#the drops of jupiter cover lives in my mind rent free

[mundane-pleasures-are-best]

This Can’t be Real

Post-KH3 Akusai/Fluffy Grief

Isa opened his eyes, feeling warm fingers weaving through his hair, soft breath ghosting his round ears as he let out a pleased sigh, blinking once to test if this was an illusion. 

Master Xehanort had been fond of those, making him relive Lea whispering sweet nothings to him and then stabbing him with a chakram and a deadly smirk, yanking it out and lighting his insides on fire. A deep laugh echoing in his brain as Master Xehanort delighted in his screams. 

“Isa?” He turned to the redhead with a look of dread, pinching his own arm as Lea sighed. 

“It happened again?”

“This can’t be real Lea, I can’t have happiness. I don’t deserve it.”

“Why?” Lea’s eyebrows raised, his face making a mixture of emotions- empathy, anguish, and worst of all- the pity. Isa hated the pity. Lea was only treating him well now, three years after the final battle, because of that pity. He was sure of it. 

Isa sat up and looked down at his chest, free of scars, his aches limited to his thrashing during nightmares. He looked at Lea who scooted closer to him under the covers, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him to his body. Isa enjoyed the body heat, sleeping next to Lea was like having a living hot compress next to him. Isa was naturally cold, he had an iron deficiency as a child and it had not improved with age.  He wondered if that’s why he was attracted to Lea in the first place, Axel had developed an affinity with fire. His body as a nobody had not suffered the faults of his human form, and he had been grateful, but now he was more grateful for the spooning as it started again, a leg wrapping around him, pulling him tight. He did hate being the little spoon though. 

“Isa?” The redhead had been waiting for an answer, but saw the other was still distant, and as he started to nuzzle and mess with the blue locks he watched Isa’s eyes droop. Those lovely blue-green orbs something he had missed for years, but had not realized until he was staring back into them.  “Alright nap-time again?” He chuckled. The taller male feeling cold toes touch his, making him shiver before he rubbed his feet against the other to get them warm again. He felt Isa lean into him subconsciously, so he reached for the weighted blanket the other had kicked to the end of the bed in his sleep and placed it back over them. Lea started placing soft kisses on the pale neck, enjoying the shivers and trembles against his frame. Isa bit his lip and he closed his eyes trying to resist the moan threatening to escape his throat.

“N-no.”

“No?” Lea stopped kissing his neck, terrified he had gone too far. It had been just a year ago when Isa allowed him to share a bed. They had been sleeping in different rooms for the first two years after the last battle.

“I just....I’m not. Lea what are you doing?”

“Kissing your neck?” Lea wondered where this was going, if Isa was going to dive back into his own mind and wander the home their parents had chipped in to rent for them. The whine at the door caused Isa to raise his head and look at it, the incessant clawed pawing and whines led Isa to untangle his body from Lea, in an effort to reach the door before the dogs took it down. Lea touched his shoulder softly, “I got it.” 

He got out of bed, missing the spooning already; Lea opened the door as two large dogs pushed past him in an instant and jumped on the bed, taking his spot behind Isa and on the other side. Isa was smiling as they licked his face and nuzzled him, whining to alert him they had sensed his emotion again, and wanted him to feel better. Lea sighed and pushed the Saint Bernard slowly, with a LOT of effort, down the bed so he could reclaim his spot. The dog barely looked bothered, its tail wagging madly as it barked happily at him, army-crawling up as Lea spooned Isa quickly before his side of the bed could be stolen again. As soon as he he assumed it was safe the fluffy male dog placed its huge head on his hip, falling asleep on his legs, something he hated as it left him absolutely numb the next day. The other dog, a female rescue, peered over Isa’s shoulder at him with a look of interest to see if she was going to need to move as well. Instead she let out a pleased woof as Isa let her spoon against his stomach and lick his fingers, making Isa chuckle softly and whisper, “Good girl.” 

