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#tom stinger jardian
thatsrightice · 6 months
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I’VE GOT A FIRE AND ITS PISSING ME OFF!!!
But everytime I try to make progress on my fic, a new inaccuracy decides to pop up onto my radar. And I’m at a standstill until I fix it like I can’t just worry about it later because it’s going to bother me too much.
My problem right now is this guy:
Commander Tom “Stinger” Jardian
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They NEVER specify his role and who he is in terms of what he’s in charge of, but we know he’s a Commander because of those nifty little maple leaf-lookin things on his collar. It’s implied he’s the CAG, Commander of the Carrier Air Wing and basically in charge of all the aircraft squadrons on the carrier, but typically CAGs are at the rank of Captain (one above Commander). Each squadron in the Carrier Air Wing has a Squadron commanding officer, not to be confused with the Commanding Officer who’s in charge of the entire aircraft carrier and its different departments. Now the confusing part is the CO and the CAG are basically on the same level, they work together rather than one reporting to the other and as such they are both typically Captains.
BUT STINGER ISN’T A CAPTAIN, HES A COMMANDER. So is he the CAG or is he Maverick’s Squadron CO who reports to the CAG????
Now I have to decide if I fix his rank and make him CAG, leave it as is despite it being wrong, or make him the squadron CO(least likely, he’s too large and in-charge).
I’m more inclined to leave which makes this rant pretty much null and void but the fact I have to make a decision is infuriating. Tell me there are people who relate to navigating the military inaccuracies in this movie????
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callsign-dexter · 10 months
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Light of His Life
Request: Hi I just wanted to say that you are an amazing writer!!!
I recently read the one with Mav and his sleepy toddler at a navy ball and it sparked a new idea.
It said in the fic that the reader was a product of a one night stand so can we have a story on Mav's first time meeting her/ first night she stays with him/his reaction to the mother leaving/ him deciding he is going to keep the reader.thank you for considering and this is 100% your choice!!!!!! :)
Pairings: Maverick x Daughter!Reader
Warnings: angst, fluff
A/N: I wanna say happy birthday to one my dearest friends @maverick-wingman! I hope you have a good one! Love you so much! 💗
A/N Pt. 2: I did everything except the mother leaving. I hope that's ok.
Masterlist
First Installment: Light of His Life
Second Installment: Maverick is a dad?
Third Installment: Crossing Paths
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Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell became a father on August 3, 1987. He wasn't planning on having kids at least not yet but when you go around having fun with every lady you see then consequences will catch up. His thoughts of not having kids were changed when there was a knock on the door bright and early Monday morning. He was already awake due to his internal alarm clock waking him up, he didn't have to go to work since it was raining and all jets were grounded until further notice. He walked to the door and opened it to be greeted by a woman in business casual clothing and a car seat in her hand, files in the other, and a diaper bag on her shoulder. She had her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and very light makeup on.
"Are you Pete Mitchell? I'm Avery Timber with CPS." The lady whose name he learned was Avery Timber.
"Yes I'm Pete Mitchell but please call me Maverick. Please come in." He replied and she smiled and stepped through the door.
"Of course. Callsign right?" She asked him.
"Yes that's right. Navy?" Maverick asked her and she shook her head no.
"I'm not in the Navy but my dad is a Naval Aviator." Avery said and that sparked Maverick's attention.
"Oh, what's his name?" He asked curiously trying to be friendly and nosy at the same time.
"Tom Jardian. Callsign Stinger." She replied and Maverick paled but quickly recovered before she notice since she was busy getting everything situated and putting the bag on the ground.
"Oh he was my higher commanding officer. You don't have the same last name?" He asked her she smiled and looked at him and shook her head.
"I got married, and my last name changed to Timber. Don't worry he hasn't said anything about you that will change this outcome." Avery said, and Maverick nodded glad about the part of him not saying anything. "Anyways I'm here because of this little girl." She said and stroked the sleeping baby's head.
Maverick finally got over his shock and nervousness when he looked over at the sleeping baby girl. "Right. Who is this cutie?" He asked now curious of her. He has a feeling of what the answer was going to be since some CPS agent was bringing her to him.
