#trying to be more self sufficient

[dootplusone]

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Thinking. Abt this but with Bones. Like. Post-Tholian Web? Post-Mirror Mirror?

For AOS, could be after Into Darkness and/or Beyond.

A Bones who's just. So anxious. So stressed. So overwhelmed that it starts taking a toll on his health. Maybe he doesn't even realise - or maybe he does and tries his best to push through it until it knocks him on his ass. Kind of in the vein of "You don't actually know how tired you are until you stop. And then you just physically cannot start again." It becomes his new baseline, a problem that just brews and storms in the distance.

And he just carries on. And keeps going and going and going until one day he realises that 'Oh fuck, I'm not okay' and has about 5 seconds of warning before he straight up collapses, doesn't matter if it's on the bridge, in the madbay, on a planet - he's going down. (Maybe a repeat of Tholian Web where he just straight up faints into Spock's arms? Full whammy, why not)

Maybe it's a high-tension situation getting resolved that does it. The pure relief of it reminds him of how tired he is. How tired he's been for a while. His body sees that momentary rest and goes "More of that, please. And I'm not asking."

And he's so rendered by it that he doesn't grumble about being coddled like he normally would when he wakes up. He knows not to fuck with the medbay staff - they're just as firm as he is on recovery, and that's not by accident - and he knows that Spock and Kirk will be hovering, because they see any problem as something they, too, should shoulder the burden of.

...And because they're some of the most protective people in the damned universe. And that goes for pretty much all the people on board the Enterprise.

In some scenarios, it's just a case of letting his body and mind rest properly. In others, there's a lot more recovery involved than anyone initially expects. Luckily for him, he has a found family who are determined to be there with him at every step. It just takes a couple reminders, every once in a while.

#leonard bones mccoy #star trek tos #star trek aos #whump #back on my bullshit #aos bones fretting over Jim and Spock and their injuries; completely forgetting that hes also a little worse for wear #thinking back to dustykneed's post abt him being fucked up and grieving after ST:ID and. Lets just make it even more physical #After the issues they face from that; Spirk are more aware of Bones' tendency to brush things off. are more equipped to take care of him #when he needs it; just as he does for them. He's so stubbornly self sufficient and it worries them. But they're equally as stubborn and #loving. Unstoppable Force meets Immovable Object. I feel like post ST:ID is where they kind of Learn that Bones keeps shit on the down low #Because like. Bones will complain. Unless it's smth that's just affecting him. And then he suddenly keeps it to himself. When he complains #abt that whole fiasco he complains abt Jim dying. Abt Spock almost dying on that planet. About how they all almost died. But he doesn't tal #about how HE almost died from that fucking torpedo almost blowing up on him. Not a word. Jim forgot it had even happened until like. Carol #brings it up in passing. Maybe she has nightmares on the incident. But he realises Bones has just NEVER fucking mentioned it despite him #being the master complainer. That sets off the first alarm bells. And then maybe Uhura asks Jim how Bones is doing bc she knows that Bones #would just say he's fine. But Jim is like ??? Bc why wouldn't Bones be okay. And then she realises that HE HASN'T realised that Bones is th #kind of motherfucker to suffer in silence. and she's like Jim. Jim he literally ran himself to the ground trying to revive you. Jim. Are yo #kidding me have you NOT TALKED ABOUT THAT??? ANY OF IT??? Thus... Jim realises or maybe even Remembers what Bones is like #bc maybe at some point he DID know Bones well enough to know when he's fucking himself over. But all the Bullshit that theyve gone through #and the fact they work in entirely different parts of the ship kind of. Alienated them a bit. And suddenly hes like. Oh. Oh No. Oh FUCK. #because Jesus how the FUCK does he even approach this. But he manages it. And Spock gets in on it too as he slowly gets to know the doctor #And then post-beyond its like. Yeah. All three of them gang up on each other. That includes Spock and Kirk making sure Bones is as Fine as #he always says he is. #anyway. Yeah. I just think Bones probably stresses and overthinks too much but god forbid anyone comfort him. Self sacrificing bastard #wow this is a lot of alphabet soup im so sorry AHAHA