Lea sometimes wondered if the dogs understood more than him about the man he knew for years. They always barged in to greet Isa, grabbed Isa’s arm and started to lead him to the kitchen, demanding food yet also forcing Isa to eat something as well. They barked when he didn’t eat, whined when he refused to do things, and licked his face to wake him up. Lea knew it was depression, or PTSD from being a vessel, or worse it was the guilt eating at him like when he looked at Roxas and Xion talking to Lea outside the house (they were not yet welcome inside with Isa yet, as he had started to stare at Xion as if she were a demon, now that had saw her actual face). Isa made Roxas angry, despite the other apologizing gruffly to him, and Xion felt extremely uncomfortable as she tried to understand why her presence affected him so. However, she dragged Roxas with her to visit Lea, hoping eventually Isa would open the door and invite them inside instead of retreating when Lea invited them in. The blue-haired man would disappear for hours, coming back with papers or something in his hands to make it seem like he had been busy. 

Lea knew it a lie when he brought a book, Isa hadn’t been able to complete a book in ages and often he’d pick up a book with a daily astrology horoscope stuck in the middle. He found a book on the stages of grief under a towel by the tub, a book on astrology compatibility under the bed, and sadly some questionable searches on their home computer, thanks to him asking Ienzo to hack into the internet history. His heart broke when he read the searches about “how to live with onself,” “how can I say what I want,” and the worst “the afterlife and hell.” It wasn’t a religious quandary he was searching for, it was Isa struggling with conversations. His mother had advised him to try to talk to Isa more, but he was just as slippery with his words as he had been as Saix.  Lea asked Isa’s parents and they told him to keep trying. 

He tightened his grip on Isa, kissing the back of his neck, “I love you, you know?”

“I have it memorized,” Isa’s voice was dry, but soft. Lea knew he was mocking him, but the hand gripping his told him he appreciated the words.

They both feel asleep briefly and Lea didn’t need to coax the dogs to remain in bed as he woke up again and slipped out of the covers to make breakfast. He found the Saint Bernard hogging the bed again when he returned, both dogs eyeing the bacon on the plate and licking their lips. He pointed his thumb over his shoulder back at the kitchen, “Your breakfast is in there, I slipped some bacon-” they jumped off the bed and pushed him aside again, he could hear kibble flying everywhere from here, “Great...”

He rounded the bed as the other was rubbing his eyes, the dogs forcing him to wake up sooner than he wanted. Lea pulled the cup of coffee off of the plate and handed it to the other, Isa sipped at it immediately, looking at the plate of food that Lea set next to him a little too much like the dogs had. Isa set his mug down and started eating, as Lea went to the kitchen to pick up the glass of orange juice and plate of toast he had been forced to leave behind on the first trip.  He kicked an ottoman near Isa and set them on top, as the blue eyes stared at him in surprise. 

“Wow, you ...went all out. What’s the occasion? You sick?” Isa reached up to touch Lea’s forehead and then let his hand fall, “No.” 

“Maybe I just like you.” 

“Why?” Isa continued to look at him, suspiciously, wondering at Lea’s motive. 

“Isa, not everything is a trap.”

The blue-haired man started eating more, hesitantly forking up eggs and still watching Lea, as the taller male sat on the bed next to him and cupped his face, licking the jam from the pink lips causing Isa to let out a sound of surprise, “Mm strawberry.” 

Isa turned red, his blush carrying to his ears as he set the food down before he dropped it, scooting from his friend and looking down, turning a deeper red when Lea leaned over and kissed him, his soft lips grazing and brushing against his, hungrily sucking at Isa’s lips like they were breakfast to him. When Isa broke for air he managed to get out, “Where’s your food?”

He poked Isa square in his chest, “Right here.”

Isa smacked the hand aside and tried to seem composed as he headed for the bathroom, Lea following closely behind, finding that persistence was the only way to make Isa reveal what he was thinking. Isa whipped his head around as he had stepped into the bathroom, “And you’re going to take a bath now too?”

