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#this one is pretty straightforward. it's even MORE straight forward if you've seen my pretty little head amv
autisticandroids · 2 years
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warning for flashing and potentially motion sickness
CASTIEL: You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.
[youtube doesn't allow this song to be posted, so for higher quality, here's a google drive link]
a little glimpse of cas' middle school diary.
#spn#vid#i may come back and reblog with some meta but for now. director's commentary in the tags#this one is pretty straightforward. it's even MORE straight forward if you've seen my pretty little head amv#since this is basically 'pretty little head amv [cheerful version]'#anyway. this is MOSTLY about cas being in love with dean. but there's some stuff in there about like cas accepting dean as his god#and like why that happened. obviously cas is kind of an unreliable narrator here he's not exactly thinking straight#so there's a lot of stuff here that's about the narrative cas tells himself. which isn't necessarily or even likely to be true#so like for example the reason he accepted dean as his god was bc of like. godstiel trauma basically. and he really hasn't unpacked that#anyway the other slightly more complex theme in here is that cas looooves that dean is a serial killer <3#cas voice you hurt people? you hurt people for me? you hurt other people and then you treat me so tender? [tongue emoji]#of course cas is wrong in assuming that dean is only interested in hurting OTHER people. but cas' secret weapon is of course#that he doesn't care. he'll get off on that too. cas can get off on anything#anyway the last three hours of me editing this were basically just like.#god this show is so ugly *turns saturation sliders all the way up* he's in love bitch let's get you some COLORS#also there's a secret prank hidden in this video which is of course that the song (your love is a drug by puffy) has the same guitar riff#as that one direction song. the famous one. but your love is a drug came first so.#oh and special thanks to pallas leo elisabeth cy and the cas whump chat. all of whom consulted on this video#also did you guys enjoy the sam live slug reaction moment. i enjoyed it.
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Makeover fic. This is for my love. It's long but I lied about this being 2 parts because I'm long-winded. @amethyst1993
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Part 2
The next stop was shoes. Erik grabbed a few pairs including heels, offering to pay since Ken was already spending a lot as it was. He shook a pair of 3-inch chunky heels at her impatiently and she turned her nose up..
“Do I have to? I can’t walk in heels.”
“Do you wanna be a bad bitch or nah? ..Yes? Then put them muhfuckas on and take your time… Keep your ankles straight.” He tried to control his face when her ankle went in and out but a snort escaped.
“I’m glad you find this so hilarious, nigga. You try walking in heels,” she snapped, embarrassed. "This is stupid!"
“Chill, you’re doing good... for a newborn giraffe.” He covered his smirk.
“I’m not doing this,” she sighed with her hands on her hips. Reaching down to take off one of the heels, she was stopped by Erik’s hand. She snatched away and her ankle went out again, but he caught her before she could fall.
“Hold onto me and walk, one foot in front of the other.”
“People are staring,” she whispered nervously.
“Don’t worry about what they’re doing. Worry about walking in them heels… More hips in the walk. You stiff. Get some motion going. Like this, watch me.” Her gave a brief runway walk mimicking the combined walks of all the women he’d been with.. strutting with just enough model and just enough stank to make Ken snort.
“I’m sorry,” she covered her mouth in attempt to stop smiling. Erik rolled his eyes.
“You get the point, now copy what I just did… just like that, boom boom. Don’t be scared of yourself… Shoulders back and chest out,” he said inwardly groaning as her chest popped forward. He averted his eyes. “Yup, you’ve got it.” She was giddy, hugging him tightly and jumping in excitement. “Okay, okay,” he pushed her away gently and she rolled her eyes thinking he didn’t want her all over him, but in actuality he just didn’t want her to feel him get hard. “So you bringing ya ass to class tomorrow. Remember.. posture is key. Walk is key. Know that you That Bitch and you will be.” Ken was overwhelmed with emotion. She stole another hug from Erik, releasing him quickly before he could push her off.
She took a deep breath, stepping into her classroom with the confidence Erik had coached her into. She didn’t wear heels, but her ankle strap sandals matched the outfit Erik chose, skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder pink and off-white floral print blouse. Her hair was down, long and curly past her armpits and with a fresh, clean face and full natural brows arched to perfection, she didn’t look into her classmates’ faces, she simply took her seat as usual. She could feel the strong stares and when she did look up, a few girls complimented her silently with their large smiles. It made her feel good and she smiled back at them individually. The energy that they were giving her, she wanted more of. “You look so good! I love your hair, oh my God,” a girl named Mercedez gushed after class, approaching her and reaching out to touch the soft curls. “Is.. all this yours,” she whispered in question.
“Yep.” Ken had been growing it for years and leaving it alone. Only thing fake on her was her nails, which she was starting to love more and more despite the fact that it was harder to write, type, and wipe. She figured that out quickly though.
