#this has been a new experience for me because my zen is usually pretty ooc and this time i'm really happy how it came out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nicotinemaiden · 3 years

Text

Such Great Heights

I am thinking it's a sign That the freckles in our eyes Are mirror images And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate That God Himself did make Us into corresponding shapes Like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true it may seem like a stretch But it's thoughts like this that catch My troubled head when you're away A nd when I am missing you to death

[ The Postal Service ]

[Chapter 3 of Mistake Series dedicated to @ccprovolomies for proposing the beautiful song that inspired me to write it. Thank you so much!!]

Read on AO3 →

The third, a proclamation.

The blood felt warm on his skin, at the corner of his mouth, dripping down his lower lip. That last hit had come close. Not as close as the open wound in his stomach but close enough to crack his lip in two. He lifted his hand to wipe the iron liquid from his face, as much as it was possible, and kept looking ahead, towards the hooded figure that looked at him in return holding a silver dagger in his left hand and several injuries along his legs and arms. He moved slowly to the side, limping yet still more graceful than normal people. The sunset started to vanish slowly behind him, making the shadows of the trees creeping on them a little bit more unsettling.

He could hear footsteps running towards him. It won’t be long until he wasn’t alone anymore, he just had to wait, to lose time, to slow him down as much as possible. His left hand pushed against the wound begging it to stop bleeding even for a moment, to stop making him so freaking dizzy and just let him throw the knife at the right place. Breathing deeply, he decided that his condition wasn’t as important as his mission and, whatever happened, he had to stop him long enough for the other knights to come. He couldn’t let go of this person, this trained assassin that knew where his target was and had no intention of missing this chance.

He hadn’t said a word but Obi didn’t really need any kind of confirmation about it. He could see the desperation in his eyes, the willingness to do anything to complete his task. And that was the problem. The most deadly people are the ones with nothing to lose and a lot to gain. So he fixed his golden gaze on the one ahead and dashed towards it.

Her eyes were still green and bright - not so bright as they had been these last couple of weeks but bright enough for someone who knew her well to know that there was something different about her - happiness that wasn’t there before and now consumed her almost entirely. Her comb slid through her hair as it would do through threads of silk, leaving it on top of her shoulders. It had grown so long since that fateful night when she had to cut it to save her freedom that sometimes the memory seemed more like a dream. She could almost believe it.

But looking at herself in the mirror she was… glad it happened. The consequences of that night brought her here. And she smiled at her reflection, searching for the girl from that night in her expression, in her eyes, in her hair. She was the same yet completely different - stronger, more confident, more knowledgeable.

She remembered Obi’s face on top of hers the night before, the look on his eyes as they travelled down her body once again for so long he might as well have painted it, and, with a blush taking hold of her face, thought that maybe she was more beautiful, more mature, more attractive.

She was no longer the young eighteen-year-old girl that ran from her home with hopes of not being discovered. She was an official pharmacist for the kingdom, she was a friend for the people who cared about her and, lately, she was a girlfriend and a lover, she was cared for, she was loved in return.

Shirayuki always thought stupid the concept that love changes people. Yes, maybe she was braver before because she had a goal - to prove herself, not only to other people but to herself. And she’d done it time after time and she was comfortable with things as they were. But until now she hadn’t really grasped the meaning of that phrase, the way your world fills with colors that you didn’t even know existed, the pressure on your heart every time something reminds you of that person and the extreme satisfaction and happiness of knowing that that person feels the same way.

Even knowing that Zen was at the mansion and he could be here at the pharmacy at any moment her smile grew brighter as she distanced herself from the small mirror and returned to the office. This time it was a planned visit, everything legal with documents and paperwork, and as such, he had to make an official entrance with official tea and conversation. Only thinking about it tired her out. The only thing that she could do was wait while working. If only she could have Obi with her to listen to his comments and gossip.

“Mitsuhide!”

Kiki’s voice distracted him but not enough to fail this time. His kick landed perfectly on the back of the head of the assassin in front of him, knocking him out. As quickly as his body allowed him he moved to his companions, blocking a dagger centimetres from his face and looking back only a second. Miss Kiki had moved to the side of Mister, who was unconscious on the floor, blood pouring from his head. A blunt hit. He inspected the new opponent - besides his dagger he had a sword on his other hand, the handle bathed in blood. Not only was he agile but he was strong too.