"She doesn't have a name yet. The hospital was just calling her Jane Doe. Her mother, Layla Kyler, gave up parenting rights as soon as she was born. She's a well-behaved and quiet baby." She said and watched Maverick's face fall. "I assume you know her." She continued.
"Yes. I had slept with her one night and left the next morning. We never contacted each other after that." Maverick said looking at the baby and he could now see that she looked exactly like him already, especially with having thick dark locks.
"Well, this makes it a little bit easier. Maverick meet your daughter. She's a week old. She stayed in the hospital so that they could monitor her while we tracked you down, which was somewhat hard to do." Avery told him with a giggle and a smile. Maverick smiled back still looking at the little girl that was now his. "If you don't believe this we can get a DNA test done but that is totally up to you." She finished and Maverick shook his head.
"No, I believe it. She has the Mitchell looks." He said and stroked the little girl's cheek which she leaned into.
"Right. Ok. I'm assuming you don't have any baby stuff." Avery said and Maverick nodded. "Do you need someone to go with you?" She asked and Maverick shook his head.
"No I have a friend that should have some extra stuff available. I'll have them stop by and bring it when we're done here." Maverick said and Avery nodded accepting it.
"Sounds perfect. Here are the copies of when Layla gave up parental rights," she laid a stack of papers in front of her "here is her birth certificate you will need to name her and I'll take it to the courthouse and have them send you a copy" she laid it on top of the stack "and finally papers for you to sign so you have full custody." She finished and handed him a pen which he gladly signed then got to the birth certificate and immediately knew what to name her 'Y/N Grace Mitchell'. After he signed the papers she got up collected the papers she needed and held out a hand for him to shake and they shook hands. "If you have any problems or questions or advice, give me a call." Avery said and handed him a business card.
"Thank you, Avery. Tell your dad I said hi." He chuckled showing her the door and opening it for her. She turned to him.
"You are very welcome, Maverick. I will certainly tell him that. Goodbye, and good luck." She said with a smile and walked out the door, he closed it and turned to the baby who was now awake and looking at him.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Alright, now time to call Carole and Goose and pray they have Bradley's old baby stuff. He took out his phone and hesitated to call but had to get it over with. He dialed her number and she picked up on the second ring.
"Maverick what's up?" Carole asked him when she answered the phone.
"Hey, Carole. Do you happen to have Bradley's old baby stuff by any chance?" Maverick asked. There was a heavy pause.
"We do. Why?" She asked curiously, again another pause.
"I have someone that you all need to meet. But bring Bradley's old stuff. I'll see you when you get here." Maverick said.
"We'll see you soon." She said and hung up.
30 minutes later they showed up and like promised they had Bradley's old stuff including a crib. They knocked on the door and Maverick picked Y/N up and walked to the door and opened it. Everyone was silent.
"Maverick did you steal a baby?" Goose said and Maverick scoffed.
"No Goose she's mine." He replied, "This is why I wanted to see if you had Bradley's old stuff." Maverick said and Carole made grabby hands towards her and Maverick happily gave her over. They walked into the house and went and sat down at the table.
"Well, she's adorable! What's her story?" Carole said while Y/N looked at her through Bradshaw family in curiously.
"Goose do you remember a Layla Kyler?" He asked him and Goose stood there and thought.
"Yea she's the girl you took home 9 months ago and left in the morning...." and when he saw Maverick's face he knew. "No this is her and your kid?" Goose exclaimed.
"Yes and she gave up parental rights at the hospital. They kept her for a week there making sure she was healthy and to track me down." Maverick said.
"So are you going to keep her?" Bradley asked they looked at him and Maverick smiled and nodded.
"I wasn't at first but then I stroked her cheek and she leaned into me I knew right then and there she was staying." Maverick said turning his attention onto his daughter. It was true he already loved that little with his heart. They ate lunch, talked more, held Y/N more, and then Maverick and Goose decided to put her nursery together.
They talked more and Y/N was passed around and even Bradley got to hold her, which she immediately took to. Bradley and Carole stayed with Y/N while Goose and Maverick set up her nursery which should've taken a few minutes but with them two it took several hours.
Finally, after 6 hours, everything was set up. While they were doing that Carole and Bradley put away the baby food and refrigerator baby food as well as fed Y/N. Goose and Maverick came downstairs.