“Hey you, when’s your next class? When you free? You wanna go to the caf? My meal plan lit, I got you.” Marquis came up chatting to her in the hall like they were old friends meanwhile she’d never once had a conversation with him. They were nearly strangers! She thought he was speaking to someone else at first until his hand went lightly to her shoulder, barely touching it but still present and hovering.
“Can't today. I got a class I’m rushing to, but maybe Thursday,” she said, rushing off politely. That wasn't the last strange thing to happen. Her next class she shared with Erik and Travis and Travis was acting strangely. Ken heard him whisper to Erik about a new girl being fine.
“That’s not a new girl, nigga, that’s Ken,” Erik replied not so quietly. There was a pause. Ken walked closer to say her hello.
“You lyiiiinnnng,” Travis gaped in awe. “If you Ken, then say something Ken would say.”
“Your-middle-name-Rondalez-you-can't-cook-or-wash-your-own-clothes-you-peed-on-yourself in-the-”
“WHOA chill,” his eyes widened nervously flitting to Erik who shook his head. Travis gathered himself quickly, rubbing his chest. “Okay," he looked her up and down, "But what’s with the, uh,” he gestured to her outfit, “Everything. I mean...” He nodded his approval and Ken started to grin, flattered. “You do look good like this, I won’t lie,” he shrugged still focused on her crazy curves. His eyes were glued to her thighs. "Yeah, you look mad good in fact." Biting his lip, he grabbed her hand holding it up gently, “Turn around for me real quick?” She started to spin and Erik snatched her hand back down.
“Stop that weird shit. Nigga, it’s KEN.” Erik pushed Travis a foot backwards and stood as a barrier.
“KenDRA,” she stressed causing Travis’ eyebrow to raise. He looked around Erik to her. Annoyed, Erik pulled Ken to her seat and made her sit like she was on punishment before returning to smack Travis in the back of the head. Even after the class started, Travis kept looking back, biting and licking his lips, an obvious sign that he was into someone. Ken knew him well having seen him do the same exact thing countless times in the past to various girls. Their friendship did go all the way back to middle school afterall. This was weird, Erik was right. Travis was too close to her, almost like family. She couldn’t do it. She allowed Erik to block his path after class while she made her escape.
Thankfully, Shawn was still the same. "I'm still confused by this.. because you the homie, but you double caked up so it's weird.. You feel me?" He was so straightforward and honest. It was a comfort. "And I don't like Kendra. I knew a Kendra. I don't like that, can I just call you Ken?"
She smirked, "Yeah, you can call me Ken."
Then she saw him. Mr. New Balance from the mall and her little heart was heavy. She still felt the kick of his denial and she started to tuck her tail, but she kept her head high and kept walking past him on the sidewalk to her next class. Surprisingly, he turned altering his route to walk beside her. “Heey, I don’t think I’ve seen you here before and I thought I knew all the pretty black queens at this school.” That sentence made her sick. Not only did he not recognize her but in a twisted way without him realizing it, he was calling her ugly. She looked at him briefly. She was disgusted, all the pain of being denied by him gone.
“Oh you've definitely seen me before.”
“I’d have definitely remembered that,” he smiled, “I won't even ask if you gotta man ‘cause I don't care. I'm a wear you down and you gone be mine.”
“That’s funny, I asked you out two days ago and you said you had a girl.” He looked over to stare into her her face and she stopped walking, turning with a stomp to stare him back in his.
“Hm?" It took a while. "Oh damn,” he gasped finally recognizing her. “My bad, beautiful, I ain’t know you was this bad. Forgive me for sleeping.”
“Nahh, nigga," she chuckled humorlessly. "Stay sleep.” She strutted off without missing a beat. She was still irritated as she walked away, but a part of her also felt proud of herself and empowered. She’d denied the guy who’d denied her a couple of days ago and.. she checked briefly over her shoulder.. He was still staring at her as though she hadn't just dismissed him. What was this magic that turned men into even bigger fools? Was this ‘pretty power’?
She went through the rest of the week in a different light. It was a new world of opportunity like her glass ceiling had been raised miraculously. Overall, people of all genders were way nicer and more respectful. It was like living in the Twilight Zone and though she was sick at the duality and fakeness of people, she didn't want to go back to being ignored. She could do anything in this world as a pretty girl. Flirting for the first time with various people was enjoyable. She hadn't felt weird or uncomfortable or denied not once! She was well recieved. It was a mindblowingly freeing feeling. For the first time in her life, she was desirable. She felt that soon she'd even be able to find someone a special someone and start experiencing things like romance and sex. She was too ready, but how would she go about it when she'd never even been on a date?
