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yfere · 5 years

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Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E62

Downtime (n): a word which here means “bust a drug ring and spy on war meetings,” with some home improvement on the side.

*wheezes* Anyway, we do math no matter how stressed we are, yes? A mathematician must never be daunted by mere….madness. Masterpost here.

+23 to Fjord/Jester Outside experts were necessary for this. On the one hand, Shipping Calculus Law states that you lose points for facilitating a relationship to another person….but if you do that while also clearly getting “heart eyes” for the whole affair? Those rules no longer apply. We have, here, Fjord’s Over The Top “I Am So Cool Pls Notice” at Jester referencing his bravery at rooming next to her, and mutual, uh, attempts to comfort that are Deflected By This Deflecting Pair! You Would Earn More Points For Not Deflecting! Oh no, Jester, are you worried about your mom I’m sure she’s oka—NAH, FJORD, HOW ARE YOU. Are you feeling uncomfortable latel—NAH, I’M FINE I’M HAVING ZERO ISSUES WITH THE WATER EXCEPT THAT IT’S IN MY EARS AND I CAN’T HEAR YOU. Lots and lots of banter, and Jester asking Fjord about whether this is his first home, and offering him a mural because she’s a sweetheart. Point loss because Fjord did not accept the mural invitation which makes Jester, deprived of this gesture of affection from her artistic soul, very sad. Also, Jester’s hair was gross and that’s a tragedy for all Jester ships this week.

+8 to Beau/Jester Speaking of gross hair. These two—still roomates! Beau looking for the Best Room, as always! And for some reason, they very much don’t mind in each other all the things that would make them awful roomates to everyone else? Jester happily deals with Beau’s horrific snoring (if they ever have to split, Beau and Cads need to room as the resident snorers), and Beau handles Jester’s Hair Fiasco with nary a complaint, only a surreptitious request for some incense from Caduceus. That’s love. Point loss for Beau complaining about Nugget’s drooling—you need to love pets to love Jester, and that is law

-30 to Jester/Pets. But pets….they may not love Jester. My darling….forcing your beaten and world weary weasel (a ground dweller) into a tree dwelling against its will, forgetting your weasel’s name….I mean, you would think that someone would have sat you down by now to talk about consent (and that you never call someone you love by another name).

+20 to Beau/Gaydar And she foooooooooooools Caleb into thinking it’s a faulty Straightdar that has her saying he and Nott have tension. Don’t worry, Caleb, Beau understands you a little too well. And as we all know, ejecting a man from your room is a Special Lesbian Power bequeathed from the gods.

+2 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester because Frumpkin also got to hang out and gape at Fjord’s tremendously awkward honeypot display at the apothecary. Those three made a stellar Team A to the two-team investigation, with Jester and Fjord distracting like champs while Frumpkin learned of the invisible guard! Also, +2 to Frumpkin/Detective Work!

+18 to Jester/Yasha for Jester’s incredibly thoughtful and sweet wildflower mural for Yasha, and Yasha’s equally sweet surprise and thankfulness. A perfect combination of the ancient and venerable practices of Seduction Through Art and Seduction Through Flower Arrangements—Jester is on top of her game. Point loss for sticking even a lovingly drawn dick anywhere in Yasha’s vicinity, that should be illegal

+2 to Beau/Yasha for partnering up to go to the library, yeah! A training pit, which is Ripe for Physical Contact Opportunities! Yasha being inspired by Beau’s bracers to get a set of her own, and you know how wlw love sharing clothing? I’m just saying.

+15 to Caleb/Caduceus A bit of an understated week, in the absence of Intense Conversation, but with a lot going on. Beginning, of course, with Caduceus making Caleb’s Special Gift the Literal Symbol of him “putting down roots” and spending a full week making it the centerpiece of the Xhorhaus and such an ostentatious landmark no one in the city will ever forget it. Caleb helps out with construction of the garden using cat-shaped spellwork, and also invites everyone he meets to Come To the Krynn’s First Treehouse the man is proud. Frumpkin, too, climbing the tree, and it’s only a matter of time before Caleb does the same. Speaking of, Caleb once more pulling the “O, Large and Attractive Man, Please Shield Me From the Haters” card in a Cramped Alley, which Caduceus himself sort of initiated by aggressively campaigning for Frumpkin Spying. Nott gets +5 to Cockblocking for pulling Caduceus away to Detect Magic. Caduceus making windchimes to help make feel Caleb safe—though Caleb is sadly dismissive at the time No point gain for Caduceus’ very sweet and genuine and incredibly unsuccessful attempt to prevent the wizard from choking to death on his grand plans. Point loss for Caleb preferring to use residuum to craft a protective ring, possibly over trying to fix the sword that Caduceus is fixated on. Can Caleb’s Sword make him forget about it?