"Took you boys long enough." Carole said in a sarcastic tone and handed Maverick his daughter.
"Well, we had some difference of opinions." Goose said to them.
"Well, it's getting late. We should get going. Maverick you can call me anytime. Everything is put away." Carole said ushering the Bradshaw boys out the door to give father and daughter time to bond. Maverick wanted to protest and started to when she spoke back up "You'll be fine. We're only two doors down." She finished off.
They left and it was just Maverick and Y/N who was looking at him and smiling. Maverick looked at her and smiled back. He truly did love this girl.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
When it was bedtime, Maverick was a nervous wreck. He had called Carole and she walked him through changing a diaper, fixing a bottle, and putting her down. Now when people say some babies are easy, Y/N is the definition of an easy baby. OK.
"Ok Y/N. We're going to have a goodnight and I'll be here the entire time." Maverick said and she just looked at him. He sat in the rocking chair and rocked her she fussed a little bit but fell asleep pretty quickly. While she was asleep he confessed a lot of things. "Listen I know you're asleep right now and you not going to remember or understand this. I love you, baby. At first, I didn't know if wanted to keep you but then you leaned into my touch and I knew right then and there I was keeping you. Alright, I'm gonna put you down and hope you don't wake up. I love you, Sunshine." Maverick poured out his heart. He put her in her crib gently.
Maverick did not get any sleep that night and he slept on the floor so he could check on her throughout the night. She was the perfect angel.
The next morning he was up early and called Viper and Jester and explained the situation and they gave him as much time as he needed. Y/N woke up and Maverick picked her up "Hello there, Sunshine." She giggled back at him and they headed into the kitchen. They each got something to eat and went about their day.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
They got a routine down that they could follow. They had a good first week together. It also helped that he had Carole just two doors down. When he had to go back to work Y/N stayed with Carole and Bradley during the day. Y/N really loves Bradley even if they were 3 years apart.
Maverick was definitely keeping her. No doubt about that. Avery called in to check on both of them.
Maverick finally had sunshine in his life. He was finally whole. Y/N is the light of his life.
Tag List:
@kmc1989
@els-marvelvsp
@atarmychick007
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foxyanon · 1 year
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AI Masterlist 1:
A Song of Ice and Fire:
King Aegon I Targaryen
Prince Aegon II Targaryen
FAegon/Young Griff
Prince Aemond Targaryen
King Aenys I Targaryen
Alys Rivers
Bran Stark
Lord Corlys Velaryon
Daemon Blackfyre
Prince Daemon Targaryen
Ellaria Sand
Gendry Waters/Baratheon
Gwenys Rivers
Prince Jacaerys Velaryon
Lady Laena Velaryon
Lord Cregan Stark
Lord Eddard Stark
Prince Lucerys Velaryon
King Maegor Targaryen
Lady Mya Rivers
Prince Oberyn Martell
Ser Podrick Payne
Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen
Queen Rhaenys Targaryen
Princess Rhaenys Targaryen
Ser Sandor Clegane
Ser Aegon Rivers/Bittersteel
Ser Arthur Dayne
Ser Barristan Selmy
Ser Bronn of The Blackwater
Ser Brynden Rivers/Bloodraven
Ser Harwin Strong
Ser Jorah Mormont
Lady Sheira Seastar
Queen Visenya Targaryen
Lady Yara Greyjoy
The Last Kingdom:
Aethelflaed
Finan
Osferth
Sigtryggr
Sihtric
Uhtred
Wednesday:
Ajax Petropolus
Enid Sinclair
Tyler Galpin
Wednesday Addams
Xavier Thorpe
Spartacus:
Agron
Crixus
Gannicus
Ilithyia
Lucretia
Naevia
Spartacus
Shadow & Bone:
Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling
Alina Starkov
Baghra Morozova
Inej Ghafa
Jesper Fahey
Kaz Brekker
Malyen Orestev
Matthias Helvar
Nikolai Lantsov
Nina Zenik
Genya Safin
Wylan Van Eck
Peaky Blinders:
Arthur Shelby Jr
John Shelby
Thomas Shelby
Top Gun/Top Gun Maverick:
Beau Simpson/Cyclone
Bernie Coleman/Hondo
Bill Cortell/Cougar
Billy Avalone/Fritz
Bradley Bradshaw/Rooster
Brigham Lennox/Harvard
Callie Bassett/Halo
Charles Piper/Chipper
Charlotte Blackwood/Charlie
Chester Cain/Hammer
Jake Serensin/Hangman
Javy Machado/Coyote
Leonard Wolfe/Wolfman
Logan Lee/Yale
Marcus Williams/Sundown
Mickey Garcia/Fanboy
Mike Metcalf/Viper
Natasha Trace/Phoenix
Neil Vikander/Omaha
Nick Bradshaw/Goose
Penelope Benjamin/Penny
Pete Mitchell/Maverick
Reuben Fitch/Payback
Rick Heatherly/Jester
Rick Nevan/Hollywood
Robert Floyd/Bob
Ron Kerner/Slider
Sam Wells/Merlin
Solomon Bates/Warlock
Tom Jardian/Stinger
Tom Kazansky/Iceman
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whiskeyswriting · 1 year
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Are We Worth Fighting For?