At home, she took care of her coursework, ate, and then she got in the mirror. Taking stock of her face, body, and hair, she took to YouTube and Instagram watching beauty gurus, hauls, and lookbooks. She did her own research, ordering staple peices of the clothing that she liked from online. She took a trip back to the mall to buy some chokers, leggings, and accessories to mimic the styles she'd seen online. She even got her makeup done at Sephora and bought all of the products used. She watched carefully and soaked in the instructions before returning home to practice, binging on makeup videos. Over the next week, she styled herself and took pictures daily, posting them on her Instagram. Her follower count grew quickly along with the number of likes she recieved. She started getting hearts and eyes in her comments and her DMs wheezed to life. Soon, her packages arrived and she was really able to show out. She pulled a fluffy pink bra, multicolored pants that she adored, heels, a choker, and a matching waist necklace or whatever it was called. She beat her face in her home mirror and took down her hair allowing it to fall full and free. To say that she was feeling herself was an extreme understatement. Couldn't nobody tell her that she didn't look tantalizing and divine with her titties SITTING and her clothes fitting to her figure perfectly. She posed herself happy in the mirror, tossing her hair and loving the skin she was in before deciding that she needed to capture the moment on camera. The shots came out amazing. She loved how confident and fearless she came across and she posted the photos on Instagram, proud of the way she looked. Her IG had become her own personal lookbook.
The next morning, she put together another look that she was proud of. A cropped cream blouse with slight cleavage and bell sleeves, a brown nude miniskirt, and strappy corset heels. Her hair was up in a high bun and she wore large gold hoops. Going about her day, she had various classes and new people to fawn over her as they saw her around. She was getting numbers left and right. She still saw Erik and she gave him dap remembering not to hug him. He pointed out her heels with a grin.
"Oh you a bad bitch, huh? You cute or whatever! You do seem happier. I'm proud of you." He broke the touch barrier hugging her tightly and she happily accepted, but when he pulled away, he switched moods. "BUT.. BUT..," he pointed, "What the hell was that shit you posted on IG yesterday? You thirst trappin now? I DM'd you and you ain't respond. I texted you and you ain't respond."
"Hell yeah I'm thirst trapping," she chuckled, "I gotta find dick somehow. Do you know what it's like going from completely dry to having your pick of the litter?" She hadn't responded to Erik because she'd been so busy responding to various niggas! "I'm trying get these virgin guts smashed!"
"Nooo," Erik cringed, "Kendra... You gotta slow down and take your time get to know niggas, don't just give that shit away. Make them niggas work for it. They don't deserve it. YOU choosing now, so slow down.. the dick will be there."
"But I want it nooowww," Ken whined playfully, pouting.
"Babygirl, you need to wait.. and put on some pants! What's this school's dress code? You might wanna rethink wearing skirts that damn short. I can almost see your coochie. Ass too fat for that."
"...Babygirl?" Ken squinted at him in humored confusion. He kissed his teeth.
"That's all you heard? Yeeeeah, you thirsty. I'm just saying, you doing well and all but you're moving too fast. Just dial it back some. Put some clothes on or something when you on the gram at least.. and at school.
"Really nigga?" She chuckled. He was the one who put her in her first deep v-neck shirt and told her she needed to feel comfortable with herself and now she finally was. He was the one who made her buy lingerie in hopes that she would get laid. What else did he think would happen?
"I'm looking out for you, Ken. You getting the wrong kind of attention and the niggas you talking to.. ain't good niggas. I know things and I'm trying to spare you. They ain't gone tell you they ain't shit. They just gone let you find out for yourself the hard way."
"Mm and who's better, go ahead," she waited. He scoffed.
"I'll show you, gimme your phone... You talking to Dame? Nah not that one... and Charles a hoe, he like white girls. Marquis is a no. I hear that nigga got crabs every other month. Kevin got herpes and spreading it so be careful with these women too. This one broke as fuck and wanna use you. Damn. You don't wanna do any of these you got in your DM's right now... Why Travis ass in here?"
"Ask him! I've got the same damn question. I've been ignoring him." She snatched her phone back staring at the faces. Erik had no reason to lie, but she was still extremely irritated. She looked around and spotted a bookworm type who was cute but in an understated, under the radar type way. A smirk crossed over her lips and Erik turned to look at who she was scoping.
"I'm gonna ask him to take me out on a date and when he says yes, I'm going to have fun on my first ever date.. then I'm going to fuck him into a coma."
"You ain't hear a damn word I just said."
"I did! Have you heard anything negative about him?" He couldn't say that he had. Ken zipped over to the guy who said his name was Byran. She secured a date for the weekend. He said he'd take her someplace nice. She was over the moon with excitement.
---
"You did what," Travis chuckled.
"Told that nigga I'd crack his ribs if he touched Ken and that he better wine and dine her right then drop her ass off and fuck off to a comic book convention or whatever the fuck he does."
