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erincardenthailandblog · 7 years

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Welcome to adulthood

Today marks 18 weeks that I’ve lived in Thailand and although I feel completely “settled,” everyday I continue to learn more about Thailand, myself, and teaching in general. Despite the fact that I’ve been here for over four months, I still struggle with “feeling” like a teacher. The truth is, some days I do, and some days I don’t. And I’m sure this feeling is not uncommon among new teachers, especially those who have never been professionally trained.

In Thailand, the middle and high school grades are called Mattayom and they range from levels 1 to 6. M1 is equivalent to seventh grade in the U.S (middle school) and M6 is equivalent to high school seniors. Each grade is subdivided according to a standardized test called the ONET which students take before entering M1 and then a second time before entering into M4. Based on the student’s performance on the test, he or she is placed within a range from 1-10, the highest being 1. My M3/9 class is my least favorite class. I often have to put myself in their shoes to keep from pulling my hair out and I try to remind myself of the unfortunate stage of life they are currently stuck in. If I think about my thirteen year old self and my classmates I am reminded of the hunger for attention and the crippling self doubt and self consciousness that often plague most young adolescents. The boys are constantly standing up in the middle of class. They walk around, grab something from another student’s desk, or will even sometimes start kicking around a soccer ball. The girls braid their hair, munch on kanoms (the Thai word for snacks) and stare at themselves with their hand held mirrors while they reapply lipstick. Now that these students have become more comfortable with me, their sass levels of have spiked and so this past week I decided that Friday would be game day and I even brought back kanoms from Chiang Rai to give to them in order to reward good behavior. With the little teacher training we were given during orientation we were told that we should reward good behavior and provide incentives as oppose to focus on punishment for bad behavior.

Aside from this rowdy class Thai students are, for the most part, extremely respectful compared to American students. Unlike in America, in Thailand, teaching is one of the most respected professions. This high level of respect for teachers is seen in various ways. For instance, I have one 8th grade student who loves to help me carry their class’s notebooks from their classroom back to my office. The notebooks are not heavy at all, and sometimes I will only have five in my hand and yet she insists that she help me carry them. I can tell that she enjoys being “teacher’s pet” and gets a thrill from being granted the privilege of entering into the English teachers’ office. There is also always one designated student for each class whose job it is to erase the board before and after class so that it is completely clean when I arrive ready to teach. This came as quite a surprise to me when I first started teaching. Wiping the white board with an eraser is an extremely easy task that takes about thirty seconds, why would this have to be a student’s job? I soon realized that it wasn’t about whether wiping the board was easy or not, it was merely that it showed the teacher respect if the student did it for them. Each class also has a part of the school that they must clean every morning and after school. There is one girl in particular who always comes into the English office and sweeps the floor as we sit at our desks. At first it took me completely off guard but none of the Thai teachers gave her any notice. I felt rather uncomfortable sitting there as she swept under my chair. My first instinct was to stand up and help her but now I am used to it too and sometimes I even find myself oblivious to her presence. While I was uncomfortable before with the idea that a child was essentially cleaning up after me, I have realized that this is a part of the culture here in Thailand, the daily lives of the students are centered around showing respect to their elders and especially their teachers.

While Thailand radiates a very relaxed life style, the students and teachers are rather disciplined. For the teachers this discipline is seen in instances such as morning gate greeting. Every department is responsible for greeting the students at the front gate on a given day of the week. On Monday morning the teachers from the English department have to the greet students. This discipline is then seen in the strict greetings that the students must perform when they enter through the front gate. Students must wai to the teachers, which is the equivalent of saying hello, and then wai to the school Buddha (a Buddha statue to the right as you enter the school) and then wai in the direction of the school spirit house and which is located across the sports field. Spirit houses are found in almost every home, school, and business in Thailand. They look like miniature temples or beautiful birdhouses as I’ve heard them described before. They come in different shapes and sizes though all of them are placed on a raised platform. The spirit house is for the chao tee (guardian spirit of the land). Thai people believe that by keeping the chao tee happy with a comfortable home and daily offerings of food, drinks, and flowers, they will live safe and successful lives. When I first arrived in Na Kae the head of the English department took Olivia and I to the chao tee and told us to kneel before it and ask for protection during our stay in Thailand. I felt rather silly doing so because I had never been asked to do anything of this sort but I was also happy to be participating in a normative Thai practice.

