#this is v self indulgent i dont know if this appeals to anyone other than me

[hofftrans]

cursed to lie awake at night rotating peter strahm and mark hoffman around inside my mind.

Can't stop thinking about making an AU where hoffman chickens out re the glass coffin room and just lets strahm go, being immediately rewarded w blunt force trauma as strahm knocks him out, stuffs him in the trunk of his car and just starts driving west. Two pathetic, middle aged men each fucking up the perfect opportunity to finally kill eachother and then just absolutely panicking about it and fleeing in the aftermath. Constantly paranoid that the other one is pulling off some master plan re this kidnapping but really they just spend a lot of time in shitty motels and Denny's, watching hoffmans Police Academy dvds on a little portable dvd player they get from Walmart. Visiting tiny tourist traps together and comparing eachother to the bad taxidermy in little museums

Also Hoffman spending 80% of the kidnapping/road trip thinking that strahm has some big poetic justice waiting for Mark when he gets there. Finding out later that Peter is just as fucked as he is, literally has no plan and has just been driving to the grand canyon bc he saw it on a postcard once.

#this is v self indulgent i dont know if this appeals to anyone other than me #but the idea of two traumatized blood soaked old queers driving across the country in a panic so no one will separate them #it brings me comfort i need these bastards to find some domestic softness together but also still remain massive cunts #also love the idea of strahm going you didnt kill me??? fuck you im going to kidnap you until you tell me why you didnt #(and also please please stay safe here with me) #hoffstrahm #peter strahm #mark hoffman #mutuals who are not into saw please avert ur eyes from my shame