He narrowed his eyes, their blades still crashing, and jumped back, rotating the knife in his hand for a moment. He needed to get out of here. Not only because of his own wounds but because of Mister. He didn’t know how severe his injury was but he needed to get him to his Miss as soon as possible so this had to be quick. He wasn’t the only one thinking this because, the next moment, the other man started running.

“Oh, no, you don’t.”

He recognized his own smile, only one corner of his mouth lifting, sharing with the world a part of him that had been well hidden most of the time but that he couldn’t simply ignore in the middle of a fight. That strange thirst for blood that told that the only thing he ever knew before being here had been shadows, war and murder. Accepting that part of him for the moment and forgetting about his own pain he ran after him. He could hear Kiki shouting for him, her footsteps quick behind but not enough to catch after them. It wasn’t long before Obi surrounded the man, surprising him at his front and before he could react he was pinning his opponent to the floor, a knife to his throat. He wanted to sink it on him so badly, to watch him bleed to death as payment for what he did to Mister. He pushed harder until the first drops of blood tinted his weapon and he saw his own eyes reflected on it. He wasn’t this way. He may have been once because he didn’t know anything else but now…

He closed his eyes. Now he had people to protect, not kill. He wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t take that burden, even when his body was pleading him to do it. In another situation, maybe, but his opponent wasn’t doing much anymore, no one's life was in danger - or so he hoped. He didn’t have the right to choose to kill him just because he was angry. He smiled thinking that so much time with Shirayuki was rubbing on him more than he was aware of. What would she have said? Probably she would have offered to heal the man, even knowing he was an enemy. She was just that good. So he decided he needed to be a little good too. For her.

“You’re coming with me.”

She was nervous, impatient, anxious. She couldn’t get herself to read, to study, to stay put. She kept pacing up and down the office. She asked a guard about the whereabouts of her knight and, apparently, they’d had a problem with some letter being intercepted on the way and part of the rebellion knew that the Second Prince was here so it was necessary to send him along with Zen’s personal knights - or Kiki and Mitsuhide to her - because they saw suspicious people in the forest. So now the conversation with Zen was pretty low on her list of priorities. First, she needed to make sure everyone was alright.

No one would let her leave the mansion and she tried three different exits without success. So she stomped on her chair only to get up immediately. Doing nothing wasn’t for her. She knew if they really encountered someone out there she wouldn’t be much help but still, she could do something. She had different plant concoctions that could be used as smoke, she did it before, she could do it again. And she was a good healer - or so she liked to believe - so she could treat injuries on the spot. Yet there she was again, completely useless with the only action of ‘worry’ on her vocabulary for the moment.

A white mane of hair appeared at the door, knocking softly on the frame. Surprised, she jumped and turned to see Zen smiling at her while walking into the room. He was… exactly as she remembered him. It wasn’t so long since the last time they saw each other yet she expected everything to be different. She expected to see an ugly guy with cold eyes and maybe a sign pointing to him that said ‘you don’t love him anymore’ as if the fact of admitting being in love with someone else would somehow change who Zen was. But everything was normal. Well, almost everything.

“Shirayuki, you’re as beautiful as ever.”

Damn. That was so not normal. She was so not ready for this at the moment. She blushed without thinking and tried to return the smile. That phrase was so not Zen that it made her skin tickle, and not in a good way, so she had to say it. Because when has she just stayed shut when she had something to say?

“Now you sound like Obi.”

He lifted a hand to the back of his neck, embarrassed, the red starting to show at the tip of his ears.

“That obvious, uh? He gave me some pointers some time ago so I just wanted to try it. For the record, you really are beautiful.”

He wasn’t looking at her now, more like searching for something at the side. She felt herself chuckle. She really loved Zen. She loved him like a really good friend, that was the problem.

“Thank you and please don’t do that again. I have enough with one Obi in my life.”

She hoped her blush wasn’t as evident as it seemed because the things that crossed her mind when she said that weren't exactly just teasing and flirting. Her mind wandered there for a second and then moved to the start of this conversation. How different she felt whenever it was her knight who crossed that door. With Zen, she always had been nervous whenever he was around as if she could break their relationship by saying something wrong or - when she wasn't worried about that - as if she was going to bore him to death.

