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#them that fights back n doesn't put up with their shit it's just mutually toxic n everyone's secretly miserable
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Huh.
#doll#i think. he might be startin to let me in a little bit.#yea yea i know he could be fakin it but he's only ever done that when i've been really upset n on the verge of leavin#(assuming that was fake either but it was at least calculated)#& he'd have to be gettin desperate to start fakin vulnerability to this extent#i've been so completely infatuated for a couple of days now again that it wouldn't fit the pattern at all#especially with the way he's...sayin the kinda things that he knows played a part in me becomin more independent to begin with#tellin me i really should have reaper get me outta there if he gets out of control again n doesn't listen when i ask him to stop#even though he hates the thought of someone else protectin me. he can deal with it when it's somewhere he can't do it (like out here) but#if he's there but not doin it so someone else needs to? he looked. really upset about it. cause apparently that's his job#upset with himself not me (or reaper. who he only referred to as 'that guy' sgsgsgsg)#& talkin about how it's not fair the way the only people men like him can really be with are ones like me. cause if it's someone more like#them that fights back n doesn't put up with their shit it's just mutually toxic n everyone's secretly miserable#but when it's someone like me we get hurt so that they can get better. when we really should be w/ someone good n kind n safe#said i shouldn't be the one to pay the price for that. but i'm his 'only shot at getting better' n he doesn't wanna let me go#n it was. a lot. he's never talked about 'gettin better' before. just 'learning how to take care of me right'#but up til now he's always rejected the idea that he'd even need to get better. that there's anythin to heal.#i mean. i'm stayin as long as it looks like he's makin progress. or til he relapses enough times to burn me out completely n i go dormant#that was always the plan. i'm just slowly gettin better at keepin my distance when he's back to his old ways#i just.....really wish he'd stop self sabotaging n talkin about himself the way he does. like ok you wanna be bad then be bad but#stop actin like you're too far gone n all the shit you say about yourself is so built in you can't change em even if you want to#not with that attitude you can't!#spdrvent
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deepermendes-blog · 5 years
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Worse than Nicotine
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Summary: im horrible at summary’s but basically y/n is at a bar and bumps into her ex and they leave together and fuck ?? K? K.
Warnings: alcohol use, swearing, oral (male receiving), smut, smut, smut.
The setting was no different to y/n. The dancing sweating bodies, the loud music, the smoke, the fights; the same shit every night. It's where she belongs, she thought. She looked to her left and saw a basic stereotypical scenario going on in the bar she was in. A married man hitting on a slightly younger female who was showing way too much skin. It wasn't a problem, y/n had actually envied her dress.
She would look to her right and see another stereotypic scenario, a man or woman washing their pain away with the devils liquid. Y/n sat at the bar stool taking another shot as her legs were crossed under the bar. She tapped her glass at the bartender telling him she wanted a refill. He poured more into the glass as she downed the strong stinging liquid and slammed it back on the counter. The bartender gestured the bottle towards her glass mentally asking if she wanted a refill to which she politely denied seeing as her cheeks were already starting to heat up, feeling a little buzz.
Y/n lost count on how many shots she has taken but it doesn't matter because she knows how to handle her alcohol and how much she can take before she starts getting tipsy. The giggling beside her was starting to drive her insane and y/n almost whipped her head around to shut them both up but she felt a hand on her waist and she gasped but as soon as she looked down, she knew exactly who it was by the tattooed hand. "Hey," he whispered in her ear sending shivers down her spine. She turned her head to the side slightly and met his beautiful brown eyes, "Hey."
Y/n knows this is wrong, that she shouldn't fall for his games again. But the scent of him filling her nostrils, his hands securing her waist, his hot breath on her neck has her like she was putty in his hands once again.
"I've missed you," he sweetly smiles at y/n, y/n licks her lips nodding, "not going to lie, feeling's mutual." Shawn was leaning against the bar on his side now as he stared at y/n's features. "Good to know, honey," he smirks as y/n rolls her eyes at that damn nickname. "What's up with that," Shawn furrows his eyebrows.
"What's up with what?" Y/n taunts him. He shook his head, "forgot about that attitude that you had." Y/n scoffed, "I remember you hating that, that's why I did it," she raises her eyebrows at him. "I don't think I ever hated it hun, I know I made you think that, but it was actually," he looked down licking his lips and then back into y/n's eyes, "it was actually quite sexy."
"Shawn," y/n shook her head, "don't," she put her hand on her forehead, rubbing it softly. "Don't what?" He cocked his head to the side, taking his bottom lip in between his lip sparking something inside of y/n.
"We broke up, Shawn," y/n called the bartender over and pointed to her glass as he poured the liquid inside as it splashed a little. She lifted the glass up, parting her lips, letting the liquid go down her throat as Shawn intently watched her every move. He hated to admit it but he was slightly turned on watching her lips part, remembering the sinful things she was able to do with those lips. Hell, he was turned on the minute he saw the back of her body, the dress hugging her curves in all the right places, the way her back was slightly arched.
