What good is a dream? #3
Chapter One Chapter Two
Chapter Three:
“--count--”
As I slowly regain consciousness, my head is pounding and pulsing, as if the very movement of my blood is too much motion for my nerve endings to take. I listen to familiar-- if not desirable-- voices echo around the room. If it was cold before, the air in here bites. It feels thick and old, and carries with it the words of my captors. Count. I hear that word over and over again, though I have no idea what it means.
I try to move, but quickly find that I’m strapped down, bound to a hard surface and unable to even attempt escape. I see a stone ceiling above me, and know, to my horror, where I am. This place, the underground where we worked. The tall one and I worked here, cutting flesh, looking at beetles and pouring over desperate, scribbled writings. We even slept here from time to time, where the silver light of night did not reach and the cold weight of death was overwhelming. Now I’m the experiment. I’m the flesh.
Some time goes by before They reappear before me, the flickering light causing their skin to appear a mottled brown, rather than sickly green. Seeing that my eyes are open, they cock their head and purr something at me. When I don’t respond, they make a note and vanish into the gloom, only to reappear with a glint of metal in their fingers.
Desperation claws through me. I can’t move, can’t speak, can’t think. I’m helpless as They press pain into my skin creating precise little trickles of heat. Each time, they note my reaction, pulling open my eyes, looking into my mouth, measuring the beating in my chest and the air heaved from my lungs. I don’t know what they want. It doesn’t matter if I cry out or stay silent, they always cut me again. I tremble as panic roars from my chest to my ears, deafening me, blinding me.
Between animal wails of pain and fear, I stutter out, “T-d-t-c-c-c--” the movements and air required to make a sound on purpose are coming about as naturally as the movement of my limbs. I stammer, trying to make the sound I remember. To my shuddering relief, They lower the blade and watch me with a cocked head and a gleam in their eyes. I’ll do anything it takes to make them stop cutting.
“C-c-oo-aw-ou-ou… Cou-m-ng-n-” It’s slow going, my mouth tasting and trying different shapes until I get the one that feels right. “Coun-p-p… Coumb-”
“Count?” They say with fascination so fierce it borders on glee. Another torrent of words overtakes me and I can’t pick out any distinctions, but affirmation must show on my face, because they tug down the strip of white over their mouth and give me a sharp-toothed smile. I grimace back, trying to mimic them. They wave a hand at me, “Count..?”
Prompted on, I continue to struggle, “Coumd… Cound… Count.” The rush of triumph is short lived. I still don’t know what it means or what I’m doing here or how I'm going to get out of this. The best I can do is show that I’m an intelligent being, and right now, mimicry is about all I’ve got.
For a moment, they’re silent, waiting. When it’s clear I have nothing else for them, they sigh in disappointment. Then, they look me in the eye and speak a short string of words, repeating it slowly until it resolves into a pattern I can remember, if not understand, “Who. Are. You.” I start to stammer the words back, but their face tightens with frustration and they shake their head back and forth and point at me, “Who. Are. You.”
Again I try to mimic them, but before I get far, I feel the white hot pain of their blade biting into my dead arm. I cry out. The frustration on their sharp face doesn’t ease, but they put one spindly, gloved hand over their chest and coo out a few sounds and a repeated word, “...Valdemar.” Again and again they repeat it in their cold voice, gesturing to their chest, their face, their body. It takes me a very long time to repeat the word-- no, the name back. Strangely, this time Valdemar allows me that time, taking notes of my attempts and mistakes.
Surely the name should taste familiar. I knew Valdemar before I… before. But it’s as foreign as everything else. I had hoped I’d know my own name if I heard it, but that hope is slipping away.
They touch their chest again and say their name, and then point to me. I flinch as their hand comes close, but they ignore it. Who am I? I wish I could tell them, but I can’t even gesture. I can’t summon magic, I can’t summon words. My head twitches as I try to call on the muscles in my neck, and I am rewarded with jerky, uncontrolled movement of my head back and forth. Viscerally, set deep in my mind, I associate that motion with unwant.
I’m afraid Alvednar is going to cut me again, but they seem pleased with my response. They speak, low and fast as they jot down a note. Then, they stop and consider me, before stepping closer and running a gloved hand through my yellow hair. Nalvedar bends close to my face and croons, “You are my pet.” They repeat the last word, touching my skin, feather light. I hold my breath, afraid to move.
Then I loll my head toward them, “Lavender,” I say their name.
They cock their head, confused and murmur a word, “What?”
“Lalvenmar,” I say, jerking my chin toward them, then tucking it into my chest, “B-p-ped-t… B-pet.”
“Valdemar. I am Valdemar.” They say low and dangerous, “I am Valdemar and you are my pet. Say it.” The words muddle in my mind, but I now recognize ‘Valdemar’ and ‘Pet.’
“Baldenma--” I cut off in a cry as they cut me again, their reptilian eyes never leaving my face.
“Valdemar.”
“B-baldemar…” I choke out, tears beginning to stream from my face in fear and desperation, and again they cut me. Over and over, I try and fail and they cut me. When I stay silent, they still shed my blood. I come to recognize the cadence and meaning of the phrases, ‘I am Valdemar,’ and ‘say it,’ though there are other, changing words laced in. Finally, mercifully, I get it right and they smile and make me say it again and again until I remember it.
“Very good, pet.” Words of praise, words of confirmation… I can tell by their tone.
Then, they bandage my wounds and unstrap me from the surface I lay on. I cringe every time they touch me or move, but they don’t cut me again. They just move across the dark space we’re in. Freed, I take in my surroundings. It’s dark and cold. Indistinct, rectangular shapes dot the room, concealed even in the flicker of red light throne from sticks on the walls. Oh this place, this awful place. It’s lonely and strong and hidden, and my dream memories populate it with people covered head to toe in black. There is an open door far from me, at a distance that seems impossible for my rebellious body. I know that on the other side are stairs leading up to freedom.
Valdemar speaks, drawing my attention. They stand at another door with nothing but darkness beyond. They wave their hand, gesturing for me to approach and speaking a few words. When they see nothing but confusion and incredulity on my face, they speak again in the same low, dangerous tones as earlier, repeating the words for my benefit. “Come here. Come here, pet. Come here.”
I’ve seen how they respond to failure. I don’t want to find out what they do in the face of disobedience. With much effort, I pull myself upright, all the many cuts in my skin pulling painfully. Propped up with my good arm, I look at them with desperation, glancing at the ground and messily shaking my head. That movement alone is nearly enough to unbalance me. I can’t. I can’t make it that far.
“Come here, pet. Come to Valdemar,” they purr, their tone belying the hungry glint in their eyes.
I try to stand. I really do, but my legs won’t straighten and my feet won’t reach the ground. I look at them one more time, saying the only word I can, “Valdemar.” Unfortunately, they remain unmoved and once again repeat their order.
I slither to the ground in a painful heap, feeling a dozen small cuts reopen in the process. As I try to cross the floor, naked, wounded, afraid and humiliated, they just watch me and take notes, occasionally saying something I don’t catch.
By the time I make it to their feet, I’m covered in grit and sweat, shaking at the bone cold that bites into me from the dead stone floor and viciously bruised. My arm shakes at the effort, but I sit up and look at Valdemar. Their eyes shine gleefully and they coo, “Good. Very good, pet.” Then they walk past me and shut the door, leaving me alone in darkness with nothing but a dim square of light on the wall, shining through a single window in the door.
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