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#thoughts of relapsing have been more frequent recently to the point where im scared i might soon
x-doom-and-gloom-x
ยท
4 years
Text
Yes Hello i am Stressed
#im scared to move out bc my mom doesnt agree w it. she was all for it until she found out who it was w and then she was like mmm maybe youre
#out of school lmao
#but like i do Not think it will still be avaliblethen
#im also scared its gonna be awkward or im gonna fuc shit up bc of the past
#and like realistically hes prolly just talking to me bc im paying for gas for mcr concert aand at least half if not all of the place we are
#staying im not sure yet i dont remember what we decided
#and im paying for half of rent n such but i just cant shake the feeling that he is going to/already regrets this
#and i have to pay my mom this months rent and my grandma back so i wont have enough for first months rent so
#and im terrified of getting a job and i just want to Die lamo and my dumb brain keeps making me dream of shit id rather not?? ๐๐
#also im nervous bc i think he said theres only 2 bedrroms and one is his and he wants th other to be guest room so i will have my room in
#the living room and last time i had mine in the living room it wasnt good?? i didnt have my own space to get away to and got v oerstimulated
#v quick and i dont want that to happen but i want to agreee to everything he says so he doesnt stop talking to me or change his mind and
#like i just want him to be happy man. this shit is HARd
#kinda wanna kms but then id feel bad bc he woul have to find another roomie and he wouldnt have some1 2 pay 4 gas 4 the concert lmao
#legit the only reason i havent kmsd is bc the mcr concert lmao. i have to wait until may to talk to the doctor about making an appointmnet
#to even start t and i was like oh ahaha im gonna kms but then i was like wait the concert lmaO
#and then i also feel bad bc im my moms rent. im the reason she can live with him right now. once i leave she has to find a job and shes
#already so stressed. i cant live with her bf and i told her that but i feel terrible for moving out. is it always this hard lmao
#thoughts of relapsing have been more frequent recently to the point where im scared i might soon
#self harm mention
#suicide mention
#PLUS some1 died in there and im nervous abt that and i dont have
#i dont remember what it was but it wasnt sage it was just for getting rid of negative shit and keep the good nd sage does both so its not as
#ideal depending on what youre doing lol
#was it palo santo??
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