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tristanlovesthequeen · 3 years

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Son/of/Aragon

Son of Aragon

Episode 1

We find Basels son Sergio on horseback on the path to the brewery. There are moths and pollen in the air, everywhere there is beauty. The world whispers.

Besel: Hello, dear reader, I am Basel the ancient wizard. I have gone on holiday, away from general wizardry and heroism to stay with my dear friends. Who are they? The elven monks who run the brewery Eastvleteran, the namesake of which is also a drink which I helped invent.

(Enter into Basel's chamber where he is working on an illuminated manuscript. Tic toc tic toc a timer is ticking in the background. The timer dings)!

Basel: Ahh time for dinner to be cooked. (Puts rabbit chunks in pot of stew. Sets aside rabbit skin in a bowl). That will be for the rabbit skin glue. We'll let that churn a bit. Ah yes, now back to my manuscript. What's the occasion you say? Behold...(Basel sits at desk, page zooms in on manuscript page.

(In story mode)

Basel: It all started with an empty amulet. The amulet was a gift from the elven god Adrifan, god of the ether realm to his love interest, the the high priestess of the celts, Apixa. Her beauty was reknowned throughout heaven and earth. She was born of this world from the stamen of a forest flower, fertilized by a sacred spirit, who was rebirthed as a bee on his visit from the heavens. Her family were the fairies who lived in the woods that encapsulated this forest flower. The elf found her one day while hunting geese at a nearby pond. He saw her amongst the tall reeds bathing. It was love at first sight. You may wonder what this has to do with anything. It is an ancient elven secret that the monks have kept. On every anniversary of the meeting of Adrifan and Apixa, a warrior who is righteous in spirit and will retrieve the amulet from the sacred place, and return it to the elven kingdom for the ceremony of restoration. The transporters of the heart will receive knighthood in the elven kingdom and the ceremony brings purity back to the elves.

(Three raps at the door and Basel answers to find Sergio at the door).

Basel: Sergio my boy! I've been expecting you! Come right in, you are most welcome.

(Sergio is not the only one looking for Basel. A demi-vampire has been following Sergio through the woods in the form of a bat).

Sergio and Basel sit down to Mugwort tea.

Sergio: (Holding cup). How have you been pop?

Basel: (Takes sip). I'm glad you asked. It was happenstance that I found myself in Whimzleton at the National Gallery in a meeting with the portraits of the Greats. While discussing Fair Trade Diamonds, a thief stole a minor work called “Reclining Nude of Grizelda,” done by the late fauvist painter Rees Van Livingston, c. 1905. He was attacked by a museum guard with a billyclub, poor boy, and as he fell, he ripped right through the canvas face first. This, of course, was in front of the fair trade diamond protest of the gnomes of the North, which is why I was there in the first place. The leader of the protest started to shout on his blowhorn, which aggrivated the guard. People started to argue which was disrupting my meeting, and, before a riot could assue, I cast a spell to freeze time. I cast another spell that healed the thief, flawlessly stitched the painting, and wiped the memories of the crowd. When the authorities arrived, everyone was very confused as to why the thief was carrying the painting through the museum in the first place, casually observing the main hall. He was arrested on the spot and the painting was returned to the museum, an amalgam of errors easily removed.

Stake: (Arrives at window as a bat). Screech Screech!

Basel: (Noticing window). Stake! Show your true form my lad, you could have given an old wizard like me a cardiac arrest! Not that I would succumb to such candor. (Opens door).

(The bat turns into his elf-like form).

Basel: Ah good, just in time for supper. Stake, would you come in?

Stake: I thought you'd never ask.

Basel: (Takes sip from ladle over stove). Please sit, the rabbit stew is ready. (Places a bowl of stew in front of Sergio and one in front of Stake with a spoon. Sergio begins to slurp).

Sergio: How do you two know each other?

Basel: Stake is a knight here on elven territory.

Sergio: Then why was he...(motions toward window).

Stake: I am also part vampire. I'd say, half elf, half vampire. Dema-elf. After all my years as a knight, I have been assigned this year to retrieve the sacred amulet due to my condition as a vampire. After the way my wife and I were transformed, the elven society believes my life to be unhealthy. The constant blood lust is the source of constant ridicule for my fellow knights, however shallow it may be. So I have come to find you, Sergio, to accompany me on this quest.

Basel: The high priestess has given me a wind chime that enchants the spirit, allows one to see the location of the amulet, the prize gift from the warrior spirit. I will be your guide.

