#the only thing ik is that i really dont want 2 hurt my friend cuz theyre sensitive so i just. internalize all my hatred. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weirdcat1213 · 10 months

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TRIMAX VOLUME ONE LETS GOOOOOO ....i didnt remember this was just 6 chapters...wow

ANYWAY LETS GO

chap 1:

-youre right IT MUST BE TOLD TIL THE END OF TIMES

-1st act of god you say...huh

-yeah who could believe that...thats insane....jaja

-ERIKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

-ik this was written in the 90s but i still dont like eriks saying that, like wth man lina is right

-hey lina :3 missed you

-....i like the new glasses...

-THAT SHOT REFLECTING VAHS YES THATS NICE LETS GO

-"lina cover your eyes :]" oh :c

-"oh is eriks again" :c

-YEAH GRANNY KILL THEM ALL >:D

-"stop. some legend that is" ow :c

-this is all just so sad cuz he rea;;y wanted to retire but he cant :c hes vash the stampede

-ww laughing at fake vash is the best xd

-YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >:D

-also thats funny cuz yeah vash COULD shoot you in a matter of seconds but thats not what his name means and i really like that :3

chap 2:

-aw lina :c

-imagine going to the store and finding the silliest/most depressed wet cat in the universe ready for adoption

-GIVE ME THE PONY TAIL STAMPEDE GIVE IT TO ME PLS

-ok but how did you (from the perspective of a stranger) figure that knives was a name? knives comes from knife, so if a random person read "knives" wouldn't they think about the utensil first?????

-vash: how do you know so much about this evil entity that is my brother?

ww: hehe, please

-ily lina theyre talking bs

-YEAH >:D FREE BODY GUARD

-...im not ready for stampede eriks i will evaporate

-OH MY GOD THE HAIR

-BRO SHUT UP OFC SHE SAYS SHE DOESNT HAVE THAT POWER WHEN HE KICKED (i think) A FUCKING BULLET IM SO SAD

-....I WILL EVAPORATE IM TELLING YOU

chap 3:

-YEY MERYLS BDAY :D

-go get your vacation queen ily

-keele i will yeet you into the sun

-im never not going to be so fucking mad at HOW EASY THAT WAS BECAUSE THIS BASTARD MENTIONED MERYL LIKE IK YOU MISS YOUR DEAR FRIEND BUT OMG it just makes me sad

-wolfwood :3

-i like that :3 meryl just cant be an office person anymore when shes discover more of her world and people like vash. even if she almost died a lot of times, those were also the times when she was alive.

-YEAH MILLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

chap 4:

-:c

-ok but that panel with mostly shade is scary

-i also want to lift my whole self with my arm :D (she said even though just walking places makes him tired)

-ok but if he trained like that for 150 years no wonder he's the only pro gunman ever

-i like his face on that panel, he's amazed and proud that one of his siblings survived for that long

-vash knows why is it always like that and he understands it but god he wishes so hard for it to just fucking stop and it breaks my little heart

-hes literally just an anime girl saying "hi-mi-tsu :3" (im so sorry i will never say that again but I'm right)

-he remembers people and names after so many fucking years

-also those children probably have never met him but vash gives so much ragdoll energy that they went with it (ok never mind maybe they did but you get the idea)

-cmon brad :c why are you so mean to him :c

-SHUT UP OMG SHUT UP

-all of this just backs up the SA interpretation and although it hurts my feelings....damn its just good writing. like not knowing what your own body can do and people taking advantage of that...makes me fucking sick (in a good and bad way i truly don't know how to explain it)

-BRAD LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE AHHHHHH >:c WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO HIM

-noooooooooooooooooooooo :c every time someone calls/vash calls himself a monster this user loses 5 years of their life :D

-wolfwood sir your projection will make me want to eat my own arm

-NIGHTOW IM JUST PROCESSING WHAT WW SAID YOU CANT THROW CUTE LITTLE FACES AT ME SIR PLS NOOOO

-"run away run away ">:b" i love him so much

chap 5:

-the chapters cant keep starting with flashbacks I'm gonna start WEEPING

-is geranium tea a thing? maybe vash would like geranium tea

-how dare you, my vash the stampede would never side with the cops, he's acab i know that in my heart

-THAT ONE PANEL MY BELOVED (the onle about looking without his eyes)

-hes so fucking done

-yey conflict time :3 boi oh boi

chap 6:

-oh the title placement on this one :3

-i dont think he will (or that he is) fine after all of this but sure

-such a loud chapter and vash is so quiet

-and again, there all judging, expecting to see what will vash do

-"what do you know about my pain" brb I'm gonna EAT SOME GLASS REAL QUICK

-...