That was something that never happened with Obi. Whatever the conversation, even the ones that would be boring to every person on the planet except her, he was always listening, making comments here and there and contributing ideas. Lately, she thought he just didn’t want to miss anything she could say even if it was utterly irreverent. And she realized it was the same for her. She was happy just listening to him. And the thought brought an honest smile to his lips, her gaze fixed on nothing, looking without looking to the door behind the prince.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… nervous.”

He hugged her suddenly, leaning his cheek against her temple and her arms pinned between their bodies. For a second she was tense, stiff, expecting more from him, waiting for his face to search hers like it had done many times before. But then she just relaxed in his arms rested her head under his chin and smiled.

“It’s still me, you know? You don’t have to be.”

“I know. That's why I am. I’ve missed you.”

She closed her eyes for a moment. She wanted to say that she did too because part of her did. But she had thought so little of him lately, the only times being the ones where she dreaded the moment she had to talk to him. Actually talk to him about everything that happened, everything that has changed. So she went completely still, not knowing what to add to the conversation.

He realized, it seemed, because he took her by her arms and moved her enough to look at her. His eyes were so warm, full of love and understanding, a small shadow on them that could have been pain or even disappointment. It just made her feel worse and she forced her eyes to the floor. It hurt to look at him.

“I know you have something to tell me. I also can guess what it is but I imagine you would like to tell me yourself instead of leaving me with guesses. I won’t force you to say anything, just know that I’m willing to listen and… I would never think less of you and would always care about you.”

Every word made it a bit easier. She was so glad to have found someone like Zen. Someone that even without completely understanding her accepted and cared for her. Someone that wouldn’t pressure her into anything and that would always worry first about other people instead of themselves. Slowly her gaze returned to the blue one and she nodded. There was one thing he said that caught her interest. She looked at him questioningly.

“You can guess what I wanted to tell you? Is it really that obvious?”

The prince chuckled, using his fist to hide part of his smile. That was almost enough of an answer but he spoke anyway.

“You’ll have to tell me first for me to answer that but there are certain things that have been painfully obvious for a while.”

Something in his voice told her that he really had tried to ignore it, to convince himself that he was imagining things, but he seemed to have accepted it. So she was about to basically confirm his suspicions, because after that conversation she had no doubt he already knew, when rushed footsteps sounded from the hall. They stopped just at the door and they both turned to see who it was.

“Lady Shirayuki!”

Shuu caught his breath for a moment, leaning on the frame of the door and sparing a look at Zen.

“Your Highness.”

He breathed as a greeting before turning his attention to her completely.

“Follow me.”

He started almost running again and they followed right behind, looking at each other for a moment, a worried look on both of them.

“They are in really bad condition. Both of them. Mister Ryuu is with them, so I’m a little less worried but still, everyone agreed it was necessary for you to be there.”

They rounded a corner while he was talking and she could feel her stomach turn one and time again. She wished he could be more specific and at the same time, she wished he just stopped talking and they just reached the place they were going towards.

“We have apprehended one of the men that caused this and the other one is tied up in the forest. Our men are currently in the process of bringing him here.”

Another set of halls, another corner, and she started to understand why Shuu was without breath when he arrived at her assigned office.

“Here, please hurry.”

He opened the door in front of them and moved to the side, allowing them to practically jump inside, taking in everything that was happening. The first thing she noticed was Kiki sitting on a chair beside Ryuu who was working on the back of Mitsuhide's head. She was gripping his hand to the point her knuckles were white but he wasn’t conscious. For the place of the injury it was clear he would be out of it for a while plus Ryuu would have given him something before working on it. She breathed a bit, glad that even if in bad shape he was alive.

After that, she noticed the corner and that breathing stopped completely. Her hand moved to her lips to stop the silent scream that wanted to leave her. She ran to it and kneeled just in front of the chair, in front of blooded legs and ragged clothing. Obi’s head rested against the wall at his side, his lip red and a bit swollen, a deep cut on one side that seemed to have stopped bleeding.