[sleepy-vix]

being the first child in an immigrant family basically means being content with the bare minimum for everything

#it's funny because it's true #idk ive just kinda noticed this #btw this doesnt refer to grades but more like... relationships? #also we're so self sufficient and we try not to complain about anything #sleepy vix #oldest daughter #oldest child

[nerosdayinanime]

ok found The Tornado by owl city and it finally kicked me into finally fleshing out the little idea i had originally from Ao E Mukau-

Its a storm world constantly covered by thick clouds, ruins of towns and cities no longer used as the old societies broke down- Giyuu and Sabito were born on the knife's edge of that collapse before the constant deadly storms made living like they were nearly impossible

one of the worst thunder storms in decades ripped through a large swath of area; Giyuu & Tsutako's parents getting killed while Sabito's mother and little brother were killed hours later when it passed over them, they both continued on with what family they had left for a few years, just trying to get enough money for food on the table and a house over their heads

when they were 13 a massive, absolutely devestating tornado hit the town Sabito lived in in the middle of the night- he was making a quick trip to the store for midnight snacks and ended up dragging his bike into a little culvert under a road with him, it mostly protected one side but when it started getting really bad some small debris started flying through and one jaggedly cut across his cheek before he curled up to wait it out. Hours later when day shouldve broke & the storm had calmed, he crawled out to finally see the total destruction of the place he called home- there was almost nothing left. His heart broke as he realized just how lucky he is to be alive, and how his dad and little sister weren't. He ran into a group of survivors and got his cheek patched up by some of the medical professionals who stepped up to check everyone over; months later an earthquake hit the city Giyuu & Tsutako lived in, she had shoved a screaming Giyuu in the only little saftey box they had and Giyuu survived falling & getting violently tossed around when the building collapsed- he was stuck in it for a day or so, crying and screaming to be let out and for his sister to be okay, before search and rescue teams found him and pried it open. they thought he was dead at first before he woke up and started crying again when he saw the damage to the area, they treated the cut on his forhead and he ran away before they could put him in an orphanage with the other only-survivor kids

#loserboy giyuu posting #neros art tag #sabito #giyuu #kny sabito #tomioka giyuu #tw claustrophobia #tw buried alive #giyuu probably does get claustrophobia after that.... #poor boy :( #downfall au #their storms were the start of the super-storms & natural disater events getting much more frequent- people stopped rebuilding big #city stuff like that just for it to topple over/get damaged during construction- #they grouped up into flocks of people with similar interests like researchers/educators- first-aid/medical/search&rescue- etc- #Urokodaki was born in a family that already lived a pretty secluded self-sufficient lifestyle so by the time things got that bad he was #already taking in stray kids & loners and teaching them how to do stuff on their own #he forcibly adopted sabito when he found him trying to survive on his own & like a week after that earthquake he took giyuu in after findin #him severely malnourished passed out on the forest floor #giyuu woke up feelin nice and cozy with someone gently running their hand through his hair only to break down again when he realized it #wasnt his sister because that shit wasnt just a nightmare- #Urokodaki dealing w 2 more traumatized kids what will he do #oh!! also!! the kasugi crows! theyre just normal crows that they befriended that do lil tasks and favors for them #giyuu fucking Loves kanzaburo he spoils the everloving shit out of that crow & the other crows r so jealous #a crow took a liking to sabito and he named them shide- theyre a snappy little fucker sometimes and other times they just wanna play w him #and hes very fond of shide even if he denies it whenever hes bandaging his fingers from them biting him #ough i wanna draw them w their crows now..... #i need adult designs for them i dont actually have anything yet

[epicdogymoment]

nichijou episode 8 part 31. good illustration of how in boke-tsukkomi exchanges the tsukkomi part completes the joke, not necessarily in the sense that it completes the humour and therefore makes you laugh, but in the sense that its required in order to maintain the pace and flow from joke to joke