My seventh and eight graders are my youngest students and they have the highest level of energy out of all my classes. While one of my ninth grade classes is a headache, my other ninth graders are angels in comparison. Despite the fact that they are always sitting on the floor playing UNO when I walk in, and always ask for free time because I meet with them last period on Fridays, they are attentive and serious when I tell them it is time to learn. Every class has one or two “all- star students” (students who excel in English, who sit at the front of the class, and who participate the most). I absolutely adore my all-stars. Keeping my class focused is one of the biggest challenges I face teaching and so I can’t help but love the students who listen, participate, and who make me feel like I am succeeding at my job. The problem however is that as a teacher, I cannot let my all-stars run the class. It is very easy to fall into the habit of only teaching to the all-stars while the rest of the class fades into the background and stops paying attention. I have found that when students don’t pay attention to me, it is easy not to pay attention to them, and this is something you cannot do as a teacher.

Teaching is not easy. I’ve been teaching for almost five months now and although half the time I still don’t “feel” like a teacher, I’ve come to accept this feeling of discomfort and continually remind myself that this is because I am simply still learning how to be one. Although some days are hard, the instances that make my job here worthwhile are often found in the small moments when I laugh with my students. Last week I taught my eight graders a lesson on consonant and vowel digraphs. The entire class was spent pronouncing sh, ch, and th sounds. This was a challenging class because I had to teach my students how to position their mouth and their tongue in ways that they are not used to doing. At the beginning of class I was worried that the lesson would fail miserably but was happily surprised to see how it turned into a fun and energetic lesson. My students found it hilarious when I explained/ showed them how they have to touch the roof of their mouth with the tip of their tongue to pronounce the “l” sound. And they burst out laughing when I showed them what their mouth should look like when pronouncing the “f” sound (I told them they should look like a rabbit). To my horror, but also to my amusement, one student took pictures of me during the lesson and came up to me after class, bright red and laughing, to show me the horrifyingly embarrassing photos of Teacher Erin making the worst expressions of her life and looking like the biggest dork to ever walk the earth. I would not be surprised to find these photographs already on Facebook. When he showed me I laughed along with him. I didn’t care. I genuinely thought it was funny and gave him thumbs up for capturing me at my finest.

Another moment that reinforced the value in teaching here was when my favorite student, Joe, asked if we could use the remaining class time (I had let the class leave early because they all finished a worksheet I had given them) to just sit and chat because he wanted to practice his English. We talked about his dream to go to America and what he likes and doesn’t like about high school. Talking to Joe was the best part of my day. I wish I could spend all day, every day teaching conversational English one on one.

My most recent joy from teaching came on Valentines day, which I was surprised to find, is an even bigger holiday here than it is in the states. Everyone I saw that day said “happy valentines day” to me. Two of my students gave me roses. Teachers in the English office passed around little chocolates. My 4/6 class placed a post-it note on my desk while I was away. It said: To T Erin. You are good teacher and your very beautiful. You teach student well and funny. Thank you for teach we love you Teacher.

That day I felt like a teacher. And so I taped the note on my wall.

When I told my field director that I don’t feel like the perfect fit for the job she said to me, “welcome to adult hood.” I took this as both comforting and discomforting. It was discomforting to think about the fact that I may experience this feeling of inadequateness in many professional fields as I grow older. Yet, it was comforting to realize that just because I haven’t had some sort of epiphany, haven’t seen some sort of light from some higher power telling me that I am doing what I am meant to be doing or that I am in the perfect place, does not mean that I have not found a sort of comforting stillness within myself. This stillness comes not from self-assurance, not from a certainty in my abilities or in my choices, not in the thoughts I have about my future, but from the knowledge that every day that I am here, in some way, shape, or form, I am growing.

#kanom #buddha #uno #teachabroad #thailand #valentinesday

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