He was shirtless, almost the entirety of his lower chest and stomach were bathed in blood. His skin was so much paler than his usual tanner one, a sick blue starting to show. It was so so little that maybe someone else wouldn’t have noticed but she did. Stomach wounds weren’t usually lethal but the blood loss was. And the pain… She could feel her eyes sting just thinking about what he just endured. She placed one hand over his to get him to move and was terrified of the cold it was. She wanted to scream at him. Why?! Why this?! And why now?! Why put his life in danger now that she had him? It was childish and selfish and she forced herself to think another way. It was his job. A noble job. He helped people, saved them.

A bag of healing provisions landed beside her and she looked in the direction it came. Ryuu was already back at work but he answered her unspoken question anyway.

“He insisted that Mister Mitsuhide would be treated first. He wouldn’t even let me look at his wound. To be honest, he probably saved his life. This was… really bad. Worst that it seemed at first.”

The sharp intake of breath of Kiki could have as well been hers. Yes, she had no right to be angry at him. No real motive. She was just… selfish sometimes. And terribly afraid. Afraid of losing everything they had right now. Afraid of everything changing again, this time for the worst. So she had to heal him, save him, no matter what.

He could hear voices and rustling. He could also hear his own thoughts without them being blurry, thank the universe. He wanted to touch his head because it hurt, not as much as before yet enough to make him want to put pressure on it. Someone stopped him, a soft hand keeping his hand in place on top of his leg. He opened his eyes slowly and closed the second a flash of light reached them. He tried again and, this time, his Miss was looking at him, kneeling in front of him. He blinked a couple of times and was about to say something cheeky when she moved her hand with a small cloth to his wound and he almost screamed, forcing his head to the wall behind and looking at the ceiling.

“Now that was just punishment, Miss.”

“Should I know how much time you have been running around with that wound?”

Her voice was cold and angry yet warm and soft. How she managed the combination was something that he would really like to know. He looked at her and her eyes were exactly the same. He realized he didn’t feel the stench of blood, not the pain of his lip and he smiled brightly.

“Long enough to see you again.”

There was a light chuckle somewhere in the room and he realized they were not alone. A pained grunt came to him. He wanted to kiss her so badly, to thank her properly for healing him, probably saving him because he felt he was about to die when they reached the mansion. The only reason he kept going instead of falling to the floor was the fact that he was almost carrying Mitsuhide, dragging his legs between the two of them. And, on the other side, a tied enemy of the Kingdom that he dragged completely because his strength was already failing and couldn’t simply toss it on top of his shoulder. So yes, she possibly saved his life. As she did the moment he met her and decided to stay by her side.

She looked at him with so much warmth and love that he forgot the rest of the people again and smiled only for her. She got up, picking up the clothes off the floor to leave them in a basket, and he followed as it was customary for them. His injury hurt, more so than when he was sitting, but he made no movement to show it. The rest of the room was almost as he left it. Ryuu had moved his chair closer to them and was now resting on it. Something told him that he had been helping Shirayuki with him once he’d done all he could for Mitsuhide. Kiki was still holding his hand but looked at them and, when their eyes crashed she smiled softly. A look of gratitude that he was sure he was mirroring. They saved each other.

At the side of the door in a small cushion was Zen, his shoulder and jaw - that were visibly tensed - relaxed when they looked at each other and both smiled. They were alive and together and he couldn’t ask for anything more. They had a lot of work to do ahead of them, probably a lot of situations like this to come, yet for the moment this was enough.

“Allow me to accompany you to your rooms, Mister Obi. We will prepare something to eat while you rest.”

He was so accustomed to hiding… Well, almost everything, that he almost turned the offer down with some lame excuse as to how he was fine and he didn’t really feel the need to rest. He had just been unconscious for a while after all. But Shirayuki’s voice was almost an order, even when she said it so gently.

“Please go to the room and rest. I will go see how it’s going the moment I’m finished here.”

He looked at her and really, how could he say no to her? She could ask him to go get lost in the middle of hell and he would do it. It was almost scary how one person could have so much power over him. So he nodded and moved painfully to the door, trying to mask his limping under his usually graceful movements and standing there for a second while watching her follow him. His eyes playfully looked at her, a lopsided smile and an arched brow. He didn’t have to say anything more to see the thrown off look on her face and the red on the tip of her ears. He was glad she had a ponytail right now because it was extremely cute and otherwise he wouldn’t have seen it.

