided to indoctrinate my foreign friends one last way, by convincing them of the infinite beauty of my nation using chips, gravy, and cheese curds, at one of the only poutine-selling outlets in the city.

Rosie, Sophia and Nicki were already waiting, and had decided on their food before we’d even stepped in the door. Before we even ordered, the first Canadian epiphany of the evening came to pass when Rosie realized that there’s more than one kind of hockey in the world, and that when a Canadian is talking about hockey, they’re probably not referring to the type that’s played on a field. I want you to imagine the look on someone’s face who has just realized that they’ve had a number of conversations with people that may or may not have been about the topic they thought they were discussing. Rosie’s born and raised London, and not the sporty type so I forgive her, but I definitely won’t forget the tears of laughter that sprung from her once she realized how ridiculous she sounded after having said the sentence, “oh my gosh, there’s hockey on ice!”

Anyway, back to the real purpose of the evening, Lindsay and I went for the weird, bastardized British version of the stuff (aka peas were served on top, no thank you), but we made sure the rest of our crew stuck with the classics. I went for a Bulwark cider, made from Nova Scotia apples that I haven’t had since Uni, and the rest of the table gave Sleeman a go. Two orders of the classic stuff, one of triple pork, and one with burnt ends (aka charred short rib ends), chicken wings and mac and cheese, we were one carb-and-oil-loaded table, but damn were we ever happy about it.

Verdict after first bites? Lindsay shouted, ‘yes, squeaky cheeeeeeeeese’ and I laughed in agreement, since, before that moment, I hadn’t realized that was the quality-control method that was required in order to determine cheese curd authenticity, but once she said it I realized she was bang on. Canadian verdict; cheese was on, fries were on, gravy was a bit on the sweet and British side but hey, no one really thinks about the gravy quality as much as they consider the rest of the equation, so I’ll forgive them. The rest of the kids were thrilled at their choices, and most importantly of all, our resident Belgian approved of both her pint and her plate. I’ll take the win, thank you.

Thursday, a day dense with exit interviews at work, where I was offered the chance to come back to the company by three different people. While I don’t know how likely it is that my career in hospitality extends beyond this week, it’s nice to know that my performance has earned me the chance to open the door again if I choose to. I popped out at lunch to say bye to Anette who’d come back to London briefly, and before the day ended, one of my colleagues dropped this on my desk and made my day a bit brighter than it had already gotten.

One of the directors had bought me a little goodbye gift since I’d gotten her a thank-you one, and on the envelope it came in, she’d written a little note to the person I’m hoping to be. Just FYI, in the show Suits, Jessica Pearson is the phenomenally dressed, confident, level, rockstar boss of Harvey Spector. Her badass character was part of my initial inspiration to pursue this little legal adventure I’ve decided to embark on. I’d be pretty satisfied if I wound up being half the lawyer she is in the show, I guess we’ll see. More importantly, and in the same subject line, I got my first list of readings on Thursday, too, all to be done in time for Monday. Looks like the fun has begun. 

Thursday was also the day I’d dedicated to packing up everything I own, and stuffing my musty, London clothes into a suitcase in preparation for the purge I do once I get back home and have access to a washing machine that doesn’t imbue my entire closet with the smell of the building it’s standing in. Turns out I own just as little as I thought, and I might not even have needed Brooke’s help a few weeks ago when she brought a bag back for me. 

Regardless, I filled the extra space with bonus stuff I wasn’t counting on getting to keep, and took the dozens of decorations down off my walls, realizing only after I’d done so that my room was brighter, and far less fun without them. I also realized that my room’s definitely better suited to a single bed, note to the future tenant if they feel like acting on that one (though the tenant happens to be a friend of mine, so I’m going to bet on them keeping it as they knew it). By 1:00AM, I was packed and spent, and was finally letting my weary head hit the pillow for the second last time.