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When she woke up, Jade was an anxious mess. Today she would be finding out if her application and skills were enough to make her one of the famed Blue Angels. She felt bad keeping it a secret from Rachael and Tom. Nobody else but Ron knew of her dream. She couldn’t keep her breakfast down so she just stuck to a peppermint tea. 
Before she headed to work, she had to go to a doctor’s appointment. This was another thing that had increased her anxiety and worry. Her drive to the doctor’s office went by fast. However, time slowed once she sat with the doctor. 
Everything faded away.
Colors and light dulled. 
Thoughts racing.
Her whole world shifted and she was left sitting trying to process it all. Jade was grateful that Rachael and Scarlet would be waiting to pick her up and take her to the base.  
The words just kept replaying in her head. “The chances for any viable pregnancy are at less than 1%. The risk of miscarriage increases if you do end up pregnant. There’s also an increased risk of death if the pregnancy lasts a full term.”
After some minutes of stunned silence, the doctor calls for Rachael and Scarlet to help Jade to her car. They can tell that it’s not good news that Jade received. When she sees them, she can’t even bring herself to say the words. She only shakes her head.
Once she makes it to the base, she goes to see the Admirals, after she has a mini breakdown in the locker room. 
Rachael hears her and takes a few minutes to comfort her. “Maybe you’ll one day adopt a lot of younger aviators and show them how things are done. They’ll make you so proud too. And… You’ll be a blue angel babe. You’re one of the most deserving and patient pilots I’ve ever met… And I know a lot!”
Jade straightens her uniform after her pep-talk with Rachael and makes it to Commander Jardian’s office. They chat and catch up for a few minutes before he gets serious.
“Lieutenant Rogers. We are very pleased to inform you that you are one of the new team members of the Blue Angels… Before you join them… The admirals in Pensacola requested you for a 4-month deployment.”
Jade lets the emotions get the better of her for a brief moment. She exited Stinger’s office after a few minutes and went to the hangar to check over her plane.
Once again her thoughts were racing all over the place. Yes she got the news she wished for. But she wouldn’t be able to have the one thing she desired most. She knew Ron has been wanting kids. They had already even had the conversation of how many kids they would have, and the names they would give them. But now, how can she tell him that she’ll never be able to give him that?
*****
They always say there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes the light is your cue to exit the dreams and life you were in. Other times it’s someone else’s happy news and a happy change in their life. 
Jade reaches the O Club after a long day. Her first stop is the restroom to freshen up a bit. Once she’s done, she walks over to Slider and Iceman. “Hey, guys.” Jade doesn't notice at first the woman that was talking to Ron with her hand on his bicep. She clears her throat to announce her arrival. “Tom… Where’s Rachael?” 
At hearing Jade, Ron gives a small jump back. “Jade… You’re here… Wasn’t expecting you.”
“Why wouldn’t I come?”
“Ron… Who is this?” the other woman asks. 
“Rosalyn, this is my girlfriend Jade… Jade this is my-”
“I’m his wife.”
“Ex-wife,” Tom immediately clarifies.
“Nice to meet you Rosaly-” Jade starts but the other woman turns away from her and turns back to Ron. 
“Can we meet at our old spot? I want her to meet you.” 