"Why did we, though?" Shawn asked as he set his hand on her thigh and y/n snapped her head to look at him. "Please," he lowered himself to her, whispering in her ear, "enlighten me on why we decided to break up, because I can't seem to think of a good reason right now," he was smirking against her skin as he kissed her exposed shoulder making y/n's eyes flutter shut. Y/n clenched her thighs together forgetting his hand was still placed there as he chuckled deeply, standing straight back up, "clenching your thighs now, eh?"
Y/n coughed, clearing her throat, "Shawn." His hand was massaging the inside of her thigh now, close to her heat but not close enough to satisfy anyone. Just increasing the sexual tension between them both.
Their relationship was just plain toxic, but y/n couldn't deny that the sex wasn't phenomenal. Not to sound cliche, but Shawn was the best y/n has ever had. With anyone else, y/n had faked her orgasms and Shawn made her cum more than 3 times in one night. Shawn knew her body like the back of his hand, knew how far he could push her, knew how much she could take, and knew exactly just what she wanted.
"Yes?" He answered as his hand started to move up further. Y/n let out a shaky breath as his cocky smirk grew. "We can't," y/n finally pushed his hand off her thigh and he sighed. "Come on baby," he begged as he sat down on the stool next to y/n after the annoying people have left, leaning into y/n's neck. "Just one more night, let me show you how much I miss you," he begged into y/n's neck and y/n was getting slightly turned on by his pleading. She clenched her thighs once more, biting her lip as Shawn was smirking against her, "Just," his slipped his hand between her thighs again, letting his fingers ghost over her wet panties, as she arched her back slightly, "one more night," he chuckled, "I can feel you babygirl." Y/n wanted to moan at his words, almost forgetting they were still in public.
Y/n knew this shouldn't be happening. It would be the third time they have hooked up since they broke up a few months ago. She knew that if she left with him again, she doesn't know if she'll be able to leave again. He's so addictive to her, he's worse than nicotine.
"One more night," she gave in as he smirked, sticking his tongue in his cheek, looking her up and down. "That's my girl," he retracts his hand from her dripping heat and y/n almost whines at the loss of contact. He places his lips on hers, connecting their lips for the first time that night as y/n kisses back and she places a hand on the back of his neck but shawn pulls away. "Let's get out of here then, eh?" He smirks staring at her wet plump lips. Y/n nods her head, completely fucked for him once again.
He grabs her hand as he puts a 50 dollar bill on the counter for her and pulls her out of the bar.
Once they had entered Shawn's loft, Shawn was about to pin her against the wall but he was pushed onto the couch as he smirked up at y/n and her newly found confidence.
The sight made y/n knees buckle. His legs spread as he rested into the couch with his hands on either sides of him as he eyed her up and down. Y/n straddled him, and his hands instantly met her hips but she pushed them down, shaking her head. He licked his lips becoming more turned on at her boldness. She was never like this in the bedroom. He was always dominating her and making her feel good but y/n was set on making him beg for her and having him almost whining for her. She felt herself dripping at the thought.
She put her arms around his neck as she rolled her hips onto his semi-hard on as he groaned throwing his head back, as he closed his eyes, licking his lips. "That's it baby," Shawn groaned.
Y/n's pace started to slow down and Shawn wasn't having it as his eyebrows furrowed and he brought his hands up to her waist, guiding her to go faster and she did. Y/n threw her head back enjoying the feeling and Shawn smirked up at her. Y/n scolded herself inside her head as she stopped moving and swatted Shawn's hands away and he groaned in defeat.
"When did you become so dominant, honey?"
Y/n stopped moving her hips completely, "I don't know, do you like it?"
Shawn licked his lips slowly nodding his head, "it's so fucking hot babygirl." Y/n smirked as she got off Shawn's lap and sat on the floor between his legs giving him a full view of her cleavage and Shawn's eyes instantly widened.
Shawn was so worked up now he could probably cum to the sight of her on her knees for him. He took his bottom lip between his teeth, knitting his eyebrows together, watching her every move.
Y/n was smirking up at shawn in a seductive way and Shawn cursed under his breath. Y/n reached up, unbuckling his belt and pulled it out of his jean loops as his hands rested on the couch on either sides of his legs.
"Gonna take my cock, sweetheart?" Shawn uttered making y/n's head spin. Y/n did not want him to win, he already got her back to his place, she wasn't going to let him take control.
"No talking," she stated. She pulled his jeans down his legs. Shawn raised his eyebrows, a slight smirk plastered on his lips as he watched her place her hand around his hard member, Shawn shivering at the feeling.
"Shit," he cursed quietly as she moved her hand up and down his sex. He threw his head back groaning as she used her other hand to massage his balls. The moment he really lost it was when she put her lips around his tip.