-its like....its like why, why make me suffer like this. its not even heavy stuff its just that everything hurts. his impulse and desire to help everyone, his reason why, how others see him while he tries and sometimes win while other times fails. it all hurts in a weird way.

-...legato why are you inside a fridge (i kinda forgot lol)

WHAT A VOLUME i need to lay down

#trigun #trimax #trigunbookclub

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garrothromeave · 3 years

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let’s talk about minecraft diaries rebirth.

and why it’s literally amazing. (warning: this will contain spoilers. lots of them. also, long post ahead.)

i think a lot of people hate mcdr because they were expecting a remake; but the point of rebirth is for jess to rewrite it. it wasn't supposed to be exactly the same.

honestly i went into mcdr with a closed mind. as an og mcd fan, i thought that this was going to suck ass and that i'd rant about how bad it was to my friends later. but actually watching it, i just... couldn't help but immediately fall in love with it.

ik im probably the only motherfucker that likes mcdr, but honestly how could i not? for one, garroth and zenix actually have personalities at the beginning. AND; the villagers? actually amazing. donna made me smile, visher made me laugh and cry, brendan was just bein as good as ever. like... i even didn't despise emmalyn with every ounce of my soul like i usually do?? the characterizations of them were GOOD, man.

and honestly, aphmau like--the way she spoke, her whole thing. it was reallyyy well done in my opinion. she was oblivious to things, but it wasn't overdone and wasn't done in a way to make her annoying. she's a very appealing character in mcdr, a main protagonist i do not mind following along with. her dynamics to the characters are really cool and all very unique. gonna cut it here so i don’t clog y’all’s feed cuz i got a lot to say :)

the early use of aphmau’s powers was actually pretty cool as well, it also really showed how clueless aphmau really was to everything going on around her. AND UH, THE FACT THAT SHE THOUGHT THAT GARROTH FELT FAMILIAR? GOLDEN. absolutely golden.

AND GENE OH BOY, the early introduction of gene? ik a lot of people are upset about it, but god DAMN i love it so much. his role in the story is very important in original, and i cannot express how much joy this brought me learning that he was actually getting the proper attention for it. and the fact that gene and aphmau were working together?? i mean ik gene was just trying to use her to get back to the "shadow abyss" (pretty pog replacement for the nether, gg) but god DAMN i loved every moment of it. i found their dynamic to be pretty fuckin funny to be honest, would absolutely love to see more of it.

i might be biased considering gene is one of my absolute favorite characters, but i honestly think that introducing gene this early on in the story was a good move. again, he's literally the right-hand man to the shadow lord. it makes you really wonder why he didn't have as much of an important role in season 1 or even 2 of the original mcd plotline. also, we get some of that good-ol-fashioned exposition with seeing early on how vylad and gene interact. vylad’s at a very strange point in the story right now; his motives are unclear, even to the side he’s ‘supposed’ to be taking (aka, a shadow knight.) another early introduction to a character is zane! this, my friends, is good. really good. i’d say that zane is the main antagonist of season 1 in the original series--and he wasn’t even introduced until like, episode 50. it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but him being introduced this early on really gives the audience a better understanding of what threats are out there and what our protagonist will have to encounter in the future. in the original series, there’s not much explanation as to why lords are disappearing/dying left and right--and while yes, that was supposed to be the mystery of it, having some of that early information is a better move in terms of writing.

