#the creator isnt normal. the fans arent normal. literally the only thing keeping me chained to it is the setting

[isabelguerra]

because the thing, when you really get down to it, is that youve had this au for 8 years. and there’s very few things you can say that about. the time you spend on something like that is more than passing interest, when you have something for that long it’s a companion. maybe something that was there when you were completely alone. but the thing is, really, is that the end of the day, you look yourself in the mirror and find yourself faced with the reality that one of your biggest creative outlets is a fffffffffffffffucking . HARRY POTTER AU PAIRANATURAL FANFICTION . in TWENTY TWENTY THREE.

#i dont CARE about this shit anymore i HATE jk rowling and the entire universe is so riddled with bullshit that making a decent au for it mea #ns omitting 80% of the source material. like WHY put all my effort into something like that. i have SUCH better shit to do #thats not even all of it but the rest is too personal to get into #like would i want to put months of work into a story that means so much to me and i care so deeply about. yeah. #but then i open the google doc and i think wow. i really dont even like this #but like i do like it. and ive spent so much time with it. but christ literally everything surrounding hp gives me a goddamn headache #the creator isnt normal. the fans arent normal. literally the only thing keeping me chained to it is the setting #the opportunity for character analysis. and the magic system. thats it. #ive tried to get more comfortable talking about ships and stories i enjoy but like it physically pains me #the bravado is a lie i can barely talk about the ship the au was created for. the secondhand embarrassment i get from #saying i like isabel/johnny is so needlessly massive for no reason like its not REAL it doesnt MATTER…….. WHY DO U CARE… #bashing my head against a wall. anyway