#the more i learn how mangers get picked and see what eveyone at i know there too many things dtading in the way and its

[zonie-az]

Am getting massively burn out at work and I know am isolating myself and just working going home and sleeping or doing nothing. And I have my trip in 10 days and I know that probably exhausted me and it be nice going on and all.

But Idk I need to stop isolating and shit but idk how and I just am getting more depressed due to it. And I know it's also cause am wearing a mask at work cause everyone been sick and am traveling soon and I want to be responsible. But everyone fucking calls me ma'am when am wearing a mask. And it takes all the wind out of me and makes me shut down and after work I just want to hide and it really isn't good. But am going to go to Florida and wear a mask as well cause I need to be responsible and it's so exhausting cause am sure it's going to be no better there. And I love my platonic soulmate but three people in the conversation pronouns get used more and she knows I love to talk and trys to help but then everyone calls me she and ma'am and it just get worse and worse the long it goes.

And this stupid mask everyone has to use she for no god damn reason. I got so use to he and it been so good and this stupid mask and me trying to be good is putting the stupid dysphoria and shit and it hurts so much and I just want to cry and take it off but am trying so hard to be good. And it's so unfair. And it's really hurting and idk what to do cause I need social interactions and I am just getting hurt now and it's so hard. Am trying to be good but it's so painful and I just am losing it. And the pain makes it so I don't even walk to talk to my friend here or anything cause I just am so exhausted and upset and so am isolating and I don't know how to fix it. And my platonic soulmate won't let me be bad and just say fuck it and take off my mask. I want to so badly it's selfish but I feel like am dying inside and its so stupid and unfair and why fucking why. My platonic soulmate keeps being like you clearly a dude and it doesn't help cause honestly am not. Side burns don't mean anything and I don't show my faces hair and thus people just see my stupid boobs cause even tho am better at hiding them their stupidly big and you can only do so much. I can't do a binder at work or everything. My backs already messed up and I don't want to hurt myself and even outside of work it's hard.

I feel like a stupid baby and it's unfair and I can't even cry and break down like I want to. So I just isolate myself and it just makes things worse and idk what to do at this point.

#vent #doesnt help i already been dealing with loneliness and stupif work been a lot ive been getting over time last week and definitely will this #week and then trip and i worry am going to get home and be exhausted and not feel recharged caise am going to deal with people using she #and shit and it just going to beak me down more and then ill be able to take off my mask but get back into work and then #my manager would leave and we have a new second in command at the store and who knows what thats going to be like #i just want to cry i was hoping we could just bump everyone us and i could be baby manager but thats not going to happen #the more i learn how mangers get picked and see what eveyone at i know there too many things dtading in the way and its #not going to happen #i also feel like i can't bother people their have enough going on and am just bring a baby #also what i been self isolating and ill be like hey let me dump shit on you caise am falling apart but also i might just isolate again caus #idk how to deal and self isolate seems to me wjat am doing even tho that isn't helping at all #idk what to do am just in pain