AND IVAN?? BEING A PART OF THE JURY OF NINE?? I COULD NOT HAVE ASKED FOR ANYTHING MORE LIKE GOD DAMN that was a very pleasant surprise i'll just say that, thank you jess :)

and no i did not loop the 4 minutes of screentime laurance got in that one episode haha who would do that i would never do that anyways

SPEAKING of laurance, im so glad jess actually wrote him in this early :) she totally could have just waited for the first time aphmau visits meteli and meets him there, but no! she put him in an early episode. i dont even care if she did it just to shut up the fans about laurance but man that made me so happy seeing him, even if it was only for a bit.

okay i kinda wanna go over the guards real fast firstly; garroth. ignoring how weird the helmet showing emotions is, i really like how garroth is portrayed. he's under a lot of pressure because the village is putting a lot of the blame on him for malik's death, and he's trying his hardest to keep things running. the fact that garroth utterly refused the to take up the position of lord and even got a little snappy about it was actually really cool to see as well. and while he doesn’t have that same “reserved, quiet, observant” feel as the original mcd version of him had, this version of garroth is absolutely awesome. he’s more direct and blunt, is significantly more sarcastic, and isn’t as stiff or as much as a pushover as he is in the original. he even has a sense of humour. also, no homo, but he’s kinda adorable. plus, the desperation that he goes through during the whole thing is just--it’s really cool to see how hard he’s trying to prove himself and help the village. my rating for mcdr garroth? 9/10. the helmet... the helmet is the main thing throwin me off, i can’t lie. next, zenix. oh BOY do i have a lot to say about this man. first of all, his and garroth’s dynamic is incredible. when i saw how the interacted with each other, my first thought was: father and son. zenix has this immaturity to him that is so fucking fun and interesting to watch, and seeing how garroth scolds him is so fuckin good man. and! seeing how he interacts with the rest of the village... honestly, if jess ever picks this story up again, i would probably cry when zenix (literally) backstabs garroth. HELL, i hope that’s something that still happens, it’d be heartbreaking to witness this character that we’ve come to love hurting his mentor, the man who took him in. he’s just a really good character all in all, and much more appealing than the original mcd zenix. ...except season 3 zenix. no zenix can be better than that one. either way, zenix is amazing written to be the comic relief and he’s just an all-out lovable character in this series. finally, dale and brian. yes i’m going to group them up because there’s not much to say regarding them, but i do want to address them. for starters, we have brian; who’s already 16 when the story starts. good on jess for doing that, because in the original aphmau watched brian be born and age INCREDIBLY quick, haha. THOUGH i do feel like there’s a slight connection lost there--one of the hardest things about brian’s betrayal in the original series in the fact that we watched him grow up in phoenix drop. we were there from the moment he was born, to the second he betrayed phoenix drop. BUT OF COURSE, this version is a lot more realistic, so it’s understandable. i just think that if it’s brian who’ll be betraying phoenix drop again (if it even goes down that same route), it won’t hit as hard unless jess really takes the time to grow the connection between brian and aphmau. as for dale; gotta admit, love it. and like, i think one of the main things about how good of a call it was to make him a drunkard from the beginning is considering how much the village is struggling. the fact that the second-in-command is literally drunk all of the time really conveys the message of, “yeah. this village needs help.” plus, he’s another good comic relief character. i loved seeing molly and dale’s relationship too, it was very funny. PLUS. we were blessed with a well scene, in which aphmau had to help villagers out of the well. i don’t know about you guys, but that was one of my favorite nods to the original series. i cannot thank jess enough for that, there was a smile on my face the entire time. another amazing thing--visher’s character. instead of just being introduced to this quirky lil merchant who only had one or two interactions with aphmau like in the first one, we got to sit there and really get a feel for someone worth remembering and worth mourning over. we had a reason to be sad over his death, it wasn’t just some npc getting blown up suddenly. this was different, and this hurt. one of the major things that i hope is to come out of this is for jess to fix the major mistakes she had when writing the first series. she’d expressed how unhappy she was with some of the decisions she made, and i’m glad that she’s getting that second chance to undo the things she didn’t like. this series also gives her a second chance to really, really dig into characters and their motives. like, gimme laurance backstory in better detail. or like, garroth and zane’s relationship from back when they were kids? or how vylad died and who killed him? etc etc. she’s already done an excellent job so far, and i can’t wait to see where this goes. that is, if she ever continues it. god, i wish there were more episodes so that i could seriously let you guys know how beautiful of a series this is. there’s so much i want to say about rebirth, but i think i’ll stop here. i might say some more shit about it later, but if there’s anything i’d want you to take away from this, it’s: give minecraft diaries rebirth a chance. there’s a lot of potential, and this is a chance for jess to really change things for the better! ... but again, that is if this ever is continued.

