#this is me trying to squish both canons together without ruining the film's canon. bc i like the complex anger bj feels in the novels

[ofyorkshire]

— MOTHER

BJ has a lot of complicated feelings about his mother. Circumstance forced her to often be absent and therefore neglectful, regularly leaving Barry James alone in their flat and putting him in potentially dangerous situations because there was no one to watch him, but he never felt lacking in love. They were each other's world and most of BJ's memories of his mother are nice ones. However, she passed away from an overdose when he was seven, leaving him in the care of Reverend Martin Laws, and BJ blames her for much of the abuse he endured after. This anger sometimes manifests in his hallucinations and nightmares as a distorted mirror version of his mother who haunts and scolds him. BJ often lashes out at "her" and becomes frustrated when he can't find relief; a stark contrast to his withering reactions to visions of Laws, his "Black Angel". His mother is safe to threaten, but Laws is not. For similar reasons, BJ rarely will admit that his mother is dead and prefers to refer to her as if she has simply "gone away".

After 1983, BJ sees less of his mother in his hallucinations and his nightmares. She appears sometimes in more pleasant dreams, but with her back turned or face obscured. BJ eventually comes to realize that he misses the idea of her more than the person herself. He isn't sure whether he should feel relieved for that or guilty, but he is content with that revelation and the ability it gives him to further separate himself from the hurt of his past. It is part of his way of letting go and moving forward.

#this is me trying to squish both canons together without ruining the film's canon. bc i like the complex anger bj feels in the novels #but i don't have the heart to demonize his mother like the novels did lol. not when the film uses her memory as a symbol of hope for bj. #lived to tell the tale [headcanons]; #parental death for ts #death for ts #overdose for ts #drug abuse for ts