Sergio: Wait what? I was eating soup.

Basel: I said you're going on this trip, it will be a great diservice to everyone if--

Sergio: Relax, I heard you the first time. Why me?

Stake: Given your superior strengths as a wizard--

Sergio: Yeah, I got ya, very powerful mage, yadda yadda, when do we leave?

(They set off on their journey Sergio on a giant lion. Stake is a bat. First location is the forest. They travel along the coast and stop for the night).

Stake: Let's stop for the night, we'll resume tomorrow.

Sergio: Oh you mean we'll be alive tomorrow? Super.

Stake: Mmmaybe. I will. You might not make it.

(Stake and Sergio set up camp and Stake start to read by the fire).

Sergio: (In a thought bubble). Sometimes I start to read and realize the words are about me. Take for example, this part of the book. This actually happened to me. I must be famous or something.

(In the text) There was one time when I tried to get Satan Himself to help stop my pop from controlling Earth realm. He was offended. And when Satan is offended, all hell breaks loose, literally.

(Sergio hides behind a 1968 Pontiac GTO waiting to attack. Bullets fly over him. He is in Hell. Hell looks like a cavern underneath the earth. He pops up and shoots flame from his hands at his attacker who is Satan.

Satan leaps into the air with a tommy gun narrowly avoiding Sergio's attack. He lands in a drop kick knocking Sergio flat.

Sergio kip ups and one of Satan's minions tries to run him over in an El Dorado Super Sport. Sergio back flips over the car and it t-bones into the shelled out GTO. The minion is dead, smashed through the glass, on the hood.

Sergio: Just come with me politely and I won't fry you to a crisp.

Satan: What am I a cuck, Sergee? How long have I known thee?

The devil spins into the air letting out a spiral of bullets.

Serge leaps under the devil, grabs his legs and slams him into the hood of the GTO with a cold shoulder.

Satan: Yowee!!

Sergio: You goddamn snake! Keep off me!

(They roll off the hood of the car and the devil gun butts Sergio's jaw. Serge puts his two hands to the devil's gut and torches him up into the air. Faroosh! Cut to devil's face, it says radio edit over his mouth like a type writer. Devil lands on his feet with a crunch! It cracks the ground).

Satan: You think you can contain me? I am the devil!

Serge snaps his fingers and a diver's cage drops on the devil.

Satan: Daww. (Slumps in cage) So anyways... (walks out of cage through front door). May I offer you a cigar? (Take out couple of cigars).

Sergio: Naw I don't smoke. Spits. Wipes mouth.

Satan: If you say you don't. What is it that you want me to do Sergio? (Checks scratch on arm).

Sergio: It's my Dad, he's attempting to take over Earth realm again. I need--

Satan: Eh, you want.

Sergio: I want you to come serve him up a slice of devil's pie.

Satan: With you? Please, Sergee, what a bum you're being. Who am I with? I live in hell! I'm the guy that never leaves, y'know Prince of Darkness, has wife, grandkids, little brats, minions, y'know the whole shebang. What do I care what goes on on Earth? I live in the immortal afterrealm. You're threatening my whole way of being, here.

Sergio: Don't be a dipshit. The more deaths there are on earth caused on Earth by my father, the larger his undead army will become, his army will become stronger while your army diminishes.

Satan: What has he lost his shit again? In other words hell on earth. Look kid, I'm already slaying princess Leia, my army of minions is well established and only really comes in handy when fighting against the heavens. Hell on Earth? Let those guys deal with it (points upward)

Sergio: Forget I even asked. Thanks for the fight.

Stake: (In a thought bubble). I have on occasion, dealt with the devil, and like all full blooded vampires, he only cares for himself.

Sergio: (In a thought bubble). Can't say I care for him. (Voice bubble) One thing I have been meaning to ask you, can't believe I didn't get around to it sooner, you're a daywalker right? (Lays back on Leo).

Stake: Correct. I would consider myself half elf. That is elven born. It is for this reason that I haven't completely been overcome by vampire desires. (Fades to dream) In 1869 I was to be married to an elven princess. Her beauty was unparalleled. We were madly in love and would often take trysts in the forest where we would... shag about. I was to travel off to war with the elven army, the king had made plans with the gnomes to sell one thousand pieces of elven chain mail and they had scoffed at his offer, saying gnomish grade metal would suffice. On top of that a gnome had seduced an elvish chambermaid during his stay at a hospital on our land. Needless to say, a victorian era elven king is not the most easygoing person hood, and in the face of the gnomes' offense, he called for a draconian response. Before we set off, and before she could pout, I asked her to be my bride. She said yes! I was so enthusiastic I asked for the royal hall to throw a ball after the wedding ceremony. That night, as my wife lay awake in anticipation.