"Baby," he raised his hips and looked down at her and was met with her stare, darkened eyes due to the lust she carried. He knew what that stare meant. He wasn't supposed to be talking or making any kind of noise for that matter. As she took more of him down her throat, Shawn's head went back as he breathed out, letting his eyes roll back letting the pleasure overtake him.
"God," He groaned. Y/n started to take him much faster in her mouth, the scene looked like it was straight out of a porno. Shawn cursed as he grabbed her hair and told her to stop.
"I'm going to cum if you don't stop, baby," he clenched his teeth together, shutting his eyes as he felt her suck harder and faster. He was done for. Just as he was about to cum, y/n stopped and Shawn groaned as she stood up from her knees, wiping her mouth.
"Shit," he cursed looking up at her. His cock was throbbing now and he needed a release. Y/n slowly straddled him, letting her center hover above his hardened member. "You want it, baby?" She asked in a seductive voice, licking her lips.
"Fuck yes, ride my cock, princess." He put his hands on her hips, rubbing slightly. Y/n slowly sank onto him, letting her tight walls entrap him. "Oh god," he groaned, shutting his eyes and letting his head fall back. His hands were on her bum now and with every thrust from her, he'd squeeze her cheeks with such force, it made y/n whimper and start to pick up her pace a little bit.
Shawn picked his head up, looking at y/n, eyes full of lust as he bit his bottom lip, looking her up and down slowly. "Look at you, baby," he kissed her, "taking my cock so well," he kissed her again, "like it was fucking made just for you, honey," he groaned when she rolled her hips harder, making him bite her bottom lip, pulling back and letting go, letting her lip slap back in place. He kissed her again as she ran her hands through his hair and he sat up a little bit, putting his hands completely under her bum and started to pick her up himself and letting her slam back on him.
"Ah!” she moaned out, and he repeated his actions, taking control, but she was so out of it now, she wanted him to destroy her and she just didn't care how he did it.
"Shawn," she moaned. He looked at her, foreheads touching, "you like that, honey? You like it when I fuck you this hard?" She moaned at his words and he smirked, "Yeah I know you do, look at you, you're so wrecked, baby. Just let go for me. Cum on my cock, princess." Y/n moaned louder, clenching around him and he groaned pulling her hair. "Shit, do that again." She obeyed him and clenched around him again causing him to actually moan, as he thrusted up into her. 
He connected both of their lips as she felt herself starting to get to closer to her release, head falling back and shawn took this opportunity to leave some love bites on her exposed neck and placed his hands on her hips.
"You close baby?" He asked, reaching a hand between their bodies and started playing with her clit. "Fuck, yes," she breathed out, lifting her head and kissing him. He groaned into the kiss and y/n leaned back, breaking the kiss, as she moaned loudly, curling her toes, feeling the tightness in her stomach as she let go around him. She felt him still inside of her, as he reached his high, still thrusting inside of her, mainly trying to get himself to cum but also to ride her high out.
A string of quiet curses left his mouth as he released inside of y/n, causing him to fall back against the couch, breathing out. She got off of him, laying next to him.
Y/n sighed knowing she had to leave because she knew if she stayed any longer, she wouldn't be able to leave. She started to stand up and gather her clothes. Shawn sat up grabbing her wrist, "what are you doing?" He furrowed his eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" Y/n looked at him, her eyebrows mimicking his. He grabbed her hands, linking their fingers together, looking up at her, "don't leave." You looked to the side of him and then back at his eyes, "what?"
"Don't leave," he pulled her closer. "You want me to stay?" She slightly raised an eyebrow. He looked up at her with pleading eyes, "yes, please, just stay, spend the night," he leaned forward leaving small kisses on her abdomen. Y/n fluttered her eyes shut, letting her hands let go of his and placing them in his hair.
"Shawn," she said knowing this was a bad idea. "Please," he whispered against her. His hands were on her lower back, "I'm begging you to stay, y/n; please just stay." Y/n licked her lips, eyes still shut.
"I won't be able to leave, shawn, I almost didn't leave the last time let alone the time before that."
"It's fine," he shook his head, "it's fine." His eyes squeezed shut, leaning against her. Y/n dropped her clothes, sitting on his lap, putting her hands on with sides of his face, connecting their lips in a slow, passionate kiss. He wrapped his arms around her, her hands still on his face. The situated themselves so they were laying on his couch, bodies sticking to one another.
"Just stay," he said against her forehead.
Y/n didn't want to admit it but she was his again but at the same time she loved the idea. She felt her whole body relax against him, his soft breaths in her hair, his hand rubbing her back. She looked up, his eyes shut, mouth parted slightly. His hand was starting to slow down and she smiled as she felt her eyes start to slowly shut.
"I still love you," shawn whispered so quietly it was almost a mumble.
"What?" Y/n looked up at him, but it was too late, he was already out.
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