Ron nods nervously, but excitedly. “Yeah. I’d like to meet her too.”
Jade just observes them and remains quiet to not cause a scene. Inside the anger was rolling like thunder, but her career was on the line so kept a tight hold on it. An hour later, the two were still talking and would not include her in the conversation. “Tom… I’m just going to take a cab home. Let him know once he’s done.”
******
The hours pass and Slider doesn’t go home. 
Soon, the sun is shining in through the window and Jade wakes up alone. Around 8:00 am, her phone rings.
“Hey Whisk…” Scarlet’s soothing voice comes over the phone. “Don’t worry. Goose brought Slider home with him. He got drunk and tried to drive home… I can pass by later with tea and scones for us.” 
“Yeah…” she says softly. “Scarlet… Don’t tell Goose about what I told you from my doctor’s appointment… Not yet at least.” 
“Oh love I won’t. I know you need to take your time with it.”
As the morning passes, Jade cleans up the apartment and starts putting in a box for donations small things she secretly started buying for a future baby. Soon, Scarlet and Rachael arrive with the promised sweets and drinks. 
It’s not until two hours later that Goose arrives with a hungover Slider. The girls take their leave as Jade starts preparing him his usual hangover cure. 
“Just stop Jade… Stop being a show-off and being so responsible. Just… Listen we’ll talk about last night when I get back. I have to go meet Rosalyn,” he says in a rush before he starts to  leave, without a kiss goodbye. 
“Ron… I leave for Florida tonight… I’m getting deployed for four months…”
“We’ll talk!” He calls over his shoulder as he closes the front door.
Jade takes a shuddering breath and packs her bag for deployment and goes to get her passport. She realizes that she needs a few more things so she heads out to the store.
******
Jade walks into their shared apartment only to find some luggage packed up by the front door and Slider’s duffel bag on top. She walks to their room and finds him there. “So that’s it? Were you hoping I would be gone on deployment so that you could leave our home without talking to me?”
“What does it matter? You won’t be here… You’re better than everyone else.” The stench of beer rolls off of him.
“What are you talking about Slider?” She asks in confusion.
“You! You embarrassed me in front of Rosalyn last night!”
“I embarrassed you? ME? The one you ignored all night... The one that never knew you had a wife!? I’m the one that embarrassed you?” She starts yelling. 
“You caused a scene by leaving without telling me!” 
“Fuck you, Ron. I told you and you waved me off. I guess I’m nobody next to the supermodel that is Roselyn.”
“Yeah well, at least she gave me something you haven’t given me yet. A daughter.” 
His words feel like a punch and searing stab to her lungs. Her chest starts aching with sadness, desperation, and longing for a baby. He doesn’t know she can’t give him what he wants. He never gave her the chance to tell him the day before.
She focuses again on what he’s saying. “... Just because you’re a girl! You got picked over Tom and me for Pensacola! It should have been us to get picked for that deployment. Hell, even Mav and Goose! But not you! You weren’t even in third place in the Top Gun class.”
Jade is too in pain to continue arguing. She heads to the bedroom to get her bags. She leaves him a letter she wrote the day before on the bed telling him how much she couldn’t wait to marry him one day. While it was never the easiest thing to do, she left, with Tom and Rachael, an envelope with her goodbye letter to him.  
******
Time passes and soon it’s been three months since Jade was deployed. Ron moved back into the apartment for the time being. They would talk about them when she returned.
The loud and incessant knocking on his door wakes him from his current drunken stupor. “Slider! Open up!”
Iceman’s voice comes through the door. “Damn it Sli!” He uses the spare key Dragon had for the apartment and enters. He finds Slider falling back asleep on the sofa. Ice pours water on Slider to get him to wake up.
“I’ve been calling you! We gotta go now!” Ice rubs his hands over his face. “Ron…. It’s Jade… Her… Her plane got shot down. Search and rescue can’t find her.”
Ron’s whole world stops at those words. The last time he saw her, she left for her deployment believing he didn’t have faith in her skills. She’s gone and he never got the chance to apologize in person for the words he said.
