#top 10 birthday gifts for your alien boyfriend who you aren’t even sure celebrates birthdays: big gun. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beatconductor-blog · 5 years

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the gift that keeps on giving

HAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5F6KgFgnGc

Bro: Awww, babe.

HAL: Happy birthday, I love you.

> Are you actually grinning? > Yes. Bro: I love you too, you big fuckin gay. Happy birthday.

> He better fucking be. So are you. HAL: Only the gayest for you. A brotherly I love you goes out too Dave as well though. Get your special birthday coffee, it's made with love and all the good shit.

😎 : thanks 😎 : not watching the vid tho

HAL: Fair. I can sing for you in person.

Bro: Birthday request. Bro: Sing it in early Vocaloids Kaito voice. Bro: Before the revamp that made him halfway tolerable.

HAL: Consider it done.

Bro: I love you so much.

HAL: Downloading the voice pack as we speak. HAL: Also: I made scrambled eggs, get your protein in boys.

😎 : god

Bro: Love me some Egg™ in the morning.

HAL: I know you love eggs, babe.

😎 : yeah alright i love eggs too gimme that good shit

HAL: Come eat up my delicious eggs. HAL: Also get your presents.

Dave 9:07 PM

> Well damn it alright you're getting up and head to the kitchen to get your coffee. And eggs. And presents.

Hal 9:18 PM

> You find one (1) Robo bro sitting at the table with coffe for you and one (1) present with your name on it. It is neatly wrapped in red paper. There is one (1) other present on the table but it is orange and says "Dirk". Guess who it belongs to.

Dave 9:21 PM

> You got two boxes squeeze under your arm yourself, which you slip onto your lap as you take a seat on the table. Obviously you grab the orange one with a totally not shit eating grin. "Cool thanks man."

Hal 9:23 PM

"Dave, are you 100% sure you want to see what I am gifting Dirk?" > You give him a patented "It's hardcore porn" look. That's a thing, yeah.

Dave 9:26 PM

"You think I'm a coward?" > You put the orange present aside tho, mostly because you never planned to open it anyway. Instead you reach for the coffee that's probably for you. And anxiously stare at the box that's for you. You want to open it, but do you want to open it in front of Hal?

Hal 9:28 PM

"You are allowed to open your presents, you know?" > Don't be a coward Dave, get your tiny robot crocodile.

Dave 9:30 PM

"Really?? Explain." Are you stalling or being a little shit? The answer is both.

Hal 9:31 PM

"I hear it's human tradition to open up your birthday presents when you receive them. I am not an expert, of course."

Dave 9:32 PM

"Sounds fake but okay." Fiiine you reach for the present and.. actually.. unwrap it really carefully.

Hal 9:33 PM

> Actually lowkey anxious about the reaction. You didn't get to give many presents in your life so far. Not that it shows though, you have the same resting bitch face as usual.

Dave 9:39 PM

> Well, when you got it unwrapped you actually find a what. Tiny metal crocodile? For real??? > You carefully take it out of the box like its out of glass or something. You're totally quiet, but only out of fascination. Damn, that's. Cool. Your grin grows wider as you look at it from all directions.

Hal 9:41 PM

> The tiny crocodile starts moving and making sounds. It sounds a bit like..."Nak." How peculiar. "Thought you could use a little friend."

Dave 9:55 PM

It moves. Your mouth actually drops open. Holy s h i t. This is like all the cool toys on the kids tv ads you could never have, except even better. "Whaaat." You give it some little pets to watch its reaction.

Hal 9:59 PM

It naks some more and wiggles a little. It's not exactly a complex work of robotics, it's just a cute little toy. But it's made with love. You are most definitely smiling watching this though. Seems like he likes it, good.

Dave 10:24 PM

God do you love it. You actually spend a few good few minutes playing with ity totally forgetting about your coffee and your own presents. Eventually you realize you're not really alone. "This is.. so amazing... man, thanks.."

Hal 10:32 PM

The most shit eating robot grin. Fuck yeah, you are rocking this presents shit. Of course you are, you are amazing. "They say self made presents are the best after all, right?"

Dave 10:53 PM

"..you made this." You're not really surprised, you just.. didn't really think about that. You pull the little crocodile close to your chest in a very strong 'I will cherish this and protect it with my life' gesture. "Thank you. I... I don't have a self-made one for you.." Well, you're feeling a little awkward. There's no way you can compete with a gift like that.