Friday, my last day at work, another hefty round of goodbyes, this time with a slightly deeper dose of finality. I spent my last morning, for now, sitting in my favourite spot on the grounds of St. James Church Piccadilly, waved goodbye to Kostas the groundskeeper, got my final free coffees from my friends at Pret (two, plus lunch on the house, my budget is really going to miss those folks, almost as much as I will!). It was a beautiful morning to say goodbye to the place that has seen me through so much.

The office was quiet, the day passed more quickly than almost any other I’ve had, and with a quick phone call from the VP who was working from home but who ‘wanted to hear [my] voice one last time before I embark on my next journey,’ my career at the London Worldwide Sales Office came to a quiet close. Anatholie and I were the last two in the office, tying up some loose ends in her training and on a project we’d been tasked with, and with a final thank you, she left me in the place I’ve called mine for the past 6 months. Another desk cleared out, another page turned, I walked out into the light rain with a slightly heavy heart, but a much more satisfied soul.

By the time the light was fading, I walked into Paris’ flat for the last time, turns out last week wasn’t it after all. Some endings, well, aren’t. And thank god it wasn’t, because that room was filled with more love than I’ve ever seen it, comparable only perhaps to last Saturday’s crowd. Though the party was technically for Paris’ departure, there wasn’t a single person in that room that wasn’t losing me, too. I didn’t hit until just then, when the first few friends walked over to hand me tokens of their individual sadness, letters and pictures and small gifts to keep them in my mind long after they’ve left my day-to-day life. The sadness didn’t hit as hard as I thought it would, but the denial seemed to supersede any capacity of mine that existed for any outright demonstration of feeling.

It also seemed that was only true for me though, as the rest of the evening was peppered with more tears than I’ve ever had shed for me at any other time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much sadness, and known outright that I’m a big part of the cause, but known at the same time that it stems only from love. I’ve never had friends like this before, nothing to do with the lives I’ve built before this one, but it’s entirely to do with the nature of the environment I’ve found myself in. It’s non-academic, professional, and fundamentally built on people who have no one but the friends they make and the connections they foster.

We’re a bunch of kids, alone and building our lives in London. No one’s got their parents, no one has anywhere else to go, there’s nothing immediate beyond the people you surround yourself with. We found love in each other because we needed it to survive. And now, when we lose one of the pillars around which our safety net has been intricately woven, we notice. We don’t fall apart, we have many, many, strong and tall beams that hold the rest of it together, but we feel it. The world as we know it shudders and shakes and gives way to the new reality where there’s a piece of it that’s missing, and before the healing can begin, the acute feeling of loss is the only one anyone notices. And when you’re the beam that’s being freed from the tethers you chose to tie yourself down with, you’re left with a feeling of loss that, if you’re anything like me, your body will deny you until it’s ready to stop plowing blindly forward through life. If you’re anything like me, you look back only once you’re able to do so fondly, and without longing for what you’ve left behind.

I do not know when my new reality will set in, when I’ll finally register that I’ve lost this old one, but I know when I do, I’ll really fucking feel it. I am not looking forward to that moment, those moments, as they’ll fall together with increasing frequency if I know myself at all, until finally they, as a whole, become true. Don’t get me wrong, I am entirely the agent of this change, but that hasn’t remotely mitigated the consequences of electing to go through with it. At the end of the night, it was Paris, Veronique and I on his couch, talking about their plans and laughing at the uncertainty that plagued them. The fact that my next three years are relatively prescribed are the reason that I’ve got the most consistent and predictable future of anyone in attendance on Friday night; this is the hotel business, and part of the reason it’s not for me.

You need to move upward, and if not, you need to move on. I’m as keen as the next person to ascend in rank and responsibility, but my passion for hospitality isn’t quite as intense as my desire to face the inherent volatility of the industry. I’ll leave it to the professionals, one of whom I’m done pretending to be. That said, this industry has taught me more than any other I’ve worked in, and it’s done so without also bringing me the professional success that I’d initially associated with personal growth. This company, these people, this line of work has changed me in ways I never imagined were possible. There’s a time and a place for directed ambition, much like there’s one for fleshing out the corners of who you are. This year in London has been the latter.