+30 to the M9/Winning the Local Dick Measuring Contest. You take a tower, you add a 60 foot tree as an elaborate penis metaphor, spread your seed all over the rooftop garden, and put permanent daylight in a region that is permanently dark and worships the Light. All right. Okay.

+20 to Caleb/Essik oh gods, and now we have evidence that a cleaned up fashionable Caleb is perhaps also a little bit catnip for the NPCs. Caleb’s silver tongue and flirtatious finger-wiggling with his special Cat Spell? Bowing and opening the door with magic like A Flirt? The favor exchange convo which is how Every Male Character Woos Caleb Apparently? Essik, for his part, giving up his schedule for the moment, strutting his stuff with his fancy spellbook and chuckling and asking for Caleb’s permission and no one else’s to enter the home???? These boys move faaaaast. We’ll see how this develops with time. Also, between the spellwork Giving Caleb Game and Frumpkin detectiving, +50 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures, +30 to Caleb/Plot Relevant Magic Gott-damn

+35 to Fjord/Caleb So here in Shipping Calculus, Intense Conversations earn lots of points and uh, there was so much steam from this one it got sound effects. Clasping of hands, promises, declarations, in a callback to Every Major Widofjord Moment Ever. Not to mention, the ambushing-in-the-room maneuver straight (?) out of a romance novel. Caleb taking a gentle pry bar to the locked door of Fjord’s past and insecurities, as all Fjord shippers ultimately hope to see revealed on screen. The mention of Mighty Nein being family? Admiration and resentment? We can remake ourselves into something better? Admitting to worrying about everyone? Saying Caleb is not crazy (but he may be, crazy for someone?) Point loss for Fjord not…..getting the caring thing up until the end, probably. Oh dear. Oh my.

+55 to The Cast/Ashley Johnson. Yasha never fucking says anything, but Sam and Liam both love Ashley. Laura wants everyone to fuck off except Ashley, she’s an angel and we’re glad she’s here.

-100 to Caleb/Astrid/Eodwulf as Caleb says at one point Astrid was “The One” for him. But Caleb. Why could it not have been “The Two?” Throw me us a bone here.

+1000 to Nott/Yeza KISS! THEY KISS! And Nott goes on about not needing to kiss for some things. Spending time in the hot tub together, and in the Lab together (thanks, Caleb!) and being Dangerous Together. Yeza offering to be a house husband and clean up the place while they adventure! Nott being too protective of Yeza to send him without protection to the Coast or the Empire!

+14 to Caleb/Jester as Caleb aims the full force of his Worrywart self at Jester’s direction over the Astrid letter—all Jester ships gain points for distress over Marion Lavorre, as it should be. Jester alongside Nott immediately and frantically insisting that nothing letter-related is Caleb’s fault at all, but hey it’s not Jester’s fault either, it was Nott who told her what to write and she didn’t know anyyything. The suggestion for “The Salty Sea” that Jester and Caleb (and Fjord, hello +1 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester) are tied up with becoming the unlocking mechanism for a secret entrance to Caleb’s library. Jester unfortunately funnels many points into +20 to Jester/Foot in Mouth as she makes sad Astrid conversation but more importantly the horrific “you’ll always be an assassin to me” flirt. Jester. Jester no. Jester you know how he feels about his past right. Jester?

+3 to Beau/Hosting which was great until the cocktail racism, damn that’s a lot of point loss

+70 to Nott the Best Detective Agency/Detective Work as they uncover evidence of a SUUDE OPERATION and listen in on KING DWENDAL’S WAR PLANS. Interpretation of evidence once more provided by partner Beau and Lab Guy Caleb, who between their history and arcana checks and shady histories shed light on the puzzle before them.

-15 to Fjord/Charming the Neighbors. Caduceus is unfortunately too busy with home renovations to be his sweet Lets Bake For The Neighbors self, so Fjord ventures outside and proves why there need to be three high CHA people in this party. Because while Fjord can swing a honeypot in a crisis and intimidate like no one’s business, his inclination to dress people down and match insult for insult makes things go pretty sour with Bylan pretty quickly. The obvious solution, considering Fjord’s skill set, is to redress the issue by undressing the man.

+100000000000000000000000000000000000 to CR/Naming It The Xhorhaus because it got a SONG!!!!!!!!!