"Niggaaa.. She gone kill you for intervening. Why would you do that shit? That nigga look like if you touch him he'll shatter. He prolly shit himself when you threatened him! You sure I ain't the only one feeling the kid, E?"
"I'm just looking out for her, that's all. She hot in the ass right now and she need to slow down."
---
Ken wore a short mauve bodycon dress with a matching long mauve jacket and nude brown heels. She made sure her makeup was as clean as she could make it and that her long hair hung down in defined curls, checking her reflection anxiously over and over. Bryon dressed up nicely in a grey suit and orange tie. His suit was a little oversized, but it reminded her of herself. She figured she'd eventually help him to become more stylish as she had, but they could move slowly into it. She could even get Erik involved when the time came. She didn't want to bring that up on her first date, she wanted to get to know him and enjoy herself. He picked her up with flowers and it was an awkward meeting. He looked as though he were extremely nervous and preoccupied. He didn't seem to even notice her appearance and that offended her. She took the flowers and sat them aside, rubbing his arms in attempt to calm and comfort him, but he couldn't be soothed. Discouraged, she asked if he needed to reschedule, but he insisted that they go out. On the good side, he took her out for seafood and let her order whatever meal she wanted. She liked the food and tried to eat slowly, in a way that she'd seen others do. She was concious of her chewing and used her napkin. However, the evening was very quiet. He was very shy and not much for conversation. He barely looked at her. She thought she had something on her face at first, but a trip to the restroom proved her face was fine. At the end of the meal, he payed and drove her back home. She tried to get him to come in, but he was extremely adamant about having a lot of homework to do and in the end, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't convince him. She felt like she'd failed. He didn't call or text and she'd waited. She didn't understand what about her still wasn't good enough for love, so for the rest of the week, she made it a point to stay to herself.. until Erik called her to hang out with the guys.
It was Sunday and Shawn was already there. Travis popped up after. They listened to her boring date story pointing out all of the easy opportunities Byron missed. "He ain't called you back? Texted? Nothing? Yeah he's a dumbass." Travis shook his head. "See, I wouldn't do you li-"
"That's crazy," Erik added cutting him off. "Thought that lil boney nigga would jumped on it. Told you these niggas ain't shit. You gone listen to me eventually." Ken rested slouched on the couch, her thighs wide apart and she belched swirling her soda in her hand. "Cheer up, you dodged a bullet. Just focus on you and the right one will come. Be patient."
She didn't want to be patient. She wanted what she wanted. She wanted what she deserved.
---
"Yo baby, yo baby, yo," a voice called on her way to class and Ken turned to see that same negro approaching. New Balance.
"They got black fraternities on this campus? No baby, no baby, no," she rolled her eyes and he chuckled.
"Aw, my thick queen looking good enough to eat. I'd spend hours.. That's my word. You wouldn't be able to do shit but cum. Don't answer yet, just think."
"You wouldn't know what to do with it if you had it. Nigga, do you even know my name," she snapped.
"I'll learn whatever names you want me to. My name is Trent, and you are?"
"Not messing with you!"
"Okay," he smirked. "But maybe you should. Let me take you out this weekend. If not this weekend, next weekend. All my weekends are free.. for you." She stopped walking. He wouldn't give up or leave her alone until she said yes. Exasperated, she faced him.
"You know what? Fuck it. This my Instagram, DM me. I'm not giving you my number."
"Kendra," he said reading her name aloud. "Let me message you now. This weekend, Saturday at 7pm. I can scoop you or meet you."
"Meet me."
"I'll send you the location."
---
The location was a steakhouse and he was already there in a suit that fit and a thousand watt smile. He was attractive, of course, but still an asshole. He seemed to sit that aside though, showing nothing but charm. Soon, she forgot she wasn't supposed to like him and she began to actually enjoy herself.
"Kendra," a familiar voice called and she turned to find Erik dressed up and dapper with a beautiful woman on his arm in red. They looked red-carpet worthy and she was in awe. His eyebrow raised and she knew he was pissed that she didn't tell him about her date. With a sweet smile, she wordlessly tried to smooth it over.
"Hey Erik, this is my date.. uh.."
"Kenneth," he said quickly. She realized she'd never asked.
"Kenneth! Yes, and this is my best friend, Erik." Erik nodded, eyeing Kenneth closely. Ken suddenly felt a chill, but when Erik's date nudged him and gestured with her head toward the door, he excused himself with a polite goodbye.
"I'll talk to you later tonight," he said over his shoulder on his way out and Ken knew to expect an ear full.
"He likes you," Kenneth smirked, "But it doesn't matter because he's not fucking you tonight, I am." Sipping his drink he met Ken's eye waiting for her to oppose. She didn't.
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