What he really didn’t see coming was her reaction. Shirayuki got up on her toes, brought her hand to the back of his neck and kissed him. And it wasn’t a soft kiss either. He could swear he heard some gasps around the room but he wasn’t paying attention. His arm surrounded her waist and brought her towards him, just a bit more, just enough to feel her without touching his stomach. It was desperate, as if both of them realized how close they’ve been to lose each other. How the small kiss with which they parted that morning could have been the last. His other hand cupped her face, slowing the kiss until they were far enough to look at each other. There were so many things they wanted to say that neither of them wanted to break the silence.

"You're the worst and I hate you."

She said, at last, her words so different to what her eyes said that he laughed without thinking, a small flinch taking hold of his body. He was starting to think that he really shouldn’t be up yet but that wasn’t about to stop the mix of happiness and shock that he was feeling. He was almost as shocked as the first time she kissed him because… they were in public. Yes, they flirted and touched sometimes and most people in the mansion believed them to be a couple since before they really were but they never confirmed it so clearly. And, of course, his Master was in the room, looking at them.

It felt weird. It felt right. It felt all kinds of liberating, as if breaking invisible chains that were there since the moment he realized he was falling for her. Part of them broke at their first kiss, at their first night together, yet the rest had been still there, wondering if she would change her mind, if they would always have to hide what they had, what they felt. If it wasn’t from the piercing pain he could have started floating with how light he felt, how free of all weight. So he kissed her again. And again. And again. Small kisses that slowly brought back her smile, mirroring his. Real smiles, both of them.

"If that's what hate feels like, I welcome it."

She was almost laughing at that point, her cheeks a bit more colorful, the small chuckles so funny, so happy he had to catch one of them kissing her one more time before letting go. Her hand lingered on his chest a moment longer after that, almost afraid that their happiness would vanish if they stopped at that point. But she used that same hand to give him a little push in the arm, rushing him to the hall behind them where Shuu was waiting.

“Now off you go. You should be laying down and sleeping. I would wake you up to change the bandages and see how it’s going.”

There was a glint in his eyes. A playful glint said that he was still not ready to end the conversation after that. He couldn’t see most of the people inside or their reactions but he could see Kiki with a knowing smile and an approving look in her eyes and maybe that was enough. Maybe he didn’t even need that. Feeling a bit braver after the scene they made he grinned and added:

“Just because I can’t wait for you to touch me again.”

She rolled her eyes, actually rolled her eyes, but was brightly smiling while she closed the door in front of him, forcing her knight to leave even when she didn’t want to say goodbye, not for a moment. But she knew that he was fine - not in perfect condition but fine enough - and that she still had to talk to Zen.

She looked at him at the side of the door and was surprised to see him exchanging looks with Kiki, both of them containing their laugh as best as they could. The prince even had a hand over his mouth and she gifted him with a ‘really?’ look. This was what she was nervous for? Kissing Obi in front of them had been a lot more terrifying than jumping off a tower. She didn’t want to be seen as… as the things people usually called women that played with men. But she wasn’t playing. She just changed over the years. Her feelings changed. Could she really have been blamed for it?

“For a moment there I thought you just did it because damn, he almost died and you were relieved but that was not a first kiss. So… when did that happen?”

Kiki had calmed herself and now was clearly out for answers. Sitting here for hours just worrying must have made her need to take her mind out of that problem a lot bigger. Sighing she moved to sit beside the prince, who also had stopped almost laughing and was looking at her with a smile and a warm and questioning look that supported the knight’s question. Surprisingly, Ryuu also moved his chair closer, visibly interested. She inhaled deeply before starting.

“I can’t say exactly when it started for me. I can’t even say when I started to realize that it was happening. One night a couple of weeks ago I just… It was too much. I needed to be closer to him. So I kissed him.”

She looked away, embarrassed. It was her fault they were in this situation, to begin with. She didn’t exactly know why she felt bad talking about it, as if she were betraying them by being honest with herself.

“Mitsuhide owes us now.”

