#they’re obviously not free falling in different worlds in like their non spider-man verses but they have shit going on regardless | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

arachnidiots-a · 9 months

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i don’t quite touch on liam’s mental health or state of mind much even though it’s a very crucial thing that is constantly behind a lot of why they do anything or act how they do or even dress in the nauseating colored outfits but coming home for liam is so much more difficult than they could’ve predicted.

the expectation that everyone knows them and their life is waiting for them is all so naive really. they’ve been gone for months, they’ve changed in ways that are almost unrecognizable at times. there’s not a person who understands the devastation of their experiences besides roxy and even then they had different paths while being thrown around in the multiverse.

and time moves, things are different when they come back. peter and martin have been storing what they can that’s left from liam’s apartment in their own because nobody dares to get rid of it. when liam comes back they’re living on the couch in that apartment and they have lost a space that is entirely theirs to grieve, to cry, to recover, to heal in. it’s only a couple months but a couple months when you can’t sleep and you don’t feel like you’re breathing or talking right is such a profoundly difficult situation. their chest feels like it’s going to split open at any moment and after five months everyone pitches in to get liam in what’s essentially a shoe box of an apartment. but it’s their shoebox! all to themself!

they don’t have much to start over with besides what’s been saved by the boys but it’s almost better that way. the clothes from the multiverse are tossed and long gone and good riddance because liam can’t stand the idea of ever wearing them again. those are layers of an estranged life. they can’t even keep the suit, they make a new spider-suit and while it might not look too far from it at least the fabric is new and so is the thread. that’s what matters. everything else just felt wrong and gross but to don their colorful wardrobe doesn’t feel right either, it’s mostly comfortable nostalgic clothing for a while. she wears hoodies and old shirts and it’s nothing harsh on anybodys eyes. on good days there’s a typical colorful windbreaker. on bad days there’s a blanket over her head.

being around people who know you, who recognize you is such a relief like no other. liam’s no longer staring at faces they know and pretending they’re just a passing considerate stranger. but… they don’t know liam not like this anymore. they don’t know or understand or comprehend the way in which the experience is so heavy on their soul. there’s concerned glances and stares and dropped conversations. they want to help but google doesn’t have advice for what to do when your cousin comes back from the multiverse. it’s refreshing and claustrophobic all at once

loneliness didn’t make them so independent they don’t know how to be around people. it didn’t harden them to let nobody in. it’s not your typical- they were lonely for so long and it made them closed off kind of arc. they were lonely, they were desperate and craved attention. they came out of it needing those connections. it’s all very: you might not know this exact version of me but you did know one and i need you to know this one too. i’m asking you to know this one too even if it’s hard and i’m not making it easy and none of us are meeting expectations right now.

being back with roxy again is a terrifying relief too. there’s the fear and the sleepless obsessive nights where liam needs to hear from roxy because what if one of them disappears again. and yet! they fall into a rhythm and work together like no time has passed at all when it comes to being a spider duo. they’re more confident, they’re more experienced, and they’re side by side again. the two spend so much time together when they’re back, they really are inseparable and nobody’s going to try and stop that (except a spider-man villain but). they need each other, they’re soulmates in every way and once again there’s a pair of blue and yellow strings so perfectly laced together again. who else is going to understand the feeling of chasing a face down in hopes of a friend and finding that there’s no recognition in their voice and their face and their eyes??

and ohhhh sweet sweet emmett jeffries!! the little half brother they barely know and who tries his hardest to reach out to liam because nobody’s heard from them in a while and he has memories of a sweet sibling who’d look out for him. he’s going to college soon and they’re not close but maybe they can be!! he’s the perfect little joy for liam because he doesn’t know and he just wants to get to know her and learn about her and it’s a distraction that’s pleasant and full of love. he doesn’t look at her with sad eyes and she doesn’t feel like he’s some ghost from her adventures because out there she never met another emmett! she barely knew one to even meet!

crawling out of the absolute pit of their state is such a long process and they throw themself towards so many distractions and means of coping through giving college another try and working constantly and building the web. but also there’s just a whole lot of love and determination and a really really good support structure that is in place and is found again that allows for them to grow and get better. she’s still haunted, she’ll always be haunted, but she’s full of love and hope and a whole lot of confidence in one truth: they can endure it

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