#leologisms #nichijou #<- uhhhhh sure whatever. #i wanted to say that in that bit yuko is being a self-sufficient manzai duo (in that shes playing both boke and tsukkomi) #but mai and mio are both playing the tsukkomi role. just that theyre exclusively doing the [silence] type #which IS used frequently in nichijou. but because yuko is trying to keep the conversation going its even more of a dispreferred response #so even though [silence] is a valid tsukkomi response to her boke she has to butt in with her OWN tsukkomi in order to keep the flow #and what she tsukkomis isnt her own boke but rather mai and mios nonreactions (which are incongruous to the expected presence of a #response). so the ACTUAL structure is setup (yuko bad pun) boke (mai+mio nonreaction) tsukkomi (yuko reaction) #different from the EXPECTED structure of boke (yuko bad pun) tsukkomi (mai+mio reaction) #.......MAN!

[qualitative-decay]

settings person in the aftermath of nick's parable bc i got. possessed 😔

You can do a lot, with the settings of a game, if you know what you're doing. They've been performing triage as best they can whilst the Narrator meticulously vivisects himself, but the Parable is still dying.

Maybe they're just postponing the inevitable. Maybe they should just let it happen, let the Narrator and Parable (and the Curator, and themself) alike disintegrate byte by byte, until there's not so much as a line left of any of them.

They can't bring themself to, though. It's not like they've got any affection for him — they've found him more or less contemptible for about as long as they can remember — but they can still have a sense of self preservation.

....If they frame it that way, as self preservation, they don't have to think about the Parable using them for its own sake. They have to keep the wheel turning after all, they have to, they have to, but this is the first time it's been rendered so wholly their responsibility — the Narrator had kept it going for a long time without needing them to intervene.

Turning the wrong direction, maybe. Or... off-axis? Something. The point is, it's been eroding for eons; forced to move in a way it was never meant to. Stanley still had the scars to prove it when he left. But they didn't have the power to make it turn correctly again, and it was still moving, so they just didn't have that internal imperative to do something.

....Maybe if they had tried to, somehow, they wouldn't all be in this mess.

That other Narrator, stealing away Stanley.... okay, he might have technically sparked this, yeah, but. If they're being honest, things were probably always heading this direction anyway. At least like this, one of them can be spared the aftermath.

It wasn't like Stanley was particularly thriving in this environment.

(That was the first time they'd seen him smile in.... okay, they can't remember that, either. It wasn't like they really knew him or anything — they're pretty sure no one except maybe the Curator even knows they exist in the first place — but he was still the closest thing to a friend they had, so. It was nice to see him smile again, before he made it out. ....God, they hope he made it out.)

They're not sure how cognizant the Narrator is (or even can be) of what he's doing, at this point — they kind of suspect he doesn't know how to do anything else anymore, his obsession the last real piece of him remaining. For every line of code they manage to stabilize, he's tearing at three more, faster than ever. They're losing ground. They're losing coherency — they're part of the Parable just as much as he is, and they can feel their own code within it starting to fail. They think, somewhat hysterically, maybe they could just, somehow, cut themself out of the Parable entirely, before he can pull them apart with him, but.... Something intrinsically woven into them won't let them so much as try.

(They don't.... want to die. They aren't sure if they can, if they're even alive enough for dying to be the right word. But, whether dead or some other word, this is going to mark the end of them all the same, and they're. Terrified.)

#technically rawts but i dont wanna. like. actually tag it #feels kinda out of bounds/a little Too off-screen maybe haha #....this *is* more or less what i imagine happens to nick's narrator tho #that same going over his code/reactions trying to find & fix whatever variable is making him Like This he'd Been doing. just. #going into overdrive‚ in the absence of nick's running of endings providing a framework for him to do so #........if he doesn't sufficiently self destruct on his own i figure perry will show up for the mercy kill lmao #<- the implication that the echoes of everything perry eats *aren't* all just Screaming in there like a philosopher's stone or something (:

[m00ngbin]

Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this

Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places

Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable

#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds #its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear #something ive been thinking about is disability #i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that #in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do #im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have #to give up what freedom i have left #i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life #and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support #being independent and being self sufficient #i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it #and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful #maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary #my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body #im not in control of my own body anymore #maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it #because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and #not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening

[battle-of-alberta]

doing another little character map guide for the pinned post revamp in the works and every time i do one of these i see the glaring hole where i should put peace river and every time i’m like “maybe next year”

#i've borrowed ocs in the past but i'm trying to be more self sufficient #people drop off the face of the planet all the time so i'm kind of in this mode like #on the one hand i love other people's ocs and want to see them lots #but on the other hand i'm like for my own sanity i need ocs that i can keep #the struggle is real man #they say peace river is 12 feet tall they say peace river has a six pack #12 foot tall actually statistical error #ok more of a nomenclature error #peace river will remain a mystery indefinitely

[kummatty]

ive been playing nice but im getting so fed up, and I'm reframing! nothing im doing is 'wrong' actually and whatever happens, I won't be made to feel ashamed .

#none of these 'rules' mean anything to me and its time i stopped trying to play within the lines to keep everyone happy #i rly dont want to hurt my mom i know shes been through a lot in her life but what can i do #its up to her if she wants to see me and if she wants to free herself too #one of the best realizations of my adult life is that u can literally just make ur own rules #im building walls around them and fortifying it and i need to work to become more independent and self sufficient

[cognitohazard]

ugh god ok. disappointing news abt weekend plans that i've been excited abt for months. its not anyone's fault but honestly i've been feeling really really lonely and plans that i make keep falling through and it doesnt feel like other people are ever putting in the effort that i am

#and i dont truly think thats actually fair or true but that doesnt stop it from feeling very overwhelming. and hurting a lot right now #im completely overworked and have no creative outlets and no safety nets that would let me take less responsibilities #i cant rely on my family like so many of my friends can #this is turning into way more of a vent post then intended. i just dont know how to talk about this with anyone #ive spent too long trying to become completely self sufficient and now i have no way to connect with anyone

[cannotgiveafuck]

My patience and emotional stability is at an all time low, like man, I haven't cried this much in a very long time. Anyway my pride stuff from target came in and i got some mcr merch on the way. A reward for my suffering. Also the new MCR song and Florence album on repeat.

#personal #which is to say i am trying to distract myself #but also have healthy emotional outlets that are self destructive #bc the more i think about my dad being in the hospital. the more ill think about him #and everything that came before this past weekend. and everything that could come with each possible outcome #which is to say i am being choked by my daddy issues and want to curl up and cease to exist #but i guess work has been sufficiently busy enough. but really my emotional fortitude is uh. bad rn #dont mind me. im putting this here bc i refuse to put it on fb #and get a bunch of sympathy replies from folks i know or used to know. or who know my face #also. i thought sitting in the room with him unconscious on the hospital bed hooked up to tubes and lines #would make it easier to talk out loud about all the shit he caused. all the fuckin issues i should def see a therapist about #but all i could do was sit there and stare at him. and think about how old and small and feeble he looked #and how age and time just fuckin sneaks up on us #and i thought id be able to say out loud all the shit his alcoholic did. how it got him here. #how he finally got his kids to visit him real quick and all it took was a heart attack #but gods. i hate the way my voice sounded so i didnt say a fuckin thing #just sat there for an hour watching him. thinking of all the stupid shit ill never tell him #and to top it off. my ma aint helping. like. i know she has her own emotional rollercoaster esp with this #but jfc she doesnt have to drag me along for the ride. #mommy issues flaring up. i need a handful of ibuprofen and week long nap for this #i meant NOT self destructive. but idk maybe speeding down the highway yelling to music is bad

[redisawkward]

x

#i miss my friends #especially the ones that dont like me #if i put enough work into being self-sufficient and a good and better person then maybe i can be a person worthy of friendship #ill probably never have those people in my life in a significant way again and fucking sucks but all i can really do is try to learn from i #honestly im trying very hard not to hermit again and its going to be much more difficult when i move into my own place #so i hope i can reconnect with some of my friends or at least make some new friends #.q #.txt #.og

[augustinewrites]

it’s been…a while since you and satoru have gone on an assignment together.

having two young children at home made it difficult to take off on short notice and be away for days at a time. they needed stability and routine, so the two of you had decided that one person would stay home while the other was working.

for a while, that’d worked fine. but now that megumi and tsumiki were older, self-sufficient teens who loved nothing more than being left alone, satoru had seen this as an opportunity.

you’d still been a little hesitant, but it was a simple surveillance mission. easy, right?