“No I was planning on running you a bath, oh yeah, watch your food.” Isa looked confused until he heard claws clicking on the floor as the dogs tried to sneak into the bedroom for scraps. 

“Jupiter! Callisto!” Isa’s voice raised enough for the dogs to stop and freeze, caught in the act. He pointed to the living room as they retreated to their beds, and he closed the bedroom door, hearing Lea already starting the bath for him. For some reason he thought Isa was incapable of doing things for himself. Apparently unless he went berserk and hit people they had no respect for his own abilities. 

Lea called over to him, “It’s getting warm, you better get in before I make it too hot again, as much as I enjoy your ass getting as red as my hair.” 

Isa huffed and blushed again, his eyes narrowing at Lea, “You did that on purpose.” 

“Not really, I just don’t get affected by the heat anymore, sorry Babe.” 

“Babe?!” Isa choked out, feeling more insulted as the pet name had been uttered. 

“Yeah, Babe, Pig in the City.” Lea smirked at him, turning the water down to a slow trickle as he added in bubble-bath and set out towels for him to dry off after the bath.

“I’m a pig now?” His voice was raising. 

“Yeah a cute pink thing that squeals a lot.” His smirk widened. 

Isa stomped his way over to him, as Lea took advantage of the situation and yanked Isa’s sleep-pants and boxers down in one swift motion, then shoved him into the tub. Lea had been careful not to overfill the claw-foot tub, so that it would not splash out as he pushed the other in. 

The naked man fumbled as he fell, splashing and rearranging himself so that he was sitting up, moving his wet hair out of his face, about to yell at Lea about how immature that was, how he could have been injured, how he would kick his ass to next week, how he would- 

Lea stripped off his pants and boxer-briefs quickly before he stepped into the tub from the other side, spreading his legs so they laid on either side of Isa’s hips, enjoying the way Isa stared then jerked his eyes away, huffing and muttering swears at him. Lea was amused how Isa’s cheeks matched his flaming head of hair now. It was cute. 

“C’mon Isa, we have the same equipment, don’t act like a girl.” For emphasis he gathered a wave of bubbles between his legs, his eyebrows raised, “Better? Watch out I think I might have seen your dick when I threw you, oh no, now I’m just gonna get cooties.” 

Isa glared at him, “Shut up. You’re just a pervert taking advantage of the situation.” 

“Which one?” Lea cocked his head to one side, a smile playing on his lips. 

“Me.  You’re just enjoying what I am now,” Isa replied sharply, his voice getting cold, a strange resemblance to his nobody, “Useless. You just want something to pity, to help you get over the terrible things you did in the Organization.” 

Lea moved his legs back, sitting up, as Isa’s eyes immediately rose to avoid looking down, Lea scooted closer to him, his tone even and eyes locked as he placed his hands on Isa’s knees, “Are you talking about me or you, Isa?” He ignored the glare, finally seeing past it, “You’re acting like Saix again, to make me leave you again.” He scooted further, his hips between Isa’s legs, his hands brushing up pale legs to grip the other’s hips, “I’m not leaving, do your worst, you can’t keep doing this.” 

Isa took a breath, his glare wavering the closer Lea got, “Doing what?”

“Acting like a dick when you’re just feeling sad. I didn’t like that little asshole Vanitas, but my god do you act real similar when you get upset. I love you, and I know you hate to hear it, but I do. You’re allowed to have that.”

“What? An annoying friend that never stops bothering me?” 

“I was going to say happiness and a life with a really hot friend,” Lea warmed up his hands and enjoyed the wordplay and the other’s squirm. Isa continued to avoid his eyes, shifting when Lea nibbled at his collarbone, finally closing the distance and kissing the side of Isa’s mouth, nipping at his lower lip, pulling it and letting it snap back. He felt Isa turn and kiss back, soft at first, his own hair getting a rough yank as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the older male’s tongue shove into his mouth, in a pathetic attempt to establish dominance in a relationship centered on rebuilding equality. He trapped Isa’s tongue with his teeth, holding it ransom as Isa growled at him, swiftly letting go with another laugh.  As Isa went to yell at him he kissed him deeply, feeling his friend lean back into the wall of the tub, wrapping his arms around Lea’s neck until Lea parted and placed another kiss on his pale nose. 