#aphmau #minecraft diaries #minecraft diaries rebirth #garroth #laurance #gene #zenix #vylad #rant

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in-love-and-jeph · 4 years

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tagged by @twink-frank and @poisxnkerosene thank u both!!!!<3 <3 i love inflicting my shitty music taste on my followers so i looove doing these >:]

rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to! put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

this one is just my computer library which is missing a lot of songs i love, but has entire albums so. lets see what happens :) (I AM just going to skip over ones i don’t listen to, tho)

1. This Is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance I actually do not like this song that much <3 im sorry <3

2. The Storm - Flying Colors This is a band my dad really likes, and even though this is the only album of theirs I like, it’s a damn good album. And this song is one of the best from it.

3. Rock Show - Halestorm i AM obsessed with her voice in a lesbian way <3 like i found the songs from this album are not very gritty/distinct but her voice <3 hello <3 <3 also go listen to i miss the misery please and thank you

4. Where The Streets Have No Name - U2 i think most of you have seen me u2 posting, heehee... n e ways i love this album SO much if you’ve never listened to The Joshua Tree GO LISTEN... they’re Irish and the album is very Americana. It’s a fun perspective on America from an outsider’s perspective. and in the eighties.

5. .Stage 4 Fear Of Trying. - frnkiero and the cellabration songs that make my heart hurt </3. i found some scars in places i have never shown to anyone. i’m moving on b4 i cry about it

6. Sleep - My Chemical Romance honestly i DO like going to sleep to this one... very calming. Musically it may be the most boring song on tbp (which is a very high bar anyway) but vocally its sooooo the most fun. if you haven’t sang along with the riffs at the end ur missing out. it’s very mindless and calming. how could u cry for me cuz i dont feel bad about it <3

7. Skulls - the Misfits I honestly barely know this one it’s just kinda bangin. I want ur skull. I need your skull. do not like the violence against women in most of the misfits songs. but i’ll let it slide in some, like this one :)

8. Vampire Money - My Chemical Romance everytime i hear this song i just think of that one post that said ‘you will NEVER be baby!!!’ and it makes me laugh... also me n my best friend have fun rockin out to this song. miss her :( :* i made her listen to the entirety of danger days last week it was great

9. Bulimic - the Used it’s on my playlist of songs i listen to when i just feel WACK. i love this goddamn song. the way bert’s voice kinda breaks in the later parts of the song (same with buried myself alive) makes me Feel. just the emotions of it all <3 also i AM in love with jepha. thank u for ur time.

10. The Show Must Go On - Pink Floyd I stand by my declaration that everyone needs to listen to The Wall at least once. this is absolutely NOT the most fun song from the album, but listening to the whole thing all together IS incredible. “must the show go on?” i feel u buddy...

ik i wasn’t supposed to do blurbs like that i just can never stop talking <333

anyway i tag @vague-omen @jun--qt @owoy-vey @qingqrimson @gothiero @a-romanic-notion @no-lizzy @bisexual-evanhansen @crispydumbass and @misterfatcakes

#have fun folks <3 #also i dont like tbp as much so im kinda mad all the mcr songs were from tbp KJADSHFLKJASD #tagged

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thisorthatbi · 6 years

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(1/3) Hi, it's the anon who has feelings for their best friend again (sorry). I think I'll just go by 🐋 next time. How was your day? Hope you weren't as hangry as last time and had some delicious food. Btw the pictures you posted are really cute. You're absolutely gorgeous! #bipeoplearegorgeouswebeenknew It's getting a little hard... Her crush likes her back and I'm so so happy for her. I really am. I'm trying to help her as much as I can (cuz things are a little complicated like family etc)

(2/3) but it just hurts so much sometimes. And she can tell when we’re texting that I’m being a little weird (I’m trying my hardest not to) but I just… She’s my best friend, we talk everyday and ik this is a little selfish but I need her, I can’t lose her. I don’t really know what to do… Im really sorry for dumping all this on you, I feel really bad. I don’t really know who else to talk to abt this.

