#that the aggressively catholic tolkien wrote about sex. and you're all just ignoring it.

[clarabow-mp3]

i've been thinking about this all day so here's my thoughts on @sillylotrpolls 's "which member of the fellowship fucks":

frodo: too busy Brooding and perhaps even Yearning. maybe once or twice in his youth but to me just doesn't seem like the type of person to have casual sex.

sam: also too busy Yearning, but also just doesn't seem the type. he has a job, he's busy, he's in love with his boss AND the girl at the pub, it's a whole thing.

pippin: for all intents and purposes is like. 17. so again maybe once or twice but in very awkward, fumbling ways that made everyone involved think "wait, did that count?"

merry: fucks severely. confident, kind, intelligent, always there to lend a helping hand (😏). of course he pulls hobbits of all genders constantly. the only potential wrench in the works is the fact that he at the very least is already acquainted with his future wife, so maybe they've got something going on in which case he is probably not out romancing other hobbits.

gandalf: be so serious. who is he fucking? hobbits? saruman? shame those big naturals are going to waste but he does not fuck.

boromir: next after merry, imo. has been around, fighting battles and in taverns and such, and is prone to temptation so has definitely fucked at some point, probably multiple times. however he does hate himself for it.

aragorn: lives in the woods singing about his one true elven love. no way.

legolas: is not married, and therefore has not had sex. elf marriage is the one time tolkien wrote about sex and you're all ignoring it.

gimli: sure. why not? gimli fucks. good for him.

#lotr #i can't believe i wrote this. but i did. i put a lot of thought into it. #i think what bothers me about the frankly baffling number of legolas fucks truthers is that afaik that is literally the one time #that the aggressively catholic tolkien wrote about sex. and you're all just ignoring it. #we can just headcanon how we think gondorian or hobbit cultures treat sex and sexuality but we KNOW how elves feel about it #and sadly they do not fuck outside of the bounds of marriage. sucks for them!