Vive: I desire, half crack! A vampire in the form of a bat sat outside her window.

Vampire: Dear little, wife, how my soul aches for thee. It is I, Pavel, ahem I mean Stake, wouldn't you care to see me before the wedding. I can give you what you desire...

Vive: No you can't! (crosses arms and starts to pout)

(Door starts to open with a creak)

SERGIO: Wait, what? A vampire, that seems a tad bit random.

STAKE: Almost. In a battle with Aragon's army, I had decapitated a warrior king. I later found out that with a few stitches and Aragon's magic he had been ressurected as a vampire-drago, vampire of dragon blood. From then on he had been stalking us, I had felt evil eyes watching from afar, feeling his cries that he would someday come for my bride.

SERGIO: Devilish. So she turned into a vampire?

STAKE: Yesssss. Unfortunately the bite on her neck is not all he left with. (Stake looks down and tears start to fall from his wincing face). I still recognized her as my bride as did the royal court and that night we attended the royal ball although shaken by the events prior to the wedding. She seemed faint and not all there. Frowns were upon us.

Ball attendee 1: She was raped (Turns back to wife)

Ball attendee 2: She sees someone else (Turns back to husband)

Ball attendee 3: You gave her to him. He impaled her mouth with his--

(Stake and Vive hand in hand start to frown)

(Focus on their hands clasped, they start to squeeze)

Stake: She whispered to me...

Vive: You are my fate, live with me forevermore as my sex slave, and I will seduce you every night. We will make deep passionate love in every sect of our chambers. I want you in between my thighsss...”

Stake: How was I to live without my beautiful wife, as vampirellic as she was, and with that we kissed as she sunk her teeth into my tongue. (DREAM SEQUENCE ENDS)

SERGIO: What happened to the vampire that turned her?

STAKE: I still feel his taunts, he is seldomly ever seen or heard from, especially not in the elven kingdom and as a vampire I feel akin to him in some ways which makes it impossible to kill him.

SERGIO: So why seek the amulet?

STAKE: It will cure my bloodlust and that of my wife. The elves still ridicule me even though it is under their breath. Once worn one is immediately cured from that which guilts him. Only those who know it's true location can don it, and it is said to bring euphoria to those who wear it, which might make it difficult to take off.

SERGIO: Sounds interesting. Well I'm feeling glum. Time for me nap.

(Dream Sequence)

(Sergio sees Aragon at his crystal ball. A covered with hands appears and it is Basel ringing the windchime. He turns.

Basel: Sergio my dear boy! So glad I have found you. (Dog barks). Down girl down! Good girl. You deserve a treat. The ring of the windchime is leading us out of the forest to the city of Yarx. You and Stake should have no trouble finding it if you continue east. Watch for the temple in the midst of the forest.

Crystal ball starts to crack and Aragon's eyes roll back as he faints. Dream fades and it is dawn. Serge yawns and stretches. He is propped on Leo. She opens one eye and goes back to sleep. He has been riding the lion since he was a boy and they have a deep bond. Whatever happens to the lion in essence happens to Sergio. Stake is still asleep. He farts. There is a raccoon corpse next to him drained from the night before. A nightingale lands on his napsack and starts to sing green sleeves. He hisses and snatches at it with his eyes closed and it flies away. He is awake. Serge throws some beans and eggs on the griddle atop the fire.))

Serge: Want some?

Stake: Yes'm.

Serge: Basel contacted me in a dream. We're to head east to Yarx.

((Cut to scene of tavelling through jungle. Sergio is on the lion, Stake is flying as a bat. We're going on a lion hunt. Trudge, trudge, trudge. A hidden temple! Can't go under it. Trudge, trudge, trudge. Can't go through it. Trudge, trudge, trudge. Gotta go over it! Trudge. They hike up the temple steps into the throne room. It is made of stone with torches alight along the walls. There are one million bananas in a pile against the back wall.))

Tiger: Roarr! ((A tiger runs out at them and the lion leaps in front of her bucking Sergio onto the ground. They get up into each other's personal spaces and grapple. RAWOORAWOO! A banana salesman boomerangs a banana at the tiger.