(3/3) And I’m feeling kinda guilty cuz I’m not talking to my best friend abt it but I can’t really do that :/

hello!! my day was okay! i’ve been working pretty hard lately (i havent had a day off since uhhh the 29th of august..) and i sort of hit a mental block,, but yeah its chill lmao!! and thank you much my lovely!!!!! i completely understand what you’re going through it’s an incredibly hard situation to be in and it sucks so bad that things are going the way they are! i know it said it before but she really does sound like a lovely and understanding girl, do you think talking it over with her would help you get some closure on the situation? of course you dont want to lose her but if you continue to (unintentionally) be different around her she may feel like youre trying to pull away from her or that she’s done something wrong. if you really don’t feel like you can tell her then you just gotta power through it, which sucks so much but it may be the only thing you can do just now! the best thing to do is find an distraction, put your all into something else (an art project, a hobby, your job/school work, anything!!) and focus your energy on that when it all becomes too much!! i am always here for you when you need someone to talk to, i promise!!

#asks #🐋 anon #💗💜💙

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littlebabycrybtch · 3 years

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ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

#vent/ //#might delete later ///#ok to rb but. i swear to god if this pops off and ppl whine...... literally L I T ER A LL Y come take care of my kids #NO BETTER YET BC ITS ACTUALLY FEASIBLE!! FOR EVERY COMPLAINT. 5 DOLLARS IN MY PAYPAL #SO I CAN AFFORD DAYCARE. LITERALLY IF OYU CLAIM ANY STUPID SHIT BC I ADMIT ITS HARD TO CARE FOR SMALL KIDS #U HAVE NO EXCUSE TO NOT PUT THAT FAKE BITCHY JUDGY CONCERN INTO ACTUAL RESULTS. THANKX #anyways on a real note again this is a vent moreso than a disc horse post thats meant to be shared around so #its not perfect its just. my feelings over the past couple years dealing w this man #really fuckin tired of it i really spent so many years 100% on the side of 'i have critical understanding i get to judge'#no i didnt. no you dont. its not comprehensible till you're pushed to your own limit with childcare. i hate being that btich #cuz nobody wants to hear it. but its the truth swallow it #long post //

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kyandice · 6 years

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Bitch I feel so damn alone.

I need to rant and like writing this here isn’t gonna work. Because I feel relieved if people know what I’m going thru. Like it feels like at least someone (I KNOW, NOT STRANGERS) UNDERSTANDS. As much as I trust strangers with my secrets more cuz duh they don’t even know me. It’s always better when someone actually asks me how I’m doing or ask me to rant to out all on them.

My problems doesn’t sound big or anything. It’s the worrying and over thinking part that makes me batshit crazy.

I just need someone to talk to and like I only have Darius and Josh to talk too. And they are all guys I just want a girl I can talk too. But like all my girl friends are like just… I’m just not that comfortable with them yet. I just feel like, they’re a little too judgey more me still. Like for Shannon and Elizabeth and jiaqi they will listen to my crazy parents problems or my studies problems. But once I have other problems I don’t know how to say it too them.

For me, I just bottle up every worries or insecurities I have. I just want to spill it all out. I feel much better. And like every time I talk to:

Tze wan she understands me and everything. But she will start talking about her problems. Tbh, I don’t mind if you start talking about your problems. Really. But what she does is, she goes on and on saying how I shouldn’t be worried or anything cuz she has it worst. And I’m like, my dad will cane me I’m just so scared. And she’ll be like, aiya don’t scared la that one nothing, you know horh my dad horh he molest and abuse me and blah blah blah. Yes yes Ik her problems are worst but she doesn’t have to ignore that I’m worrying. I rlly don’t mind her talking only about her problems but what she does it dismiss my worries cuz my problems aren’t as scary as hers.