Vero and I hugged tightly in the back of our Uber, she stepped into the flat I remember walking into for the very first time, knowing I was going to find a friend on the other side of her front door. I remember the day we met, too, I was sitting in the PBX office, bouncing childishly on the exercise ball I’d claimed as my seat for the day, and wondering who this immaculately-dressed intern was. One day of crossover, one day spent training her on what my job entailed before she moved onto another department to ensure she got full exposure of the hotel’s 5 departments and 40+ roles within them. We got on so well that we broke into peals of laughter enough times to earn a telling-off by one of the other agents on duty at the time. But by then, it was too late, we were already friends. There was no doubt or hesitation, only the immediate and mutual understanding that we had less that morning than we had when we left work that day.

Saturday morning was slower than I’d wanted, but the weight of my week was starting to set in, and so was the exhaustion associated with preparing for a new life while packing up an old one. Armed with printouts of my readings for Monday, and covered in the dust swept off the few things in my room that hadn’t been taken from their resting places already, I packed up the last of my things just as I heard the doorbell go. Giulia had turned up, a little later than her initial plan which was to show up at our send-off the night before, better late than never holds true, even for my Swiss German, clockwork girl. 

She shone a little last-minute light on my life before Paris turned up and helped me carry the last of my donation items to the Oxfam box down the road. We had a little photoshoot on my street and G and her sister went off on their London adventure before Murat and Mandekh showed up to help me finish mine.

Murat and Paris took to trying to defy the laws of physics in the boot of Murat’s car, trying to fit my bodybag-esque duffel around my other bag, which was made a touch more challenging since I had to fit a hard-shell carry-on into a bag that looks like it should be soft. After a quick stop at Tesco for British nibbles for the people at home, we were on our way, and my little entourage disembarked with me at the Queen’s Terminal, and helped me heft everything I owned through check-in and bag drop.

And then, it was time to go. The tears I’d been doing a decent job at holding off found their way onto Paris’ shoulder, as his found their way onto mine. He told me he couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to be seeing me later, that this was really it, for now. I couldn’t feel it either, the finality of my turning around and walking away was too far from the realm of realistic for me to have imagined it before that moment, even at that moment. I don’t remember the last time I clung to someone, and I don’t remember the last time someone clung to me. I also don’t know that I’ve ever cried so much in public and simply not cared. One last time, I was experiencing the gift that only airports, train stations, and bus bays can afford. The beauty of transience is that it holds no expectation, we were as ourselves as we allowed ourselves to be. And that afternoon, we set our sadness free.

I had a thought while walking down the stairs to my gate that day, carrying my guitar and my backpack, trusting the staff that I’d handed my bags to that the rest of my material world would make it home, too. Well, I had many thoughts, but one of them stood out above all else. That my life will never again be the same, but that there is nothing more powerful than the moments you realize you’re never going to have again. I know I have a few more of those coming in my life, that every monumental change is accompanied by its own series of palpable shifts in the day-to-day. but I’m not sure that the rest of my shifts will be quite so acutely different as this one will be to the world I’ll be entering on Monday. I am trying to think of this transience as a gift, that the stark contrasts are there to show us how lucky we are to be human, and capable of such a diverse array of experience. The optimism will come, but for now, there’s a bit more denial than there is acceptance. But there is far more love than there is loss, and as it is, life not yet given me a greater gift than it did when I landed here. We cannot lose anything without having first gained, and the question now is not whether I did, but just how much.

I also learned a lot about goodbyes, and I think I managed to verbalize the single most important thing about them, or rather, the most important thing about the absence of them. Goodbye implies, at least for me, that there’s nothing more to say. I think the majority of the people in my world know that when it comes to the way I see them, that will never be the case.

And with that said, I think I’ll put this one to bed, but only until we all meet again. Here’s to all of our adventures between now and then, and it seems that, at least for me, the next one has already begun.  

Thanks for giving me a reason to keep writing. It’s just my life, but I’ve always believed that it’s better shared. 

e