Banana salesman: Now Catsy! That's not how we treat our new guests! (Wearing underwear. Pets Catsy under jaw as she purrs.) I've been in this temple hoarding bananas. It is how I gain my bride. Do you know how long it takes to hoard a million bananas? Speak!

Serge: Can't say.

Banana Salesman: (Putting on overalls) Not that long actually. You see they're everywhere. Me and Catsy here maintain the stock. What brings you to the jungle?

Sergio: We're on our way to Yarx coming from an elven monastery. This is the only way through. I'm Sergio, this is Stake.

Banana salesman: How about the cat?

Sergio: The lion's name is Castle.

Banana salesman: My name is True. I'm actually on my way to Yarx. I've got a big rig. If you help me load the bananas I'd be more than happy to take you the rest of the way. (Stake and Serge look at each other and shrug.)

True: Load em up!! (True has created an incredible machine to load the bananas. Serge pops a balloon with a force wave. A feather escapes and tickles the toes of a sleeping nymph. She laughs and sits up hitting her heard on a platform. A can of beans rolls off and falls into a glass. The platform sinks and releases a machete that swings cutting the rope of a catapult that sends a nymph in a helmet flying over with a parachute and a blowhorn

Nymph: Move em out cows go go go!

(They are frightened and start galloping off. They are tied to a net containing a gigantic load of bananas. They split up and the bananas are hoisted onto the back of the big rig. Another nymph closes the pull down and locks the back. True ends with a glass of milk. Aaahhh. Serge and Stake look at each other and high five.)

Episode 4

(Serge has fallen asleep in the cockpit of the vehicle. He begins to dream. Drream sequence begins) Basel is on a fixed gear. He stops to do a trackstand. Does tailspin hopping over handlebars and lands in a trackstand. He begins to ride. He is dressed in full messenger attire.

Basel: Hey Serge, I hear you're gonna be in Yarx, hit me up dude! I've got a document here for you that I''ve delivered to Merril's, it's an old stationary store that we used to rack from. It's a right of passage that you will need to get you to the Amulet of the Sacred Heart. I'll explain more later. Toodles, I gotta get tatted after my next run.

Serge awakens and True has arrived at a small shack where he is selling off the load of bananas to a business owner. He climbs to the top of the truck and opens the back letting the bananas slide all over the ground.

True: Enjoy! (He says with a smile. He hops back in the truck.) Hey thanks again for coming with. I have one small errand to run.

Stake: Which isss?

True: To find my wife.

The Legend Of ETF (Truck drives into the distance)

Stake: Mind if we come with?

True: Not at all. I could use the company actually, she stays with a graffiti crew whose name is ETF, they have a mission for my wife to do before we get married...at least I say she's my wife.

(We find ETF inside of a dingy old apartment with high ceilings. The room is reminiscent of an old drug den, cluttered yet fancy, and covered in tags. There are five people, one standing. We hear the door ring.)

True: BUZZUP! Hey can I come up?

Spake: Yea that's chill, come on up! (Hand on buzzer)

(Oner turns to leave) Yo I gotta leave theres peopl--

Spake: It's chill.

This is Big Lug, he is the leader of the team. Big Lug is using a 3d computer that surrounds the room. He is using scarlet sage which provides him with a brain chemical that allows him to control his virtual realm in cyber space.

Serge, Stake, and True enter the room.

Big Lug: True! Buddy, long time no see! How long has it been?

True: About three months

Big Lug: Naw man, it's been a year! Don't worry, we've been waiting for you (Sniff's fingers) Here smell that? (Puts fingers in front of True's nose, he refuses.) It's your wife's butthole, don't worry we've been keeping her safe, well, I have.

True: You make me want to vomit.

Big Lug: I'm just messing with you man. You know it's all love. Now come here.

(True receives bearhug from Big Lug) True: Can't breathe.

(From corner of the room) Guy with teddy bear aka Spake: I've been so lonely.

Big Lug: I'll give you a squeeze.

Spake: I'd rather vomit.

Guernica: I hear this little voice.

Toubolde: You sure you're alright? I mean maybe you should take your meds. (To Big Lug). Man he's depressive. Shyaa! We all hear voices!

True: So what's the plan? I sold the bananas and made a mint! I could live off this for the rest of my life.

Big Lug: So the plan is to do a hangover. I mean hang off. Sorry the scarlet sage tends to have its effect.

True: Doesn't the fall cause us to, um, die?