Hal 11:07 PM

"Sure did." Yep, still got the most shit easting grin. Feels great, you could get used to this human emotion called gifting shit. The smile dies when he mentions he has a present for you. Duh, of course, that's two boxes. And yet just the concept of receiving a gift is still alien to you. Fuck. Play it cool, don't look nervous. "Doesn't have to be self made to be totally rad."

Dave 11:15 PM

"Well. It's damn rad if I may say so." Can't fake enough self-confidence to hide how nervous you actually are. You shove the smaller one of the boxes over at him though.

Hal 11:19 PM

There's a comment along the lines of "Oh of course, the smaller one for the lesser bro" comment on your lips but you bite that back. C'mon no, don't be a bitch for once Hal. Not about this, and not when you are excited, o matter how big it is. You can't decide if you are excited or anxious as you open it. Exious.

Dave 11:21 PM

"Hey now, it's not the size that matters." Actually, his gift is the one you specifically bought for him. Caught you a little offguard that you have yet another birthday to celebrate this year, but you wouldn't be you if you didn't manage some last minute baller presents. Inside the package, for the record, is a mug. But not just any, but motherfucking rad unicorn mug. One that changes color with hot beverages.

Hal at 12:27 AM

Oh. Oh no. It's perfect. It's absolutely perfect and you are glad you are incapable of tears. Fuck. It's stupid, but the fact that he obviously put some thought into that thing? Has you feel some kind of way. Your voices glitches just a little when you speak, betraying just how emotional you are over this thing. Damn it. "It's pretty cool I guess. Thanks."

Dave 12:31 AM

The glitch in the voice actually worries you for a moment. But like. Is that actually an emotional raction? You are having a moment of doubt because the reaction sounds pretty... neutral, but then reassure yourself Hal just isn't one for big emotions. So the fact alone that he doesn't really have it in him to be snarky over the present, that means a lot, right? "You're welcome" you grin.

Hal at 12:48 AM

It means a lot more than you are really capable of reliably expressing. Humans go for hugs in that case right? You hope they do, cause you do that right now. Big old Robo Bro hug for Dave. You pull back like nothing even happened after a minute and your voice is back to normal. "So, how about them eggs?"

Dave 12:57 AM

O-oh, guess he really likes it, huh. You're having some mad proud big bro dokis here. He's back to normal after the hug, but nothing is gonna get this huge grin off your face today. "Yes please."

Hal at 12:58 AM

You wordlessly get that boy some delicious eggs. You'd say something about that grin but...Nah. He deserves that one.

Dave 9:53 PM

You sit there at the table and keep playing with the lil Nakodile until Bro comes. Still got a present for him too, after all!

Bro 10:14 PM

You emerge from your Cave later than intended, as silently as ever; you hadn't managed to start your sleep cycle on time, so you woke up a bit bleary-eyed after 45 minutes of uninterrupted snooze. Yikes! But you stretch, and then you ruffle Dave's hair as you slip past him to go straight for that coffee machine. Which is to say, your boyfriend, to give him a good morning kiss.

Dave 10:17 PM

You snort and shove his arm away as he passes you.(edited)

"Morning."

Hal at 10:20 PM

Well damn, and there you had hoped for a full hour. Perhaps another day. He gets a good nice robo smooch and a coffee on top of it. No one can say you aren't the perfect house husband. "Morning, babe. Ready for your happy birthday song?" You did in fact download the vocaloid voicepack he requested. Took a bit with the shitty connection so you absolutely plan on going through with that shit. And most likely using it at inappropriate times later.

Bro 10:23 PM

"Mornin. And fuck yes I am." You take the coffee and then take your seat, right next to- oh hey, Lil Cal! When'd you get here? All seated like a proper gentleman and shit, andd with a little birthday hat to boot. Nice. Well, regardless, you're sipping your coffee now. "It's all I could have ever hoped for."

Hal at 10:26 PM

You sing for him, in german of course, and hand him his present. Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Dirk!

Dave 10:31 PM

You sideeye Lil Cal. Nice meeting you again, buddy. Caaarefully pull Nak Jr. away and shield his innocent eyes from this hell doll.