--
The Usual Suspects: @altierirose @askmarinaandothers @bayisdying @breadsquash @callmemana @callsignscupcake @callsignthirsty @cycbaby @dragon-kazansky @gracespicybradshaw
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bearsinpotatosacks · 8 months
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Memories are Nature's Picture - Whumptober2023
He kissed her shoulder, laying his head on it as he felt the void crack open. Tears seeped out, hot on his face as he wrapped his arms around her waist like she was a teddy bear. That Navy atmosphere, one of trying to be the best and keeping your emotions in like holding your breathe dissipated. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to get to know the baby, put his head on her belly and swear he could hear them growing.
For day 8 of @whumptober . Also on AO3. Contains mentions and aftermath of Carole having a miscarriage so be warned.
Words: 2601
The sun going down over the water was a breathtaking sight. Out in the Indian Ocean with the sunset sending sparkles of pink, purple and orange as far as the eye could see really made these long days worth it, just a little. He’d take a picture, he knew Carole loved to keep them in her scrapbook, but some things were just better with the naked eye. Memories were nature’s picture after all right?
There was also something refreshing he loved about the sea air that meant he’d often sneak out to the deck when not on duty. A tingle in his nose as the cold hit him. Sea salt smells filling his nostrils as he watched the clouds stretch across the sky. His hands were getting cold now but he didn’t care, not yet at least, that boat was too hot at the best of times and a little cold was greatly appreciated. 
“Lieutenant Bradshaw!” Came a call behind him. 
He rose to attention and turned to see Commander Tom “Stinger” Jardian waiting for him in the doorway. With a nod, he knew to follow him inside, back to the artificial lighting of the boat and stuffy, sweat filled air. 
“Personal call for you, from your wife,” He said, leading him to where the officer’s phones were.
They didn’t get allocated time to talk to family per week like he’d thought. That was saved for when they were on leave and boy did he look forward to it. The time difference was strange, it was hard to know what time it was at home when you were in the middle of a strange country, surrounded by another language, sometimes Carole would be in the middle of cooking or be groggy from sleep. But he’d never had a call when on the ship before.
“She seemed a little shaken up when she called, so be prepared.”
He handed the receiver to Goose and nodded, walking away. He knew to be prepared because anyone calling the Satellite phone had to have a good reason. Calls on these things were expensive, so anyone actually calling the ship directly, instead of writing it in a letter or sending on a message through some other method, must have a good reason. 
Holding the phone to his ear, he heard the crackly sound of Carole’s voice on the other end. “Nick? Nicky is that you?”
She was using his real name, not his callsign, that wasn’t good. 
“Yeah, I’m here, honey, the connection’s not the best, you’re a little crackly.”
“But you can hear me?”
“Yeah, of course I can,” he said, leaning against the wall. “What’s wrong?”
She sniffed, not answering straight away. A tight feeling grew in his gut. 
“Baby, what’s wrong?” He said, more alarmed this time. “You can tell me, come on.”
A beat went past. Goose spotted Mav, Cougar and Merlin in the background. They saw the phone in his hand and their pleasant expressions dropped. 
“Could you get emergency leave for a few days? Family leave, whatever it’s called?”
He paused for a second, not knowing where this was going. “Yeah, probably if there was a good enough reason.” Then added. “Why?”
She sniffed again, a quiet sob buzzed through the receiver. Then she uttered four words he’d been dreading since this deployment started. “I lost the baby.”
His face dropped, froze in time as everything seemed to get further away. It was like he was going down the drop of a rollercoaster, all his organs floating, stomach turning over and body sinking into the floor. 
“What?”
“I was bleeding a little this morning so I went to the hospital and they confirmed it,” she said, her voice cracking again as she began to sob.
He tried to focus as he listened to her cry. She’d told him she was pregnant in a letter just six weeks ago and they were over the moon. Bradley was getting to the right age where they were thinking of having another kid anyway, and this was the perfect time, or it seemed like it before this phone call. 
“Wait, so where are you now? I just wanna make sure you’re not alone right now.”
She whimpered, he got the feeling that it wouldn’t matter how many people she was around right now, she’d still feel alone. 
“I’m still at the hospital, they’re gonna observe me overnight, Mom and Dad are here too.”
“And Bradley?”
“He’s with my sister for the night.”
They went quiet. The low crackling of the phone line filled the silence as they both struggled to articulate what they were feeling. How could you when you were thousands of miles apart and both experiencing unimaginable heartbreak?