Big Lug: I've created a program that allows the user to create three dimensional holograms that transpose upon any outdoor surface in the natural realm. Of course it will be seen in public, but nevertheless nothing illegal. And yet illegal (stares off into space).

(In a bubble)

Big lug: There are two ways into the application. The old fashioned way, which I use, might hurt your head. The other way is to use a VR helmet. To each his own.

(A Safari van is flanked by two vespas. They are going Straight to L.A. To the heavens...)

Rivera, Toubolde, Big Lug, Spake, True, Stake, and Sergio are crouched on a grassy embankment on the side of the freeway in L.A..

(Cats purr).

Deb: Hey guys I'm here! Can I help? I brought cans.

True: Thank the lord! (gives her a big hug)

Sergio: Well, I thought about it, I could climb up that pipe, cut the razor wire. shimmy over to the far left above oncoming traffic while the wind billows me around. Or I could just point and click (Snap! Snaps his fingers. And a funky hologram that reads “Sergio” appears on the back of the freeway sign. I'll watch, you write. Maybe take flicks (hands in shape of camera).

As a team they climb like gorillas up the freeway sign's column.

Rivera: We're about to f*ck this sh*t up

Toubolde: Be the cockiest you can be on this sign.

Big lug: Be careful.

True: I feel vomit coming up.

Deb: This is a humdinger.

(They are all on the freeway sign facing camera as the platform begins to wobble. Focus on Deb and True *his outfit looks like Tie's she's his twin)

Deb: Here, my love, man up, spray safe. Soon I'll be your bride.

(They all do pieces, they go big. They shimmy back down and the reader has a look at their pieces, they appear holographic, slightly blurry. They all climb a ladder over the freeway wall to a tree, working their way down the limbs to a small drop. As soon as they land they see police lights flash and hear a Bloooop!)

Police: (Over loudspeaker) Hold it right there!

Rivera: Vamanos!

(The team jets to the Safari van losing the police temporarily. They all pile in. The van squeals off as do the vespas. The team dumps their bags from the moving vehicle. They turn a corner and cop lights flash. Five police vehicles are now on the team's tail. The engines rev and the police start to overtake the vehicle, a dark shadow followed by a low hum. )

True: What's that noise?

There is an aircraft floating above the speeding cars.

Aircraft: Calling all cars, calling all cars, stand down immediately from the high speed chase. Do you read, this is the chief of police, Bob Barx of the Yarx police department, I've got a team with me, we'll take it from here.

(Sirens go silent and police cars slow to a stop)

Deb: Shiiiiiiit!

Big Lug: Looks like we got a fun run. (Big grin, steps on gas)

They hear a rumbling and the vehicle starts to shake. The car illuminates. We see a beam of light coming from over head from the ship. It seems the aircraft is actually a U.F.O. The beam abducts the safari and the vespas. The team is now inside the ship.

Loudspeaker: Hey, are you guys alright? Come into the cockpit, we would love to meet you.

Spake: Okayyy?!

Everyone makes their way into the cockpit where there are two extraterrestrials sitting smoking scarlet sage. They turn from the window which looks at the stars.

Alien: (Inhales, holds breath) Hi. (Exhales deeply). I'm Hans, this is Alfredo.

Alfredo: Ciao. (Sips espresso with pinky out)

Hans: Welcome to the brotherhood (says with smile) we saw what you did back there, takes gusto, how exactly, how, did that come into fruition?

Deb: Well see, I'm due to be married to Truesy here, so for a final bow, we decided to do this Heaven in L.A. Holographic style!

True: That was a rush, I see what you guys live for. Kiss me sweetie. (Puckers up)

Deb: Ah, ah, ah, not in front of the gang!

Hans: We are graff writers too.

Spake: Oh yea, (chuckle) what do you two write?

Hans: I write Hans.

Alfredo: And I write Alfredo.

Spake: Uh. Cool.

Rivera: Not to be an earwig, but what's the plan?

Hans: Oh we'll come out of orbit in a sec. One full revolution which will take about 3.5 seconds and we'll land back in Yarx.

Big Lug: Just in time for you two to be married. (Smiles as he chews eclaire).

(UFO lands back in Yarx in someones backyard. Family is confused. Cut to True and his wife Deb in the back of the banana truck making love below a banner that reads “just married.”)

Episode 5

(Sergio and Stake are eating ramen in Yarx, at a corner bar. The Lion is outside. They have their own glasses of a potent steaming potion.