Josh is like really nice he always listens to all my troubles and he tried to cover me when my dad asks about my whereabouts. And he helps me a lot with my studies and like literally so much. But his gf cheated on him he’s taking it really bad the whole thing is so complicated and like I really don’t wna like seem like it ALL ABOUT MY PROBLEMs. so smtimes I rant he listens, but smtimes he just seem uninterested so yeah. But im listening to his problems too giving him advices and shit. We give each other advices and I told him not to fuck around anymore cuz that’s like really hurtful to another person and he just got cheated it’s kinda karma.

Darius is just. Uninterested. Cuz he has his problems to worry. I just rant to him when I have no one. Haha.

And for Bryan. my Gosh. He’s just one of my biggest worries. He has. A big big big big set of problems to worry. And. I just don’t wna burden him with my problems. So it’s like I don’t go to him much for emotional support and it’s just kinda sad. Like he’s supposed to be the one listening. But I don’t want go to him cuz he’s just going thru SO MUCH. And we are both busy with our lives. My finals coming up and he’s has work. So we cant meet up ask much. And whenever we meet up, it will be pretty long and of course both of us will be like craving sex for the longest time. And what do we do? We spend that time fucking. And it’s like sad. Cuz it seems like he isn’t there for me and I’m not there for him. We are like tgt just for sex. Like we know we are here for each other. But I don’t wna burden him by talking Bout my problems. And he hates thinking about his problems and talking about it. So it feels like I can’t be there for him. And we don’t text much either. Cuz he’ll be busy with games where he can escape reality and yeah. I just wna spend some quality time with him. Even if it’s just meeting him for a few seconds to just hug and talk for a little I just want that. I mean till today, he never has once asked about my day or how I’m doing or how was school. It’s always me who has to ask him if I can rant. Or me who’s always been asking how he’s doing and how is work. But he always say it’s fine and doesnt seemed to go much into details. We argued. Cuz I just wanted him to tell me more. Like yeah Ik he’s not fine but I want to know how he’s feeling like is he scared or insecure, yes I know that, but I thought if he ranted it, he will feel better. So I forced it out of him. Turns out he doesn’t like talking about his emotions and feelings cuz that’s what guys do. I just wna be there for him, but I don’t know how. I just can’t be there for him when he needs sex (Or when I need) only right? And he was like: what if I only love you for sex. And I was like that’s how u feel and he didn’t give me a proper answer so.. If that’s how he feel then. We are doing this all so wrong. But I can see he cares about me. He wants to take me to a nice restaurant when he’s getting his pay. Yeah that’s all. So we don’t talk. Yeah we do some catch ups here and there about our friends and his work. But that’s not the real talk yaknow. I can do this small talk with anyone. He hardly shows me his emotions and he still is a little insecure towards me. He doesn’t give me photos of him. He hates it when I secretly take photos of him. He hates taking pictures tgt. I just want him to rant everything to me and be brutally honest with his feelings and emotions. But whenever I asks him, it always seem to him that I’m invading his personal space, me being controlling and possessive as i want to know everything. He gave me the “space” word and like any other girls who would ever hear this, we then deadass crazy paranoid. I worried for 2 weeks. He didn’t talk to me, was always annoyed and angry at me and i was just so scared. I didn’t dare to text him. But everyday I go without texting him, i start to worry more. So me being the crazy girl went to find him at work everyday. But like secretly watching him from a blind spot making sure he’s all okay and fine. But it’s over, he says he was kinda sorry for neglecting me. But now, im just giving him the space he wants. He finally asked me to meet up.but we both decided to use that time for sex so yeah. Sex was good and we cuddled but like the pillowtalk after all the MAJOR EXPLOSIONS is where Bryan is most emotionally vulnerable. So its the only time i can do the real talk with him. But it sucks. That it doesnt feel like we are tgt. But more like fuck buddies. I just want to meet him more be involved with his life more. But he feels its intrusive and oh well, im busy with finals too and i have crazy parents who dont allow me to stay later than 7pm.

I’ve decided, I’ll join the police force no matter what.

Things I need to find out is:

How to become a k9 officer.

Is the salary stable enough to get me a house by 25 years old?

Is promotion and increment of salary slow???

And like I wna get married as soon as possible and get a bto and yeahhh. I just want to settle down as fast as possible. Get a stable income, get married get a house.

“Oh these times are hard,

Yeah, they’re making us crazy

Don’t give up on me baby”

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