#cr spoilers #critical role #widofjord #widojest #fjorester #widofjorester #clayleb #beaujester #lavorregard #beauyasha #jestasha #shipping calculus

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shaizstern · 4 years

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Article from NYT: Go Ahead and Complain. It Might Be Good for You.

A mantra to embrace: “This sucks I’m unhappy with what’s going on.”

Angus Greig

By Micaela Marini Higgs

We’ve all done it: Whether it’s about traffic, our boss or our partner’s annoying habits, complaining “is just something we do, like breathing — though hopefully not as often,” said Robin Kowalski, a professor of psychology at Clemson University.

Even though it may come naturally, griping isn’t necessarily always a good thing. Ruminating on negative feelings, and reinforcing them through constant discussion with other people, can lead to catastrophizing, which “is something that can contribute to depression,” said Margot Bastin, who studies communication between friends at the department of School Psychology and Development in Context at the Belgian university KU Leuven.

This can happen because “the more you do something, the more entrenched that path becomes in your brain and the more you continue to do it,” said Angela Grice, a speech language pathologist specializing in the use of mindfulness-based practices and who previously researched executive functions and neuroscience at Howard University and the Neurocognition of Language Lab at Columbia University.

Constantly complaining can be an easy way to frustrate our confidantes, but there is research that shows it can also be a useful tool in bonding and helping us process emotions like stress and frustration.

“In short: Yes, it’s good to complain, yes, it’s bad to complain, and yes, there’s a right way to do it,” Dr. Kowalski said.

The trick to doing it right starts with understanding how the word “complaining” is often misused to describe a variety of behaviors, with some being more harmful or helpful than others. Teasing apart these distinctions requires vocabulary that varies between experts, but there are roughly three categories: venting, problem solving and ruminating, otherwise known as dwelling. Knowing which behavior you’re engaging in, and with what purpose, can help you put in place habits that will not only make your complaining much more strategic, but also help improve your emotional health and build stronger relationships with the people around you.

Why we do it

“We’re not very good at expressing our feelings as a society, so it’s pretty common to complain in order to express a feeling,” said Tina Gilbertson, a psychotherapist and the author of “Constructive Wallowing.” And since, as she said, “any time we are sharing emotional content with someone, that is a vehicle for bonding,” we’re especially fond of using complaining as a social tool.

“People do feel closer to one another, so the friendship really gets stronger by doing it,” Dr. Bastin said. Still, she warned, making complaining the primary focus in our relationships can make us dwell on our problems for longer, triggering a stress response. Bonds built over mutual dissatisfaction can also prove brittle once one person’s problem has been resolved.

But the most obvious reason we complain? Life isn’t perfect. That’s why expressing negative feelings is not only normal, but also healthy, Dr. Kowalski said, adding that the unrealistic expectation that we should always be happy can make us feel worse. Inhibiting the disclosure of our dissatisfaction “can produce a negative effect,” she said, because it not only stops us from naming our problem but also prevents us from getting to the root of it.

That’s why “complaining is, ideally, totally solutions focused,” Ms. Gilbertson said. Though venting is not as focused on solving problems, “there are also really positive benefits,” Dr. Grice said, because it allows us “to get things out in the open and get our feelings heard so they don’t build up and cause stress.”

Can you avoid complaining and venting altogether? “In theory, yes,” Ms. Gilbertson said, “but it’s important to be able to vent at least to yourself on the inside. To be able to say: This sucks I’m unhappy with what’s going on.”

Why it’s good to complain

Negatively obsessing over something isn’t healthy, but Dr. Kowalski said that “expressive complaining” — blowing off steam — and “instrumental complaining” — which is done with an actionable goal — can both be beneficial. Venting can help us gain perspective and put words to our feelings, Dr. Grice said. When done effectively, it can even help you clearly realize what, specifically, about a situation is bothering you.

Research on experiential avoidance backs this up, since trying not to feel bad is associated with negative physiological effects. The simple act of naming your feelings can help reduce your distress around them.

“Acknowledging feelings is healthy, it’s good for you physiologically and it’s good for your emotional health,” Ms. Gilbertson said.

On top of social bonding, feedback from others can help us gain perspective — like figuring out if a boss’s comments were truly out of line — or notice patterns in the things that bother us, which might point to a larger unidentified problem.

Co-reflection and “not just passively waiting and dwelling, but really trying to grasp the problem better” is important because it helps you do something to improve your situation, Dr. Bastin said.