Sergio: (Sips) Have to get that right of passage

Stake: Got that right. (Sip)

Sergio: Check! (Put one hand up)

(Cut to Sergio walking with lion. Stake is a bat. As they walk strangers thought bubbles direct them)

Stranger 1: (Face covered in 9's) The right you seek.

Stranger 2: Is in a cup..

Stranger 3: At the bottom of a well.

Sergio: (Pulls out map of Yarx) Let's have a look see. (They are a blip on the map). There's a well here near the sewage containment facility...or there's one here in the castle yard of this castle. (Looks at map, reads Gronkagel). I detect castle guard (Points to blip on map.) It's a balrog. I figure it's the one with the balrog.

(Scenes of travel, the life is colorful, homeless, street hustlers, restaurants, basic city scene. The scene changes to the country side, life slows down. Eventually they reach a tall hill on which the castle Gronkagel lies. They begin their hike. They reach a wall with a tall door).

Sergio: Hey Balrog! Balrooooog! Hm. No sign of him. I guess we play the breaking and entering game.

(Sergio points to the top of the wall and Stake flies up and over. First a rumble then a creak. Doors open and Stake stands. Sergio enters. As soon as he enters three palace guards come to greet him.)

Castle guards: (In unison) Welcome to castle Gronkagel, where the Gronk! (Bonks Stake and then Sergio with a spear) Comes first. You have been knighted!

Stake: Ssss! (rubs head) you're god awful but I accept.

Sergio: Yea, me too. Say, what is there to do here in Castle Tintag- I mean Gronkagel?

Castle guards: (In unison) We have a well, and a tower that oversees the land.

Sergio: Take us to the we--

Stake: (Overlapping Sergio) to the tower!

Sergio: I mean to the tower. That would be very nice.

Castle guards: (In unison) Very well. (They turn and start to leave the castle.)

(All five start to climb the tower stairs).

Castle guards: As you can see--

Stake: So anyways (Throws castle guard off ledge)

Sergio: (Knocks castle down with lightning bolt).

Castle guards: Would you look at that? Better go check on the Bal-

Sergio: Have another taste of lightning!

(Serge knocks them into a pile with bolt of lightning).

Stake: Oh suck my cock! What about the Balrog?

(Balrog gets up from pile of rubble)

Balrog: So much for my nap. Feel like I hit me head.

Sergio: (From tower) Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! (Shoots three to Balrogs chest)

Balrog: Ow, oh bullocks! Let me guess you came for the write of passage? Well if you want it that much come 'ere then. I'll lower you into the well.

Stake: Oh yea right! (In a yell)

(Serge and Stake approach pile of rubble)

Balrog: (Takes flight) I mean come 'ere!

Sergio: Oh I see by here, he means come to us (under his breath). Attack!

Stake: (Pulls out dagger )

Sergio: You're never gonna get anywhere with that! (Pulls out dagger. Jumps at his neck and Slam! The balrog slams him into the tower floor.

Stake: (Jumps onto the balrogs neck and with his cape makes him blind.) Please hold.

Balrog: (Takes flight).

Stake: Let's go for a ride! (Balrog throws him off)

Sergio: Long jumps onto his neck attempting to strangle balrog with a whip.

Balrog: (Falls into a swamp in the forest. Balrog is out cold.)

Sergio: So much for balrog. (Pulls out map. Blip turns gold)

(Sergio and Stake walk through the rubble).

Sergio: Go down

Stake: Kay

(Stake turns into a bat and flies into the well. He nosedives into the water, sees a sewer rat, and winks. Finds chest because of it's glow, and brings it up over the well wall. Sergio makes finger into a key and slides into lock. He opens chest and inside finds a cup. Inside is the writ of passage. It glows.)

Basel: You've got the writ! Cheers to you! (Takes a sip of beer.) Now for a pint of Eastvleteran. The best beer in the world. My fellow monks and I brew this stuff. It is highly rated and always sells out, gets better with age, we know from experience. A word of advice for whenever the fear hits, no one rules the world so until then fight for your breath. By the way, what does it say? Points to the writ and takes note. Smiles.(Scene ends).

Stake: Hey can we go to Dragonvild, my wife is there, I thought she might like to meet up for an exchange...there be dragoooons.

Sergio: Down for whatever, as long as it's on the way. I'll ask Basel the next time I sleep. (Hops on Leo Stake is a bat, they take off in a dynamic closeup from the side.)