“Look, you go and rest up, I’ll talk to Captain Greene and see what I can do,”
“And you’re sure you’ll be able to get some time off?”
“I think so, I mean it’s the Navy so I can’t make any promises-” he heard her whimper again, so he quickly added. “But I know he has a wife and kid so I’m sure he’ll understand, right?”
“Yeah, how long will it take you to get back?”
“I’m not sure, a day or two? I’ll call you when I’m back on dry land I promise.”
“Okay.”
He would do anything to crawl through the phone and give her a hug right now. Wrap her up in his arms so they could cry together in private. Aircraft carriers were claustrophobic places were news travelled fast, he didn’t know if he wanted to be around so many people when his wife had just lost their ten week old baby in the womb.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
He listened to the phone crackle and eventually stop as she hung up the phone. For a second, he lay his hands on the wall and took a few deep breaths. Ten minutes ago he was happy as a clam, now he felt like he’d sank to the bottom of the deep blue ocean and gave up swimming. 
Mav, who’d moved closer at some point, placed a hand on his shoulder and watched as Goose tried not to cry with all his might. He knew he didn’t have to hide around him but couldn’t let go now, not yet. 
“What-”
“Carole, she, er, had a, er, she had a miscarriage.” The words felt thick in his throat as he said them.
Mav didn’t say anything. Goose realised that Merlin and Cougar were still at the end of corridor. He met eyes with Bill for a second and felt eased by the understanding he could see in the slump in his shoulders and downward gaze of his head. His wife, Jayne, was pregnant, the fear that she’d lose a life he hadn’t had a chance to watch grow yet was reflected in his eyes.
“Shit.”
“Yeah,” Goose sniffed. “Shit.”
“You gonna talk to Captain Greene about it?”
“Yeah, I’ve got some leave saved up, I could visit for a few days, at least right now, it’s what she needs,” It’s what I need, he didn’t add. 
Pete just nodded. He didn’t need to offer to come, they were gelled well enough that he knew that right now, Goose needed to be alone with Carole. He also didn’t know if they’d class your RIO’s wife having a miscarriage as an emergency for him.
“I better get going, I don’t know how long this is going to take and I need to-” He stopped as he felt the spike in his nose that warned off tears overflowing. “I need to get back to her, Mav.”
He just nodded, patting his arm again and letting him head up to the Captain’s office so he could beg for a few days to grieve with his wife. 
~~~
His hands shook as the taxi stopped outside their small house. It was windy today, overcast skies and no one on the streets. Late afternoon on a Sunday usually meant that no one was doing anything. He paid the fare and grabbed his weekend bag, hopping out the car and holding his breath as he approached his own front door. 
Taking a deep breath, he still didn’t feel any better being at home. Actually, he wasn’t feeling much of anything. The only thing he’d been feeling was a internal homing beacon to get back to Carole, now he was here, there was just a void of anything really. 
The doorbell played its jingle and soon he was met with the sight of Carole’s mum at the door. She ushered him in, the sound of an old black and white movie playing on the television as he caught a glance of her dad and Bradley sitting on the sofa. By the soft rumbling sound, Carole’s dad had fallen asleep.
“You came!” She said, pulling him into a hug that made it hard to breathe.
He could smell something cooking, the sound of bubbling made him think it was soup. In the past twenty-four hours he’d only eaten airport food, so something homemade made him realise how hungry he was. 
“How is she?” 
Her happiness to see him dropped back to what must have been the mood since all of this happened. How must she feel? To find out your daughter was pregnant again and to find out she’d lost it in the same day?
“You know, distraught, she’s in the bath now, trying to wash the hospital scent off her, bless her,” she looked toward the direction of the stairs and sighed. “It’s been a long few days.”
He stroked her arm and nodded. “I only managed to get three days starting now, and that’s with a bit more of a generous Captain.”
“At least you’ve managed to get some time off, she’ll really appreciate it.”
He appreciated it too. They’d both been excited about Carole being pregnant again. Nick had been the only one not there when his own wife was losing their unborn child. He held his tongue.
