#this is absolutely a joke grad school can and does suck for other reasons. i am enjoying it but I acknowledge this is not the norm.

[essektheylyss]

honestly though, what I've learned this quarter is thank fuck I did not go to grad school at 23. I am astoundingly on top of my shit. there is absolutely no way I would've been managing this well at 23. under no fucking circumstances.

#the real reason people hate grad school cuz most people do it at 23 and being 23 is the worst #this is absolutely a joke grad school can and does suck for other reasons. i am enjoying it but I acknowledge this is not the norm. #but for real if you're like 'should i take a couple years in between or should i go straight to grad school' this is your sign. #HOWEVER do not fucking lose track of your rec letter professors. that's really the trick. #you have to learn to be a person AND stay in touch with at least one but preferably 2-3 professors. #also disclaimer i cannot comment on phds. this is about masters programs phds are a different beast.

[inkofamethyst]

November 28, 2022

TWO MORE WEEKS TWO MORE WEEKS (I suppose it’s more like three if you count finals, but I trust that I should be able to skirt myself out of two of them and my take-home final shouldn’t take all that much time and I can (probably) write an essay in two days easy-peasy.  It’s more like there’s only two more weeks of work work.)

As exciting as that would be, there’s so much that I have to complete in the next two weeks it’s almost insane.

I watched a tiktok the other day which was like “I take walks through the woods because they’re good for my mental health... not at all because I’m microdosing a flight response” and.. I try my very best not to take everything I hear on that clock app as truth but.. that one.. it’s either a really good joke, or I have some looking inward to do.  My response to feeling overwhelmed is, in fact, to briskly walk around campus by myself at night for an hour or so.  Hm.

I remember when I was first figuring out this whole grad application thing and freaking out about forming a potential project because I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, but I think the truth is that most applicants fake it and put down something, fully expecting to revise it in the future.  And that’s okay!  I’m totally making stuff up the whole time but that’s absolutely fine. [Edit: Actually, no, this sucks, I feel like an idiot and I hate that this one school is asking me to propose a whole project, like,,,, huh I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point]

Though, I was planning on submitting all of my apps today, and my transcripts have still not come in???  Like I need to upload them myself and there’s been a sending error or something and I’m kind of pressed because I told my recommenders that it’d be done today and for some reason that’s not happening and I’m a little peeved.

Today I’m thankful for tricolor Christmas pasta!  A few weeks ago I saw it at the store and it looked too cute to not buy and you know what?  I haven’t had shaped pasta in years but it’s fantastically festive and terribly cute.

I’m also thankful that I went out with some people after choir practice tonight.  Not to eat, just to hang.  I’ve been stressed all day about getting this application in and really just needed some chill time away from it.  It does mean that I have a lot to do tonight (exam, proposal draft, discussion board, and application essays all coming up hhhhh I’m only going to work on two of those tonight but still) before I can go to sleep but you know what?  So be it.

And I suppose I’m also thankful that I still have a buffer period of a few days for this transcript thing and that I should still be okay... yeah.  I will have to inform my recommenders of the delay, but at least I should still be able to get it in before the deadline.  I feel so anxious right now that I can’t even bring myself to eat... I hate this.  One thing I can look forward to though is that after my first round of apps are in, I can celebrate with a new episode of Welcome to Night Vale on the first (coincidentally also the day of my evo exam :/).

Lastly, I’m thankful that the email (at least, one of them, anyway (...I’m probably just not going to send the other ones and just risk it)) I’ve been procrastinating for a month or so and finally sent today got an immediate response with no fuss, no hassle.  It was amazing and much needed.

Wait hold on one more: I’m also thankful that I’m not continually feeling down anymore like I was a few weeks ago.  Sure I’m nervous about this first round of applications, but I don’t feel, just, dead.  I suppose this means I’m also also thankful that I’m doing better mental health-wise than I was at this point four years ago, though “My head hurts; I want to go to bed soon.” is too relatable of a sentiment for how I’m legitimately feeling at this point in time.