Episode 6

(At camp at night. Sergio is about to pass out, Stake is awake. Sergio is resting on Leo. Stake looks at a small heart locket. The picture is of his wife, she winks and smooches. He smiles adoringly. She then picks up a small rat, and drains it's blood with her fangs. Stake does the same thing. The rat squirms and then goes limp. Sergio looks at him with his eyebrow raised. Stake tosses the rat aside and pours himself a glass of wine, then pours Sergio one. Stakes wife drinks wine in the picture frame. Some drizzles down her cheek.

Sergio: Ooh, thiz wine izz ztrong. (Passes out).

(Basel appears in a spiral in Sergio's dream. He has a baby pet dragon. He is feeding him an omelet).

Basel: Hello my boy! It seems you are on your way to Dragonvild, where you will enjoy food, drink, and many a dragon like this little tired tyke. (Feeds him omelet). The whole town is dedicated to dragon preservation, hence the ancient architecture *reminiscent of gaudi* and abundance of gold. Keep in mind Stake is a sex slave to his wife so they will be in bed almost the whole time. So build capital while you are there. I suggest you join the dragon racing league, with your experience riding dragons as a child you should be a shoo-in. So shoo!

(Leo stirs, awakening Sergio. As usual, the fire is out, Stake is asleep amongst a pile of dead rats. Sergio opens a can of beans and puts some steak and eggs on the griddle).

(The scent drifts into Stake's nostrils Snif! Followed by Sss! He's awake.)

Stake: Can I have some?

Sergio: Nah, can't. (Serves him up a dish)

Stake: If you say I can.

(A small gnome comes and sits by the fire.)

Small gnome: Mah!

(Stake serves up some eggs on a plate to the gnome and licks his teeth with a smile. Travel scene through the forest. As usual Stake is a bat. They approach the town on a hillside. The scene overlooks the town. When they arrive at the gates, they are greeted by butterflies. Serge approaches a dragon rental. Stake goes to find his wife. There are several dragons in disrepair in a pen and one handsome stud.)

Sergio: Hey there, how much for this handsome stud?

Clerk: Actually that one is a girl.

(Leo purrs).

Clerk: She'll cost you approximately 15 quid a day plus tax. You're already insured with the umbrella insurance, but you won't need it. That one there knows what she's doing. (Points and winks). We'll include a manual on how to feed her, a leash, and a saddle. She's very friendly. She eats mostly fruit that is native to the land. Any experience handling or riding dragons?

Sergio: Yes when I was very young until I was a teen.

Clerk: Then this will come naturally to you. She regularly races in the minor dragon racing league but this is her off season. So don't you dare race her or it'll be your head.

Sergio: (Smiles). I wouldn't dream of it. (Puts fifteen coin down on the table. One of them spins).

(Stake is walking along a cobblestone street. He is alone. He arrives at his wife's residence. It is a tall Gaudi-esque villa. The placard near the door reads “Chateau d'omnivore.” He rings the doorbell, which sounds like a screech. The door opens and a woman's arm reaches out and pulls him in. He has one dozen roses behind his back. The door shuts. His wife stands before him, one arm up and one arm down in a long dress).

Stakes wife (Vive): Here I am!

Stake: I haven't seen you in a long time. I got these for you. (Hand is out with bouquet).

Vive: (Takes bouquet smiles with greedy eyes then throws them behind her. She goes in to kiss his neck and puts a hand on his crotch.

Stake: (Looks calm and bashful as she kisses his neck) Oh how I've missed you.

Vive: (Takes his hand) Come to the bedroom, I've got a lot to show you.

(Back to Sergio)

(Sergio stands in front of a banner that reads “Dragon Racing Major League Tryouts Today.”)

Clerk of the course: Alright, you've made the cut. What's your dragon's name?

Sergio: T

Clerk of the course: Well then we'll see you and T next day of the Sun. Be prepared because the Marauders from the middle east are coming to town.

(Back to Stake)

(Stake and Vive are making love in a bed that looks like it belongs in a castle. She orgasms.)

Vive: “Ooooohhhhh!” (We see her “O” face) I'm cuming, hard!

Stake: Me too, my love.

(She leans in to kiss his mouth).

Vive: I've missed your sperm.

(Stake and Vive cuddle in each other's arms).

Vive: I've got new stationary. It's cool I'll write you a note.

Stake: I'd like to read it sometime. Perhaps I need to check on Sergio and his dragon quest.

Vive: I'll strangle you if you do.

(Stake smiles). Mmhmm, sure you will.

Vive: Or maybe I'll write Pavel a note. You know, just to apologize.