How much complaining is good for you? How long is a piece of string? You want to avoid what Dr. Grice calls wearing “muddy glasses,” where no matter what’s going on you always find something to complain about. The same goes with rehashing a problem over and over again, whether with friends or in the echo chamber of the internet.

Ultimately, Dr. Bastin said, “emotional disclosure is important,” but “the way in which you disclose” is what determines whether the interaction has a positive or negative impact, not just on the complainer but also the person who is listening.

How to do it right

“Complaining is honestly just part of the social fabric of our lives, it’s part of how we communicate,” Dr. Kowalski said. As in every type of communication, there’s an appropriate place and time.

Start by paying attention to how often you complain, and who you’re doing it with. “You can’t modify behavior until you become aware of it,” Dr. Kowalski said.

While trying to go cold turkey is probably an overambitious goal, “mindfulness has been shown to be very effective in decreasing rumination,” Dr. Bastin said. Even just the act of paying attention to our habits can start shifting them. If you take a breath before calling a friend to vent, or reflect quickly on if you really need to act on your impulse to complain, you’ll be more mindful of your behavior and be able to make choices accordingly.

“It’s crucial, if you’re venting, to know that you’re venting and to tell the person you’re venting,” Ms. Gilbertson said. Whether you just want to blow off steam or actually need help solving a problem, clarifying what you want from the interaction will make the receiver of your venting more comfortable, and it will better prepare them to give you the support you need.

Building the habit of consciously thinking about the purpose of your conversation, rather than going into negative autopilot, is a simple way to take off those muddy glasses. It also keeps your complaint sessions short and sweet, which is important for building relationships that aren’t solely focused on negative emotions, Dr. Bastin said.

You’ll also start to notice just how often other people complain, creating an opportunity to contribute positively to those conversations and ask questions to help generate solutions, she added.

Journaling can be another great way to facilitate these discoveries, Dr. Grice said. “Sometimes we have feelings and we’re not quite sure where they came from,” she said, and “allowing yourself some space and time to sit and organize your own thoughts” can help us self-regulate our emotions and figure out how to express and work through them. For smaller complaints, journaling can help you flush feelings out of your system, and for larger ones it allows you to document and find trends in what you’d like to change.

Journaling also gives you another outlet to let off steam and helps you approach conversations more strategically. Asking yourself questions through journaling offers added perspective, especially if the people you usually complain to are reinforcing your negative viewpoints rather than helping you find solutions. Building these habits of mindfulness and reflection will help in keeping your complaining balanced and on the right track.

And if you’re finding it hard to perfect the art of strategic complaining right away? Don’t leap to judge yourself; it’s not constructive.

“If you get any of this wrong,” Ms. Gilbertson said, “there’s always the apology.”

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chasingmagnets · 7 years

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What is happening?

Now that I’ve finally gotten myself together enough to actually sit down and write a blog post, I am worried that I’m not going to manage to talk about all of the thoughts and experiences I’ve had in the past few days in a way that accurately represents how I feel. I’m going to try anyways.

On the Flight

Let me tell you, Emirates does not disappoint. All I can say is that 2000 channels of content is way more than necessary, but I’m American so I have been conditioned not to complain about excess. I managed to snag an aisle seat after a student asked to switch with me for a friend. I also noticed, to my own disappointment, that I very comfortably sat through fourteen hours on the plane without seriously needing to stand up. That is concerning and probably a sign that I need to work some more active standing and walking in my life. Luckily I’ll be doing that for about a month straight from now.

This is actually just a photo I took at the Urban Redevelopment Authority of their scale model of Singapore, but it almost looks like I took this photo from above... if you don’t think about it too hard.

On Arriving

Did you know that when you land in Singapore, as you walk towards the gate you will get a full body scan that determines your body temperature. If you’re running a fever, you’ll get pulled aside for further inspection. Kind of weird, but I get it. I guess that’s one of the trade-offs for having such a healthy city? Customs and Immigration were absurdly fast, and we were greeted with Jasmine garlands and a blanket of hot, humid, Singaporean air. I still haven’t gotten used to the way walking outside feels like stepping into a waterfall of steaming water.

Just a small bit of this insane skyline

On Exploration

Day one included walking to Chijmes and Raffles City (outdoor food court and mall) in an attempt to escape the thunderstorms. I realized pretty quickly how terrible I was at taking photos that accurately represented the city, but I kept going at it anyway.

Day two though... whew. Walking tour of temples (hindu, taoist, mosque), Arab street, and the urban redevelopment authority (which felt like a whole museum about the might and perfection of Singapore).