Zen was looking at the blond knight with an amused expression after hearing her words and he nodded, shrugging his shoulders.

“I told him that Obi would never be the one to shatter that wall. He’s been in this situation for years after all. And he’s always been trying to push us together.”

He shook his head, a bit of sadness in his eyes when he spoke again. There was that tone on his voice again, the one that said that he only understood everything now and that he was better off before.

“Honestly I don’t know how he could.”

Shirayuki was looking at them as if suddenly their hair was the same color as hers. She was confused and felt left out of the conversation. They knew? Or at least they knew about his feelings. Since when? She remembered him telling her something about how long he’d loved her but she didn’t think it was so much that their friends in Clarines already knew and, by the looks of it, they’ve known for a long time.

“W-wait, wait. Did you all know?”

One by one the three people that were with her - and conscious - nodded. She shook her head in an automatic movement. She should have seen it coming. He was extremely honest most of the time - the only times he really wasn’t were when he was pretending to be fine, hiding a wound or an illness. And she knew he just didn’t want to worry her. Luckily for her, those moments have been fewer and fewer lately.

Ryuu looked at them thoughtfully, wanting to add something but thinking carefully about exactly what. When he spoke his voice was a bit deeper than usual, his tone a lot more lively than when he had been working before.

“He never told me directly and I didn’t really need confirmation but… one day I asked him: Why don’t you tell her? His answer… I didn’t push after that. He had his reasons and, honestly, they were good ones. But I’m glad it worked out in the end.”

He smiled at her and she reciprocated it. She wondered what would have been her reaction if he’d told her before, if it hadn’t been her who did something but him. Part of her thought that she would have rejected him and all their relationship would have changed suddenly. The other part of her, the one that was completely sure about her feelings, said that she would have kissed him back, that something would have clicked in her head the same way it did a couple of weeks ago and she would have realized sooner that he was the one. The real one for her.

It would have been a gamble the same way it had been when she kissed him. Yet something told her they would be in the same situation now because… she couldn't imagine a life beside Zen anymore. Not as his partner, not as his princess, not as his wife. If she was honest with herself she stopped imagining something like that so long ago she forgot about forgetting it.

When Shirayuki looked at the prince he was looking at her, almost admiring her deep-in-thought look.

“You know? I’m glad too. I thought, still do sometimes, that we could have worked. But I’ve heard what people say, I’ve seen it in both of you every time we’re together. That kind of connection… I can’t understand it, I can only see it from outside. And you deserve someone like him. I should have told him long ago.”

There was a sad chuckle in his voice that would have broken her were it not for the way his eyes were bright and honest. He really was happy about it.

“Every time he told me that I deserved you and that only I could make you happy… I already knew it wasn’t true. Yet he didn’t seem to realize that the times when you were really smiling and laughing were always with him. So…”

He picked up her hand between his, caressing her skin slowly with his fingers.

“I still care about you and I know you understand that my feelings are not just going to float away suddenly but I’m really happy for you both and you would always have my support and my friendship if you still want it.”

Her eyes filled with hot liquid and her lip started trembling. It was exactly what she wanted to hear. Word by word. At the corner of her eye, she could see Kiki nodding emphatically, possibly wanting to say that she would be there for her too. Ryuu was blushing and also nodding, his hand pulling from his clothes until his mouth was almost hidden. That was an Obi gesture and her heart warmed to see it replicated on the young boy. He was starting to imitate - unknowingly or not - various behaviours of her knight. She had yet to decide if that was a good thing or not.

Returning her gaze to Zen after the quick inspection and now that she had blocked her tears she launched at him, practically jumping into his lap, and hugged him. How was she so lucky? What did she do to deserve such wonderful people in her life? Kiki joined the hug from the other side of the cushion and Ryuu wasn’t much for hugs yet moved a hand to her shoulder and squeezed a bit to let her know he was there too.

She couldn’t stop them anymore. She started crying, surrounded by people who cared and loved her and all the tension, the jitters, the almost-lost-someone-today feeling disappeared slowly with every intake of breath. That was it. They were free to pursue their feelings, they were still loved, they still had their friends, the ones that made both of them stay in the first place.

They still were a family.

21 notes · View notes