Stake: Mmhmm, sure you do.

Vive: So how did you like our rape?

Stake: Well, I sure did have fun raping the girl from the ville--

Vive: Maybe I'll rape the bard, he plays guitar. In fact I already did. He has a humongous-- (bites her lip)

Stake: Eh, no. That was just his fantasy. Let it all be a dream.

Vive: I'd rape you.

Stake: No, we'd make love.

Vive: Like we just did. I need a snack.

Stake: I'll fix you one. Fruit, with a cup of.

Vive: Dragon blood.

Stake: K. Be back in 5.

(Cut to Sergio. He is in a field with a dragon. In the distance a stranger who is female plays fetch with her dragon using a large bone).

(Leo rubs against Sergio and runs to catch a field mouse).

Sergio: Ok, T, to win this race we're gonna need a little cooperation. (Tries to mount her. She roars and spits a ball of flame). Okay really, I cannot.

The dragon from across the way runs into their camp and catches a bone knocking into Touloula. They flit).

Girl from dragon camp: Hey over there! I apologize for my dragon. Having trouble with yours? Here's what you do. Take the tip of your finger and prick it then place a drop of your blood in the dragon's eye. See what happens! (She winks and takes bone from dragon).

(Sergio frowns. Takes out knife from sheath and pricks finger. He calmly takes Touloula's bridle and squeezes a drop of blood into her eye. Her pupil dialates all black then it squeezes back to a slender half crescent.

T: Mango.

Sergio: You want a mango?

T: Yess pleasse. I will be your mizztrezz.

Sergio: Hey now, slow down. I'll go find you some fruit. How bout an apple?

T: I'd prefer a Mango. (Burps a flame). It helps me concentrate.

(Leo comes over with a mango in her mouth, and drops the mango at his feet. Then goes to play with field mouse.

Girl From dragoncamp: Here boy! (Tosses bone).

Sergio: Okay, let's see what you can do. T, go get it! (Throws mango into the air, and without a moments notice T leaps into flight and chomps at the mango. T lands on ground softly. Whump! Girl from dragon camp claps). Good job, T!

(Back to Vive's bedroom).

Freshening up in mirror in bathrobe.

Vive: Oooh my fangs are so sharp. Ladadee, ladada. (Spritzes perfume on neck). We see a bat at the window sill. Then two. (Vive sees in the mirror over her shoulder, then drops perfume. The perfume breaks. Smash)!

(More bats fly to the balcony rail. There are now ten).

Vive: (In shock). Gasp!

Two bats turn into vampires on the balcony

Vive: Pavel!

Pavel: Steal your gold...WIFE! (Smashes door with cane).

Stake: (Bursts through the door. He is nude. He drops the tray and wine).

Vive: (Grabs dagger from the dresser).

Stake: (Runs in front of Vive). (To her): Stay back! (Equips cane and draws a fiery blade). Stay away from me!

Pavel: Hisss!

(The bats on the window sill leave in a flurry.) Scurry!

Stake: (To Vive): Go to the other room! I'll handle them.

Vive: We'll fight them...(Dagger turns into a torch) Together.

Pavel: Come, now my dear, don't do anything too hasty.

Vive: Die! (She jumps through the air dagger in hand).

Pavel: (Sidesteps. Crack! He uses the handle of his blade to hit the base of her neck).

Vive: (Winces and cries in pain).

Stake: Vive! (He lunges and catches Pavel on the arm with his blade). Yaaah!

Pavel: (Holding arm). Kisssss your wife...GOODBYE! (Throws high kick which Stake guards).

Stake: Knees Pavel in the groin.

Vampire 2: (Grabs Vive and holds her unconscious body underneath her arms. He has a knife to her neck). Stay back! I'll kill her if you move.

Stake: You wouldn't.

Vampire 2: I will too! Try me! (Presses blade to her neck).

Pavel: Stake, she's not your wife. She's a vampire now, not an elf. You would be too if you started acting like one. We'll hold on to this one until you get your act together. This is for the time oh I dunno, you cut off my head? Oh, and do bring me the amulet, it is also oursss! Meet us at Chateau d'Ormsby by 5, the day you were wed.

(Vampire 2 backs up onto the balcony with Vive. Eight vampire bats lift Vive by the arms and carry her from the balcony. They all leave in a flurry).

Vampires: She's our familyyyy! What a rapist! They captured it in crystal!

Stake: Noooooooooooooooooooooo. (Looks down

#grimes #Tristan Chase Arcelona

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