“Why...did you stop?” Isa was out of breath, watching Lea pull back with a soft whine in his tone. Lea smiled and got back to his knees, tugging Isa forward and managing to wiggle him around so that Isa was between his legs and he could rest his chin on Isa’s shoulder. He felt the other shiver, this time from both the air and the closeness.  Lea turned the water back on and grabbed Isa’s comb from the small table next to the tub that held grooming products, mostly Isa’s. 

He started to comb his hair, placing his hand at the other’s scalp and holding his hair at the base to avoid yanking his head during snarls in the locks.  Isa slowly sank back into Lea’s chest, closing his eyes as the other gently combed out his hair, occasionally kissing the top of his head and ears, rubbing his nose against the other’s ear as he stopped combing and pulled stray hairs out of the comb, tossing them onto the towel next to the tub. Once it was free of hair he began combing again, humming some of Isa’s favorite songs as he worked, only stopping when the other’s head lolled to the side, as he heard Isa start to snore softly, his face more calm than it had been in weeks. He chuckled softly, soaking in the tub and using his thighs to lock Isa in place as he slept so that he wouldn’t drown.  He waited until the water started to get cold and his toes pruned to move Isa. It was hard lifting him without waking him in the tub and he was glad he had thought ahead and moved the bathroom rug close to the tub before they got in. He took Isa back to the bed, taking one of their many throw blankets that Isa had acquired and lightly dried him off and finally wrapped in another dry blanket, tucking him into the bed after he slipped Isa’s boxers back on so that if he woke up he wouldn’t assume anything unwanted had happened. Lea walked back to the bathroom to drain the tub then went back to the bed to take a nap, curling around Isa again to warm him as he slept. The dogs took care of his other side and the foot of the bed, surrounding Isa in a toasty embrace. 

---

It was afternoon when Lea woke up, he looked at the clock with a smile, they had managed to waste half of the day snuggling. It was an improvement.  He looked down and smiled wide, Isa had turned in his sleep and his head was buried in Lea’s chest, his legs between the redhead’s and toes touching his. Isa turned out to be quite the little needy snuggler.  Lea reached for the remote that was teetering stupidly on the top of the headboard and turned on the science channel at a low volume, watching a show on explosions and feeling happy, today seemed right. This was how it was supposed to be. 

Isa opened his eyes halfway through the second episode of the show Lea was watching, his eyes moving without turning his head. His body was warm, relaxed, it was....comforting? He felt fur against his back, Lea’s chest was a pleasant temperature keeping him cozy and not uncomfortable. Isa’s guilt returned again, hands stroked his cheek, fingers in his damp hair curling the blue strands at the tips. Those same fingers running through the combed hair and causing him to moan lightly at the feeling, the guilt weakened, a warmth sneaking past it, a feeling he was unfamiliar with...  

This was how it was supposed to be? 

He buried his face in Lea’s chest, he still smelled the breakfast from the nightstand, the dogs snored loudly next to him, television hummed with noise from the show, and his friend let out a happy sigh. 

“Lea?” Isa’s eyes were closed, his breathing soft and even. 

“Mm?” Lea looked down, stroking the other’s cheek with the back of his hand. 

“I...I think I can get used to this.” 

Lea smiled, his fingers tracing Isa’s chin, thumb rolling over soft skin on his forehead, no longer bearing a horrible scar, “I think I can too. I love you, Isa.”

Isa snorted lightly, a playful smile on his lips, “I didn’t forget.”   

#akusai #lea #isa #postKH3 #kh #fic #fluff