#thebarisoverrunwithkids

[sandjsbeachbumbonanza]

Day 81 – the Rant

WARNING: This blog post may contain multiple instances of ranting by entitled prima donnas. It may be inappropriate for those suffering through lockdown and may induce nausea. However, if you relish in schadenfreude or hate us for taking this trip, this one’s for you.

In the morning, we were woken by housekeeping coming to make up our room. S told them to come back at 10:30am, when we would be at breakfast. However, J looked at her phone and realised it was 10:27am. We quickly got dressed and dashed off so as not to miss breakfast. On the positive side, by being this late, we would probably miss being seated by the large families. Not a minute later, a German family was seated next to us. However, their child was always in a pram or a highchair and was well behaved.

S was very disappointed when after waiting for his scrambled eggs to be cooked and ordering them ‘soft’ / ‘runny’, they were fully cooked and dry. At least we are not on full board. J spent about half an hour trying to peel her hardboiled eggs, which were served hot, and were therefore impossible to peel.

We are now settled in and think we have the measure of this place. The facilities are clearly 5 star, with the possible exception of the pool, but it isn’t open anyhow. The beach is full of coral, rocks and spiny sea urchins. There is no way S can navigate the beach safely, so he is relegated to our private, clothing-optional pool for the duration of our stay.

Moreover, the service here struggles to be 2 stars and may be 1 star. The only proper service we’ve had to date is from the housekeeping staff, one bartender and three waiters. The breakfast staff is not very friendly and don’t listen to your order. The concierge are downright rude / ambivalent. They tell you things are available when they aren’t, and when activities are cancelled, they don’t bother telling you until you show up. If you stand in front of their desk, they simply ignore you. Because of COVID, the beach bar is shut and you can’t get drink service at the beach.

The food quality is 2 stars. We have had two meals which might be categorised as 3 – 4 stars, but the rest is probably 1 star. The food tends to be either inedible or bland, tasteless and incorrectly made. There is no doubt the hotel is cutting corners due to COVID and using cheap or incorrect ingredients. Despite that, they are charging full, pre-COVID prices. For example, $65 per person for an Indian buffet, not including drinks. On the other hand, the drinks in the bar are well made and reasonably priced, so you may want to drink to numb the pain and kill your tastebuds. Uncharacteristically, we are going to try room service as it can’t be worse than the restaurants that are open tonight. And this is coming from two people who are not foodies and don’t like room service.

In short, we would highly recommend you not come to this resort if: (1) you are a couple (as the children outnumber the adults); (2) if you are hypersensitive to mosquitoes; (3) if you are sight impaired and can’t navigate a beach filled with coral, rocks and sea urchins; and (4) until they dramatically improve the service and food quality. That said, it might be good for people who want to try a starvation diet.

We never thought we would say this, but this place makes us long for Sandals. Even the worst parts of Sandals were never as bad as the service and food at this place and we met so many nice people. We doubt we will meet anyone here.

We went for happy hour, which we enjoy as it tends to be pretty quiet and the drinks are good. While S took a quick call with a friend, J decided to practice playing pool. Someone forgot to tell the bar that a proper pool table generally has 15 balls, INCLUDING an 8 ball. By chance, we asked about service of food at the bar and they advised they serve the room service menu at the bar. As we don’t like to eat in our room, we decided to order room service at the bar. We opted not to go with the ‘peri peri chicken’ pizza with guacamole and orange zest. J had the burger and fries and S had the spaghetti bolognese. These were actually decent. J’s fries were excellent, S ended up eating lots of them with those little bottles of room service ketchup. The bartender confirmed that these are ‘jungle kittens’ and only stick around because guests give them food.

Hoping to end the night on a quiet note after a peaceful dinner, we were shocked into reality when the families all showed up in the bar after their dinner. We are resigned that we are in a family resort where even the bar is not a refuge for adults. We hate to sound like whingers when many of our friends are in lockdown, but given how much we are paying and the hoops we had to jump through to be able to come here on our third attempt, this is shocking.

When we leave the Labriz we have one night at the Northolme on the main island, Mahe, so J wanted to doublecheck if it was better. Amusingly, the Northolme’s ‘favourite review’ on Tripadvisor gave the Northolme a 5 and Labriz a 3. Even its sister property is slagging this place off.

On the plus side, J only got two mosquito bites today. WIN! Going forward, we’ve decided that it’s better to laugh than to cry, so we are now going to revel in all things shambolic at the Hilton Labriz.

#seychelles #hiltonlabriz #junglekitten #roomserviceatthebar #thebarisoverrunwithkids #beachlife #beachbums