This was the mosque we visited, along with a street that transported you to the middle east.

This was from the outside of a Hindu temple we visited as well. We were able to go inside to shelter ourselves from the rain for a little.

We spent some time as true tourists taking photos at the MerLion, before heading off to Telok Ayer Market (a massive food court). We also visited the NEWater system public education location, and learned a bit about how Singapore actively protects its water supply by recycling wastewater. That evening we saw a laser light show that was definitely made for children, but pretty lights are universally liked so I can’t say that a part of me wanted to enjoy it fully. Finally, we visited the home of a “friend of a friend” of Ganguly’s, Mr. Sudip Dutta . He invited the whole group for dinner at his home, and it was an incredible experience to see and experience their hospitality.

Not my best photo.

After initially leaving on the third night to find some laundry detergent, I stumbled across a small outdoor market near a large shopping center, Bugis. It was full of tourist trinkets, and was definitely like those souvenir sections of times square. I loved it anyways. I found the first of the magnets I’ll need to get before I go home. Realistically, I should have haggled, but it was already so cheap it didn’t seem worth the struggle. I never found laundry detergent.

I honestly didn’t see that pink sign until after I went back to look at the picture today.

The past two nights have also found me in Little India. Details on food below, but this part of the city really feels like I’ve left Singapore. It’s a little chaotic, but in the best way. There is so much vibrant life there, even on weekday evenings. Stores, restaurants, and stalls line the streets, and the smell of fruits and garlands are so incredibly strong. If you could photograph smells, I would have multiple.

On Speakers

The first talks we sat through as a group included a presentation by Ganguly, and another by a Civil Engineer from the UK. I was pretty beat so I can’t say that I remember much of either talks, but I do know that I really don’t have many (any) feelings about steel and construction codes.

On the third day, we first visited the Future Cities Laboratory--a research consortium created by ETA Zurich-- and learned about the small scale design decisions that go into creating an organized and well planned city like Singapore. I spent a little time after talking to one of the researchers, who offered some insight into

The panel! I’ll have to write something longer at some point, but if there was ever an example of how privilege and comfort makes us willing to ignore injustices, that panel felt like it. I am not from here, and I truly do not want to make any judgments on life in this country. However, the insistence that society here has transcended race, class, and religion seemed somewhat hard to believe, especially as this society remained relatively conservative, limiting in race and religious variety, and dismissive of LGBTQ+ rights.

Finally, Angel Hsu. She is the team lead for the Yale driven Environmental Performance Index (EPI) that focused heavily on visualizations and data driven solutions. It was so relevant! I honestly wish I saw more of a push for web-based visuals. Environmental actions is something that needs to touch the lives of many in order for change to happen, and academia doesn’t always allow for that. Her work really got me excited yet again about the opportunities for information spread and sharing.

On Food

The food court on the second day had too many stalls to count, and I spent most of the time really wanting to try a bit of each spot. After settling on a noodle dish (typical I know) I then had the real challenge in front of me. I circled the massive court at least twice before managing to find a spot that wasn’t taken. I didn’t notice until I had my food, but it turned out that those who came to the court would mark their seats using either an umbrella, business card, or packet of tissues. Literally half of the court was covered in little business card papers, making it even more difficult to discern which seats were actually taken before walking right up to the table.

Eat durian. But like, just once. The experience is kind of necessary I think, but it is not a great time. The first bite I had tasted like mild, mushy mango. The second tasted like something rotten. It’s like fruit roulette except if you lose it tastes like something died in your mouth for the next hour.

This is durian. It smells like mango that’s been in the sun a bit too long.

Little India man. This part of the city has some great food. I have never been to India, so this is probably the closest I have ever gotten to authentic Indian and it was incredible. I got Aloo Ghat (potatoes and cauliflower) with some naan and managed to eat the whole thing despite not being particularly hungry. It was truly memorable

Bottom right is mine. I absolutely ruined my portion.

Let me tell you, the amount of times someone told me to get Chicken Rice--apparently the thing Singapore is known for--I was ready to taste some of the best rice in my life. It was... fine. Chicken and rice that was probably cooked in some chicken broth. This is just my personal opinion, but I think the money is probably better spent on all of the other amazing dishes the city has to offer.

Literally??? It’s just Chicken and Rice?????????? What am I missing????

On Ganguly

He is the most dad-like person without children I have ever met. He sings at random times, takes dad selfies and posts them to our chat, and loves putting people on the spot. Honestly, the ideal dialogue professor.

#singapore #travel blog

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