#this mentor of mine when I was talking about my job that caused my burnout

[polarisbibliotheque]

when do u think youll be done with the we shall never surrender project??

Hi, dear! That's a great question, thanks for sending it in!

To be quite honest with you all: I don't know.

There's a few reasons for that, so bear with me a little, please "^^

1 - I'm on a sudden art mentoring program with a friend who offered it to me freely.

I've been unemployed and ill for quite a while and a 'friend' of mine literally scammed me and stole all the money I had left, so I'm officially broke. That's been stealing my nights of sleep, because I'm trying to figure something out to make some money and at least pay my credit card every month.

When I mentioned with my mentor I might try to get in the art industry, she was over the moon and took me in for training free of charge and help me as she can so I can get a job. That being said, I'm focusing 1000% on that - hence why I disappear for so long: in less than a month, I've finished 600+ drawings.

Yes, I'm crazy. But this is the only shot I've got after a long period of distress and not knowing what to do. I'm giving it all to it.

2 - I decided to use this mentoring time to improve my art and apply it to the requests of the Shall Never Surrender Project!

I always thought I could do better with the requests - I don't want to deliver something bad and half assed. This last month, I feel like I improved so much, I wanted to wait a little bit to deliver something with a better quality!

3 - My health sometimes kicks me down and so I need to choose carefully what I have energy to do.

As you guys know, I'm trying to recover from an illness and I have a chronic illness as well. I don't eat much and that means sometimes I don't have enough energy to get up from my bed.

There are days I start being productive at 3 p.m - I spend all the morning lying down, gathering energy to tank the day and taking a few naps. There are other days, I can't even bring myself to eat 'cause I feel like I'm going to pass out midway to the kitchen.

Think Vergil dragging his ass out of Hell and crumbling apart at the beginning of DMC5. That's it, literally, I'm not being dramatic.

I have to prioritize what I can do during my days, then. Usually, I prioritize my mentoring, then helping my mom with chores and running errands and then, by night, I'm already very tired. If there's any energy left, I try to write - for the blog here or the book I'm trying to write - and then work on the Shall Never Surrender Project.

It's slow. Very slow. But it's going.

4 - Nevertheless, I want to finish the requests of the Project before starting comissions.

Like I said, I'm broke. And, as you might have seen, I opened commissions to help a friend of my mom who is in a worse situation than mine and really needs some help.

I want to finish the Project requests before any commissions start coming in, because I do feel guilty for making you guys wait so long. I thought I could deal with requests of full, coloured and polished artworks quickly, but I can't.

That was a foolish overestimation of my part and I am sorry.

Even then, people don't commish me a lot. I had a few commissions some years ago, but I gotta tell ya, it's VERY rare for me to get something. Even then, I need to try. For this friend of my mom and for me, eventually.

If I'm not wrong, there are 3 requests for me to finish. I'm working on them in the order people have requested, and honestly, I hope to finish them soon.

I'm really sorry for taking so long, but life sometimes runs over us and we are caught like a deer on headlights.

I know this might feel like a sassy response, but it isn't. I'm really happy you asked and I can explain a few things/give you guys some idea of what's going on and apologize for taking so long :)

#polaris speaks #shall never surrender project #polaris answers #answered asks #art requests #the guilt of taking so long spikes my anxiety 10/10 #but don't worry guys #I didn't forget you #I'm seriously trying #I'm not really used to not being 100% when it comes to my health #like I said about Vergil #he kills me as a character 'cause I get it #I'd do whatever I could to get my healthy self back quickly #and to make things even more amazing #this mentor of mine when I was talking about my job that caused my burnout #she literally said 'you've been through hell. you've been through hell and dragged yourself out' #and all I could hear was Vergil singing Bury the Light at the top of his lungs in the eye of a storm :) #it isn't drama when I say I came very VERY close to dying #everyone who lives around me says how half dead I was for the past 3+ years