Bro 10:32 PM

Big ol' fuckin grin then. Aww jeez, the madman really did it. You ruffle your own hair, just absolutely pleased with this development, before pulling the present open-

Hal at 10:36 PM

You never half ass shit, especially not stupid jokes. In the box Dirk finds a tiny robot pony, complete with cute pink bow. She is perfect if you dare say so yourself. She neighs softly.

Bro 10:37 PM

You, right now:

Dave 10:38 PM

You watch the unwrapping really curiously and excitedly actually. Hal has already proven he's baller at presents. When you see what's inside though... Oh. Okay. Oh well. That. Hm.....

This is awkward. You just.. sink back into your own seat and keep busy with Nak Jr.

Hal at 10:39 PM

Mission fucking accomplished. You are grinning. Fuck yeah, you are the best at this present shit. Go you.

Bro 10:41 PM

You pull out the little pony and set her down between you and Dave, stroking her back in more than a little bit of awe. "Fuck yes. Babe, when the fuck did you have the time..."

Hal at 10:45 PM

"I get bored when you're at work." That's also why you took up cooking. Welp.

Bro 11:00 PM

"Haha, fair enough. This is fuckin amazing." You have not yet settled on a Name for the pony,but you know whateveer you're gonna name her is gonna be epic. "Thanks, babe."

Hal at 11:02 PM

He gets another quick kiss, sorry to get gay on main Dave, but you will have to deal. Talking about Dave, you turn to look at him. "What about your present Dave?"

Dave 11:08 PM

Time to die some more. You shrug dismissively and pull up the other box to hand it over to Bro. "It's nothing special.." That's only half true. You had it up in the storage for a good portion of these five years, waiting for Bro for whenever he'd come back. It seemed fitting, but now you just feel cheap and unoriginal.

Bro 11:19 PM

You take the box, but first, you lay a hand on Dave's wrist, somewhat? comfortingly. "Hey. I wasn't even expecting a gift. Anything you get me is special, dude." Which is goddamnedd true. You haven't really celebrated your birthday in... a long, long time. So you're delighted, albeit in that cool guy way of yours, as you open up Ddave's gift.

Dave 11:40 PM

It's... reassuring, but you're still anxious. You still give him a hesitant smile as answer. "Alright." Inside the present Bro finds a Barbie horse from like 2012. (One... that can walk. https://youtu.be/mWSmlIx6ydA)

Bro 11:42 PM

Your face, right now:

Dave 11:48 PM

You're watching him closely and.... that expression... not only relieves you, but makes you smile yourself. Good job? Good job.

Hal at 11:49 PM

Good job. "Jee Dirk, How come your mom let's you have two ponies?"

Bro 11:56 PM

"Because I'm the motherfuckin best." Two ponies. Two girlfriends. They're dating now, you've decided, as you make them trot next to one another. "Y'all didn't have to get me anything,but... thank you. I fuckin love this."

Dave 11:59 PM

Your Bro is a fucking dork. And you love it. You love how much he loves it. "You're welcome."

December 5, 2018

Bro 12:01 AM

You sip your coffee as you watch the horse girlfriends prance, before glancing at your phone. You say, "Hey, Dave, you got somewhere you can go for about an hour or two later on?"

Dave 12:07 AM

You give him a very quizzical look. If you didn't know better with how much he's been looking forward to this and planned to cook dinner and all, you could almost think he forgot to get you a present. "Uh, I've been planning to go see Sock for a bit before dinner."

Bro 12:08 AM

"Don't need you gone too long." Sip your coffee. "Just long enough to get your gift in here and set up without spoilin the wholeass thing for you."

Dave 12:11 AM

"Yeah, I can head out after noon and come back with Sock later."

Bro 12:13 AM

"Sounds good to me." You look pointedly to Hal then and say, "Gonna need your help with it, but I'll give your your present then, too."

Hal 12:16 AM

"Oh? Looking forwards to that one, babe." You aren't saying anything about how you can't wait for the birthday sausages you were promised, and Dave better appreciate that.

Dave 12:18 AM

They're saying enough already and you just roll your eyes. "Try not to do the giving presents on the kitchen table" you just say. And then proceed to try and make Nak Jr. ride on the robot horse.

Hal 12:22 AM

"Of course not, dad. We'd never." You can roll your eyes just as good. Watching him play with the robots makes you smile though.

Bro 12:24 AM

It makes you smile too, though you make no such promises.

#logs #striderpocalypse

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