Placing his bag down, he went to go into the living room to say ‘Hi’ to Bradley, they couldn’t neglect the child they did have just because they’d lost another one, only to see him fast asleep on his grandad’s lap. The film must not be that interesting.
“I’ll go straight up to her.” No point in delaying the inevitable.
The stairs creaked as he walked up. He took a second to strip off his clothes and put on the dressing gown Carole had gotten him last Christmas. There were certain comforts that made him really miss home, this was one of them. Aircraft carriers were dirty places full of testosterone, no place for fluffy slippers and falling asleep in front of the television on a Sunday evening. 
She wasn’t humming like she usually did when she went for a bath. The radio wasn’t on and no scent of candles being burnt. This wasn’t a ‘treat yourself’ kind of bath.
He rapped his hand on the door. “Honey, I’m here.”
She didn’t reply.
“Can I come in?”
A beat, a moment of thought, then. “Yeah.”
There were bubbles in the bath at least, she was slumped down, hiding in them as she let herself soak. He didn’t say anything as he took off his dressing down, hanging it on the back of the door before climbing in behind her. She slumped down into him, her body being supported by his as his legs enclosed her. 
He kissed her forehead as her body fully weakened. Her eyes closed, he felt her breath on his collarbone as he stroked her arms, eventually following them down to hold her hands were they sat over her stomach. Two days ago there was hope growing in there, now nothing. 
“How long have you got?” She whispered, as if something would break if she spoke too loud. 
“Three days.”
“Only three?”
He nodded, kissing her temple again as she turned around and lay so her back was on his chest. Her hands stayed on her stomach, stroking the bare skin and moving the water so it gently hit the sides of the bathtub. 
"I didn't even have a bump." She whispered.
This throat closed up. The void inside him deepened as he got the strange feeling of falling. He was grieving a child he never knew, one he heard about in letters. 
"There's no grave, either, nothing to bury and no scans." She began to shake as she cried. "No scan, no grave, no bump."
"This might as well not have happened! It's all been for nothing!"
He jolted into action. His hands moved to cradle her face as he tried to wipe away the tears. 
"We'll know, though, right?" He said. "We'll know and we'll always know. It doesn't matter what other people do and don't know. This is about us and that baby."
His voice broke when he said baby. It never became a baby, though, did it? It would forever be a foetus who didn't get a name or a sex or a scan. 
"We didn't even get a chance to be excited, you didn't see any of the pregnancy."
He kissed her shoulder, laying his head on it as he felt the void crack open. Tears seeped out, hot on his face as he wrapped his arms around her waist like she was a teddy bear. That Navy atmostphere, one of trying to be the best and keeping your emotions in like holding your breathe dissipated. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to get to know the baby, put his head on her belly and swear he could hear them growing.
"We couldn't even get properly excited, didn't get to argue about names or decor for the bedroom or look for a new house with more bedrooms."
He held her tighter, stroking her skin and feeling the water lapping around them. As much as she needed him as an anchor, he needed her like she was the only thing stopping him from sinking into the water and drowning. 
"We can try again." He blurted out without realising. 
She turned to face him, making his head jolt upwards. Her hands were almost shaking as she brushed his moustache with her thumb. More tears clogged up her red eyes. 
"But we've only just lost this one."
One. Not a baby or child. This one.
"Not now, of course, when we're ready and I'm on leave, we can try, if you want?"
Was it bad that he was already thinking of trying again? She had said that he hadn't experienced any of the pregnancy, was that why? She was the one who had to feel the life in her body end and watch as it came out of her. Dead. 
She fully turned to him, her hands still shaking as she wiped away a tear as it fell down his cheek and got caught in his moustache. He went to apologise but she shook her head. Kissing his cheek, he closed his eyes, felt the warmth of the bath around his body and her hands on his face. 
"When are you on leave?"
"June."
"How long?"
"Not sure, not after this." He opened his eyes. "But I'll try, we'll try again."
He placed his hand on where her's touched his face. It was hope. Not enough to blast away the grief of losing someone he never had, he didn’t want that either, but enough to remind him that the clouds would part. Eventually.
"June 1986, I think I can get there."
I feel like all my top gun whump is just how sad can I make Carole? And the answer is very. Also I wanted to make Goose's death more sad because they were trying for another kid :( . Thanks for reading! @whumptober-archive
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