“water. you need to stay hydrated.” you instruct when he gets back into the car. he takes the water bottle you’re holding out, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig.

“gakuganji isn’t even home yet,” he reports with a sigh. you hum, distracted as you check your phone. gojo reaches across your knees to pull open the glovebox, rifling through colourful snack wrappers.

“tsumiki hasn’t texted me back,” you mutter. “should i ask nanami to check in on them?”

“nah, i’m sure they’re just super busy trashing the apartment and racking up charges on the emergency credit card. ah– found it!” he pulls out a black silk sleep mask, slipping it on so it rests on his forehead.

“really?” you ask, unimpressed as he holds a second one out to you. “you’re taking a nap?”

“yeah, it’ll be easier to sneak around when it’s dark, why stay awake till then?”

“is that a good idea?” you ask, though you know there’s really no point in trying to argue with his logic.

“your fault for keeping me awake all night. late night laundry folding is no joke.”

“if you’d put it in the dryer when i’d asked—”

“can’t hear you,” he sing-songs, pulling the mask over his eyes. “you can take a nap too, you know. that old fart couldn’t get past us even while asleep.”

“i’ll pass on the nap. need to wait for tsumiki to text.”

he grumbles something incoherent that you’re sure is meant to be argumentative as he reclines his seat a little and lays back, getting comfortable and quiet.

…for about 45 seconds.

you watch out of the corner of your eye as he pulls the mask up a half inch, just enough for his right eye to observe you.

“what do you want now?” you ask.

then, with casualty akin to asking what you want for lunch, he clears his throat and asks, “do you want to have sex?”

“do i want to have what?” you ask, turning to stare at him incredulously, but your face is hot and for a split second, you’d considered agreeing.

“sex,” he repeats, patting his lap with a shit-eating grin. “we’re going to be here for a while, anyways. these seats recline way back—”

“i am not having sex in this car with you, satoru!”

he groans over-dramatically (as he tends to do). “will you at least cuddle with me then? i’m desperate and touch-starved and hopelessly in love with you!”

you make a note to figure out what cheesy rom com he stole that line from, but lean across the console to trail kisses up his shoulder, his neck. satoru does nothing to protect himself from your overly affectionate onslaught, he’s quick to catch your jaw, pulling you in for a proper kiss.

“wait. no, no, no!” he protests when you pull back, eyes suddenly trained on the house you’re meant to be watching. “you can’t just leave me high and dry—”

“he’s home!” you whisper, pressing a hand over his mouth (though he continues with muffled complaints). “pull the car a little further back before we get out.”

you’ve already summoned your shikigami as satoru maneuvers the car into the dense forestry, about to send them off when your phone vibrates in your lap.

“oh! megumi texted me,” you inform him. “he said…‘already made dinner. tsumiki is out on a date—’”

the car grinds to a halt and abruptly turns, the momentum causing your to slam into the side of the car as it peels out onto the dirt road. you curse loudly as your fiancé, devoid of all his playfulness from earlier, speeds through the forest.

“what the— satoru!”

#principal yaga sighs when the mission report status reads incomplete due to ‘fatherly duties’ #keeping up with the fushigojos #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff

[barrymccaulkinem]

LOVE the impulse ppl get re: suicidal ppl that makes them think they can try and shove us clear across an open grave into success.

#god i hope i live long enough to lock my mother in a nursing home and say 'oh no does it suck? help yourself.' #'i dont understand why youre still there if you hate it so much. i told you to make yourself self sufficient. cant? oh well not my problem' #(except i didnt create her so my claim of not my problem is infinitely more valid) #maybe she is trying to shove me into the grave who's to say but her?